Profile of a Narcissistic Sociopath – Charming, Manipulative, Grandiose, Lying, Authoritarian, Secretive, Divisive…

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Profile of the Narcissistic Sociopath

Think you can spot a sociopath/psychopath? Think again.

According to experts, this behavior affects 3% to 5% of the population, which could mean more than 15 million people in the USA with these characteristics, or up to 1 in 20 people – higher percentages than one might realize. The people affected are millions more. Are you one of them?

Sociopath-imageIn general, psychopaths come from all walks of life. They’re our friends, lovers, co-workers and leaders. They’re outgoing and persuasive, dazzling you with charm and flattery.  Knowing the profile characteristics might help you to avoid being scammed or hurt by someone you trust. Or, you might already be in a situation and are confused by the others behavior.  Be aware of the characteristics.  Be smart.

What is a narcissistic sociopath?
  • A narcissistic sociopath is someone with a combination of narcissistic personality disorder and definitive behavioral signs of sociopathy.
  • People with narcissism are characterized by their excessive and persistent need for others’ admiration and positive reinforcement. They generally have grandiose opinions of themselves and believe they are superior to other people. Narcissists are also frequently convinced that they are above the normal responsibilities and obligations of everyday life, so they usually have significant difficulties maintaining employment or relationships as a result.
  • The narcissistic sociopath has this type of personality along with a noticeable lack of regard for the rights of others and a tendency to regularly violate those rights.

One noted difference between a narcissistic sociopath and people with narcissism alone is that:

  • The narcissist with the sociopathy reacts strongly and sometimes even violently to negative feedback. True sociopaths generally do not respond to criticism or care what others may think of them.
  • A narcissistic sociopath is unable to tolerate criticism and needs constant praise, as well as deference from other people. Many with this condition present themselves in the best light possible and are able to easily charm others to gain their trust.

http://www.wisegeek.com/what-is-a-narcissistic-sociopath.htm

THE MALIGNANT PERSONALITY:  These people are mentally ill and extremely dangerous! The following precautions will help to protect you from the destructive acts of which they are capable.  To recognize them, keep the following guidelines in mind:

(1) They are habitual liars. They seem incapable of either knowing or telling the truth about anything.

(2) They are egotistical to the point of narcissism. They really believe they are set apart from the rest of humanity by some special grace.

(3) They scapegoat; they are incapable of either having the insight or willingness to accept responsibility for anything they do. Whatever the problem, it is always someone else’s fault.

(4) They are remorselessly vindictive when thwarted or exposed.

(5) Genuine religious, moral, or other values play no part in their lives. They have no empathy for others and are capable of violence. Under older psychological terminology, they fall into the category of psychopath or sociopath, but unlike the typical psychopath, their behavior is masked by a superficial social facade.

For more and for update from http://www.mcafee.cc/Bin/sb.html

Profile of the Sociopath

This information is copied from the website http://www.mcafee.cc/Bin/sb.html

  • Glibness and Superficial Charm
  • Manipulative and Cunning
    They never recognize the rights of others and see their self-serving behaviors as permissible. They appear to be charming, yet are covertly hostile and domineering, seeing their victim as merely an instrument to be used. They may dominate and humiliate their victims.
  • Grandiose Sense of Self
    Feels entitled to certain things as “their right.”
  • May state readily that their goal is to rule the world
  • Pathological Lying
    Has no problem lying coolly and easily and it is almost impossible for them to be truthful on a consistent basis. Can create, and get caught up in, a complex belief about their own powers and abilities. Extremely convincing and even able to pass lie detector tests.
  • Not concerned about wrecking others’ lives and dreams. Oblivious or indifferent to the devastation they cause. Does not accept blame themselves, but blames others, even for acts they obviously committed.
  • A Sociopath is always “pitting” people against each other. My Sociopath
  • Smear Campaign:  A Sociopath will always be smearing someone and inciting people against each other.  Sociopaths do not want people to like or get along with each other and will try to “divide and conquer.”  They will say odd things to people in the social group: “She doesn’t like you” or “She doesn’t want me doing anything with you.” My Sociopath
  • Sociopath has a strange network of Support People ranging from “consultants,” to skilled-workers, to enabling co-dependents that back him up when he wants to go after his Target. Most of the Support People have their own Psychological problems. My Sociopath. 
  • No conscience. Lack of Remorse, Shame or Guilt.
  • Believe they are all-powerful all-knowing, entitled to every wish, no sense of personal boundaries, no concern for their impact on others.
  • The end always justifies the means and they let nothing stand in their way.
  • Shallow Emotions When they show what seems to be warmth, joy, love and compassion it is more feigned than experienced and serves an ulterior motive. Outraged by insignificant matters, yet remaining unmoved and cold by what would upset a normal person. Since they are not genuine, neither are their promises.
  • Incapable of real human attachment to another
  • Does not perceive that anything is wrong with them
  • Authoritarian
  • Secretive
  • Paranoid
  • Drama King:  There is always conflict going on in a Sociopath’s life and it involves a “bad person,” “bad business” or “bad transaction.” My Sociopath. 
  • Callousness/Lack of Empathy

For complete list: http://www.mcafee.cc/Bin/sb.html

Inside the Mind of a Sociopath: 

Excerpt from: “The Sociopath Next Door: The Ruthless vs. the Rest of Us” by Martha Stout Ph.D.

“Imagine – if you can – not having a conscience, none at all, no feelings of guilt or remorse no matter what you do, no limiting sense of concern of the well-being of strangers, friends, or even family members.  Imagine no struggles with shame, not a single one in your whole life, no matter what kind of selfish, lazy, harmful, or immoral action you had taken.  And pretend that the concept of responsibility is unknown to you, except as a burden others seem to accept without question, like gullible fools.  Now add to this strange fantasy the ability to conceal from other people that your psychological makeup is radically different from theirs.  Since everyone simply assumes that conscience is universal among human beings, hiding the fact that you are conscience-free is nearly effortless.  You are not held back from any of your desires by guilt or shame, and you are never confronted by others for your cold-bloodlessness.  The ice water in your veins is so bizarre, so completely outside of their personal experience that they seldom even guess at your condition.”

…or – maybe, best of all – (you) create situations that cause them to feel bad about themselves.  And this is power, especially when the people you manipulate are superior to you in some way.  Most invigorating of all is to bring down people who are smarter or more accomplished than you, or perhaps classier, more attractive or popular or morally admirable.  This is not only good fun; it is existential vengeance.  And without a conscience, it is amazingly easy to do.”

“Provided you are not forcibly stopped, you can do anything at all If you are born at the right time, with some access to family fortune, and you have a special talent for whipping up other people’s hatred and sense of deprivation, you can arrange to kill large numbers of unsuspecting people.  With enough money, you can accomplish this from far away, and you can sit back safely and watch in satisfaction.  In fact, terrorism (done from a distance) is the ideal occupation for a person who is possessed of blood lust and no conscience, because if you do it just right, you may be able to make a whole nation jump.  And if that is not power, what is?”

Complete Article…

Antisocial Personality Disorder Overview (Written by Derek Wood, RN, BSN, PhD Candidate)

There currently is no form of psychotherapy that works with those with antisocial personality disorder, as those with this disorder have no desire to change themselves, which is a prerequisite.

Over time, she says, “their appearance of perfection will begin to crack,” but by that time you will have been emotionally and perhaps financially scathed.

Taken in part from MW — By Caroline Konrad — September 1999


177 thoughts on “Profile of a Narcissistic Sociopath – Charming, Manipulative, Grandiose, Lying, Authoritarian, Secretive, Divisive…

    Jess said:
    May 28, 2015 at 5:45 pm

    I actually have 1 question for you, as i said it intrigues me, why do you feel you understand me? or rather people like me, as we all have our own agenda, I mean i can tell you have dealt with a number of people like me, but i can tell you are intrigued by me as im probably a little more open about knowing my self and what i do.

      truthlover5 responded:
      May 28, 2015 at 6:04 pm

      I don’t know that I can claim an understanding, merely what is, without judgment.

      I have compassion for you for having to live with this particular personality trait, for you are caught in the web of deceit as much as the ones whom you manipulate. They can walk away. You cannot. You live with it 24/7.

      I have compassion for the ones caught in your games for they merely trusted and cared. But they are now stronger, and smarter, while you, perhaps, have not changed, nor do you care to. Your choice.

      I know the real you is not the personality, and by that I mean the Eternal You. You most likely will disagree with that, but that is okay.

      I am in ministry and help guide people who are hurting or confused or lost to their inner Source where they realize they are One with that Oneness, and that their Source is their Unlimited Supplier – not a human – the Source that has all of the answers. But they come to me for help because they want to change their lives. While you apparently like yours the way it is. Your choices determine your life. Free will.

      You say you like a challenge, but the greatest challenge for you is to turn yourself over to your Creator who created you from within love, and to ask for Divine Guidance to open your heart and mind to what REALLY is, not the illusion you weave around yourself. But that challenge makes you laugh, and is a challenge that is too big for you to accept. That is the one challenge you will not take.

      Ava said:
      June 15, 2015 at 8:32 pm

      Why do you even care ? You must be bored with your current supply or lack of supply at this moment. If you are any part NSP and wondering … Just relax and sit back because you will get to experience all of the “emotional development” that you missed in the early stages of your development later on in your life. It will be lonely. You will be old, alone and not in good health. There will be no more supply as not one soul will want to come near you and your misery. This is when you’ll have all the opportunity to get even , however it will be with yourself . You will live the remainder of your life in despair and when you die not one single soul will care.

    Jess said:
    May 28, 2015 at 6:37 pm

    See thats an automated response though, i can tell someone like me has hurt you or affected your life, its a defense, im not here to pick a fight, i wish to learn something about my self, and slowly but surely im getting my answer, im not looking to change, and that is something that is hard to understand, why would i want to be so cold, so lacking in emotion about what i have done and knowing what i will do.

    Simply because i can.

      truthlover5 responded:
      May 28, 2015 at 11:31 pm

      Because you can is too easy. Anyone can do that and is nothing to boast about. Strength is when you can, and yet you don’t. I realize you don’t appreciate this, but my heart aches for yours that doesn’t. It aches that you don’t feel love, or pain, or joy. Surely one day this will all get too boring for you, too old, and then what? You’ll have met all the challenges and won – in your version, and lost in mine. I realize you don’t want any sympathy or pity for the curse you carry. But those are your rules, and I live by my rules. And since I do, I say, God bless you.

      truthlover5 responded:
      May 29, 2015 at 10:33 am

      I want to share with you a Divine Message I received when I asked if there was anything the Divine wants you to know. The response:
      “Know that you are loved. You might not want it or feel it or understand it at this point in time, but even so, you are loved, always, and you are never alone. You are not separate from the Divine. You might feel that way, but that is an illusion. I am inside you always. All you have to do is ask.”

        Jess said:
        May 29, 2015 at 3:20 pm

        See i know what its like to be loved(at least the actions of it), just dont know the flip side of that, let me give you an example, i can say simple words and you will attach memories and emotion to it, think of a time you felt.. Happy, Sad, Angry, Vengeful, Loved, Joy. Each one of those i bet you can remember a time when you “felt” those, well i can think of a time i was expected to feel those, but didnt feel them.
        See you describe free will as something we all have and choices we make, well, i follow free will quite well, except where you have a crack that stops the flow of a river of things you shouldnt do, i infact have a canyon that opens as it reaches the ocean. However i do have my own set of rules that i dont break, i know where to stop. See i understand exactly what your saying to me, i know how i should feel about it, i know what the society “normal” is for it, and can act accordingly, but inside… imagine wind blowing, it moves as it can, but once an object gets in its path it is forced to move around said object no matter what, it simply cant go through an object.

        truthlover5 responded:
        May 29, 2015 at 3:35 pm

        Thanks for your insight and sharing. I wish you well. God bless.

        Jess said:
        May 31, 2015 at 4:20 pm

        Im still trying to understand a concept and because people hold such disdain for me its hard to get a real answer, is it possible for a normal person to shut off their emotions or do they always attach emotion to things? i cant attach emotion to what i do, i know that, but can normal people do the same?

    Jess said:
    May 29, 2015 at 4:12 pm

    I have been amused talking with you, gives me some insight that I didn’t have, hope you got the same, maybe you obtained some information for that workshop, maybe even some of your followers learned how better understand shat goes through a head like mine, I’ll just leave by saying this and take it anyway you want, peace and love.

      truthlover5 responded:
      June 2, 2015 at 10:21 pm

      Jess, you mentioned how a heart might become hardened, so I’m writing a potential example of how that might happen. Like, perhaps at a young age, maybe around 6, the child’s parents had an ugly divorce. He might have even been an only child. There might have been a lot of fighting between his parents for years before the divorce. Perhaps alcohol or drugs were involved. Despite his bravery, a young child would be very frightened by his world that was falling apart around him. The very people he expected to protect him were not even listening to him and he felt afraid, invisible. Perhaps especially by his mother. He counted on her to take care of him, protect him, to keep the family together. Or perhaps she had the alcohol problem and the child blamed her for the divorce. Or blamed her because she didn’t stop it. She was his foundation but she failed him. Betrayed him. She wasn’t perfect after all. She was a puzzle to you, and you discovered in a painful way that she had missing pieces, missing corners – corners of the foundation.

      An experience like that would hurt a child deeply, so very deeply the child might swear he would never trust anyone again. If you can’t trust your mother, you can’t trust anyone. The child might vow no one would hurt him ever again. He never wanted to hurt like that again, and since he couldn’t count on his parents, it was up to him to make sure it didn’t happen. So he built a hard shell around his heart and never let anyone get close to him. And yet, as he grew older, every woman became a reflection of his mother, someone he could never trust – imperfect, with missing corners. Every woman he hurt was a means of getting back at his mother.

      But something inside of him, so deep he barely, barely senses it, whispers there is a better way. And there is a better way, Jess. A way of healing.

    truthlover5 responded:
    May 31, 2015 at 4:57 pm

    Jess, I want you to know I hear you, I’m listening. You exist. You matter. You’ve expressed some very interesting insights about yourself, and yet your True Self is hidden beneath the facade of a false sense of security where you feel safer, less exposed, but also less free to experience who you Really are. Yes, your comments make a difference and are helpful, so thank you for that. I also want you to know I’m giving your words much thought, and ‘ll get back to you on those thoughts. Remember, I said I do not sit in judgment and never said I hold you in disdain. To ask a question of your question, what is normal? And to answer part of your question, yes, it is possible for a person to shut off and harden their emotions – when they’ve been very very hurt and are determined never to be hurt again.

      Jess said:
      June 12, 2015 at 10:38 am

      Where the problem lies is, i dont feel joy from it as thats again an emotion i dont know the feeling of, maybe i do? i dont how it feels so i dont know.. But its like i feel satisfied from doing what i need to “even” the score between me and who ever did me wrong, see i started to notice i had no emotion as i did things that were for lack of a better word.. heartless and coldblooded, and i did it with a strait face as i watched crying, most people feel guilt, i dont.. i feel satisfied that the score was one step closer to me feeling like it was even, unfortunatly the readers here know exactly what that means, and im not bragging about it… i see the behavior, but cant stop my self from it, and neither do i want to. Like i said im not violent, i have rules that i live by, i make them up as i go, but they do conform to what some could almost consider “morals” and ive broken a number of them over the years so i change them, but the 1 that remains is i refuse to physically hurt someone. So yes i see my behavior, but i have no desire to change it.

        truthlover5 responded:
        June 12, 2015 at 1:41 pm

        Not sure if you saw what I posted to you on June 2, but your most recent comment I posted, and also pasted below in this post, might explain why you feel a need to ‘even the score’. The statement that you have no wish to change is the key. You have to want it. I’m thinking you do, deep down, want it and you are questioning it, exploring possibilities. All things are possible…

        Repost from June 2: Jess, you mentioned how a heart might become hardened, so I’m writing a potential example of how that might happen. Like, perhaps at a young age, maybe around 6, the child’s parents had an ugly divorce. He might have even been an only child. There might have been a lot of fighting between his parents for years before the divorce. Perhaps alcohol or drugs were involved. Despite his bravery, a young child would be very frightened by his world that was falling apart around him. The very people he expected to protect him were not even listening to him and he felt afraid, invisible. Perhaps especially by his mother. He counted on her to take care of him, protect him, to keep the family together. Or perhaps she had the alcohol problem and the child blamed her for the divorce. Or blamed her because she didn’t stop it. She was his foundation but she failed him. Betrayed him. She wasn’t perfect after all. She was a puzzle to you, and you discovered in a painful way that she had missing pieces, missing corners – corners of the foundation.

        An experience like that would hurt a child deeply, so very deeply the child might swear he would never trust anyone again. If you can’t trust your mother, you can’t trust anyone. The child might vow no one would hurt him ever again. He never wanted to hurt like that again, and since he couldn’t count on his parents, it was up to him to make sure it didn’t happen. So he built a hard shell around his heart and never let anyone get close to him. And yet, as he grew older, every woman became a reflection of his mother, someone he could never trust – imperfect, with missing corners. Every woman he hurt was a means of getting back at his mother.

        But something inside of him, so deep he barely, barely senses it, whispers there is a better way. And there is a better way, Jess. A way of healing.

        Jess said:
        June 12, 2015 at 6:58 pm

        While its possible that, that is true about my mother, its also possible that i was born this way, either way i slowly developed into what i am today, i personally believe that we all slowly changed into who we are based on decisions we made through out life, ive never had guilt about a lie, as long as it gets me what im after, After reading about how people react to me, and in general act to me, i speak to inform you how i see a few things for future reference, I know how most people react to things, i know how a persons guilt reflex works, i know in general how most of society will react to things i do and say, and with that knowledge i can basically control a person for a very long time, if not indefinitely. There is 1 person who saw me for what i am, because she had been with another that was the same, and she was amazed at how long i was able to hide my self from her (2.5 years).
        I have a question to ask just because i had a random thought typing that out.
        Its a question of reaction, If i were to right now tell you that im not who I claim to be and am just faking to be a soc-narc just for research for a college paper.
        Do you immediately doubt everything ive said, even after everything ive said, does that doubt all the sudden pop into your head? because most of society, though it may be small, will think that.
        That is just an example of what im talking about, it is things like that, that make the things i can do possible, of course the lack of emotion and guilt are also a factor.
        Im not going to deny the fact that its possible that somewhere inside me wants to change, as after all ive made that first step of seeing and admitting what i am, and opening up about it, but i could be this way for many many years yet and after how many more hearts and minds i break. Obviously ive done alot of thinking about this, but as ive said, i dont feel that desire to change. In the mean time, ill “humor” you, if i wanted to change your basically saying i need to accept God, is that correct?

        truthlover5 responded:
        June 12, 2015 at 11:50 pm

        It doesn’t matter what you call yourself, or by what identity, or what role you play, because all are illusions of the finite. You are far more than any falsity. You are Eternal Spirit.

        You mention God. Yes, there is the Higher Power, the Source, our Creator, the Unlimited Supplier, the Great Mind, Pure Intelligence – whatever man-defined name we choose to call the unnameable – the ‘All That Is’ just ‘Is’, no matter the name. This Truth I know, without doubt. This Truth is my being, your being. You are not a separate entity but are One with this Source, created by this Source, out of the same Magnificence. It is only by recognizing that Oneness and aligning with it that one experiences the fullness of who and what they can be in this physical occurrence, because that Unlimited Supplier is where all of the answers are – the Pure Intelligence, the Power of the Universe. That is the Power of Choice – to align with the Great Mind, the Ultimate Power.

        You mention ‘evening the score’; that is a negative choice with negative results in a negative enmeshment that holds you prisoner. Unforgiveness equals bondage. Forgiveness equals freedom. Which do you choose?

        Choice. Cause and Effect. Your choices determine the cause, which results in the effect, which means if you don’t like the results of your choices you have the freedom to choose again, more wisely, for a more desired result, but that is merely the drama that plays out around you and is not who you are.

        You mention that we all slowly change into who we are based on decisions we made throughout life. I agree – but with a correction; your choices determine where you are in life, the life you’ve created, BUT, those decisions are not who you are. They are your experiences, but not who you are. Who you are is what is left after all else is stripped away, including the delusions and the physical shell. Who you Truly are is Spirit.

        Jess said:
        June 13, 2015 at 6:32 am

        Ok ill bite, lets say i do believe in god, is it not possible that he created people like me on purpose to keep people like you on a correct path, as a reminder of what you could become if you dont take his path (chaos theory)?
        Just remember you said it your self, I dont need help, i am who/what i am, you may not agree with it, but i chose to be this way, for a long time i didnt see what i was, or even understand that fact that i was faking every single emotion i pretended to have, i never once felt those emotions, its possible ive felt bits and pieces of them over the years, as i can think of emotions i dont totally understand to this day, but they did present a feeling at the time.

        truthlover5 responded:
        June 13, 2015 at 9:09 am

        You write “While its possible that, that is true about my mother, its also possible that i was born this way… he created people like me on purpose…” I don’t believe you were born this way. Your soul is a spark of the Divinity – the Divine within the Divine, made of the same ingredients, part of the “All There Is”. Something might have happened within the womb, or after birth, in the further development of your experiences that shifted your mental concepts. I don’t believe and could never believe you were created in such a way on purpose. That makes no sense. That is saying that God created what is not God-like. The Creator that is Love creates from Love. Creation is evolution, expansion and does not go backward, only forward.

        You write: “…ive never had guilt about a lie, as long as it gets me what im after…” I ask you, what are you after? What are you after, really? Control? You wrote: “…i can basically control a person for a very long time, if not indefinitely.” But ask yourself – why this insatiable need to control someone else? That is a sign you feel impotent. Something happened in your childhood that made you feel weak, invisible, without power. You are unsuccessfully trying to conquer that feeling of helplessness through the continual hunger to gain control from outside sources. If your efforts were successful, then you would not still be searching, grasping. Like a vampire you falsely seek to gain from others what you feel you do not have on your own. Power. Control. This is symbolic that you do not feel you have those qualities or you would not be continually looking for them. And that you do continue to seek those means that you have not and cannot succeed through this method you’ve chosen.

        Power doesn’t come from others. It comes from within. It comes from the Great Power. And until you turn to, ask for and accept that Higher Power as your Source, then you are looking where it does not exist.

        You write: “…i know how a persons guilt reflex works…” Ask yourself – how can you recognize guilt if you don’t have it within you? How do you recognize love if you don’t already have it within you in some form? You cannot recognize what you don’t already possess. Which means love is there within you. You’ve blocked it. You’ve blocked it out of fear – fear that love makes you vulnerable, the very feeling you seek to overcome.

        You write: “…I dont need help…” That is ego talking. Even you don’t believe that. Asking for help is a sign of wisdom. Only ONE knows all of the answers. A smart business person doesn’t know all of the answers, so they go to where the answers are in order to run a successful business. Smart people are smart because they aren’t dependent on themselves alone. And you are smart. Go to your Unlimited Supplier that has ALL of the answers.

        You write, “…i am who/what i am…i chose to be this way…” Chose. Your choice. That means you can choose again for a better result. That’s the illusion part. When you choose differently, one illusion fades and is replaced by a different scenario. It’s your creation. If you don’t like what you created, then create something better – and if you truly want what is better, and even more, what is best, then you co-create with the Divine Guide as your partner. That is when you realize the True fulfillment that is yours to claim, which you’ll never gain through your futile searches in all the wrong places. It’s like looking for a snow drift on the ocean floor. It’s not there. Impossible. So quit looking where it doesn’t exist.

        You write: “…its possible ive felt bits and pieces of them over the years, as i can think of emotions i dont totally understand to this day, but they did present a feeling at the time…” Bingo! There is only one way you can know that, or feel that – because it is already inside you. You’ve allowed fear to control you, masking your Truth. And your way of dealing with that fear isn’t working. You’ve proved that over and over and over and… It’s the misconception that if you keep looking for the snowdrift on the ocean floor, that you’ll finally find it. You’re wasting your time and your life. There is a way that leads to what you want. Through Inner Wisdom, your Divine Partner. You are not meant to go this path alone. You are never alone.

        I’ll repeat the Divine Message I received when I asked if there was anything the Divine wants you to know. The response:
        “Know that you are loved…always, and you are never alone. You are not separate from the Divine. You might feel that way, but that is an illusion. I am inside you always. All you have to do is ask.”

        Jess said:
        June 13, 2015 at 7:56 pm

        How do i know guilt, by studying reactions people have to my behavior, ive i know how people react to things, i may not have guilt, but i know how people will react, i know how to make a person cry, i know how to make people think i feel bad about things ive done, again its by playing that same reflex.
        As for the god thing, i think my favorite story is how god tortured a man just to prove a point to the devil, he took his home, land, family.. just to prove a point, so to say hes not willing to do such things, i disagree if he does truely exist.
        As i said, what im after is to get my way, to get people to do the things i want so that i can accomplish my needs, be it money, or sex, or job related.. what you would call every day things i guess, at work i could punch a co-worker and my boss would back me up, simply because over time ive manipulated her so that when i screw up (if i do) it gets over looked.

        truthlover5 responded:
        June 21, 2015 at 10:29 pm

        Jess, the Job story is an allegory, not a real event. It is symbolic. It is also the Old Testament.

        Jesus gave his life revealing the Truth that God is love, not hatred; is forgiveness, not vengeance; is compassion, not coldness; is non-judgmental, not punitive; created equality, not hierarchy; encourages service, not greed. He taught us that God is love, that the kingdom of God is within each of us and that we don’t have to go through anybody else. It is within each of us and it is our responsibility to open to Divine Communication to develop our own individual paths. Church leaders took the words of Jesus and twisted them where they could gain control of the populous through fear and guilt. They often teach the opposite of the truth Jesus shared. Jesus doesn’t want to be worshiped; he wants partners to serve as God’s hands, feet, voice, heart, to help spread the word of God’s love. We are One with that Greatness, created from Love and are only truly happy when we embody that love – be that love.

        God exists, as does Jesus and the many spiritual leaders throughout history that brought Eternal Truths for all. I know that Truth, without doubt.

        I ask you a question: Do you remember ever having a head or brain injury or seizures? Maybe when young? Or at birth or as a baby? And, taking advantage of people’s trust is nothing to brag about. It is the people who trust who are the heroes in that scenario.

        By the way, thanks for sharing and giving permission to use our dialogue in the workshop I hosted this week on Forgiveness. It was very healing for people.

        A woman attended who also didn’t feel emotion of any kind – not for her son, or anyone. Like you, she didn’t believe in a higher power. She said she had never experienced the feeling of love, or joy, or any feeling at all. But maybe she deep down wanted to explore a different way because she came to the workshop on Thursday, asked questions of HOW does one feel love when they don’t know what it feels like, and we explored the ‘how’ with her. The next day she unexpectedly felt some emotion that she’d never before felt. By Sunday she said it was a real joy to be at the Sunday Celebration. A true joy. She had gone from feeling nothing to feeling joy within three days.

        The point is, change is possible. With God all is possible. God bless you, Jess. I send healing love your way.

        Jess said:
        June 22, 2015 at 7:06 pm

        You are stuck on the childhood thing, ok well, techincally speaking i died twice as a baby, id tell you the surgical procedure that saved me, but as im the youngest person to survive that exact procedure and the doctor is since renounded for developing it, it has also since been re-developed and saved many people since, it would not be hard to find my full name and birth date, so that said, i believe that should answer your question. So for you, you get your, good from bad story.

        truthlover5 responded:
        June 23, 2015 at 7:10 pm

        Did you have a transplant?

    scarlet said:
    June 9, 2015 at 1:45 pm

    What a wonderful way to explain to Jess what is lost when you cannot allow yourself to be vulnerable and share true intimacy. I agree that sadness and true lonliness are the only outcomes for narcissists, because they put themselves above everything else.

    I understand why narcissists cannot believe in a higher power and themselves. They are their own higher power, and as such will never experience true joy.

      truthlover5 responded:
      June 9, 2015 at 2:34 pm

      I agree with you. Well expressed. I’ve read that they cannot be helped, but if they begin to wonder, as I think perhaps Jess did/is, then I believe healing is possible – if you can get past the concept that they don’t need help. With God, all things are possible. :)

        SaraLee said:
        June 14, 2015 at 11:34 am

        Ahh, yes with God Anything is possible, I got out, and I am so happy with what I learned though out the 5 years with this f%^&$#* Moron( as I loving call him) Now My Sweet daughter has found herself in this type of situation, and I’m re reading all the old stories and some new ones, teaching her how to deal with the drama, and hurt. As I see it,( others may disagree) however, Since they have no emotional intelligence, its uncomprehensible to them to really feel, they can ACT, PRETEND, or what ever you call it for a time, but the truth will ALWAYS show itself. Now These types are a walk in the park for me to deal with! I am both protecting my daughter, and helping her to become stronger, so that see can step up and get out. Thanks to all of you out there who have helped me learn and understand what it takes to master the narcissistic sociopath!

    NotYourBaby said:
    June 16, 2015 at 3:35 pm

    Be wary of constant texting & shallow flattery, people who manipulate conversations to get you to say and do things you feel uncomfortable about. They could be using NLP, or neuro-linguistic-programming on you (look it up). Lovebombing is how most victims get sucked in: they are tired of the “games” people play with each other in communication and are flattered by a narcissist’s confidence and constant attention #vixentalent. You may be fooled into thinking that this means a narcissist is truly interested in you, when in fact, he or she is grooming you for abuse (for money, sex, sadistic pleasure in your pain) – anything they can get from you! Trust me and RUN.

    CCoady said:
    June 20, 2015 at 7:25 am

    I had been with a Sociopath for 2 years I can tell you it has sucked the very life out of me. As I write this today I am coming off the addiction not so much fun part of being with him. Yes I said addiction and it truly feels the way it would feel if you were addicted to a drug or alcohol. I am an educated woman who had no idea what a sociopath was. I assumed anytime I heard the word it was a murderer like Charles Manson. My first clue should have been on our first date when he lied to my face about why he did not drive to our date he walked. He said as a Safety Health Manager for his company they had a challenge at work whoever would go green they would donate money to cancer research. NO, he had a DWI and then learned after we were married a year later he actually had 3 DWI’s in the last 10 years. This is a man who wined and dined me for the first 6 months of our relationship. He said all the right things, he did all the right things and I even remembering asking my family to pinch me was this real? He sent flowers regularly and then took me to look at houses as he said we needed to be together and buy one. We actually went house shopping of course nothing ever came of it. Then he took me to jewelry stores to pick out engagement rings. He then said he ordered one from a friend who was custom making it. I was so excited and in total awww of this man. He took me to a castle to propose only to have an excuse why the ring was not ready yet. There was no ring. It goes on and on. His action never spoke louder than his words. He would leave me monthly rather than face the lie that he told that would be found out as the time came closer to whatever his made up story for that month would be. He would send text messages telling me he had to go that he could never make me happy and it would be a cat and mouse game each time. Me calling and texting only to learn he would block my number then unblock in a day or two later telling me he couldn’t be without me. This became normal. I know that sounds strange but you adapt. I would cry and cry and feel like it was my fault and talk about confusion? I never knew what I did wrong to warrant such behavior. I married this man a year later and for 10 months I couldn’t ask for a better husband. That was until April 17th 2015 it was a Friday, I was at work. He texted me as he always did thank you for marrying me, can’t wait to start our weekend. Long story short I came home to find he had moved out without me ever even suspecting it. Talk about shock?? Then blocked me for 3 days only to unblock me to tell me he made a mistake yet never came back home. He moved back to the same loft downtown as I met him originally. Bus line of course. There was so many lies even after he moved out. He said he only signed a month of a sublet in the event he wanted to come back home. No he signed a 2 year lease, then he purchased all new furniture that was actually planned 2 week earlier while he was sending me flowers at work and again thanking me for marrying him.. He totally screwed up my head. He has been gone now for 2 months and the games keep going on because I don’t know how to let it go. I have heard those say do the NO CONTACT RULE. That is easier said then done. I have also been told I must like to be treated this way because I allow it? No I don’t I just start shaking and waiting for the text or the call or validation. I wanted to talk to him about our marriage and he said it was exhausting and then ignored my calls and texts for a full day only to later that night tell me he couldn’t again live without me. I need help desperately. I have read all the articles, blogs and I get it all. I just am so far in so deep that I feel I am going to lose my mind. I just can’t live like this anymore. I want the shaking to stop. I want the addiction over however I am not strong enough to do this on my own. I need advise please? I really welcome anyone who has been through this to tell me how you did it? How to you break free and say enough is enough when you have lived this life for so long? Thank you for letting me ramble. There is so much more to this story but I don’t have the energy to post it all.

      truthlover5 responded:
      June 20, 2015 at 10:55 am

      First, you’ve made the most important step in your healing, and that is to admit the situation. Second, you’ve made a huge and critical step in that you want out. Now the healing process begins.

      Please read some of the comments on this blog made by Jess, The Reluctant Villain, to learn how their mind works. He says, among other things, to not contact them, to walk away and sever the connection. He said if you think your action would make sense, don’t do it. You will only hurt more and they are glad that you hurt. They play games, manipulate, control. The way you win is to walk away, which means they lose control. Quit feeding his addiction. They must have someone to control. Make sure it’s not you.

      Let me also say that you are not alone, either physically or spiritually. There are so many millions of people affected by this personality that it is shocking. That knowledge might not help you emotionally at this time, but you now know you aren’t the only one struggling with this.

      “You are loved” is the Divine message that comes through me and is meant for you. You have the Power of the Universe within you through Divine Connection that is there for you always, continually, with guidance and love and wisdom and power. All you have to do is ask. Ask for Divine help.

      Another point for you to know is that what you are going through are your experiences only, they are not who you are. You are the survivor, you are love and are loved. You are magnificent! Yes, you are. You might not feel it, but you are.

      Here is where most people are mistaken. They look for completion and joy outside of themselves. Yes, people and animals are loving companions and make life enjoyable, but the real you isn’t dependent on anything outside of you. The real you is beyond your experiences. It is the you that still is when all else is stripped away. The Eternal You that you are at this moment, and always.

      Here is another blessing in disguise that you might not realize – you have a heart than can hurt. Why is that a blessing? Because that means you can feel. You can feel hurt, and pain, and joy, and love, and peace…you can feel. The curse of the one with this behavior personality is that they usually don’t feel anything. Can you imagine how horrible that would be? I’d rather be able to feel hurt than nothing at all. You will grow stronger from this incident and will move on with your life with the potential for joy and love and brilliance and peace, but they remain stuck within the thick concrete of a hardened heart and live with their malady 24/7. What a living hell. So, yes, you are blessed.

      As to how. You’re already making the first steps. You realize there is a problem, and that the problem isn’t you, and you want out. Congratulations!!

      The secret as to how. Know this Truth – there is a loving power within you that is merely waiting for you to ask for help. That power is there at your disposal for you to use to have a fulfilled life. Use it! Then know, without doubt that you will receive it, and you will. Drop out of your head with all of the fears and what if’s and drop into your heart. Your heart is where you will find the answers – the ones that come from Divine Guidance that sometimes comes to you through various ways – through another person, a song, something in a book, and mostly, from within your heart. You will ‘know’ what you are to do. Then have the courage to follow that inner guidance. As I mentioned before, the Divine Power of the Universe is within you, and there is no stronger power. That is your strength. That is your guidance. That is your wisdom. That is your unconditional love. That is your Source. You are One with that Source, partners in the co-creation of your life. Only you can choose to give away that power. Don’t. It is yours to claim and to honor.

      One more important encouragement – Love yourself as you are loved by your Creator – unconditionally, without judgment, and with compassion. Release any guilt. Forgive yourself (one of the hardest challenges in the physical life). Love yourself FIRST – and then you can love your neighbor as you love yourself.

      Also, I am here for you. Please keep in touch and let me know how you are doing.

      I encourage you – Choose a different path for yourself. A better path. A path of joy and healing. You can do this!

      Love and God bless you.

      Tess said:
      June 21, 2015 at 8:12 pm

      I will make this simple for you. Imagine yourself with three kids, no support a dad who does a dissappearing act for hours or days at a time, lies right and left, promises that never amount to anything in real life, a complete inability to connect, treats you like a property or a piece of meat, gets into a second relationship with more wild stories hurting a second family with another kid, more headgames and now your kids are victims too. Having kids is their ultimate and final control and you can never escape after that. If that isnt sobering from your addiction I dont know what more to tell you. Get out now while you can. Find a guy to date to distract you, lean on your friends, change your number, do whatever it takes and hope he finds a new victim.

        truthlover5 responded:
        June 21, 2015 at 9:40 pm

        Tess, great advice, but what about you? You and the children are at risk. Do you have a church to go to? A safe-house for at-risk people? Like Safe Passage? You are smart. You have choices. Make the choices that are right for you and your children. Surely you have options. Everyone has options. There must be some place in your area that is safe for you. The church will know. The police will know. You say he is sometimes gone for days at a time. If you plan ahead, then when that happens you make the move that is right for you. Pray about it, then follow your inner guide as to where to turn. You owe it to your children, to you. You are responsible for the well-being of those children. What kind of example is this for them? They deserve a chance at a good life, as do you. There is a way out. There is a better life out there for you. Go for it. Then never go back. Never. Let me know how you are doing. I care.

    Ann said:
    June 22, 2015 at 2:31 pm

    My heart is braking in pieces though I am trying to be strong. Did the only thing I could, but am now paying the price. My son married a very troubled woman. For 16 years she has abused my grandson, her stepchild. This is a ‘golden child'(my other grandchild, her child) vs. scapegoat child.(my grandson) the things she does are deadly serious but my son just refuses to see it, even though he’s caught her in numerous lies. She is also a drug addict, and she pretends my grandson steals her meds , the last time he tried to commit suicide when she had called the police on him after setting him up and he was forced to admit it, she lovingly proclaimed he is not aware he does these things and it’s NOT true. My son believes her. and my grandson after just turning 18 left to go live with his mother. My son is in Afghanastan, he wants him home to care for his poor wife. She homeschooled my grandson, and what short time he was in school, school caught her in another of her lies claiming he stole her friends drugs. I had called welfare years ago, and for 3 1/2 yrs they hid him from me. So the next time, I kissed a lot of ass and just tried to stay close to him. Hoping my constant kindness would make her leave him alone. But when my son left for Afganastan, I knew if my grandson stayed next time she needed to get more drugs, he would once again be set up. She never hid her abuse from me, just convinced my son I was out in left field. She has practically starved him over the years, made him watch while her and other child get the cream of the crop. My son is always so busy, he ONLY listens to her and it has made the abuse so easy for her. She lost her first two kids when she went to jail, her kids hate her. She took a bank account out in my address and bounced thousands in checks, which she went to jail for 3 months. I could of bailed her out and refused. I had to leave my job to care for the children because of her being in jail. She made that my fault. Anyway, my son is no longer talking to me and she is making it impossible to talk to my other grandchild. My son is also acting cold to his son, angry at him for leaving. Her own grandfather tried to warn me that she was big trouble and a convincing liar. Emotionally I am exhausted. I have to help my grandson, but my son being there in Afghanastan makes me feel. I have done something awful to him! Help, I can’t make my son see. Even the Army told him she was an addict, but he thinks everyone picks on her. Now. I am afraid she will do something horrible to get back at me.

      truthlover5 responded:
      June 24, 2015 at 1:07 pm

      Bless your heart, literally. I understand your agony and would fight any way I could were that my grandson. That said, I encourage you to realize that you cannot control anyone else but yourself. You cannot control your stepdaughter, your son, or even your grandson.

      So, what can you do? I don’t advise because your Inner Power will guide you to what is best. What I can do is suggest what I might do in your situation. The choice of how you proceed is up to you.

      * First, pray. a) Open up a dialogue with God, your Source, the Creator, whatever name you use for the Higher Power. When you do that, be sure to express your questions and concerns from your deepest passions. Let them all out. b) THEN, once you’ve purged your fears, be still and listen. The answer will come. It might be the opposite of what you expect, and it can come so rapidly you’ll question you ever received it or if it was your own thoughts. If you are uncertain, ask for clarification from Divine Source. How you know the answers are from God: The answer will never be negative and will always be positive – love-based. Divine Communication is ALWAYS love-based. For me, the answers include the word ‘you’. As in, “I am with you always”, “I love you”, “You are loved”, with guidance on what to do. You are not to dictate the ‘how’, it will come about, only trust that it will. 3) Take action on your Divine guidance. The Inner Knowing might encourage you to love yourself as you are loved from the Divine – unconditionally and without judgment (a tough one for many people). You might ask how that makes a difference? But when you change the love energy around you, you affect everyone else around you, including your grandson. You might be asked to mentally send love to all of the involved players – son, grandson, and even your stepdaughter. And yes, that has impact.

      * Do you know where your grandson is living? Ask the Divine if telling your grandson that you love him, unconditionally and without judgment is a positive outreach to help heal. Love is healing. Might he come to live with you? Again, ask for Guidance. If it is meant to happen, it will. If he does move in with you, support him by merely loving him – not a suffocating kind of love, but a freedom kind of love by realizing he has free will and is in charge of his own choices that will determine his life and that you are there for him.

      * Consider participating in a co-dependency group. They can be very healing, especially when one feels helpless to make a positive difference. If there is not one in your area, there will be online. http://coda.org/ is one option and some find it helpful.

      * Know that you are not alone and are never alone. You are One with Source. You are One with the Power of the Universe that will guide you to what is right and best for you. That Inner Guide will tell you what to do (in love), and if it will involve your grandson.

      * Other than those suggestions, just love. Be love. I know that is challenging when your heart is hurting, and you aren’t expected to do it alone. Ask for Divine help – ALWAYS! There is no topic too small or insignificant. Ask, even if the only prayer you can get out is “Help me!”

      Let me know how it is going for you.

      God bless you.

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