Profile of a Narcissistic Sociopath – Charming, Manipulative, Grandiose, Lying, Authoritarian, Secretive, Divisive…

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Profile of the Narcissistic Sociopath

Think you can spot a sociopath/psychopath? Think again.

According to experts, this behavior affects 3% to 5% of the population, which could mean more than 15 million people in the USA with these characteristics, or up to 1 in 20 people – higher percentages than one might realize. The people affected are millions more. Are you one of them?

Sociopath-imageIn general, psychopaths come from all walks of life. They’re our friends, lovers, co-workers and leaders. They’re outgoing and persuasive, dazzling you with charm and flattery.  Knowing the profile characteristics might help you to avoid being scammed or hurt by someone you trust. Or, you might already be in a situation and are confused by the others behavior.  Be aware of the characteristics.  Be smart.

What is a narcissistic sociopath?
  • A narcissistic sociopath is someone with a combination of narcissistic personality disorder and definitive behavioral signs of sociopathy.
  • People with narcissism are characterized by their excessive and persistent need for others’ admiration and positive reinforcement. They generally have grandiose opinions of themselves and believe they are superior to other people. Narcissists are also frequently convinced that they are above the normal responsibilities and obligations of everyday life, so they usually have significant difficulties maintaining employment or relationships as a result.
  • The narcissistic sociopath has this type of personality along with a noticeable lack of regard for the rights of others and a tendency to regularly violate those rights.

One noted difference between a narcissistic sociopath and people with narcissism alone is that:

  • The narcissist with the sociopathy reacts strongly and sometimes even violently to negative feedback. True sociopaths generally do not respond to criticism or care what others may think of them.
  • A narcissistic sociopath is unable to tolerate criticism and needs constant praise, as well as deference from other people. Many with this condition present themselves in the best light possible and are able to easily charm others to gain their trust.

THE MALIGNANT PERSONALITY:  These people are mentally ill and extremely dangerous! The following precautions will help to protect you from the destructive acts of which they are capable.  To recognize them, keep the following guidelines in mind:

(1) They are habitual liars. They seem incapable of either knowing or telling the truth about anything.

(2) They are egotistical to the point of narcissism. They really believe they are set apart from the rest of humanity by some special grace.

(3) They scapegoat; they are incapable of either having the insight or willingness to accept responsibility for anything they do. Whatever the problem, it is always someone else’s fault.

(4) They are remorselessly vindictive when thwarted or exposed.

(5) Genuine religious, moral, or other values play no part in their lives. They have no empathy for others and are capable of violence. Under older psychological terminology, they fall into the category of psychopath or sociopath, but unlike the typical psychopath, their behavior is masked by a superficial social facade.

For more and for update from

Profile of the Sociopath

This information is copied from the website

  • Glibness and Superficial Charm
  • Manipulative and Cunning
    They never recognize the rights of others and see their self-serving behaviors as permissible. They appear to be charming, yet are covertly hostile and domineering, seeing their victim as merely an instrument to be used. They may dominate and humiliate their victims.
  • Grandiose Sense of Self
    Feels entitled to certain things as “their right.”
  • May state readily that their goal is to rule the world
  • Pathological Lying
    Has no problem lying coolly and easily and it is almost impossible for them to be truthful on a consistent basis. Can create, and get caught up in, a complex belief about their own powers and abilities. Extremely convincing and even able to pass lie detector tests.
  • Not concerned about wrecking others’ lives and dreams. Oblivious or indifferent to the devastation they cause. Does not accept blame themselves, but blames others, even for acts they obviously committed.
  • A Sociopath is always “pitting” people against each other. My Sociopath
  • Smear Campaign:  A Sociopath will always be smearing someone and inciting people against each other.  Sociopaths do not want people to like or get along with each other and will try to “divide and conquer.”  They will say odd things to people in the social group: “She doesn’t like you” or “She doesn’t want me doing anything with you.” My Sociopath
  • Sociopath has a strange network of Support People ranging from “consultants,” to skilled-workers, to enabling co-dependents that back him up when he wants to go after his Target. Most of the Support People have their own Psychological problems. My Sociopath. 
  • No conscience. Lack of Remorse, Shame or Guilt.
  • Believe they are all-powerful all-knowing, entitled to every wish, no sense of personal boundaries, no concern for their impact on others.
  • The end always justifies the means and they let nothing stand in their way.
  • Shallow Emotions When they show what seems to be warmth, joy, love and compassion it is more feigned than experienced and serves an ulterior motive. Outraged by insignificant matters, yet remaining unmoved and cold by what would upset a normal person. Since they are not genuine, neither are their promises.
  • Incapable of real human attachment to another
  • Does not perceive that anything is wrong with them
  • Authoritarian
  • Secretive
  • Paranoid
  • Drama King:  There is always conflict going on in a Sociopath’s life and it involves a “bad person,” “bad business” or “bad transaction.” My Sociopath. 
  • Callousness/Lack of Empathy

For complete list:

Inside the Mind of a Sociopath: 

Excerpt from: “The Sociopath Next Door: The Ruthless vs. the Rest of Us” by Martha Stout Ph.D.

“Imagine – if you can – not having a conscience, none at all, no feelings of guilt or remorse no matter what you do, no limiting sense of concern of the well-being of strangers, friends, or even family members.  Imagine no struggles with shame, not a single one in your whole life, no matter what kind of selfish, lazy, harmful, or immoral action you had taken.  And pretend that the concept of responsibility is unknown to you, except as a burden others seem to accept without question, like gullible fools.  Now add to this strange fantasy the ability to conceal from other people that your psychological makeup is radically different from theirs.  Since everyone simply assumes that conscience is universal among human beings, hiding the fact that you are conscience-free is nearly effortless.  You are not held back from any of your desires by guilt or shame, and you are never confronted by others for your cold-bloodlessness.  The ice water in your veins is so bizarre, so completely outside of their personal experience that they seldom even guess at your condition.”

…or – maybe, best of all – (you) create situations that cause them to feel bad about themselves.  And this is power, especially when the people you manipulate are superior to you in some way.  Most invigorating of all is to bring down people who are smarter or more accomplished than you, or perhaps classier, more attractive or popular or morally admirable.  This is not only good fun; it is existential vengeance.  And without a conscience, it is amazingly easy to do.”

“Provided you are not forcibly stopped, you can do anything at all If you are born at the right time, with some access to family fortune, and you have a special talent for whipping up other people’s hatred and sense of deprivation, you can arrange to kill large numbers of unsuspecting people.  With enough money, you can accomplish this from far away, and you can sit back safely and watch in satisfaction.  In fact, terrorism (done from a distance) is the ideal occupation for a person who is possessed of blood lust and no conscience, because if you do it just right, you may be able to make a whole nation jump.  And if that is not power, what is?”

Complete Article…

Antisocial Personality Disorder Overview (Written by Derek Wood, RN, BSN, PhD Candidate)

There currently is no form of psychotherapy that works with those with antisocial personality disorder, as those with this disorder have no desire to change themselves, which is a prerequisite.

Over time, she says, “their appearance of perfection will begin to crack,” but by that time you will have been emotionally and perhaps financially scathed.

Taken in part from MW — By Caroline Konrad — September 1999

262 thoughts on “Profile of a Narcissistic Sociopath – Charming, Manipulative, Grandiose, Lying, Authoritarian, Secretive, Divisive…

    Jess said:
    May 28, 2015 at 5:45 pm

    I actually have 1 question for you, as i said it intrigues me, why do you feel you understand me? or rather people like me, as we all have our own agenda, I mean i can tell you have dealt with a number of people like me, but i can tell you are intrigued by me as im probably a little more open about knowing my self and what i do.

      truthlover5 responded:
      May 28, 2015 at 6:04 pm

      I don’t know that I can claim an understanding, merely what is, without judgment.

      I have compassion for you for having to live with this particular personality trait, for you are caught in the web of deceit as much as the ones whom you manipulate. They can walk away. You cannot. You live with it 24/7.

      I have compassion for the ones caught in your games for they merely trusted and cared. But they are now stronger, and smarter, while you, perhaps, have not changed, nor do you care to. Your choice.

      I know the real you is not the personality, and by that I mean the Eternal You. You most likely will disagree with that, but that is okay.

      I am in ministry and help guide people who are hurting or confused or lost to their inner Source where they realize they are One with that Oneness, and that their Source is their Unlimited Supplier – not a human – the Source that has all of the answers. But they come to me for help because they want to change their lives. While you apparently like yours the way it is. Your choices determine your life. Free will.

      You say you like a challenge, but the greatest challenge for you is to turn yourself over to your Creator who created you from within love, and to ask for Divine Guidance to open your heart and mind to what REALLY is, not the illusion you weave around yourself. But that challenge makes you laugh, and is a challenge that is too big for you to accept. That is the one challenge you will not take.

        Kate-lynn said:
        December 19, 2015 at 9:19 am

        I didn’t bother to read your whole comment. I just seen the part where you feel sorry for people with this issue. I don’t know about her but for myself don’t feel sorry for us. I feel sorry for you, you feel that it is a cure to not feel empathy I feel as if it doesn’t matter how you feel. Your pitty is neither needed or appreciated. The problem at hand isn’t that we are the way we are , the problem is that you and everyone else are a bunch of overly sensitive Incompetent Morons. there is nothing in this world that makes me more angry then someone like you trying to analyze something that your not Confident Capable of understand. Confident was not meant to be written and I can not seem to delete it.

        truthlover5 responded:
        December 19, 2015 at 10:06 am

        I do ache for people burdened with this type of personality disorder . It’s not pity, but sadness for what could be a better, richer life for you if you could feel emotions.
        1. True joy and happiness and love aren’t usually felt within the person with this disorder. Emotions help one ‘feel’ the depth and breadth of life, the wide variety of inner experiences that one feels inside – like happiness, joy, love, sadness, etc. I realize it is difficult to miss what you don’t remember experiencing for far too long. But at one point you probably did, before you, out of fear, or whatever reason, hardened your heart to the ‘real’ feelings.
        2. People with this disorder live with their personality issue 24/7 while the ones who’ve received the brunt of that disorder can walk away and choose at any time to live a better life.
        3. People with this disorder feel an insatiable need to control others, and yet true power comes from within you, not from outside of you.

        1. The insatiable need to control others – Why? Why do you feel compelled to control anyone outside of yourself? What do you gain?
        2. Why do you feel your problems and your answers are outside of yourself? From other people? Your answers lie within yourself.
        3. Would you express what it feels like to be you?

        Thanks for posting. Truth

        kate-lynn said:
        December 19, 2015 at 3:05 pm

        You say you are saddened by my lack of feeling. Yet from my understanding of what love and happiness is, it is nothing more the chemical reaction in your brain. The result on the other hand of love is pain and sadness. These can lead to very serious health issues. Why would I want to partake in that. To be ruled by ones feelings is is inconceivable to me and unlogical. Everything I do is meticulously planned and everyone in my life has a specific purpose. I see massive amounts of people spending there life Wallowing In self pitty. While those people Lose sleep over the lack of control in there life, I have the ability to be certain that everything works to my liking indefinitely.
        I do not feel that my problems and answers are from with outside myself. Mainly because I do not care, in order to feel something is a problem you must first care about it to some degree. Things happened in my life sure. But it is not in my nature to let those events play a role in my life. Yet ironically you would clam that those event made me that way. My mother would disagree I was born this way from the time I could first speak I showed no sense of empathy towards anyone. I use to attack other people at random. I have a theory that I behaved in that manner because I had the incapability to understand what it feels like to hurt and physical pain is the only feeling I could feel It made me know to some degree that I was indeed human. You ask me what it feels like to be me. I don’t leave my house for more then an hour a day. I keep very few people in my company. I have been to school for four different degrees. I find that the only thing I am truely attracted to is murder shows and law shows. I spend almost every waking moment studying CSI and all things related. I have never been in a sexual relationship that has ended well and almost everyone that I have encountered results in their obsession of me. I have a strong ability to enchant people. No matter what I put my mind to I am good at it.

        Leah said:
        December 19, 2015 at 3:59 pm

        I’ve been reading your comments, and I find what you’re saying fascinating. I, myself, am not a soc-narc, yet I hold the capability of becoming one because I am genetically predisposed. I find myself both being narcissistic and sociopathic when I let my emotions control me. Or, in other words, I allow my fleas to take hold. I want to point a few things out to you. You do not know what love is. You have an idea or understanding, but you are not capable of feeling love because you have shut the switch off at a very young age. Love does not always result in pain and sadness. In fact, it is not even a result of love at all. It is a result of vulnerability which comes with love. You cannot love a person without being vulnerable. I learned this a few years ago. Love, love is great. Love brings peace and happiness. Love requires trust. Well, you’re probably thinking “Pshh, trust? Yah right. Why would you idiots trust anyone including yourselves?” A very logical question from a very logical and black-and-white minded individual. I haven’t figured that out yet. I think it’s because in order to survive, you have to have some level of trust, but you also need to have some level of discernment or intuition. You, however, have neither. You desire control because you cannot trust and you cannot discern. The rest of us live in a colorful world filled with emotion, both good and bad. It’s what makes life exciting and worth living. You, however, live a pitiful lonely life. You cannot see or feel. You can only learn and observe. That’s why Truth, and anyone else with feelings and emotion, feel saddened for the people like you. Because you do not trust, you cannot change. And until you open up your heart and your mind, you will never experience what life has to offer. You think you are content with your life, but that’s only an excuse. Sure, disagree with me but I see the full picture. I understand things in ways that you are incapable. And it truly breaks my heart that there are people like you living lonely worthless lives full of nothingness.

        truthlover5 responded:
        February 6, 2016 at 9:24 pm

        To kate-lynn: I’m responding by separating out your post comments interspersed with my comments. I pulled something you said almost at the end of your post and brought it to the top. This comment says a lot about your life. So, let’s address it first.
        kate-lynn: You ask me what it feels like to be me. I don’t leave my house for more then an hour a day. I keep very few people in my company. I have been to school for four different degrees. I find that the only thing I am truely attracted to is murder shows and law shows. I spend almost every waking moment studying CSI and all things related.

        Truth: Here you reveal what your life is really like. You don’t leave your house for more than an hour a day. That is not living. That is existing. That is surviving. That is living in fear. You are dwelling in a self-imposed prison. You are missing out on the magnificent life you can have if you choose to live it to the fullest. There is so much more to life than what you are living.

        How to Spot a Narcissist: Check out this link to see if any of the information might be helpful to you.

        ***Are you even a little curious as to what your life could be like if you knew how? There is a better way. Let’s explore together how you might choose to change your life for the better***

        kate-lynn: …Yet from my understanding of what love and happiness is, it is nothing more the chemical reaction in your brain.

        Love is far more than a chemical reaction in the physical brain. Love is beyond the physical. In truth, Love is the highest energy level in creation. Love is God and is from God, whether or not you believe in a Higher Power., or whether or not you are in the physical.

        If you want to explore this love topic further, you will find more information at I’m sure there are other sites as well. This site is a compilation of occurrences of people/children/aethiests/differing religions or no religion, who suffered a near-death experience, (some were even pronounced dead); they experienced the Reality beyond the physical that reveals all are Eternal Souls. This afterlife information has been discussed most-likely since the first humans, but until recently most didn’t feel comfortable sharing the information they learned before returning to their body. Yes there are variances in the experiences, but there is amazing commonality – the main one being Love.

        Another book dictated by someone after they died is “The Afterlife of Billy Fingers”. Again, there are other books and sources.

        kate-lynn: The result on the other hand of love is pain and sadness.

        Truth: Pain and sadness are part of life – life lessons. Much is caused by considering oneself separate from the Source, the Pure Intelligence. Living the lie of separation damages and destroys people’s lives, and/or causes great sadness and pain. Knowing there is a Greater Power you can turn to for all answers is empowering. That means you have continual access to Pure Intelligence, to Divine Guidance that, with your permission, can help guide you to a magnificent life.

        kate-lynn: These can lead to very serious health issues. Why would I want to partake in that.

        Truth: Lack of love can lead to very serious health issues. No one should want to partake in that. Love is healing. I’m talking about more than physical healing. I’m talking about spiritual healing, healing the false divide between you and the Creator. That healing leads to happiness and joy and God-confidence. It leads to peace.

        kate-lynn: Everything I do is meticulously planned and everyone in my life has a specific purpose. I see massive amounts of people spending there life Wallowing In self pitty. While those people Lose sleep over the lack of control in there life, I have the ability to be certain that everything works to my liking indefinitely.

        Truth: Why do you feel that everyone in your life must have a specific purpose? It sounds like a control issue. Why do you feel you must control others? Does your enjoyment of life depend on controlling others?

        Wallowing in self-pity is a sign that someone doesn’t realize their incredible connection with the Power of the Universe, their Unlimited Supplier for all of their needs, and are not supplied by a human. Self-pity is a form of fear. It also shows a lack of self-love. Not the narcissistic kind of love, but an unconditional love of self that is exampled by the unconditional love freely given to you from the Great Love. Once you learn to love yourself unconditionally, and with compassion, as you are loved by God, then you can love others as you love yourself.


        kate-lynn: I do not feel that my problems and answers are from with outside myself. Mainly because I do not care, in order to feel something is a problem you must first care about it to some degree. Things happened in my life sure. But it is not in my nature to let those events play a role in my life.

        Truth: You are right in that the things that happen to you are not who you are and don’t identify you. You are not your experiences.

        kate-lynn: Yet ironically you would clam that those event made me that way. My mother would disagree I was born this way from the time I could first speak I showed no sense of empathy towards anyone. I use to attack other people at random. I have a theory that I behaved in that manner because I had the incapability to understand what it feels like to hurt and physical pain is the only feeling I could feel It made me know to some degree that I was indeed human.

        Truth: Since you don’t yet feel those emotions, you choose to experience them vicariously through others. The fact that you do so indicates that you, too, want to experience them, but as of now, don’t know how. As to being born that way, there is no way we can know for sure, but do you or your mother remember when those personality traits started showing themselves?

        I have never been in a sexual relationship that has ended well and almost everyone that I have encountered results in their obsession of me. I have a strong ability to enchant people. No matter what I put my mind to I am good at it.

        Truth: Yes, you are obviously a charmer. And I’m sure that whatever you put your mind to, you are good at it. Which is an example of what your life can be if you put your mind to it.

        As to the sexual relationships, the problem is most likely that it isn’t truly a two-way relationship. A true relationship involves a sharing of feelings and trust. It involves a sharing of love. The mechanics of the sexual act without love is a deadening, unfulfilling kind of experience.

        To kate-lynn, I’m grateful you posted on this site. I’m sensing a deeper inner search from you for how you might overcome your personality traits. I don’t believe you are really aware yet of that inner push, but it’s there. You can overcome this. Read Jess’s Transformation page. It reveals a several month growth for him from not wanting to change his life, to a complete transformation. Now that he has experienced love and happiness, there is no way he wants to return to the kind of life he had before.

        That kind of transformation is possible for you, too. It takes extreme dedication, but it can be accomplished. Jess can help with this path shift as well.

        Don’t give up. Let’s continue to work on you and your life.

        kate-lynn said:
        December 19, 2015 at 4:22 pm

        Let me ask you something why do you feel that my life is meaning less willempty, because you define life as something you believe in. What fulfills my life is in no way the same as yours. My research is imperative you feel you know this or know that how do you know, from reading, from speaking, in what way do you feel that you have an understanding. You have a text book understanding I live in the mind of what I am labelled as a narcissistic sociopathic psychopath. you may think in a way I will never understand but I am someone you will never understand not truely because you can literally not put yourself in my shoes. I am already in there shoes. So yet I go back to what I was saying what makes my life empty. Lack of human contact, my life is full of better understanding my self an in terms will to something for someone else. People like me make the world go around. Those who remove Distractions are able to focus on the truth

      Ava said:
      June 15, 2015 at 8:32 pm

      Why do you even care ? You must be bored with your current supply or lack of supply at this moment. If you are any part NSP and wondering … Just relax and sit back because you will get to experience all of the “emotional development” that you missed in the early stages of your development later on in your life. It will be lonely. You will be old, alone and not in good health. There will be no more supply as not one soul will want to come near you and your misery. This is when you’ll have all the opportunity to get even , however it will be with yourself . You will live the remainder of your life in despair and when you die not one single soul will care.

      aj said:
      August 27, 2015 at 2:36 am

      you’re making it personal, assuming that people want to understand you. So just by saying what you just did you exhibited the type of behavior thats in the examples. from one to another, dont make it so obvious. :)

    Jess said:
    May 28, 2015 at 6:37 pm

    See thats an automated response though, i can tell someone like me has hurt you or affected your life, its a defense, im not here to pick a fight, i wish to learn something about my self, and slowly but surely im getting my answer, im not looking to change, and that is something that is hard to understand, why would i want to be so cold, so lacking in emotion about what i have done and knowing what i will do.

    Simply because i can.

      truthlover5 responded:
      May 28, 2015 at 11:31 pm

      Because you can is too easy. Anyone can do that and is nothing to boast about. Strength is when you can, and yet you don’t. I realize you don’t appreciate this, but my heart aches for yours that doesn’t. It aches that you don’t feel love, or pain, or joy. Surely one day this will all get too boring for you, too old, and then what? You’ll have met all the challenges and won – in your version, and lost in mine. I realize you don’t want any sympathy or pity for the curse you carry. But those are your rules, and I live by my rules. And since I do, I say, God bless you.

      truthlover5 responded:
      May 29, 2015 at 10:33 am

      I want to share with you a Divine Message I received when I asked if there was anything the Divine wants you to know. The response:
      “Know that you are loved. You might not want it or feel it or understand it at this point in time, but even so, you are loved, always, and you are never alone. You are not separate from the Divine. You might feel that way, but that is an illusion. I am inside you always. All you have to do is ask.”

        Jess said:
        May 29, 2015 at 3:20 pm

        See i know what its like to be loved(at least the actions of it), just dont know the flip side of that, let me give you an example, i can say simple words and you will attach memories and emotion to it, think of a time you felt.. Happy, Sad, Angry, Vengeful, Loved, Joy. Each one of those i bet you can remember a time when you “felt” those, well i can think of a time i was expected to feel those, but didnt feel them.
        See you describe free will as something we all have and choices we make, well, i follow free will quite well, except where you have a crack that stops the flow of a river of things you shouldnt do, i infact have a canyon that opens as it reaches the ocean. However i do have my own set of rules that i dont break, i know where to stop. See i understand exactly what your saying to me, i know how i should feel about it, i know what the society “normal” is for it, and can act accordingly, but inside… imagine wind blowing, it moves as it can, but once an object gets in its path it is forced to move around said object no matter what, it simply cant go through an object.

        truthlover5 responded:
        May 29, 2015 at 3:35 pm

        Thanks for your insight and sharing. I wish you well. God bless.

        Jess said:
        May 31, 2015 at 4:20 pm

        Im still trying to understand a concept and because people hold such disdain for me its hard to get a real answer, is it possible for a normal person to shut off their emotions or do they always attach emotion to things? i cant attach emotion to what i do, i know that, but can normal people do the same?

      jenniferfromnyJen W said:
      August 20, 2015 at 6:38 am

      Maybe it’s a circular question: Not simply because you can, but because nothing else is in your range. You can “choose” to continue lacking emotion because you are unable to feel, not because you don’t want to.

        Countess said:
        December 13, 2015 at 7:52 pm

        I feel nothing at all times. I have to try to mimic what others feel about things, something so simple as saying good morning to someone, I could care less that they have a good morning. I generally do not even listen to their response to me other than to learn how they say things so I can use that technique in the future to my advantage none the less.

        truthlover5 responded:
        December 13, 2015 at 7:57 pm

        Countess,do you like your life as it is now without feeling emotion? Would you like to explore if you might experience a greater range of emotions, including the ultimate emotion, love? Doing so will enrich your life beyond your current imagining.

    Jess said:
    May 29, 2015 at 4:12 pm

    I have been amused talking with you, gives me some insight that I didn’t have, hope you got the same, maybe you obtained some information for that workshop, maybe even some of your followers learned how better understand shat goes through a head like mine, I’ll just leave by saying this and take it anyway you want, peace and love.

      truthlover5 responded:
      June 2, 2015 at 10:21 pm

      Jess, you mentioned how a heart might become hardened, so I’m writing a potential example of how that might happen. Like, perhaps at a young age, maybe around 6, the child’s parents had an ugly divorce. He might have even been an only child. There might have been a lot of fighting between his parents for years before the divorce. Perhaps alcohol or drugs were involved. Despite his bravery, a young child would be very frightened by his world that was falling apart around him. The very people he expected to protect him were not even listening to him and he felt afraid, invisible. Perhaps especially by his mother. He counted on her to take care of him, protect him, to keep the family together. Or perhaps she had the alcohol problem and the child blamed her for the divorce. Or blamed her because she didn’t stop it. She was his foundation but she failed him. Betrayed him. She wasn’t perfect after all. She was a puzzle to you, and you discovered in a painful way that she had missing pieces, missing corners – corners of the foundation.

      An experience like that would hurt a child deeply, so very deeply the child might swear he would never trust anyone again. If you can’t trust your mother, you can’t trust anyone. The child might vow no one would hurt him ever again. He never wanted to hurt like that again, and since he couldn’t count on his parents, it was up to him to make sure it didn’t happen. So he built a hard shell around his heart and never let anyone get close to him. And yet, as he grew older, every woman became a reflection of his mother, someone he could never trust – imperfect, with missing corners. Every woman he hurt was a means of getting back at his mother.

      But something inside of him, so deep he barely, barely senses it, whispers there is a better way. And there is a better way, Jess. A way of healing.

        Chris said:
        October 4, 2015 at 10:25 pm

        You literally explained my situation except I was five and my mother took off and never came back. What you explained was beautiful..

        truthlover5 responded:
        October 4, 2015 at 10:48 pm

        I’m so sorry that the sadness and betrayal by your mother happened to you, and at such a young age!

        What I want you to know is that the betrayal by your mother was your experience, as tragic as it was, but it is not who you are. It happened TO you, but It isn’t you and doesn’t define you. Do not allow that experience to poison you and your life.

        You have choices – in fact everything you do is a choice – every thought, every word, every action. The secret is to choose well. Choose healing for you. Choose beauty for you. Choose love, happiness and joy. Choose a magnificent life to equal the magnificence of who you truly are.

        I don’t know your feelings on a Higher Power, but even so, that Higher Power loves you, unconditionally and without judgment – the same way you are to love yourself. Know that you are loved. You are not and have never been alone. All you have to do is relax, open your hear and mind, give permission, and allow the Divine to heal you with love and guidance. Yes, that statement is the Truth. I’ve experienced it. I know it.

        Your life can change to be what you prefer for you, but first you must ask. You are not to do it alone. You have the Power of the Universe at your disposal to partner with you in the incredible co-creation of your life. Ask for help. One of the most effective prayers is “Help me!”

        I am here for you, too. Let me know how you are doing, and what you want for your life. It isn’t always easy to know what you want, but even so…

        I leave you with this question (and if you are wise, which I believe you are, you will answer from your Inner Knowing):

        **What do you want for you and your life? What do you want? Knowing that begins the healing.

        God bless you.

        Marcie said:
        November 16, 2015 at 6:34 am

        There you have it. My guy or my used to be guy must have lived that very story. In fact im sure of it. Incapable of feeling or has any remorse for what he’s done or who he is. As sad as I am for him after learning more about this disorder. I’m slowly trying to crawl out of this hell the last twelve years has brought me. I wish I could help him. But I need to help myself more so. For my own sanity.

        truthlover5 responded:
        November 16, 2015 at 9:24 am

        Marcie, congratulations! You’ve reached the turning point where you will begin healing. You are absolutely correct – your only focus now in this healing is YOU. This relationship is an experience that happened to you, but it is not who you are. Self-love is crucial.

        I don’t know about your spiritual beliefs, but the Power of the Universe is within you. All you have to do to access this Power, this Wisdom, this Guidance, is to go within and ask for help. Then listen. The answer might come so quickly you might rationalize it away. Keep asking. Keep listening. Once you open that door to that Great Wisdom, you will be amazed how your life opens up to the greatness that is available to you. You can do this. You are already on the healing path. Remember you are not to do this alone – go to your Inner Power as a team player in your life.

        God bless you, Truth

      SuperficialT said:
      September 27, 2015 at 4:51 pm

      Jess, talk to me. I am 34, spent ten years in the military, grew up being beaten. Since I can remember I have been a fighter and enjoyed inflicting pain. I have never had a life plan, my relationships are summed up as no care, no compassion, no future. My family is NONE. My personal relationships is 1, everything else is very superficial. I always believe I am greater than others, and have no problem expressing it. My business relationships are tied by my charming personality, I am currently a successful salesman with a so very patient lady that has been through the ringer with me. However, I want to change. I hurt every day thinking. I fit everything, but I HURT.

        truthlover5 responded:
        September 27, 2015 at 5:05 pm

        You can change and I’ll help you along with Divine Guidance. Yes, change is possible. Jess is proof. He has had a dramatic turnaround. You are more incredible than you realize and you have an Inner Power within you that will lead you to the light and the joyous life that is yours to claim. What is important is that you’ve made the choice to change, and once you do, the pain will be replaced by joy and love. Don’t give up. The Power of the Universe is here to support you.

        Jess said:
        September 27, 2015 at 8:08 pm

        I can tell you this right now, you are not going to like my answer, and you are going to fight it and tell your self that what im going tell you is wrong and that you know better than me. Why? because i know you, without ever having met you i know you. If you want to change you need to take a big step back from everything, and everyone you know very well and find a way to find your self, every single time you are around a person you know and have a scheme against you are going to slip back into your persona, you can change, trust me, but you have to force your self to do things. Make a list –>ON PAPER<– that you can look at every single day of the things you want to change, then write them in priority, and then start at the very bottom and work your way up to what you want the most, it took me 8 months to make it to any goals that mattered, so if you think this is will be a quick fix, its not.

    truthlover5 responded:
    May 31, 2015 at 4:57 pm

    Jess, I want you to know I hear you, I’m listening. You exist. You matter. You’ve expressed some very interesting insights about yourself, and yet your True Self is hidden beneath the facade of a false sense of security where you feel safer, less exposed, but also less free to experience who you Really are. Yes, your comments make a difference and are helpful, so thank you for that. I also want you to know I’m giving your words much thought, and ‘ll get back to you on those thoughts. Remember, I said I do not sit in judgment and never said I hold you in disdain. To ask a question of your question, what is normal? And to answer part of your question, yes, it is possible for a person to shut off and harden their emotions – when they’ve been very very hurt and are determined never to be hurt again.

      Jess said:
      June 12, 2015 at 10:38 am

      Where the problem lies is, i dont feel joy from it as thats again an emotion i dont know the feeling of, maybe i do? i dont how it feels so i dont know.. But its like i feel satisfied from doing what i need to “even” the score between me and who ever did me wrong, see i started to notice i had no emotion as i did things that were for lack of a better word.. heartless and coldblooded, and i did it with a strait face as i watched crying, most people feel guilt, i dont.. i feel satisfied that the score was one step closer to me feeling like it was even, unfortunatly the readers here know exactly what that means, and im not bragging about it… i see the behavior, but cant stop my self from it, and neither do i want to. Like i said im not violent, i have rules that i live by, i make them up as i go, but they do conform to what some could almost consider “morals” and ive broken a number of them over the years so i change them, but the 1 that remains is i refuse to physically hurt someone. So yes i see my behavior, but i have no desire to change it.

        truthlover5 responded:
        June 12, 2015 at 1:41 pm

        Not sure if you saw what I posted to you on June 2, but your most recent comment I posted, and also pasted below in this post, might explain why you feel a need to ‘even the score’. The statement that you have no wish to change is the key. You have to want it. I’m thinking you do, deep down, want it and you are questioning it, exploring possibilities. All things are possible…

        Repost from June 2: Jess, you mentioned how a heart might become hardened, so I’m writing a potential example of how that might happen. Like, perhaps at a young age, maybe around 6, the child’s parents had an ugly divorce. He might have even been an only child. There might have been a lot of fighting between his parents for years before the divorce. Perhaps alcohol or drugs were involved. Despite his bravery, a young child would be very frightened by his world that was falling apart around him. The very people he expected to protect him were not even listening to him and he felt afraid, invisible. Perhaps especially by his mother. He counted on her to take care of him, protect him, to keep the family together. Or perhaps she had the alcohol problem and the child blamed her for the divorce. Or blamed her because she didn’t stop it. She was his foundation but she failed him. Betrayed him. She wasn’t perfect after all. She was a puzzle to you, and you discovered in a painful way that she had missing pieces, missing corners – corners of the foundation.

        An experience like that would hurt a child deeply, so very deeply the child might swear he would never trust anyone again. If you can’t trust your mother, you can’t trust anyone. The child might vow no one would hurt him ever again. He never wanted to hurt like that again, and since he couldn’t count on his parents, it was up to him to make sure it didn’t happen. So he built a hard shell around his heart and never let anyone get close to him. And yet, as he grew older, every woman became a reflection of his mother, someone he could never trust – imperfect, with missing corners. Every woman he hurt was a means of getting back at his mother.

        But something inside of him, so deep he barely, barely senses it, whispers there is a better way. And there is a better way, Jess. A way of healing.

        Jess said:
        June 12, 2015 at 6:58 pm

        While its possible that, that is true about my mother, its also possible that i was born this way, either way i slowly developed into what i am today, i personally believe that we all slowly changed into who we are based on decisions we made through out life, ive never had guilt about a lie, as long as it gets me what im after, After reading about how people react to me, and in general act to me, i speak to inform you how i see a few things for future reference, I know how most people react to things, i know how a persons guilt reflex works, i know in general how most of society will react to things i do and say, and with that knowledge i can basically control a person for a very long time, if not indefinitely. There is 1 person who saw me for what i am, because she had been with another that was the same, and she was amazed at how long i was able to hide my self from her (2.5 years).
        I have a question to ask just because i had a random thought typing that out.
        Its a question of reaction, If i were to right now tell you that im not who I claim to be and am just faking to be a soc-narc just for research for a college paper.
        Do you immediately doubt everything ive said, even after everything ive said, does that doubt all the sudden pop into your head? because most of society, though it may be small, will think that.
        That is just an example of what im talking about, it is things like that, that make the things i can do possible, of course the lack of emotion and guilt are also a factor.
        Im not going to deny the fact that its possible that somewhere inside me wants to change, as after all ive made that first step of seeing and admitting what i am, and opening up about it, but i could be this way for many many years yet and after how many more hearts and minds i break. Obviously ive done alot of thinking about this, but as ive said, i dont feel that desire to change. In the mean time, ill “humor” you, if i wanted to change your basically saying i need to accept God, is that correct?

        truthlover5 responded:
        June 12, 2015 at 11:50 pm

        It doesn’t matter what you call yourself, or by what identity, or what role you play, because all are illusions of the finite. You are far more than any falsity. You are Eternal Spirit.

        You mention God. Yes, there is the Higher Power, the Source, our Creator, the Unlimited Supplier, the Great Mind, Pure Intelligence – whatever man-defined name we choose to call the unnameable – the ‘All That Is’ just ‘Is’, no matter the name. This Truth I know, without doubt. This Truth is my being, your being. You are not a separate entity but are One with this Source, created by this Source, out of the same Magnificence. It is only by recognizing that Oneness and aligning with it that one experiences the fullness of who and what they can be in this physical occurrence, because that Unlimited Supplier is where all of the answers are – the Pure Intelligence, the Power of the Universe. That is the Power of Choice – to align with the Great Mind, the Ultimate Power.

        You mention ‘evening the score’; that is a negative choice with negative results in a negative enmeshment that holds you prisoner. Unforgiveness equals bondage. Forgiveness equals freedom. Which do you choose?

        Choice. Cause and Effect. Your choices determine the cause, which results in the effect, which means if you don’t like the results of your choices you have the freedom to choose again, more wisely, for a more desired result, but that is merely the drama that plays out around you and is not who you are.

        You mention that we all slowly change into who we are based on decisions we made throughout life. I agree – but with a correction; your choices determine where you are in life, the life you’ve created, BUT, those decisions are not who you are. They are your experiences, but not who you are. Who you are is what is left after all else is stripped away, including the delusions and the physical shell. Who you Truly are is Spirit.

        Jess said:
        June 13, 2015 at 6:32 am

        Ok ill bite, lets say i do believe in god, is it not possible that he created people like me on purpose to keep people like you on a correct path, as a reminder of what you could become if you dont take his path (chaos theory)?
        Just remember you said it your self, I dont need help, i am who/what i am, you may not agree with it, but i chose to be this way, for a long time i didnt see what i was, or even understand that fact that i was faking every single emotion i pretended to have, i never once felt those emotions, its possible ive felt bits and pieces of them over the years, as i can think of emotions i dont totally understand to this day, but they did present a feeling at the time.

        truthlover5 responded:
        June 13, 2015 at 9:09 am

        You write “While its possible that, that is true about my mother, its also possible that i was born this way… he created people like me on purpose…” I don’t believe you were born this way. Your soul is a spark of the Divinity – the Divine within the Divine, made of the same ingredients, part of the “All There Is”. Something might have happened within the womb, or after birth, in the further development of your experiences that shifted your mental concepts. I don’t believe and could never believe you were created in such a way on purpose. That makes no sense. That is saying that God created what is not God-like. The Creator that is Love creates from Love. Creation is evolution, expansion and does not go backward, only forward.

        You write: “…ive never had guilt about a lie, as long as it gets me what im after…” I ask you, what are you after? What are you after, really? Control? You wrote: “…i can basically control a person for a very long time, if not indefinitely.” But ask yourself – why this insatiable need to control someone else? That is a sign you feel impotent. Something happened in your childhood that made you feel weak, invisible, without power. You are unsuccessfully trying to conquer that feeling of helplessness through the continual hunger to gain control from outside sources. If your efforts were successful, then you would not still be searching, grasping. Like a vampire you falsely seek to gain from others what you feel you do not have on your own. Power. Control. This is symbolic that you do not feel you have those qualities or you would not be continually looking for them. And that you do continue to seek those means that you have not and cannot succeed through this method you’ve chosen.

        Power doesn’t come from others. It comes from within. It comes from the Great Power. And until you turn to, ask for and accept that Higher Power as your Source, then you are looking where it does not exist.

        You write: “…i know how a persons guilt reflex works…” Ask yourself – how can you recognize guilt if you don’t have it within you? How do you recognize love if you don’t already have it within you in some form? You cannot recognize what you don’t already possess. Which means love is there within you. You’ve blocked it. You’ve blocked it out of fear – fear that love makes you vulnerable, the very feeling you seek to overcome.

        You write: “…I dont need help…” That is ego talking. Even you don’t believe that. Asking for help is a sign of wisdom. Only ONE knows all of the answers. A smart business person doesn’t know all of the answers, so they go to where the answers are in order to run a successful business. Smart people are smart because they aren’t dependent on themselves alone. And you are smart. Go to your Unlimited Supplier that has ALL of the answers.

        You write, “…i am who/what i am…i chose to be this way…” Chose. Your choice. That means you can choose again for a better result. That’s the illusion part. When you choose differently, one illusion fades and is replaced by a different scenario. It’s your creation. If you don’t like what you created, then create something better – and if you truly want what is better, and even more, what is best, then you co-create with the Divine Guide as your partner. That is when you realize the True fulfillment that is yours to claim, which you’ll never gain through your futile searches in all the wrong places. It’s like looking for a snow drift on the ocean floor. It’s not there. Impossible. So quit looking where it doesn’t exist.

        You write: “…its possible ive felt bits and pieces of them over the years, as i can think of emotions i dont totally understand to this day, but they did present a feeling at the time…” Bingo! There is only one way you can know that, or feel that – because it is already inside you. You’ve allowed fear to control you, masking your Truth. And your way of dealing with that fear isn’t working. You’ve proved that over and over and over and… It’s the misconception that if you keep looking for the snowdrift on the ocean floor, that you’ll finally find it. You’re wasting your time and your life. There is a way that leads to what you want. Through Inner Wisdom, your Divine Partner. You are not meant to go this path alone. You are never alone.

        I’ll repeat the Divine Message I received when I asked if there was anything the Divine wants you to know. The response:
        “Know that you are loved…always, and you are never alone. You are not separate from the Divine. You might feel that way, but that is an illusion. I am inside you always. All you have to do is ask.”

        Jess said:
        June 13, 2015 at 7:56 pm

        How do i know guilt, by studying reactions people have to my behavior, ive i know how people react to things, i may not have guilt, but i know how people will react, i know how to make a person cry, i know how to make people think i feel bad about things ive done, again its by playing that same reflex.
        As for the god thing, i think my favorite story is how god tortured a man just to prove a point to the devil, he took his home, land, family.. just to prove a point, so to say hes not willing to do such things, i disagree if he does truely exist.
        As i said, what im after is to get my way, to get people to do the things i want so that i can accomplish my needs, be it money, or sex, or job related.. what you would call every day things i guess, at work i could punch a co-worker and my boss would back me up, simply because over time ive manipulated her so that when i screw up (if i do) it gets over looked.

        truthlover5 responded:
        June 21, 2015 at 10:29 pm

        Jess, the Job story is an allegory, not a real event. It is symbolic. It is also the Old Testament.

        Jesus gave his life revealing the Truth that God is love, not hatred; is forgiveness, not vengeance; is compassion, not coldness; is non-judgmental, not punitive; created equality, not hierarchy; encourages service, not greed. He taught us that God is love, that the kingdom of God is within each of us and that we don’t have to go through anybody else. It is within each of us and it is our responsibility to open to Divine Communication to develop our own individual paths. Church leaders took the words of Jesus and twisted them where they could gain control of the populous through fear and guilt. They often teach the opposite of the truth Jesus shared. Jesus doesn’t want to be worshiped; he wants partners to serve as God’s hands, feet, voice, heart, to help spread the word of God’s love. We are One with that Greatness, created from Love and are only truly happy when we embody that love – be that love.

        God exists, as does Jesus and the many spiritual leaders throughout history that brought Eternal Truths for all. I know that Truth, without doubt.

        I ask you a question: Do you remember ever having a head or brain injury or seizures? Maybe when young? Or at birth or as a baby? And, taking advantage of people’s trust is nothing to brag about. It is the people who trust who are the heroes in that scenario.

        By the way, thanks for sharing and giving permission to use our dialogue in the workshop I hosted this week on Forgiveness. It was very healing for people.

        A woman attended who also didn’t feel emotion of any kind – not for her son, or anyone. Like you, she didn’t believe in a higher power. She said she had never experienced the feeling of love, or joy, or any feeling at all. But maybe she deep down wanted to explore a different way because she came to the workshop on Thursday, asked questions of HOW does one feel love when they don’t know what it feels like, and we explored the ‘how’ with her. The next day she unexpectedly felt some emotion that she’d never before felt. By Sunday she said it was a real joy to be at the Sunday Celebration. A true joy. She had gone from feeling nothing to feeling joy within three days.

        The point is, change is possible. With God all is possible. God bless you, Jess. I send healing love your way.

        Jess said:
        June 22, 2015 at 7:06 pm

        You are stuck on the childhood thing, ok well, techincally speaking i died twice as a baby, id tell you the surgical procedure that saved me, but as im the youngest person to survive that exact procedure and the doctor is since renounded for developing it, it has also since been re-developed and saved many people since, it would not be hard to find my full name and birth date, so that said, i believe that should answer your question. So for you, you get your, good from bad story.

        truthlover5 responded:
        June 23, 2015 at 7:10 pm

        Did you have a transplant?

        boza said:
        July 26, 2015 at 12:09 pm

        Hello jess I can relate to what you talking about an I must say its interesting that you are wired this way because I,am 95percent wired this way I have been searching for somebody to understand me or who can relate to me an I am stunned by your comments its like I wrote those comments.

        truthlover5 responded:
        July 26, 2015 at 2:55 pm

        Boza, thanks for posting your comment. It’s interesting, and sad, that the ones with the behavior personality burden are seeking answers as much as everyone. I do believe there is a way out, a way to a different, happier, more fulfilling, more magnificent life. If interested, we can pursue it.

        Jess said:
        July 26, 2015 at 11:45 pm

        So then boza, since you are wired mostly like me, what brings you here if i can ask, i had my motive for my original post, what is yours?

    scarlet said:
    June 9, 2015 at 1:45 pm

    What a wonderful way to explain to Jess what is lost when you cannot allow yourself to be vulnerable and share true intimacy. I agree that sadness and true lonliness are the only outcomes for narcissists, because they put themselves above everything else.

    I understand why narcissists cannot believe in a higher power and themselves. They are their own higher power, and as such will never experience true joy.

      truthlover5 responded:
      June 9, 2015 at 2:34 pm

      I agree with you. Well expressed. I’ve read that they cannot be helped, but if they begin to wonder, as I think perhaps Jess did/is, then I believe healing is possible – if you can get past the concept that they don’t need help. With God, all things are possible. :)

        SaraLee said:
        June 14, 2015 at 11:34 am

        Ahh, yes with God Anything is possible, I got out, and I am so happy with what I learned though out the 5 years with this f%^&$#* Moron( as I loving call him) Now My Sweet daughter has found herself in this type of situation, and I’m re reading all the old stories and some new ones, teaching her how to deal with the drama, and hurt. As I see it,( others may disagree) however, Since they have no emotional intelligence, its uncomprehensible to them to really feel, they can ACT, PRETEND, or what ever you call it for a time, but the truth will ALWAYS show itself. Now These types are a walk in the park for me to deal with! I am both protecting my daughter, and helping her to become stronger, so that see can step up and get out. Thanks to all of you out there who have helped me learn and understand what it takes to master the narcissistic sociopath!

    NotYourBaby said:
    June 16, 2015 at 3:35 pm

    Be wary of constant texting & shallow flattery, people who manipulate conversations to get you to say and do things you feel uncomfortable about. They could be using NLP, or neuro-linguistic-programming on you (look it up). Lovebombing is how most victims get sucked in: they are tired of the “games” people play with each other in communication and are flattered by a narcissist’s confidence and constant attention #vixentalent. You may be fooled into thinking that this means a narcissist is truly interested in you, when in fact, he or she is grooming you for abuse (for money, sex, sadistic pleasure in your pain) – anything they can get from you! Trust me and RUN.

    CCoady said:
    June 20, 2015 at 7:25 am

    I had been with a Sociopath for 2 years I can tell you it has sucked the very life out of me. As I write this today I am coming off the addiction not so much fun part of being with him. Yes I said addiction and it truly feels the way it would feel if you were addicted to a drug or alcohol. I am an educated woman who had no idea what a sociopath was. I assumed anytime I heard the word it was a murderer like Charles Manson. My first clue should have been on our first date when he lied to my face about why he did not drive to our date he walked. He said as a Safety Health Manager for his company they had a challenge at work whoever would go green they would donate money to cancer research. NO, he had a DWI and then learned after we were married a year later he actually had 3 DWI’s in the last 10 years. This is a man who wined and dined me for the first 6 months of our relationship. He said all the right things, he did all the right things and I even remembering asking my family to pinch me was this real? He sent flowers regularly and then took me to look at houses as he said we needed to be together and buy one. We actually went house shopping of course nothing ever came of it. Then he took me to jewelry stores to pick out engagement rings. He then said he ordered one from a friend who was custom making it. I was so excited and in total awww of this man. He took me to a castle to propose only to have an excuse why the ring was not ready yet. There was no ring. It goes on and on. His action never spoke louder than his words. He would leave me monthly rather than face the lie that he told that would be found out as the time came closer to whatever his made up story for that month would be. He would send text messages telling me he had to go that he could never make me happy and it would be a cat and mouse game each time. Me calling and texting only to learn he would block my number then unblock in a day or two later telling me he couldn’t be without me. This became normal. I know that sounds strange but you adapt. I would cry and cry and feel like it was my fault and talk about confusion? I never knew what I did wrong to warrant such behavior. I married this man a year later and for 10 months I couldn’t ask for a better husband. That was until April 17th 2015 it was a Friday, I was at work. He texted me as he always did thank you for marrying me, can’t wait to start our weekend. Long story short I came home to find he had moved out without me ever even suspecting it. Talk about shock?? Then blocked me for 3 days only to unblock me to tell me he made a mistake yet never came back home. He moved back to the same loft downtown as I met him originally. Bus line of course. There was so many lies even after he moved out. He said he only signed a month of a sublet in the event he wanted to come back home. No he signed a 2 year lease, then he purchased all new furniture that was actually planned 2 week earlier while he was sending me flowers at work and again thanking me for marrying him.. He totally screwed up my head. He has been gone now for 2 months and the games keep going on because I don’t know how to let it go. I have heard those say do the NO CONTACT RULE. That is easier said then done. I have also been told I must like to be treated this way because I allow it? No I don’t I just start shaking and waiting for the text or the call or validation. I wanted to talk to him about our marriage and he said it was exhausting and then ignored my calls and texts for a full day only to later that night tell me he couldn’t again live without me. I need help desperately. I have read all the articles, blogs and I get it all. I just am so far in so deep that I feel I am going to lose my mind. I just can’t live like this anymore. I want the shaking to stop. I want the addiction over however I am not strong enough to do this on my own. I need advise please? I really welcome anyone who has been through this to tell me how you did it? How to you break free and say enough is enough when you have lived this life for so long? Thank you for letting me ramble. There is so much more to this story but I don’t have the energy to post it all.

      truthlover5 responded:
      June 20, 2015 at 10:55 am

      First, you’ve made the most important step in your healing, and that is to admit the situation. Second, you’ve made a huge and critical step in that you want out. Now the healing process begins.

      Please read some of the comments on this blog made by Jess, The Reluctant Villain, to learn how their mind works. He says, among other things, to not contact them, to walk away and sever the connection. He said if you think your action would make sense, don’t do it. You will only hurt more and they are glad that you hurt. They play games, manipulate, control. The way you win is to walk away, which means they lose control. Quit feeding his addiction. They must have someone to control. Make sure it’s not you.

      Let me also say that you are not alone, either physically or spiritually. There are so many millions of people affected by this personality that it is shocking. That knowledge might not help you emotionally at this time, but you now know you aren’t the only one struggling with this.

      “You are loved” is the Divine message that comes through me and is meant for you. You have the Power of the Universe within you through Divine Connection that is there for you always, continually, with guidance and love and wisdom and power. All you have to do is ask. Ask for Divine help.

      Another point for you to know is that what you are going through are your experiences only, they are not who you are. You are the survivor, you are love and are loved. You are magnificent! Yes, you are. You might not feel it, but you are.

      Here is where most people are mistaken. They look for completion and joy outside of themselves. Yes, people and animals are loving companions and make life enjoyable, but the real you isn’t dependent on anything outside of you. The real you is beyond your experiences. It is the you that still is when all else is stripped away. The Eternal You that you are at this moment, and always.

      Here is another blessing in disguise that you might not realize – you have a heart than can hurt. Why is that a blessing? Because that means you can feel. You can feel hurt, and pain, and joy, and love, and peace…you can feel. The curse of the one with this behavior personality is that they usually don’t feel anything. Can you imagine how horrible that would be? I’d rather be able to feel hurt than nothing at all. You will grow stronger from this incident and will move on with your life with the potential for joy and love and brilliance and peace, but they remain stuck within the thick concrete of a hardened heart and live with their malady 24/7. What a living hell. So, yes, you are blessed.

      As to how. You’re already making the first steps. You realize there is a problem, and that the problem isn’t you, and you want out. Congratulations!!

      The secret as to how. Know this Truth – there is a loving power within you that is merely waiting for you to ask for help. That power is there at your disposal for you to use to have a fulfilled life. Use it! Then know, without doubt that you will receive it, and you will. Drop out of your head with all of the fears and what if’s and drop into your heart. Your heart is where you will find the answers – the ones that come from Divine Guidance that sometimes comes to you through various ways – through another person, a song, something in a book, and mostly, from within your heart. You will ‘know’ what you are to do. Then have the courage to follow that inner guidance. As I mentioned before, the Divine Power of the Universe is within you, and there is no stronger power. That is your strength. That is your guidance. That is your wisdom. That is your unconditional love. That is your Source. You are One with that Source, partners in the co-creation of your life. Only you can choose to give away that power. Don’t. It is yours to claim and to honor.

      One more important encouragement – Love yourself as you are loved by your Creator – unconditionally, without judgment, and with compassion. Release any guilt. Forgive yourself (one of the hardest challenges in the physical life). Love yourself FIRST – and then you can love your neighbor as you love yourself.

      Also, I am here for you. Please keep in touch and let me know how you are doing.

      I encourage you – Choose a different path for yourself. A better path. A path of joy and healing. You can do this!

      Love and God bless you.

        LillyC said:
        December 30, 2015 at 4:49 pm

        We were together for over 20 years. Married for 10. It’s been 3.5 years of torture and hell of a divorce and it’s still not over. 3 years ago I made the choice to walk away from him. I thought things were bad while we were together, it’s even worse now. During our relationship I could see the narssisstic traits but during this divorce his sociopath traits really stepped forward. It’s to the pint where he actually is hurting himself in this then he is hurting me now. Is heart breaking to watch.
        How did I walk away. It wasn’t easy but truthfully God walked with me through it all. He gave me the strength to stand up and walk right into a beautiful, joyful, peaceful life. It was not easy by the way but I was directed by God the whole way. he first lead me out the door into my own life. I didn’t understand or realize that it was God, not until this past year. I honestly thought it was either a dead family member or guardian angel guiding me. About a year later God removed from my life all those who were evil and then gave me an angel. I couldn’t have asked for anyone better to have stepped into my life because last year it all hit me, my failures, my hopes and shattered dreams, my worthlessness, my stupidity for falling for someone like my ex. How long I stayed and saw that I was literally tortured and abused mentally and emotionally for his own good. Standing in front of me now was a man who helped me find Jesus (although he had not found him yet himself) but he encouraged me. He showed me self respect, self worth and love. That’s when I turned to God for help. We can’t walk this life alone, we need God to direct us and to help us stay on our path that he has destined for us. Life is not about what we want for ourselves but what Gods purpose is for us. That’s why so many of us are unhappy and can’t find joy. Life is NOT about us. It’s about what we can do for God during our time here on earth. My whole life has changed. I don’t do things because I want to do that. I ask Gods permission first. I wait on him and his answers.
        My ex can no longer control me. He can’t make me feel guilty or condemned anymore because I have given that power over to God and only to God. I have such a great friendship with God now that he actually shows me things now, stops me from myself, encourages me when I’m doing right and reprimands me when I’m wrong. He guides every step it’s just a matter of tuning in and believing in him. It’s not easy and the devil wil play with you and tug at you. Realizing that it’s the devil and how he uses people and things to manipulate you.
        It’s so worth the fight to find God.
        So many of you on here talk just like my ex it’s scary. I believe it stems from his childhood as well and just like all of you he Denies that. I had a bad family life growing up too but I was also taught love and respect by my other parent. I get why the shut down to love, emotions and vulnerability. It’s fear that has paralyzed you and you have confined yourselves for so long that it’s not you, it’s not your fault and re-programmed yourselves to believing the things you made up in your own heads to get by and now it’s your reality. The part that makes my heart break is that you will never allow yourselves the kind of love we all deserve.
        There are a few questions that I’m trying to understand.Do you think that those of us who do feel don’t deserve to feel good at all either? Is it a jealousy thing?

        LillyC said:
        December 30, 2015 at 7:09 pm

        Give your fears to The lord and amazing things will happen in your life. So amazing you will wonder why you had not done it sooner.

      Tess said:
      June 21, 2015 at 8:12 pm

      I will make this simple for you. Imagine yourself with three kids, no support a dad who does a dissappearing act for hours or days at a time, lies right and left, promises that never amount to anything in real life, a complete inability to connect, treats you like a property or a piece of meat, gets into a second relationship with more wild stories hurting a second family with another kid, more headgames and now your kids are victims too. Having kids is their ultimate and final control and you can never escape after that. If that isnt sobering from your addiction I dont know what more to tell you. Get out now while you can. Find a guy to date to distract you, lean on your friends, change your number, do whatever it takes and hope he finds a new victim.

        truthlover5 responded:
        June 21, 2015 at 9:40 pm

        Tess, great advice, but what about you? You and the children are at risk. Do you have a church to go to? A safe-house for at-risk people? Like Safe Passage? You are smart. You have choices. Make the choices that are right for you and your children. Surely you have options. Everyone has options. There must be some place in your area that is safe for you. The church will know. The police will know. You say he is sometimes gone for days at a time. If you plan ahead, then when that happens you make the move that is right for you. Pray about it, then follow your inner guide as to where to turn. You owe it to your children, to you. You are responsible for the well-being of those children. What kind of example is this for them? They deserve a chance at a good life, as do you. There is a way out. There is a better life out there for you. Go for it. Then never go back. Never. Let me know how you are doing. I care.

      Raven Loveless Black said:
      July 28, 2015 at 7:29 am

      Hey there!! Your story sounds soooo much like mine & like you I feel like I am gonna give up because I can’t keep this up & most do not get it they do say …you must enjoy it?!? No not at all my mind, emotions etc have been ruined & lies omg the liesssss like how can someone I love be so “evil it seems”,…. & there is no way I could type out all I have experienced but its been 15yrs and his son oh man…. That is another “issue”…. I have been told to really write a book not jokingly but for real!!! I hear it a lot “How are you even out of bed or around anymore how can you ….?”…. & that’s a good question :( So if you would
      Like to talk I am up for it!!! We can exchange emails etc? I am in Texas & miserable would love to have someone to talk to & help out as I am always searching!!!! Have a good day! ~Kris

      Raven Loveless Black said:
      July 28, 2015 at 7:32 am

      Hey Ccoady! I replied to your story about also needing to talk w/ others in this situation!! Its on here some where?…. I deseperately need to find some sort of “strength” because he has like erroded all I had a little at a time & then bigggg pieces w/ major emotional/mental abuse etc…. Would love to chat? ~Kris

        truthlover5 responded:
        July 28, 2015 at 10:08 am

        Although I cannot give advice, I can say that if I were in your situation I would seek out a local or online support group for those who have suffered abuse. You might do an online search for ‘groups for abuse’ and see what you find that sounds like a good fit for you. You are right in that being able to discuss your situations with others is helpful. But also know that you are not and are never alone. You are One with the Power of the Universe, your Creator, the Source, the Great Love and Pure Intelligence. That Power is yours to access at any time (which is continuous), and you will be guided as to the best situation for you.

        God bless you.

      Love conquers said:
      August 4, 2015 at 1:32 pm

      Well this is about 2 months too late but I know you can do it. I did it. 5 years on and off with my ex common law spouse. 2 months ago, I kicked him out our home. At the time, I had no idea what a narcissistic sociopath was. Had I ever heard of it, hell no. I had no idea people in the world existed such as. I mean I knew of the murderous type but not the ones who could charm you and mentally/emotionally destroy you. My story is a little different from yours but the mental games are the same. We started out great, he actually chased me for about 2 months before I finally gave in to a date with him. Keep in mind he is 8 years younger and so yes I was flattered. Well 1 month into that we spent every moment with each other, never apart for too long. I was going through my own issues and having him show up a the “right time” was what kept me from falling into a depression. Well after 2 months, I had to use his cell because I lost mine. Of course, he handed it to me and a text came though at that moment. It had a males name as the contact but the message read, “I am pregnant. I love you.” Oh boy did I get hot. I asked him about it and he said it was a guy friend playing a joke. I read through all the messages and no they were from a woman. Men don’t write like that and he isn’t gay or bisexual. So as a woman who trusted this person and was deep in love by this time, I slapped him. Well that was the beginning of my hell. The whole time we were together, I never knew he had NSD. I only found out this week but everything now makes sense. The only part that tears me apart, is our sons are too young to understand, 3 years and 9 months. The oldest misses him terribly but I cannot allow him to continue destroying what little strength I have left to care for them and myself. After the moving part, he was would threaten to make my life hell and seeked revenge because I had taken everything from him; our home, kids, all and every material thing he paid for. I always knew he was materialistic, or so I thought. But it was all about accomplishments, the value was the accomplishment not the item itself. Even my Kitchen-Aid mixer went with him because it was new and expensive in his eyes. So I have don’t the no contact challenge several times with him, not knowing that it was you are to do with this type of disorder. But officially on Sunday, 8/2, I sent a very detailed email listing my terms of no contact with him until the court orders say I have to for the sake of our boys. I never wanted to keep away but he would find any excuse to fight with me and use the “how are the boys?” to get me to respond at all. I finally had it. 5 years of the fighting and the cheating and the lies, I just could not simply do it anymore. I literally thought I was losing my mind and was considering to check myself into an institution because I could not function daily anymore without feeling like a zombie. I was over stressed and over worked and to come home to him raging on me about everything wrong I do/did. I had my kids to think of and the moment he said I needed to put him or them first, that was my breaking point, he had to go was all I said. Never will a man or another human being make a mother choose between her kids and partner. I knew he had issues with anger, trust, faithfulness, and depression but they were nothing compared to what he has that can’t be helped. He is quiet at the moment, haven’t heard from him but I know it’s only because he is plotting his next attack on me and he has a new target, the woman he was cheating on me with for the past 4 months. I pray she doesn’t allow him to abuse her in front of her kid, as I did. I had to end it somewhere but never did I want it to go to someone else, even if she was seeing him knowing I was still married to him. I am just learning about all this and how to not provoke them if you can avoid it. I will always be in his crossfire because I have the kids and I will not accept him back. I was always told that I made him the way he was because I slapped him. No he was already that way, I just hurt that ego one time and that’s all it took. He was a compulsive cheater so there wasn’t much I could ever do to stop that. He had a pattern and like clock work I knew when he would leave and return. The longest he stayed with me, lived with me with no breaks, 2.5 years. I pray you find the strength to do what you need to for you. We are all different but you can live without him because you lived before him and before that. He isn’t what keeps you going everyday, he is what keeps you stuck everyday. God wakes you everyday because it is a chance to do for yourself not to continue being hurt. He knows you are strong, he knows you have the strength to handle this, all that is left is for you to see that strength in yourself. Noone can push you harder than you can yourself. Let him go, change your number, change your emails, change everything and start new. I didn’t read if you had kids but if you don’t, you have no loyalty or commitment to him. Make the best for you and your sanity. They are good at what they do but we can only take so much and don’t let him win by making you regret something. Find a place to just gather your thoughts and think about everything. I will admit I still love him but I love who he showed me not who he became over the years.

      Frances said:
      August 9, 2015 at 4:05 pm

      I just got out of a relationship with a narcissistic sociopath. lived with him for 2.5 years very very long story would love to talk to you I am receiving counseling very important.

        Frances (funn52) said:
        August 9, 2015 at 4:30 pm

        My reply was for CCoady sorry new to all of this

      Fuu52 (frances) said:
      August 9, 2015 at 4:37 pm

      I just got out of a relationship with a narcissistic sociopath. lived with him for 2.5 years very very long story would love to talk to you I am receiving counseling very important.

      Chris said:
      August 27, 2015 at 7:21 am

      CCoady, I’m speechless. I was with someone exactly like this. I called it an addiction too. Like you’re searching for that initial “high” you felt at the beginning. It’s just like a drug addiction. The physical pain you experience when they leave or cut you down. Mine left me every other week. He manipulated me by denying me love. I could tell you so many stories!
      I have since gotten away from him and it was painful and quite dramatic on his part. We were only married for 3 years. He bashed me on social media, sent nasty emails and told all our friends how “evil” I was. Turns out he was hiding a drug addiction to heroin and meth. He gave himself a heart attack and when he was so sick he could barley move (3 months after I finally got the strength to stay away and try to heal) he called and asked me to help. I did. That’s when I found out about the drugs. Legally, we were still married and he was still on my insurance. Thank goodness for that. His bill was $921,000. He was exposed for all the lies he had told over the years. He now resides in a nursing home, by himself. He lost his business, his beloved Hummer, his home and all his “loved” ones.
      I owned my own house and he owned his. Throughout our time together he consistently told me to get rid of my house and quit my job. He couldn’t control me as long as I was able to take care of myself. I refused to give up my house and job. I’m so glad I listened to my gut on that. I just wish I hadn’t been so snowed by his personality. What helped me get over him was I had to realize the person I had fallen in love with, never existed.

        truthlover5 responded:
        September 17, 2015 at 12:26 am

        Chris, I’m in awe of you for your intelligence in taking care of yourself under challenging circumstances. And yes, listening to your gut, your intuition, is in reality listening to Divine Guidance that is continually available when we open to it. That is always an excellent way to light the right path to take.

        Good for you.

        God bless.

      shelly said:
      September 20, 2015 at 6:56 am

      call me……….im going on 15yrs on and off…..i call him my herion…The sex is something i cant get over..This is the hardest thing ive ever done….Letting go of someone i still love that DOESN”T desreve me at all…..what a mind fu@k

        truthlover5 responded:
        September 20, 2015 at 10:15 am

        Shelly, we don’t do personal contacts on this site. You may post a message, but we don’t share contact info.

        So sorry you had a difficult 15 years. You are not the experiences or the sex, you are much, much more. Self-love is what matters for you at this point. When you love someone who is abusive it is difficult to walk away and let go. You decide what you want for you and your life – the joy, the love, the beauty. What are your goals and dreams? This is an abundant Universe and you are one with it. Open up the Divine Guidance available to you that is always there for you because you are never alone. Allow the Divine Guidance to lead you to what is best for you. Ask your Higher Power for help, then listen for the answer that always comes. That answer is your happiest path. Trust in your Source. Your Source is your Unlimited Supplier for all of your needs, not a human. You are magnificent. Someday you might actually realize how wonderful you are.

        Let me know how you are doing.


        Jess said:
        September 20, 2015 at 8:30 pm

        Shelly, is Sex something you want to say in 10 years you gave everything up for? Someone out there can do the same for you, you just aren’t willing to look right now. If he is a indeed a sociopath/narcissist, he doesn’t care what happens to you, he is using you for the here and now of his desires and needs, and he will continue to do so as long as you allow it. So in 10 years do you want to look back and say you passed up so many other men that DID deserve you? The only way you are going to be able to solve the problem is to take the advice of running away, stopping all contact no matter what, and thats what will be the hard part, hes going to use guilt, belittle you, anything he can to make you come crawling back, you need to be the better person and walk away and stay away.

      teresa said:
      October 14, 2015 at 7:06 pm

      I’m going threw the same thing. People think I like it, that’s why I stay.NOT. I’m to scared of what he will do. I know what he did to the last ones.

        truthlover5 responded:
        October 14, 2015 at 7:12 pm

        I understand your fear, but don’t let fear control and ruin your life. Be smart. Research your options. Do you have family or friends who will give you a safe house? Is there a group like Project Sanctuary where you can go? You sound as if you don’t have children which makes it easier. If you do, let me know.

        The key point here is to get away to somewhere safe and under no circumstances make contact again. Ask for Divine Guidance as to what to do. Find support groups in your area. Do you go to church? If so, you can perhaps contact your minister. There is surely someone you can turn to.

        Let me know how you are doing!

        God bless you.

        Jess said:
        October 15, 2015 at 2:52 pm

        Truth always says you can only control 1 thing, and thats what you do yourself. And i have come to follow that and its very good advice as long as you follow it. You can only control the things that you personally do. What happens around you, you will never be able to control, the choices and things that others make and do you can never change. Do what is best for you, start there, you already know what is best for you, Make it happen, you are here so you already know what needs to be done, so make a plan and make it happen.

        truthlover5 responded:
        October 15, 2015 at 3:58 pm

        Jess is right, but I will add one more very important thing. You are not alone. You are never alone. You have the Power of the Universe inside you. Your Higher Power is within you supporting you and guiding you – IF you ask. Ask. You are not meant to go through this alone. Depend on your Inner Source for guidance and strength. Think of the Spiritual relationship like a partnership with the Divine. Ask for that Partner to help you. In fact, one of the greatest prayers is “Help me!”. Then trust you are already receiving it. You have no greater, intelligent or more powerful partner than your Creator.

    Ann said:
    June 22, 2015 at 2:31 pm

    My heart is braking in pieces though I am trying to be strong. Did the only thing I could, but am now paying the price. My son married a very troubled woman. For 16 years she has abused my grandson, her stepchild. This is a ‘golden child'(my other grandchild, her child) vs. scapegoat child.(my grandson) the things she does are deadly serious but my son just refuses to see it, even though he’s caught her in numerous lies. She is also a drug addict, and she pretends my grandson steals her meds , the last time he tried to commit suicide when she had called the police on him after setting him up and he was forced to admit it, she lovingly proclaimed he is not aware he does these things and it’s NOT true. My son believes her. and my grandson after just turning 18 left to go live with his mother. My son is in Afghanastan, he wants him home to care for his poor wife. She homeschooled my grandson, and what short time he was in school, school caught her in another of her lies claiming he stole her friends drugs. I had called welfare years ago, and for 3 1/2 yrs they hid him from me. So the next time, I kissed a lot of ass and just tried to stay close to him. Hoping my constant kindness would make her leave him alone. But when my son left for Afganastan, I knew if my grandson stayed next time she needed to get more drugs, he would once again be set up. She never hid her abuse from me, just convinced my son I was out in left field. She has practically starved him over the years, made him watch while her and other child get the cream of the crop. My son is always so busy, he ONLY listens to her and it has made the abuse so easy for her. She lost her first two kids when she went to jail, her kids hate her. She took a bank account out in my address and bounced thousands in checks, which she went to jail for 3 months. I could of bailed her out and refused. I had to leave my job to care for the children because of her being in jail. She made that my fault. Anyway, my son is no longer talking to me and she is making it impossible to talk to my other grandchild. My son is also acting cold to his son, angry at him for leaving. Her own grandfather tried to warn me that she was big trouble and a convincing liar. Emotionally I am exhausted. I have to help my grandson, but my son being there in Afghanastan makes me feel. I have done something awful to him! Help, I can’t make my son see. Even the Army told him she was an addict, but he thinks everyone picks on her. Now. I am afraid she will do something horrible to get back at me.

      truthlover5 responded:
      June 24, 2015 at 1:07 pm

      Bless your heart, literally. I understand your agony and would fight any way I could were that my grandson. That said, I encourage you to realize that you cannot control anyone else but yourself. You cannot control your stepdaughter, your son, or even your grandson.

      So, what can you do? I don’t advise because your Inner Power will guide you to what is best. What I can do is suggest what I might do in your situation. The choice of how you proceed is up to you.

      * First, pray. a) Open up a dialogue with God, your Source, the Creator, whatever name you use for the Higher Power. When you do that, be sure to express your questions and concerns from your deepest passions. Let them all out. b) THEN, once you’ve purged your fears, be still and listen. The answer will come. It might be the opposite of what you expect, and it can come so rapidly you’ll question you ever received it or if it was your own thoughts. If you are uncertain, ask for clarification from Divine Source. How you know the answers are from God: The answer will never be negative and will always be positive – love-based. Divine Communication is ALWAYS love-based. For me, the answers include the word ‘you’. As in, “I am with you always”, “I love you”, “You are loved”, with guidance on what to do. You are not to dictate the ‘how’, it will come about, only trust that it will. 3) Take action on your Divine guidance. The Inner Knowing might encourage you to love yourself as you are loved from the Divine – unconditionally and without judgment (a tough one for many people). You might ask how that makes a difference? But when you change the love energy around you, you affect everyone else around you, including your grandson. You might be asked to mentally send love to all of the involved players – son, grandson, and even your stepdaughter. And yes, that has impact.

      * Do you know where your grandson is living? Ask the Divine if telling your grandson that you love him, unconditionally and without judgment is a positive outreach to help heal. Love is healing. Might he come to live with you? Again, ask for Guidance. If it is meant to happen, it will. If he does move in with you, support him by merely loving him – not a suffocating kind of love, but a freedom kind of love by realizing he has free will and is in charge of his own choices that will determine his life and that you are there for him.

      * Consider participating in a co-dependency group. They can be very healing, especially when one feels helpless to make a positive difference. If there is not one in your area, there will be online. is one option and some find it helpful.

      * Know that you are not alone and are never alone. You are One with Source. You are One with the Power of the Universe that will guide you to what is right and best for you. That Inner Guide will tell you what to do (in love), and if it will involve your grandson.

      * Other than those suggestions, just love. Be love. I know that is challenging when your heart is hurting, and you aren’t expected to do it alone. Ask for Divine help – ALWAYS! There is no topic too small or insignificant. Ask, even if the only prayer you can get out is “Help me!”

      Let me know how it is going for you.

      God bless you.

    Kerrie said:
    July 31, 2015 at 2:02 pm

    I didn’t even know what a Narcissistic Sociopath was until my mom called me that a couple years ago. So I looked it up and what a moment that was. She fits every single trait and she treated me and my sister as the Golden child and I was her target always being treated unfairly while calling me names like Bitch, premadonna, selfish, conceided, and I’m just like my absent father (which I’ve come to realize is a very good thing). I’m 49 and I made a sacrifice by moving in with her and my dad so I can pay for my 16 year old son’s Hockey Academy. It’s been a year now and FINALLY!! 2+2=4. These websites have been very helpful in educating me on how to deal with her. However, I’m getting scared. I know when she’s plotting and stirring. The more I bounce her off the more she amazes me with what an aweful person she is. I need to get out of here and I don’t know how. My son and I lost his Dad to cancer 6 years ago which left me vulnerable to her destruction. We will never see eye to eye being that I am a truth seeker. I’ve managed to raise my son to be the same way using her as an example of how NOT to be. He truly is the best:) But now I’m seeing her treat him like she used to treat me as a child. I didn’t think she would go there but she is. This I will not tolerate. So I will keep praying until the answer is revealed. Please God, help me find a way out.

      Lisa said:
      January 7, 2016 at 3:07 pm

      I was looking for a comment such as yours. I, too, grew up the child of a Sociopathic mother. (She and my dad divorced when I was an infant. He is now deceased; I had a great relationship with him.) I’m almost 40 years old and just now realizing it … or that is, I’m just now accepting and acknowledging the truth about her. I was always the eternal optimist, wanting to believe the best in her and feeling sorry for her, letting her play by her own set of rules. She thought she had me fooled about how calculating, cold, dishonest, and remorseless she really was, but I always knew there was something wrong with her — I just stayed silent, because of the threat of brutal abuse always dangling over my head. Even in adulthood, it didn’t get much better. Sure the physical abuse stopped; but then again, she isn’t dumb enough to pick on someone younger, taller, and bigger than her. But the verbal abuse was just getting started. She kicked me out of the house, for starters, but before (and after) that happened, when she wasn’t beating me, she threatened me with violence or was giving me a slap here, a slap there. She said I was crazy, said I was “f***ed up in the head,” called me a b**** more times than I can count, called me an ungrateful brat, said “f*** you” whenever she got mad enough, which wasn’t too hard of an achievement. Sure, I got angry and tried to defend myself once I got older, but she made me pay for that as well; if not with her overt abuse, then with her tears, her guilt trips, her needs, her feelings, her, her, her. It’s always about her. No one else counts. Everyone else is wrong, stupid, worthless. She is always right, you know.
      I know she must think I’m an idiot, because I no longer call her out on her lies anymore, but what I realized I was doing — without my own awareness — was simply trying to ignore all the disturbing lies and other stories she told me, as well as the verbal abuse I see her heaping on my step-father (you know, since he’s the only one left), simply because I just didn’t want to fight anymore. But that’s just it — a sociopath of her variety NEVER wants to get along. She just wants to be right, to dominate, to get her way, to have her ego stroked, etc. My half-brother got far more abuse, but he got out of the family a long time ago. In place of his absence, I was then, more than ever, expected to fulfill her bottomless emotional need of feeling like a saint mother and denying her “faults” for her. She knows she was very abusive to us kids, and has even acknowledged that in her weaker moments, but make no mistake — she reneges on such admissions and accountability for her actions every. single. time. She has insisted I “forgive and forget,” but tell me — how do you forgive someone who really isn’t sorry?
      I know what people say — forgiveness is for the abused, not the abuser, but that’s just not cutting it anymore. I don’t want to achieve forgiving her. I want what I’ve wanted since adolescence — to be simply left alone, so I’ve mailed her a letter basically telling her to: 1) get into intense psychotherapy (I did the same for myself for years), and 2) then convince me she’s changed, and, 3) then MAYBE I’ll think about a relationship with her again. But she’s already acting like she didn’t get the letter, texting my husband out of her deep “concern” about not hearing from me, etc. BS and lies all over again, but anyway.
      I know you may feel tremendous guilt through all of this. The best help I can offer you is to check out luke 173 ministries online. Amazing resources there, even if you aren’t Christian. The message there still applies to everyone in our situation. Good luck. You and your own son deserve so much better.

    Tracy said:
    August 11, 2015 at 12:47 pm

    I simply cannot believe I am dating a psychopath or a Narcissistic Sociopath. Are they the same thing? If not how do they differ so I can tell one from the other? All I know for sure is if you read 25 traits in either category my man fits 20+ all day.
    Me= bad divorce as child mother being the alcoholic. Mom, half brother and father died in same week respectively in 2 separate states (I found out all on same day). I am destined only to get into a relationship with someone who started drinking many years into relationship-just like mom- and in the end he had to go to rehab for 2 years.
    My rebound guy who picked me up in this world of hurt, pain, and despair seems to be a Psychopath or NS. I am starting after only 2 very long years with the high blood pressure and ulcers. His last woman died in her 40’s and I suspect it was stress related as much as diabetes. He lives to hurt me as I live to keep running back and getting hurt almost like Ecstasy pills back in the 90’s.
    I am struggling to find the courage to do the no contact but I am unsure I have the strength just yet to fight him off when I become a conquest again. I ignored all the warning signs living in my deluded world for awhile but I can see he only wants me to feel isolated, alone, hurt, dependent, and obedient.
    Constantly I am painted to anyone in earshot as a liar, cheater, prostitute even. I sometimes fantasize about being a prostitute because I would have money in hand and get to go home before his mouth fires up. It appears to be a healthier relationship than we have.
    For what it’s worth I don’t stray (like I have any energy after meeting all his blasted demands). I am the type of person who feels a lot of guilt when I lie coupled with a very poor short term memory. I rarely bluff when I play poker… Even the drunken ex in rehab would tell psycho I don’t like people enough to cheat and I am at least a somewhat decent person (that’s why he always loved me), but my psychopath will never feel those things.
    Why he picked me to idealize in the first place I will never know, but I am currently in the devalue stage and on the verge of discard. It’s somewhat of a relief to discover discarding me is the next step. The trick for me is not to fight it when discard is happening. Any other advice would be extremely helpful. This moment I feel strong but there are times I feel weak and needy for my validation-but there’s nobody left alive to give it to me-and Psycho knows it…

    Jennifer W said:
    August 20, 2015 at 10:00 am

    I have been a believer pretty much my whole life, in God and Jesus. Unfortunately I have experienced first-hand the behavior of a “pastor” [cult leader] who seems to fit the narcissistic personality disorder perfectly. Experts in the field have labeled him to be the most damaging leader psychologically that they have come across. Hundreds of people have been damaged by him.

    I have also experienced positive and uplifting Christian groups and leaders, and have spent years learning the basics of Bible teachings and Christian theology.

    Recently having seen in the news more and more incidents of people committing senseless, evil acts of destruction, my view of God has been challenged. Although I believe He is taking care of me personally and has my best good in mind, I also know at any time He could “allow” me to die and that the focus of a Christian is beyond this life, so that my death would not mean He does not care.

    However, when I recently confronted the horrifying cesspool of evil in the world I started to question why God allows this. I understand the theological arguments. I know the Biblical plan that states God allows evil, people have free choice, God does not want puppets, in the end it will be revealed who really had faith and God will be shown as the victor.

    Well. To me it has gone beyond theology. I really started questioning why God would “allow” the suffering of multitudes of people, the destruction of His creation, and the depravity of humanity. I get that He can do what He wants because He is God. But WHY?

    I have been considering that God Himself has traits of a sociopathic narcissist who doesn’t care how much suffering occurs because He is going to win in the end. As a theory this works a lot better to explain the evil in the world. In fact it also explains why He would send Jesus to connect with humanity, so He could possibly relate to us and our feelings.

    In the end it doesn’t really matter because again, God is God and He can be any way He wants. Somehow I am able to hold my belief in his personal concern for me, while letting go of any warm and fuzzy notions about God being all good and all loving. He is terrifying and incomprehensible.

    At one point I was reminded of the cliché of the ill-used woman saying, “Aah, he’s a bastid but I love ‘im.”

      jenniferfromny said:
      August 20, 2015 at 12:46 pm

      If following the train of thought from this thread, though, I would need to say God is God and He Is the way He Is, not how He “wants” to be.

      Jess said:
      August 20, 2015 at 1:11 pm

      An Interesting diagnostic of god, if hes out there, why would he allow us to behave the way we do? Becasue he gave us that choice, he decided im giving you the choice to be what ever you want to be, and this is what we chose, if he sat back and controlled every single choice we made, then yes i would agree that he has my persionality disorder, but trust me when i say if he is truely out there, hes not playing the part very well because he lets us make to many choices, and thats what people like me do, is take those choices away.

        jenniferfromny said:
        August 20, 2015 at 1:46 pm

        Thank you, Jess. More food for thought.

        Patti J. said:
        October 8, 2015 at 11:47 am

        Interesting insight. Thank you for your valuable conversations. I met a person like you; I never questioned her trust. What a roller coaster ride I went on. I took it very personally and have never been the same from her damage. What I have learned from you is that you would do this to anybody and it’s not personal. I don’t like people like you because you have no remorse. In fact, I think you enjoy it quite a bit to watch people that befriend you and you slowly tear them emotional apart. I have spent two years trying to figure it all out. You have summed it up in a nutshell. It must be a lonely place to live in your world, maybe not. I certainly wish you well and hope someday you feel the pain that you do to others. Maybe the pain will be so painful that you start to feel the blood drip from your soul and become a sincere emotional basket case like the rest of us. Then again, maybe being you is not so bad as you never feel emotional pain. I have a feeling you could be a good souled person someday; you describe yourself in truth and that I appreciate.

        truthlover5 responded:
        October 8, 2015 at 4:34 pm

        Patti J, how great to discover there is hope for all, even those with this personality behavior.

        Jess has had an awakening and is no longer suffering from that behavior. He is experiencing great growth in the Truth, but I will let him be the one to answer you for what he feels. I am also working on a page for Jess’s comments and eventual life reversal to show that anyone can change for the better when they want it to change.

        What I’d like to share with you is that you are not your experiences. What you’ve shown is that you are a person who trusts, and that is good. You’ve shown that you are a person who has compassion, and that is good. You’ve shown that you can feel emotional pain, and that, too, is good. It proves you can feel something! What a blessing. What a hellish experience to not be able to feel love and joy, and yes, even sadness. You’ve shown that you are stronger than your experiences and that you came out stronger, wiser and still a loving person. Good for you.

        God bless you!

        Jess said:
        October 9, 2015 at 6:02 am

        Patti, I have made a big change in my life, and I will remain on path to becoming a truly better person for my self first, and then for others, I no longer look at people as objects. I do feel bad about the things ive done, but i cant dwell on the things ive done, i can not change any of it no matter how much i desire to do so. I cant fix the past, but i can change how i treat people from today for the rest of my life. And that is how it works, what your girl did to you is no doubt wrong, and with no justification, but you shouldn’t blame your self, and blaming her doesn’t do any good either. You got through it, you may not be the same person from it, but you now face the same choice i did, remain who you are, or become someone better.

    Audrey Pownall said:
    August 26, 2015 at 4:53 pm

    I have a narcissistic sociopath for a neighbour. Finally I have found your article, & discribed Her to a T. In the beginning when she took a dislike for me, I noticed she accused me of everything she had said to me. Even when I related to our manager how I had invited her into my unit, & admiring her photo of a bull she had reared & taken many prizes at exhibitions, she called me a liar. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing at first.

      truthlover5 responded:
      September 17, 2015 at 12:31 am

      How is your situation with your neighbor at this point? Are you allowing it to affect your life, or are you going on with your own life for what is best for you?

    Judy Johnson said:
    September 6, 2015 at 5:24 pm

    I found your article “Profile of a Narcissistic Sociopath” while doing some research for a friend. He was married and I believe, after reading this, that she was a narcissistic sociopath and NOT just a narcissist. The reason I am doing the research is that they had 2 children (of which he has custody now), but they are extremely damaged from being “raised” by their mother. I put it that way because she really didn’t raise them. They are 13 and 10 1/2. My question is: Is it possible for someone as young as 10 1/2 to fully exhibit all of the behaviors of the Malignant personality? I just spent 2 days with these kids. I have NEVER seen anything like this, ever. The terms I would use to describe these children are as follows: Immature, insecure, manipulative (extremely), demanding, rebellious, devious, petulant, narcissistic, violent, vicious and aggressive. They do not seem to understand their are consequences to their behavior, or they just don’t care. I do not believe it is possible for this man to reclaim these children without severe, intense therapy with some major child psychologist, if even that would do it. The younger one is like an explosion, a train wreck. Their behavior is beyond unbelievable to me.

      truthlover5 responded:
      September 6, 2015 at 7:20 pm

      My first response is that all things are possible with God. How that process might look is not known yet. Let me give this some thought and get back on this.

      truthlover5 responded:
      September 7, 2015 at 2:37 pm

      Judy Johnson, you are right; the children are giving a massive cry for help and need to work with a child therapist who knows the damage traumatized children have experienced and the loving but clear and firm behavior based boundaries they need to be taught – all they did not learn.

      The children are survivors of a horrible situation and who have no, or few, examples of healthy behavior. They need help to learn how to control their world in a way that works well- not just manage to get a few needs met.

      This is so very sad but with help they can be helped.

      I don’t know about the spiritual practices involved in their new situation, but if they can be welcomed into and part of a spiritual enrichment dialogue that guides them to realize the Truth of their worth, and that they are loved by the Divine, they might be able to start shifting their perception of themselves and their lives for a positive outcome.

        Jess said:
        September 7, 2015 at 4:32 pm

        Heres the thing about children they learn easy, and they can un-learn the same way, but you should seek help for them, because left unchecked over the course of years, it may lie dormant, but as they age it will slowly creep out, and the last thing you want for them become like me, i was left unchecked, and became a nightmare… had i got help as a young age, i think it wouldnt have happened that way.
        Just my advice.

        truthlover5 responded:
        September 7, 2015 at 4:35 pm

        Thank you, Jess! Invaluable advice from one who knows.

    anonposter said:
    September 15, 2015 at 10:36 pm

    I know my father is narcissistic. It was always about him and what an amazing person he is. What he accomplished (right), what he can do, his abilities, how smart he is, ect. I guess now I wonder if he is a sociopath too. I always thought he felt, but I also know he is a very good manipulator and many people somehow find him ‘charming’. He is a drunk, and he loves to get even with people. He always uses scapegoats, and never blames himself. He would scream at us for hours if we did anything incorrect and after he was done screaming after helping us with our schoolwork (which was never actually completed), he would find a different problem to solve, write it down on our unfinished homework, write a very long note explaining how he got said answer and how awesome he is at having found said answer, and told us to give that to the teacher for extra credit. He always terrified me, and when I was younger, I was easily manipulated into believing his lies. It wasn’t until time went by that I realized it would always be a lie. Still, I never showed that to him. I always thought it would hurt him and cause huge arguments and he would need revenge. He was very good at making people feel bad in order to obey him, which is why my mom never left him and still manages to love him. I don’t understand how she can still be caught in his web after so long. I saw the truth for what it was. I know he has everything else listed, but I guess I wonder if he has feelings or not. He acts like he does, and never considered otherwise. After reading this, and several comments, I wonder. I thought I knew his personality so well, but I guess it is possible to feign feelings. There were times even I had to, so I know it is possible.

      truthlover5 responded:
      September 17, 2015 at 12:07 am

      I’m sorry you had a challenging father. Most likely he had a difficult parent and that he responded in the only way he knew how to overcome the powerlessness he felt/feels. I’m not excusing him, merely making an assumption.

      What is important for you to know is that you are not your experiences. You are beyond the ugly drama played out in your life. You are connected with the Power of the Universe. You are loved by that Power unconditionally and without judgment. You are to love yourself as you are loved by your Creator – unconditionally and without judgment.

      Your true release from the drama will come when you forgive yourself, you father, and yes, your mother, and find the gift for you from within the ugliness. There is always a gift, a lesson you learned or benefited from it that helped make you the strong and wonderful person you are today. And you are wonderful. You are magnificent, created by the Great Magnificent Creator.

      Your father most likely behaves in damaging ways because he was physically or emotionally damaged in some way, often as a young child. His actions reveal that he doesn’t feel good about himself and in actuality feels impotent and weak and is fearful, and the mistaken way he makes up for that is by trying to get power and control over others to fill what he feels is a lack in himself. At one point in his life he might have felt powerless and didn’t learn the right way to gain access to his inner power, which is why he is trying to take it from anyone and everyone outside of himself. That never works. You don’t ever get true power from outside yourself, which is why he continues his behavior, and without success.

      That assumption doesn’t help you except for you to know that you are the one with the true Power, which is why he was/is trying to take yours from you. As a child you did what you had to do to survive – and good for you, because you did survive. As an adult you now know that your Power comes from your own inner Higher Power, and no one can take that from you unless you allow it and give it away.

      Whether or not your father feels emotions I can’t say. It is a trait of this personality.

      What is important for you, is you. Focus on you. Love yourself. Realize your magnificence and that you are one with Pure Intelligence and the Power of the Universe. What are your goals, your dreams? What do you want for you? Open to Divine Guidance and allow the Divine to lead you into what is best and most joyful for you – co-creating your life with the greatest wisdom and power in the universe – the power that knows you intimately and loves you and only wants what is best for you and your highest good. Trust in that guidance.

      Let me know how you are doing.

      God bless you.

    Chase said:
    October 9, 2015 at 3:21 am

    At the peak of successfully growing a company venture over five years (which felt like 20) I was made a decision to stand my ground about not being paid for agreed upon contractual earning . This was an amount that would finally put me on solid footing for all the money time and sweat I dumped into this venture which as usual my narcissist took all credit for publicly. (That never bothered me) My decision to walk away from signing a waiver not to sue after I was fired for not accepting no pay as gospel to amend the prior contract is where I felt the full wrath of what a narcissist with money was capable of doing. Through outright fraud, coercion and crooked partners He successfully dismantled my ability to earn a living with what I did and also took away everything I thought I had in the end. Including my Reputation, financial savings, the even the respect of trusted coworkers and friends. things got very dark for me for not signing his waived and he did things that I never thought a person would ever think of doing. I’m talking criminal level of fraud. This crippled my ability to do anything about what was done and has left me completely ruined financially.. emotionally it has taken a toll. Despite all this I stuck to Hilding onto all I ever had and walked away with which was the truth and an understanding of reality. stiI’m a builder not a destroyer and I was a fool to think I could prevent him from making me pay . My narcissist was always be a step ahead in the sense that I lost way more than I though i would by simply refusing to give in to a licensed lie. My narcissist plays by a totally different set of rules. On many accounts it seems that I’m a lesson of to others in the firm that anyone…even a star QB can b e taken out in an instant by the old man. I stuck to my guns though and never gave him what he though he could bully me to do and in a strange way despite all normal metrics of who “won” (money justice reputation etc) I feel more secure than ever in my ability to build even greater things with what little resources I have left. I know up is up and a sense of reality for a builder is your greatest tool. As far a how to treat people, and what’s right vs what’s wrong to do to others and oneself it drives a builder to build it the better mans with passion. A narcissist views empathy as a flaw in human psyche and will exploit it at will To their advantage. But a They can’t build in a meaningful way and will never do great things without being found out as a fraud in the end. I’m ine if many dead bodies that lined my narcissists wealth. Success has a way of backfiring in the end for a habitual criminal fraudster. I have no interest in ruining this man I just and have always wanted to keep building. Ive learned to keep anyone with info in the dark and in silence for my new venture and have largely been off the radar (he thinks I’m basically in poverty and have given up on building new castles…basically thinks I’m scraping by for McDonalds job) as a result I’ve been left alone by his tactics meant to further disrupt any progress at succeeding in anything new…

    I’ve been quietly building something new and with a passion and purpose I never knew I had. No matter what just just keep building loving and trusting.

      Jess said:
      October 9, 2015 at 9:54 am

      Truth will disagree with me on this, at least to a point im sure as i know where truth stands on it. Chase you are right, i can attest from my own past that there is no length to the extremes they will go through to make people atone for any wrong doings they feel they are being handed. And the problem in that is, when 1 thing fails, the next gets more extreme until it gets to the point where you wonder if they can possibly even be human. I feel you are doing the right thing, you cut your losses called it a total wash, The advice i try and give people here is, run far and fast, and stop your self from ever looking back. To him you never won, if you feel you won something in the end, it means he hasn’t thought of a way to make you pay for it, there is no length, no extreme, and no emotional bonds that stop them, so if it takes ruining the lives of 10 people to accomplish a goal, they will do it.

      truthlover5 responded:
      October 15, 2015 at 10:17 am

      Actually I agree with Jess in his response. Turn away, don’t look back except as life-lessons learned, and continue building your new dream without the drama and poison of the association with your past associate. You embody what the NS never can while following their destructive behavior pattern: Integrity; creative genius; passion for what you are building; trust; purpose for something positive that will benefit you and others.

      Some day you might actually feel gratitude for the experience because it sharpened who you are today – as you said, a trust and purpose you never knew you had. A passion to build something helpful for you and others. A determination.

      And yet, you apparently haven’t lost those important qualities of trust and integrity and intuition and grit. Congratulations and good job.

      You have what your past associate will never have unless they turn their life around as has Jess. Be grateful you can ‘feel’! You can feel anger, but also joy and love and an inner drive for doing something good in your lifetime. You can walk away from that toxic personality, but your associate cannot (unless they choose to change, which takes extreme courage); they live with their personality burden 24/7, feeding off of others to offset what they lack within themselves, like a vampire. Which is why they need new victims, new blood.

      I don’t know your spiritual beliefs, but through your Inner Source, you have access to the Greatest Power in the Universe, to Pure Intelligence, that when tapped into guides you into wonders you never knew were possible.

      I also commend you on a crucial factor of what you already seem to be doing – to move forward with love – love for yourself, love for your passion, and love for others. When you send out love you receive love in return and it will take you as far as you allow.

      One more. Determine to think in abundance, not in limitation. Abundance is ‘more than enough’ to build the life you choose, and for as much and as high as you give permission and will accept. Our destructive habit of thinking in limitation blocks our flow of abundance from our Unlimited Supplier.

      Blessings to you Chase. Good job.


    Torn said:
    October 19, 2015 at 9:09 pm

    This is the first and only attempt to “reach out” fo. advice on a public thread. I over the course of 7 yrs have now realized that im living with and “addicted” to a narc. One whom happens to be the father of my children. over great pain and endless searching for reasons of how? why? what did i do? .. i eventually came across the definition of a narcissitic personality disorder, and me, the co dependent. And wow…what a sad existence that is. I was recently baptized into a catholic religion, as i was never baptized as a child. I had a revelation of sorts. I felt the love of GOD. One i had never felt before. But because of this volitile relationship.. i exhibited the true meaning of free will.. as i CHOSE to forsake my GOD, knowing fully that i was putting a man before HIM. Knowing fully that i was killing my own spirit. i put out that little light that had just sparked in my heart…. and i returned to the hell i live day in and day out. again with full knowlage of what i was forsaking. This thread has me so intrigued… beacause of “jess” I simply can not run.i can not give up. nor can i abandon this man. (This is a part of my own personality disorder.) Both he and i have explored research on our disorders…. with out ant oitside help from a therapist or counslor… just our own reading. He will come to the point that he aacknowledges he has a problem. He acknowledges that his disorder has a name… and that name is narcissist. However that is where we are STUCK. It kills hime to admit his faults. To admit he has cause pain. He does at times have moments when he cries and rambles on about his childhood and it seems he can see how and where this fake persona comes from, however again he is STUCK. He will try for a few weeks… and then he is right back in the same pattern. Of blaming and needing constant adoration and approval. i will point it out to him and again he will have a breakdown and cry. I just hold him and tell him that he deserves to be loved and i wont hurt him like he has been hurt in the past. My number one phrase i say is “you are preventing me from giving you what you need most.. love.” Im at the point now that i know all hisgames. Im fully aware of any angle/ emotional manipulation. I dont let him control me with his actions. My emotions are mine.. he can not take or control them anymore. There are times when he gets desperate…. but eventually he will stop and its almost like a small child taking a temper tantrum… he realizes he is not getting what he wants or getting his way. and just like that its over and we are talking about our disorders our triggers… what we can do to change actions/words. My question is.. Jess will he ever really change? I mean CHANGE. When i pray he is always in my prayers. Could all of this be yet another disguise to control the situation.? i mean his breakdowns are bad… how ever i put NOTHING past him. .. What a way to live. And my children are witness to it all. So sad. So damaging. I cling on to faith and hope.. but it’s running thin these days. And as we all know a narc. will have no parts in a therapy session, with a professional. He was willing to attend one… but i know better… i know he will either manipulate the therapist… or get absolutely nothing out of it. So here Iam.. lost. Torn between what could be. My family. Loosing it all for our own happiness. That sounds pretty silly now that i read what i just typed… but you know… i want him to be a part of OUR happiness. Any advice would be truly appreciated. Thanks for reading this madness!

      Jess said:
      October 20, 2015 at 8:17 pm

      Well you said you know him, it took a very extreme circumstance and about another 6-8 months for me to even start to see that i wanted to change, then one day it finally came together for me, all the things i needed to do, wanted to do, and how i wanted to be better, but here’s the thing, if i hadn’t taken the time i did and if i had got right back into a relationship like i always had over the last 15 years, i would have fallen right back into my patterns like you see him doing over and over, and lets say he honestly wants to change, and i hope he does! because living like that was no good for anyone, at least that’s how I have come to look at it. He will be able to to manipulate a therapist into believing what ever he wants them to believe, or needs them to. he might even be able to curb some behaviors for a little while, but they will come back. The problem hes going to have is he wont want to change for him self, hes going to try and change for you, so if and when you have that long discussion about change, hes not going to be doing it because he wants to, but because you want him to. He has to WANT to change for him self, and no one else.
      Torn, i understand better than anyone here what is going through your partners head, i offer you my own experiences, maybe one of them will help you figure your path out.

        Torn said:
        October 21, 2015 at 10:16 pm

        Thank You very much for the feedback Jess. I greatly appreciate it. The only reason why i even posted on here was because of you. We have been researching these disorders for a little over a year now.. and this is the first thread/information/ anything that even gives me the remote glimmer of hope to our lives. So thank you for that. You are inspiring. Please dont let my words come across as “feeding your ego”…lol.. i truly do mean it. Everything i have ever heard/read was basically very negative and that there is no chance in hell that a narc would ever change/ want to change/ or even aknowlage that there is a problem that resides within them. I get it that he has to change for HIMSELF. Certiantly not me or anyone else for that matter. He is 45 yrs old.. so iys hard to teach an old dog new tricks. However i truely do believe he has seen the devastation he has caused over the years.. me the kids… all of it. He knowingly accepts when he is wrong .. he is trying to control his rage.. or at least keep it at bay.. i just feel like he doesnt even know where when or how to start to fully engage in this whole “life changing process” Next question for you Jess… how can i REACH him? Is he even “reachabke” so to speak. His mother/step father is the predominate reason why this alter persona developed in the first place. At a very young age. He has been thru alot as i am sure anyone with this type of disorder has. There are times of clarity. This is when i feel its the real him. And he is most child like. I dont mean that in a discerning.. immature way.. but its as if he is that little boy again. he is open.. he is yearning for acceptance and love.. he has a gentle way about him. and then in a blink of an eye its gone. He is gone.. back to the same patterns. And we both know it. Its maddening jess i tell you. Its like we are on the brink of something great.. change is happening.. life is good… then the walls go up. The defensive actions and words are back into play.. and there is no more vulnerability. How can i help him keep those walls down? or better yet how did youbreak free? Maybey some type of self exercise he can start doing, trying… we are desperate here jess. THANK YOU AGAIN. I hope you continue down your road to healing and helping others. What a great obstacle to have overcome in your life. Kuddos to you sir. Not many can say they have made a total transformation.

        truthlover5 responded:
        October 24, 2015 at 11:52 am

        I apologize for the delay in approving this post. It ended up in spam.

      truthlover5 responded:
      October 24, 2015 at 11:41 am

      Torn, step back and look at your situation from a higher perspective, beyond the drama of the day-to-day, from an omniscient viewpoint, if you will, although the Higher Power is within you, and within your husband and within your children. But, God sees the infinite entirety and knows what is best for all of you involved. And it’s not just for you and your children, but for their children someday, and the people around you, including live events. The pattern needs altering for healing to occur or it will continue into perpetuity. You have the chance right now to really make a difference. Use this opportunity to turn your life around into something positive.

      You do this by making the right choices. Only you can make them. Everything you do is a choice – every thought, every word, every action. The secret is to make them in connection with the Greatest Power in the Universe. A power that is yours to access and use. Ask for help. Listen. Trust! And follow through. THEN, your life will start shifting into a healing, loving, positive, happier direction.

      Extremely important – consider your children. What example is being set for them? What are their chances to heal and have a good life? These damaging personality traits are often caused during difficult childhoods – look at your husband’s life and behavior as an example. Is that what you want for your children? Because that same pattern is repeating now for them. You must have the courage and strength to break that pattern for their own chance at a decent life. As a mother that is your responsibility. They are being damaged. Love them enough to get them into a healthier environment.

      Next, consider yourself. You mentioned being a co-dependent. You are actually enabling your husband’s behavior with no need to change on his part. He doesn’t have to. He can continue the game forever. But what about you? Your life? What do you WANT for YOUR life? That is a hard question to answer and might take some deep thought. Would you like a life of happiness and joy and laughter and abundance? What would you like for yourself? What I suggest you do (and it won’t be easy), is to begin practicing self-love – to love yourself as you are loved by the Divine – unconditionally and without judgment. My assumption is that one of the reasons you continue to enable your husband’s behavior is because you feel needed. There are healthier ways of filling the need to be needed.

      Remember to always ask for help. God is with you always. Always. There is never any separation between you and the Higher Power even though you might feel separated – that is an illusion, a lie. That Divine Power is with you continuously if you will be open to it and access it; ask for help, and then listen! Allow the Truth to flow into and through you. You have Free Will. That means Divine Guidance will never be forced on you. You have to want it. You must allow the Pure Intelligence to help you, like a Co-Partner in the creation of the life you desire.

      When you go within and ask, you will get answers. Sometimes they come so quickly you’ll doubt you heard it, so ask again, and ask for clarification. Then trust. Trust in your Unlimited Supplier that has all of the answers and knows what is best for you. The answers will be positive, encouraging, inspiring. It might urge you to to make a change (which I expect it will), but it will be a positive end-result change for everyone. You might feel as if you are afraid of this unknown path, but remember, with God there is no unknown. But, there is always a better way.

      Don’t give up. You can do this. You can change YOUR life, which is all you can control.

      God bless you,


        Jess said:
        October 24, 2015 at 10:56 pm

        Torn, It took a very extreme set of circumstances for me to see my behaviors however, once i did i started to write them down and the important part was writing them down on paper by hand myself so that i could feel the letters being written, mentally starting the process of wanting to change, this may see stupid and petty, but its a very long uphill process, in a relationship setting id say minimum of a year before you see much form of change, but for me it started with that list, as i did something id write it down, or as i thought of something i do, write it down, so that i could see the list, read it over and over so that every single time i did something i could think of that list, finally i decided the list wasnt enough, so i got a “semi-colon” tattoo on my inner forearm so that every single time i started to slip i could look down as a written (or drawn) reminder that i wanted to be a better person, he has to want to do this all for him self, not because you want him to, but because he himself wants to be better. If hes doing it for you, trust me hes still plotting and scheming of forms of control. the change will only begin the day he can say to him self, “this is for me, because i want to be a better dad, because i want to become a better man”.

        Feel free to look up the couple of different meanings behind the semi colon tattoo, for me it means “My story didn’t end here, it began here.”

        Jess said:
        November 15, 2015 at 5:32 am

        What are some of the questions you wish to know the answer to? maybe some of the answers i give can help some of the other readers here.

    Leah said:
    November 14, 2015 at 2:40 pm

    Hi, my name is Leah. I am an 18-year-old college student researching narcissistic personality disorder for an argumentative research paper for my English Composition class. I am an adult child of a narcissist-sociopath. My mother is also an adult child of a narcissist, and I myself almost fell into the same trap with my last boyfriend, who is also a narcissist. Jess, I’m reaching out to you. I’ve been reading your comments and I’m highly intrigued. I was wondering if we could possibly exchange emails so I can ask you some questions. I’d love to get to know you better. Also, this would help me to better understand my socio-narcissistic father. In order to make this an argumentative paper, I need both sides. If you can get back to me soon, I’d greatly appreciate it. Thank you in advance.

      Jess said:
      November 14, 2015 at 7:14 pm

      I’ll let truth be the go-between of our information. i’m willing to share my information as only as the side of how a soc-narc thinks, beware its not a very pretty thing, what you read here is a toned down version. I have managed to change my self, which took close to a year now to start to see really good progress on it, i hope you intend to show the thought process vs how bad a a soc-narc can be.

        Leah said:
        November 15, 2015 at 12:33 am

        I understand. My purpose is to accurately educate and inform. I’d love to give you more details about my planned paper in a more private setting (email). If truth can do that, I have no problem with “him?” giving you my email, or vice versa.

      Jess said:
      November 15, 2015 at 5:32 am

      What are some of the questions you wish to know the answer to? maybe some of the answers i give can help some of the other readers here.

        Leah said:
        November 15, 2015 at 12:06 pm

        I’m not entirely sure yet, but I’d like to use a little bit of your story. Maybe some real-life examples of harm you’ve caused and how you felt about it (or didn’t feel, I suppose). Since this is an argumentative essay, you in a way, would be my counterargument. Except I’m not exactly countering anything. I want both sides. The adult child of narcissist (which I have already) and you. My main point of my essay is the importance of recognising a narcissist early in order to stop the cycle of hurt and damage. I don’t want to use you and your experiences in a negative way. In fact, if you would allow, I would like to share that you have recognised these traits and have been slowly making choices to change your behavior for the better. It’s rare that a narcissist would even recognise themself as one, let alone cognitively take steps toward change. Its amazing.

        truthlover5 responded:
        November 15, 2015 at 2:03 pm

        I’m inserting myself into this conversation because, in my opinion, for the greatest success, the Spiritual Connection is crucial. That means going within to tap into the Universal Power, the Invisible Force, that is always there for us to access. It is through this inner power where the True strength and wisdom comes.

        Because of the medical profession in general, and the leanings of higher education, this vital Source is most likely not even being brought into your report. To me, it is like trying to stay alive without breathing. Without air, life doesn’t exist. To me, without that Inner Higher Power, true healing doesn’t exist.

        Jess said:
        November 15, 2015 at 1:19 pm

        I assure you the exact set of circumstances would most likely never be duplicated, but given how extreme they were, i can say it takes a total shock in life to even begin to see the behaviors by one preforming them, until that point everything will be seen as normal every day behavior, you could even say they might even think others are thinking the same thing and that they just want to be the first to act on them, when in reality the things they can think of people with a conscience would never once even consider.

        Leah said:
        November 15, 2015 at 2:00 pm

        Yes, I wasn’t referring to the narcissist coming to the conclusion but the person being mentally and emotionally abused by a narcissist. Whether the narcissist is a co-worker, friend, family member, or parent. Most narcissists reading about narcissistic traits may relate to them, but would deny themselves as a narcissist because, well, they basically think they’re gods and above all evil in the world. Which, I’m sure you are aware. I’ve done a lot of research, and I am still researching. I understand narcissism from the victim’s stand-point, and I also understand it from the abuser’s as well, but I fail to relate to it.

        Jess said:
        November 15, 2015 at 2:02 pm

        How are you trying to relate it? as in why does it happen? How can someone allow it or not see it?

        Leah said:
        November 15, 2015 at 2:08 pm

        Well, sort of. Because I am not one myself, I fail to understand the full extent of a narcissist. My father for example, is predictable, yet unpredictable in the same sense. Sometimes I am surprised by how outrageous his behavior is, but I’m not surprised that he’s doing it because its him. While, other times, he’s actually nice and almost seems like a normal human being, but I know that it’s only a façade. He usually only does that for a reason.

    RJ said:
    December 4, 2015 at 3:50 pm

    I think it is interesting how a narcissistic person is unable to feel emotion yet completely gets-off on inflicting emotional pain – so indirectly they do experience an emotion of “satisfaction’ seeing the emotional pain they inflict on others brings them satisfaction even if their range of all other emotions are void.

    This list is almost a detailed explanation of my brother and his behavior over more than two decades. I can look back over this time of bizarre events that were soured by his behavior and see the explanation in detail in this article – it is actually exciting for me because I FINALLY have answers!

    Recently his abuse has become hyper-aggressive and it is due to this, along with his most recent outrageous lies, that I finally removed myself from his life just a few months ago. I have been unable to explain the extreme chaos his reckless behavior is capable of to anyone until I read this article but now realize it is not reckless behavior it is actually calculated and he is driven by it.

    If it wasn’t for his most recent lies (plural) I may have chalked it up to another episode. Although many lies were told it is this ONE big whopper of a lie that is so outrageous (and easily proven as a lie) I could not fathom why he is insisting on sticking to this lie – he is 47 years old and it seemed so crazy a grown man would insist on telling this lie when a receipt and website prove he is lying! He shrugs off the evidence of truth in a dismissive manner.

    I see how the concept of being family or blood relatives has guilted me into allowing him in my life after every one of his episodes when I have never experienced the behavior he displays by anyone else. I had no reference point and now clearly see I was just his play thing. I should be angry but I’m not. I’m almost giddy to see there is a REASON for his actions and staying in this abusive toxic relationship on any level only serves him and will only lead to more upsetting events for me – his circus will never end.

    The relief of understanding his sickness is like getting my freedom back. I’ve felt like a hostage to an invisible force of his hollow actions. I’m grateful to understand his poisonous behavior and to at least have an understanding (or an outline) of why it happens. I was at a loss for so long to explain his behavior I simply labeled them as ‘episodes’ and moved on — or as I explained to friends (who have been begging me to step away from any relationship with him for years) I programmed myself to put up and shut up and work through the emotional pain he would inflict quicker. This is why I could accept his outbursts and hope it would never happen again even though decades of this pattern had been established. Just this past year I began to understand I have lived in waiting – I was always waiting for his next drama fest.

    I am beyond grateful that I now understand his behaviors are predictable and will sadly never stop. So going back and allowing him in my life (like I have after every other episode) would only serve as a self-punishment to myself seeing it is an impossibility for him to change and unlikely he would never seek it out or acknowledge his destructive behavior because it has become more explosive with time.

    Although my heart aches for his boys (only 4 and 2 now) they will be in for a life-time of anguish because my brother seems to have perfected his manipulations as time goes on and it is apparent he needs a target. Most likely he will pit the boys against one another as they get older. He was adept at doing this between my mother and I until recently.

    Again I cannot express my gratitude enough. I have not been actively seeking this truth until recently but I have always wondered why he behaved this way and the answers have brought me incredible peace. I had already made the decision to move on in life and leave behind this chapter of horror but I do this knowing I am doing the right thing by cutting him out of my life and finally honoring myself.

    Thank you,

      truthlover5 responded:
      December 4, 2015 at 5:21 pm

      I’m so proud of you for your attitude! You are adopting a healing attitude instead of getting caught in the anger/co-dependent-trap. Remember, he is a very unhappy person himself and is the one caught in the trap unless he chooses to change. You have the freedom to walk away, smarter and stronger, and go on with your life. And you are correct – awareness and truth are freeing!

      My concern is for the boys, 4 and 2. They are bearing the emotional, and perhaps physical, brunt of your brother’s personality. If there isn’t some kind of intervention, there will be two more disturbed personalities involved, not only ruining their lives but those around them as life goes on. And, they will be miserable for life. Is there a mother still in the family situation? Is your brother in sole custody? I admire you for walking away, but what might be done for those two precious children before they are damaged? Even at this young age they might need some counseling. As quickly as possible they need to be in a life-situation where they can learn love instead of fear and begin to heal.

      As to your brother, this personality is like a vampire, sucking from others what they, themselves, cannot feel. In your wisdom of walking away you are refusing to be a contributing co-dependent, which might make your brother finally question his behavior, but maybe not. Fear of change and letting go of what he knows in exchange for what is unknown is inwardly frightening, but unless he is forced to deal with it, without everyone enabling his behavior, he is not likely to shift his personality.

      Thanks for sharing your experiences. Please let me know about the boys and if you have any ideas for something positive that can be done to save them. I don’t know about your spiritual beliefs, but if you go inside and ask for guidance on this, you will be guided to an organization, or someone, who will know what steps to take. I do not advise, but if I were in your position I would check into Child Protective Services. There is one for each state, and might go under different names, but you could at least inform yourself on the options.

      God bless you.

    Tony said:
    February 9, 2016 at 6:08 pm

    Here is the thing who cares really about manipulators ….they are what they are can’t change they aren’t even worth putting the effort into in the first place.
    People who want to change have an addiction etc you can work with there is a rock bottom for everyone a manipulator just causes others to hit rock bottom without a care in the world.

    I would think this conversation should be more to help those that have been manipulated understand and cope then stroke the egos of those who manipulate and need attention.
    After all its always about them right ?

      truthlover5 responded:
      February 9, 2016 at 7:35 pm

      We are all better when we inspire everyone to live positive, healing lives. If you read this site, you will see that the majority of the comments are to encourage those who feel trapped with someone who displays this destructive, controlling behavior, how to take care of their own needs with self-love and improved choices, and to get out from under the control and abuse where they can finally lead a healthy life.

      We care about manipulators for two reasons, 1) to be aware of the personality so as to not get caught by it, and if they are already in it, how they might choose to get out, and 2), to aid the manipulators into realizing that with determination and better choices they can overcome their damaging behavior and hopefully, lead happier lives. Jess’s Transformation page tells of his success for positive change when experts claimed it was impossible.

      Remember, those with a NS personality disorder have to live with it 24/7 or until they choose a better way, but the ones affected by the NS abuse can choose to walk away and to go on with their lives in a freedom that the one with NS cannot.

      So, yes, the conversation is about both. Helping lift everyone helps everyone.

      Thank you for your post.

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