Profile of a Narcissistic Sociopath – Charming, Manipulative, Grandiose, Lying, Authoritarian, Secretive, Divisive…
Profile of the Narcissistic Sociopath
Think you can spot a sociopath/psychopath? Think again.
According to experts, this behavior affects 3% to 5% of the population, which could mean more than 15 million people in the USA with these characteristics, or up to 1 in 20 people – higher percentages than one might realize. The people affected are millions more. Are you one of them?
In general, psychopaths come from all walks of life. They’re our friends, lovers, co-workers and leaders. They’re outgoing and persuasive, dazzling you with charm and flattery. Knowing the profile characteristics might help you to avoid being scammed or hurt by someone you trust. Or, you might already be in a situation and are confused by the others behavior. Be aware of the characteristics. Be smart.
What is a narcissistic sociopath?
- A narcissistic sociopath is someone with a combination of narcissistic personality disorder and definitive behavioral signs of sociopathy.
- People with narcissism are characterized by their excessive and persistent need for others’ admiration and positive reinforcement. They generally have grandiose opinions of themselves and believe they are superior to other people. Narcissists are also frequently convinced that they are above the normal responsibilities and obligations of everyday life, so they usually have significant difficulties maintaining employment or relationships as a result.
- The narcissistic sociopath has this type of personality along with a noticeable lack of regard for the rights of others and a tendency to regularly violate those rights.
One noted difference between a narcissistic sociopath and people with narcissism alone is that:
- The narcissist with the sociopathy reacts strongly and sometimes even violently to negative feedback. True sociopaths generally do not respond to criticism or care what others may think of them.
- A narcissistic sociopath is unable to tolerate criticism and needs constant praise, as well as deference from other people. Many with this condition present themselves in the best light possible and are able to easily charm others to gain their trust.
THE MALIGNANT PERSONALITY: These people are mentally ill and extremely dangerous! The following precautions will help to protect you from the destructive acts of which they are capable. To recognize them, keep the following guidelines in mind:
(1) They are habitual liars. They seem incapable of either knowing or telling the truth about anything.
(2) They are egotistical to the point of narcissism. They really believe they are set apart from the rest of humanity by some special grace.
(3) They scapegoat; they are incapable of either having the insight or willingness to accept responsibility for anything they do. Whatever the problem, it is always someone else’s fault.
(4) They are remorselessly vindictive when thwarted or exposed.
(5) Genuine religious, moral, or other values play no part in their lives. They have no empathy for others and are capable of violence. Under older psychological terminology, they fall into the category of psychopath or sociopath, but unlike the typical psychopath, their behavior is masked by a superficial social facade.
For more and for update from http://www.mcafee.cc/Bin/sb.html
Profile of the Sociopath
This information is copied from the website http://www.mcafee.cc/Bin/sb.html
- Glibness and Superficial Charm
- Manipulative and Cunning
They never recognize the rights of others and see their self-serving behaviors as permissible. They appear to be charming, yet are covertly hostile and domineering, seeing their victim as merely an instrument to be used. They may dominate and humiliate their victims.
- Grandiose Sense of Self
Feels entitled to certain things as “their right.”
- May state readily that their goal is to rule the world
- Pathological Lying
Has no problem lying coolly and easily and it is almost impossible for them to be truthful on a consistent basis. Can create, and get caught up in, a complex belief about their own powers and abilities. Extremely convincing and even able to pass lie detector tests.
- Not concerned about wrecking others’ lives and dreams. Oblivious or indifferent to the devastation they cause. Does not accept blame themselves, but blames others, even for acts they obviously committed.
- A Sociopath is always “pitting” people against each other. My Sociopath
- Smear Campaign: A Sociopath will always be smearing someone and inciting people against each other. Sociopaths do not want people to like or get along with each other and will try to “divide and conquer.” They will say odd things to people in the social group: “She doesn’t like you” or “She doesn’t want me doing anything with you.” My Sociopath
- Sociopath has a strange network of Support People ranging from “consultants,” to skilled-workers, to enabling co-dependents that back him up when he wants to go after his Target. Most of the Support People have their own Psychological problems. My Sociopath.
- No conscience. Lack of Remorse, Shame or Guilt.
- Believe they are all-powerful all-knowing, entitled to every wish, no sense of personal boundaries, no concern for their impact on others.
- The end always justifies the means and they let nothing stand in their way.
- Shallow Emotions When they show what seems to be warmth, joy, love and compassion it is more feigned than experienced and serves an ulterior motive. Outraged by insignificant matters, yet remaining unmoved and cold by what would upset a normal person. Since they are not genuine, neither are their promises.
- Incapable of real human attachment to another
- Does not perceive that anything is wrong with them
- Drama King: There is always conflict going on in a Sociopath’s life and it involves a “bad person,” “bad business” or “bad transaction.” My Sociopath.
- Callousness/Lack of Empathy
For complete list: http://www.mcafee.cc/Bin/sb.html
Inside the Mind of a Sociopath:
Excerpt from: “The Sociopath Next Door: The Ruthless vs. the Rest of Us” by Martha Stout Ph.D.
“Imagine – if you can – not having a conscience, none at all, no feelings of guilt or remorse no matter what you do, no limiting sense of concern of the well-being of strangers, friends, or even family members. Imagine no struggles with shame, not a single one in your whole life, no matter what kind of selfish, lazy, harmful, or immoral action you had taken. And pretend that the concept of responsibility is unknown to you, except as a burden others seem to accept without question, like gullible fools. Now add to this strange fantasy the ability to conceal from other people that your psychological makeup is radically different from theirs. Since everyone simply assumes that conscience is universal among human beings, hiding the fact that you are conscience-free is nearly effortless. You are not held back from any of your desires by guilt or shame, and you are never confronted by others for your cold-bloodlessness. The ice water in your veins is so bizarre, so completely outside of their personal experience that they seldom even guess at your condition.”
…or – maybe, best of all – (you) create situations that cause them to feel bad about themselves. And this is power, especially when the people you manipulate are superior to you in some way. Most invigorating of all is to bring down people who are smarter or more accomplished than you, or perhaps classier, more attractive or popular or morally admirable. This is not only good fun; it is existential vengeance. And without a conscience, it is amazingly easy to do.”
“Provided you are not forcibly stopped, you can do anything at all. If you are born at the right time, with some access to family fortune, and you have a special talent for whipping up other people’s hatred and sense of deprivation, you can arrange to kill large numbers of unsuspecting people. With enough money, you can accomplish this from far away, and you can sit back safely and watch in satisfaction. In fact, terrorism (done from a distance) is the ideal occupation for a person who is possessed of blood lust and no conscience, because if you do it just right, you may be able to make a whole nation jump. And if that is not power, what is?”
Antisocial Personality Disorder Overview (Written by Derek Wood, RN, BSN, PhD Candidate)
There currently is no form of psychotherapy that works with those with antisocial personality disorder, as those with this disorder have no desire to change themselves, which is a prerequisite.
Over time, she says, “their appearance of perfection will begin to crack,” but by that time you will have been emotionally and perhaps financially scathed.
Taken in part from MW — By Caroline Konrad — September 1999
This entry was posted in Personality Profiles and tagged Authoritarian, Blame others, Charming, Con, Control, Cunning, Divisive, Grandiose sense of self, Lying, Manipulative, Narcissistic, Personality Disorder, Rule the world, Secretive.
402 thoughts on “Profile of a Narcissistic Sociopath – Charming, Manipulative, Grandiose, Lying, Authoritarian, Secretive, Divisive…”
February 13, 2013 at 6:17 pm
[…] Profile of a Narcissistic Sociopath – Charming, Manipulative … – truth […]
April 28, 2013 at 9:06 am
That sure fits Obama to a T. He is a drama king and only cares about his agenda. The terrorists don’t seem too be on his agenda, neither does job’s only bigger government. He wants total control at any cost.
June 15, 2014 at 1:05 am
I would call the little o hole a drama ”queen” myself !!!!!
January 12, 2015 at 12:30 pm
Brad, I think you should review the signs of a socio path again. Assuming Obama being a sociopath makes me assume that you could be one. Maybe you should take a closer look at yourself or sociopaths in the Republican Party. You have quiet the nerve!!!!
February 1, 2015 at 8:36 pm
I wouldn’t ask Brad to look at himself. He is completely right about Obama as well as Bush, Clinton and most politicians. They hit the mark on many of the traits of a narcissist. In the past we would take people like them out back and take care of them, now we reward their behavior, elect them president or CEO and wonder why we never quite got what we were hoping for. We get duped whether it be a friend, spouse, boss or President.
March 30, 2015 at 3:15 pm
June 6, 2013 at 10:00 am
OH MY, it’s been 7 years for me, seven years of a living hell and I was so in love and so understanding that it blinded me from what my partner actually was.
I had made notes on my calendar throughout the years every time something happened, and only until now have I understood what I was going through. It’s a very sad situation when you realize you have wasted years of your life and have shed so many tears & depression over a person who basically just uses you & manipulates your heart, your mind and your life – for nothing but the fact that they have no conscience and they truly do have a psychological problem they cannot fix. Sadly they do not realize how much they hurt others, and that part alone is the scariest thought because they will continue their lives doing this to other pour souls who cross their path.
I’ve been through it all:
– lies about his home life, stated he was ‘separated’ only a year later did I find out he was married still living with his wife
– lied about his job which was non-existant
– flirted with friends/strangers alike to the point of starting orgies
– problems with strangers, as he is very blunt and does not care what he says to people
– problems with police officers, throwing water bottles, hot dogs, whatever he has in his hands after the bar and starts trouble
– always centre of attention, the joker, the one who goes on stage and entertains everyone
– very high sex drive / attractive man
– promiscuous nature, finding out months sometimes a year later of girls he met online/bar which he had one night stands with or a relationship with
– loving, kind towards me but within a week or two always dealt with verbal abuse over one issue or other which he caused
– blamed me for problems which arised due to his own actions
– never met his close friends or buddies or family members to see his other life (he always kept his personal life separate, there was always one reason or another of why it wasn’t possible over the years)
– puts people against you, alienates you from your family and friends until all you have is him
– drinking problem, alcohol which made him grab women in bars (breasts, bottom etc) in front of me caught when I wasn’t looking or when he thought i wasn’t around, and there were many times it was done in front of my face & I was told it was just ‘fun’ and drunkeness that made him do it
– as much as i have a good heart, am shy, very attractive as a woman, it did not matter to him to lie in my face and have no empathy that he was hurting me with other women
– there were times i had proof of his lies and I wouldn’t let him know what I knew & I watched him casually tell me otherwise like it was second nature, it hurt to see this knowing the truth
– always stated he was in love with me and wanted to marry me, but constantly cheated and lied nonetheless out of just pure thrill, I believe they unknowingly get some type of high from this to others, the lying & cheating is exciting
– very intelligent, yet uses this to their advantage to manipulate others
My last day was two weeks ago, I waited on him all day for a ‘weekend’ he supposedly wanted to spend with me..
Friday night excuse was he forgot about a friends husband’s birthday party (i wasn’t able to go as i live an hour away) I later found out he was at a bbq party with friends and women he had associations with.
Saturday comes along, I received many excuses in the morning as to why I was unable to join him at an ‘antique show’ due to him going early at 8am with family, he ended up not going at all as I later found out he as at this party from the night before and was still enjoying the festivities the next day and was lying to me all along.
I spend the day cleaning my home, changing my sheets, buying groceries for our weekend, buying his favorite wine.. he finally showed up at 7:30pm, said he was tired and wanted to stay in, he wanted to sit in the car when I sat in to let me know of his day while we were parked, I stated I did not want to sit in a hot car to listen to him tell me about his day, I suggested we could go to a book store if he was tired, sit and have a coffee and he can tell me of his day and then we can go home and hang in if he was tired.
I was stuck most of my day indoors, waiting on him and doing things for us in preparation, it wasn’t too much to ask to step out.
Mind you at this time I had already known where he spend Friday night and most of Saturday and I was sad, and because I loved him so much I didn’t bring it up not to upset him.
Well, as we are driving within 10min he gets angry because he wants to tell me about his day (his lies, not the truth).. I had expressed to him only that I would have liked to join him at the antique show Saturday morning ( I had asked the night prior but he said he was tired and wanted to go to bed) in the morning he just ignored what I said & left without me.. keep in mind you I said this calmly, lovingly and politely, as I do not like seeing his anger. Well within 10min into our ride, after me stating only that I would have liked to join him and wished he would have planned it with me – HE BLOWS UP, starts to get upset hitting & banging at the steering wheel yelling and screaming at me of how much stress he has coming from all angles (as he lives with his parents and has a daughter from previous marriage that only lasted 2yrs) as he is doing this acting like a psychotic maniac, he utters ‘im turning around and going home, i had enough of this sh#t’ WOW
For the first time, I snapped, I don’t know what happened, with his yelling and telling me he was going home after the day I had I immediately opened the car door as he was driving along the lakeshore, I wanted to get out.
I have never done that before or acted that way the mere shock of what he had done and how he was treating me in my face, knowing full well he is lying to me, was something I will never forget.
He was in the center lane and he pulled over within a minute and watched me get out. Now, I know he is lying as I received photo proof of where he was and with whom, he knows he is lying but doesn’t realize I know, and yet he still treated me that way? UNBELIEVABLE
It took me a little over a half hour to get home walking. Not once did he try to stop me from getting out of the car, he didnt come looking for me, but he did text me in capital letters how I could have caused an accident (we were barely going 20km at the time), and how I could have ruined his career (which he does not have, he is still going to college, his 3rd attempt, failing some courses already) but this is how narcissistic sociopaths are.. this is what they do, this is how they treat you and it was not the first time.
Sadly this happened once before after waiting on him most of the day, preparing for his arrival, he never showed up & cancelled on me using the excuse that I didn’t want to drive half way and meet him..
I never responded to any of his texts after he made me walk home in the cold that night, I felt worthless, I realized I had been fooled for 6 years.I was numb on my walk home in disbelief that this has been my life
He has sent me angry emails and texts since this happened, it’s been 2 weeks – I have not responded to any (as he enjoys the blame game and arguing to the point where he wont make you sleep for a week just from you trying to wrap your brain around all the harsh words and put downs he throws at you).
I always forgave him, for many many things he has done to me, in front of me and behind my back..
I guess it took for me to watch him lie to me for days knowing the truth, and it crushed me and devastated me to watch him do this to my face and not have a care in the world of how he was deceiving me and lying to me. It took this last time for me to actually realize the relationship was all a lie – I was faithful and loving and in it wholeheartedly, he wasn’t.
As hard as it is, and has been, I have not contacted him, I have changed my number and I am having a difficult time because throughout the years he has alienated me from my family and my friends. I am alone more than ever, but I had to do this, my life, my self esteem, my self worth is all gone.
Sadly, the peace and solace I feel not reading or hearing his harsh words towards me, degrading me & not listening to the constant lies & stories, not being manipulated any longer, and not spending nights and weekends worrying or stressing over issues he brings into my life – has been the first feeling of peace I have felt in a long time.
It’s a daily struggle trying to forget, trying not to call or text, because I was in love, this was what I believed to be my soulmate, my life. But it was nothing but a lie, I was just one of many, for no other reason but the fact that he cannot control his sociopathic nature.
I don’t know what the future will hold for me, I don’t know if I will fully recover, I don’t know if I will ever heal from this, but I am going to try – it’s all I have left to save myself from this.
For those of you who have experienced a relationship with a narcissistic sociopath
Good Luck to you all & God Bless you all
June 6, 2013 at 1:47 pm
My heart goes out to you in your experience with a sociopath. Such a relationship can feel damaging and confusing and hurtful. If you read through the articles you saw that sociopaths have no normal feelings. They feel no guilt, no love, no remorse. They consider others as suckers and easy targets, and have no respect for anyone. They cannot be helped because they don’t believe they need any help. They can even be dangerous. How sad for his child.
You are so very wise that you love yourself enough to break contact. The living hell would be if you were married to him or lived with him. You’ll be pleasantly surprised that when you reach out to your family and friends how eager they will be to reconnect with you. Now you’ve freed yourself to find your ‘true’ soul mate. Or no mate at all if that is what you prefer, because you are wonderful just the way you are. Volunteering for good causes is a wonderful way to meet people, and at church/synagogue.
I don’t know your spiritual beliefs, but I know for you that the real You cannot be hurt by such relationships for you are not your body, your relationships, your career, your wealth and your possessions. You are as created by the Source, with love. And you are happiest when you are living in the truth of who you really are.
By the way, this blog post on sociopaths is by far the most popular page ever published on Truth. Approximately 67% of all of Truth’s viewers are reading this page, so you are not alone.
I congratulate you on your wisdom! Your courage and belief in yourself will take you where you want to be.
June 6, 2013 at 3:51 pm
Thank you for your heartfelt message, it brought me to tears, but the type of tears which breathe a sigh of relief, that I have hope. God bless you
August 21, 2013 at 8:01 pm
woooooow truly amazing I thought I was the only one who’s living this. my husband is from Cameroon he stole our son it’s been 14yrs lied to his new woman saying that he & my marriage was fake so on & so forth now he’s still lying….
June 15, 2013 at 3:01 pm
You will recover…you will heal…..and believe it or not you will be a better, stronger kinder person for the experience. And smarter too. You never could have known that a person like this exists….at least I didn’t…and it’s still sometimes difficult to fathom because their behavior makes no sense…thanks for sharing your story…I at one time felt so alone because the whole situation was just crazy and I didn’t think anyone would believe me…..it was happening right in front of me and I wasn’t sure that it was real!!! But it was and nothing I could have done could have fixed it or made things right….believe me I tried. I know it’s cliche to say “be kind to yourself” but do….take a day off in your head….don’t think about it even if it’s for a few minutes….give yourself time….those folks do alot of damage…they might bend you until you think you are broken…but you are not….
August 7, 2013 at 12:54 pm
Similar situation here, and I’ve been out of it for 9 years and watched him go through it all with wife #2. He’s moved on again – or should I say, she has moved on. You purged all that, it’s your turn, too!
August 7, 2013 at 8:34 pm
So grateful you are out of the 9-year sociopathic relationship. Good for you. That takes a lot of courage.
August 30, 2013 at 9:14 pm
God bless you
October 6, 2013 at 6:29 am
You sound just like my daughter. Although I am very sad for u, finding these sites n reading so many stories I am so thankful to know that it’s real, the craziness is real n he is truly evil. Being on this roller coaster ride for almost 9 yrs., has taken such a toll on me because I didn’t understand truly the evilness n just why? Who does this? I would call him a sociopath not fully knowing what he was. Watching my daughter go thru this is like being in a nightmare that never ends. I saw some weird behaviors that I would say What Just Happened? My daughter n I r very close n she would share things with me that were over the top. Although, every time she was done, he would beg, cry, do exactly enough to get her to stay, until the next time, which the next time u never knew when it would be, months, weeks, days or moments. What amazed me was he knew she confided in me, n could come around me as if none of it occurred(who does that?). My daughter who truly loved what she thought he was would forgive him for his (evilness as I called it) behavior, n I because they were working it out had no choice but to put it aside to be able to continue a relationship with her. When it was bad it was very bad, the names he called her, the not owning any part of it n she was at fault, she brought this upon herself. Seeing the shell of a wonderful, loving, god fearing moral soul be tortured was so painful at times has robbed me also of years. However not under his evil spell, as early on in their relationship I knew it could not last, I did not know how it would end, but knew I would be there to pick up the pieces. Well she is in the middle of the divorce, having two children with this devil has given him two other things to hurt, manipulate, use n in the end try to destroy(over my dead body). When your in the midst of the devil it is so hard to wrap your head around anything because the pile is so high n he just keeps adding it on, that’s why it took me so long to find these sites. I have shared them with her n at times we both look like two deers in headlights, on some of them the only thing missing is his picture. All I can say is that u have started the process, that’s the first step, take it one day at a time n pray a lot for the will to put one foot in front of the other, they r predators that thrive on the win at all costs because they r not connected.
October 11, 2013 at 9:01 pm
Oh my! I’m so sorry you and your daughter AND her children are going through this.
The most difficult challenge is for her to realize how special she is, and to love herself. Loving herself is the most important responsibility she has, because how can she love her children and you and others until she first loves herself.
She will be stronger once she remembers Who created her and the Power that means for her.
Once she does that and believes that and knows how special she is, she will realize that when you love and respect yourself you do not allow ANYONE to mistreat you or those you love.
You then demand respect for yourself because you are Holy, created by God. There is no higher power – and no human has authority over any of us UNLESS we allow it.
God bless you and your loved ones.
November 29, 2013 at 2:44 pm
I understand what you have gone through since I went through the exact same thing. My ex-husband was (and still is) a master manipulator and never takes responsibility for his actions. Your future should be brighter after getting rid of such a cancer in your life.
March 10, 2014 at 10:46 pm
Thank you for posting your story. I recognize several things you reported, which happened to me also. How he annoyed you so while he was driving, that you asked to get out by the side of the road. How one remark you make causes him to start a tirade and cancel a planned activity. How he can at the last minute refuse to attend an event that you have planned and prepared for, with no explanation. Seems that only someone who has lived through a relationship of this type can truly believe it is possible and not a fiction.
April 24, 2016 at 2:11 am
and it’s true… like clearly she didn’t HAVE to say anything to cause the fight, he had preplanned manufacturing a fight-and they make it happen no matter what, even if they have to invent something out of nothing, claim smoke where there is none, you name it… theyll do it, but theyll get their fight cuz with these people, no it does NOT “take 2” lol but I do think in many cases the other person does have to end it or theyll just keep coming back to push you 2 more degrees or 10 and bend you further, or a new way… why not if you’ll let them. But it always can only get worse after each discard, and I believe exponentially so.
March 23, 2014 at 4:16 pm
In many ways, I’m sorry for your experience. On another level, I’ve found this can be such a devastating thing that it awakens us in ways we might never have imagined. Monsters are real, and it’s better to know. Otherwise, we are much easier prey for the predator.
The sociopath in my life was much the same. But he was able to have some semblence of regular life in owning a home (which he stole from his ex-wife’s family), and retiring from a job working with sex-offenders and others of his mindset. His employers would complain that he had “too close a repore” with the convicts in the mental health area of the prison in which he worked. He was gathering information and honing his skills. He became obvious to some, but he walked that line which kept him untouchable.
He travels from woman to woman creating nightmares. Always there is extreme drama of one sort or another, and triangles endlessly causing tension. He pits people against each other and finds ways to get whatever he can from them. Yet, he really does try to keep as many of his “lovers” to stay for long periods of time. He thinks of himself as the puppet master. I’m sure you ex is no different. I hope your resolve stands.
July 24, 2014 at 12:05 am
Once the confusion, the fear and then the anger pass through, compassion for the hell those people live with inside of them is next, because they have to live with themselves for their entire lifespan, while the rest of us can walk away and freely choose to live the kind of life we want for ourselves. How horrible for them. A life sentence. I keep thinking that surely there is a way to help them, but the experts say not so. Which means we much love ourselves and decide what we want for our own lives, then make the kinds of choices that will result in the life we envision, and focus on that.
God bless you.
April 10, 2014 at 6:12 am
you did the right thing and, in my experience I know that your story is a genuine one. Only those who have been through this will ever understand.
May 26, 2014 at 9:23 am
You Got that right, only someone who has been thru hell with one of these people would understand. Its a fight for your life to get out. They will hurt you in ways you could not fathom. the guy I was with posted horrible lies about me on FB, and wrote to my children, and friends, calling me all kinds of names. Cheated on me several times, caught him on live sex chats, nude women on his phone, tried many times to knock me around. Alcohol is his only love, which makes him completely insane, and dangerous. Now, I’m not stupid, nor slow, I’m a quick study type of gal, I remember EVERYTHING he has done to me, and now for the last few months, I’ve been planning my escape. and turned the tables against him! take emotion out of the picture and study and learn! You don’t know what your capable of unless your a mom, or grandmother, what you can do until someone tries to hurt your children or grandchildren. Stay strong my friends, trust God, and above all, GET OUT no matter how sneaky/ sly or cunning you have to be. Don’t be intimidated, hurt, or used.
May 29, 2014 at 1:37 pm
You said you are planning your escape. Are you still with him?
June 13, 2014 at 10:51 pm
Hey debra, I got married almost 2 years ago, we are split up now. And this shit is scary. She was every bit of everything in here. My sis in law told me to read about it. I’ve been depressed about a month now, and now everything seems to be making alot more sense to me. WOW, pretty damn scary though, I am glad it didn’t go any longer.
July 21, 2014 at 12:49 pm
Debra your story is almost exactly like mine the experiences and how you forgave time after time only to be betrayed time after time. I do believe they know how much they hurt us they just don’t care. I totally feel your pain I hope you stay strong I’m praying for you for I’m going through the same thing. GOD Bless YOU! Dane
August 12, 2014 at 3:00 pm
YOU can do this and you will be glad you did after time heals your heart and soul. Trust me run and never look back I know and I made it. Life has so much more than lies and empty promises.
October 23, 2014 at 10:58 am
Sweetie don’t be so hard on yourself. First of all, you are a strong and brave person for getting out. Believe me from experience, I know how difficult that is. When you’re face is only an inch away from a mosiac, it is impossible to see the picture. I learned alot from my experience but two things most importantly: 1. If you ever think or utter the words, “maybe it’s me..” or “maybe I’m making a big deal out of nothing…” -rUn.for.your.life,-RUN!!!!
In sharing your story you have helped many! As my good friend said when I finally escaped my manipulative ex bf, “now YOU decide what goes on the pizza.” So girlfriend, your assigment is to go get a persoanl pizza and put anything You’ve ever wanted on it 🙂
Many hugs to you 😊
October 28, 2014 at 9:37 pm
Thank you Katy, I appreciate your words of encouragement, it helps in the healing process of holding onto the hope that things will be okay after experiencing such a turmoil of abuse. God Bless ♥
December 4, 2014 at 9:57 am
I am so sorry… I have been down that same road TWICE, back to back, and realized through therapy why I was a target and why I chose to get involved with men like that. I knew of the lies and was really good at catching them. I think the thrill of being able to win someone over even after being caught lying gives them a high…makes them feel powerful. DO NOT have contact with them after you break away… They will say all the right things to lure you into contact… Just to build you up and tear you down. That’s what they do… All they know how to do
January 7, 2015 at 2:51 am
Used your whole life and manipulated? Welcome to the life we men have to put up with with you women. Emotional abuse and malcontent mean nothing to women when it comes to their agenda: getting their way. Either the man wins or the woman wins, in today’s age.
January 9, 2015 at 3:44 pm
Perhaps, Gabriel, the women in your life were also suffering from mental challenges. This trait isn’t gender specific. What people forget, of both genders, is to follow the Golden Rule to treat others as we want to be treated. We forget we are here on this earth to love one another, especially ourselves. It isn’t about control and manipulation or ego. It is about being loving. When we live that Truth, we draw people to us who are of like mind, enriching our lives.
January 7, 2015 at 3:03 am
sucks when you show your love to someone only to have it ripped to pieces. when all you want is for them to love you back, and it just doesn’t happen. admit it, if he were all sweet and cuddly with you all the time you would drop him like a bad habit. men do this because it keeps you chasing after them. maybe if women got their head on straight for once, men would treat them the way they genuinely want to treat women. then again, if he has a high sex drive/attractive and can get any woman he wants basically, that might be why he didn’t give a shit about you. sucks doesn’t it? 🙂
January 9, 2015 at 3:48 pm
If you love someone who hurts you back, or doesn’t love you back, then that means that person wasn’t the right one for you. That means there is a right one for you, and if you are freed from the relationship that didn’t work, that makes you open and available for the one that is. Giving up on love isn’t the answer. Love is the answer.
I don’t know your feelings about the Spiritual, but praying and believing you will be led to the perfect person really works. But you have to have faith.
March 30, 2015 at 1:29 pm
What kind of a moron are you?
January 10, 2015 at 5:07 pm
I can relate I for some reason am only 22 and have been in 2 really bad narcissistic relationships I was with a controlling one for 3.5 years my first love really made me unwell I lost so much weight after this relationship my mind was in a bad state of depression and I took my own life from his abuse at 19 years old. I never took depression medicine I got my own mind right and got my mind right on my own. 3 years later after a few attempts at boyfriends I met him the way about him drew me in. I dated him for 3 months and was falling in love with him he was actually way worse he made up a whole different life and coached his friends what to say he was really a really severe drug addict living in a house of crack heads with a hooker. I would notice off and on a lot but when he was himself he was a beautiful person this is a terrible mental illness.
February 1, 2015 at 12:27 pm
My god it felt like I wrote this. Going on year 5 with the same kind of man. Only we have 2 small children. I feel stuck. Depressed isn’t even a way to describe how I feel inside. I miss the ME I was before him. This is a living hell.
February 1, 2015 at 1:22 pm
I know this following suggestion will be tough to put into practice at first because of being involved for 5 years, but you can do this. I know you can and will.
The first thing that is critical for you to know is that you are not alone. You are one with a Higher Power that provides Divine guidance to you 24/7, but first you must ask, must give permission, must allow for that guidance to flow into and through you. Your power and all answers are from within you.
Second, your Unlimited Supplier is your ONLY supplier, not a human. Turn to your Supplier immediately (God, Creator, Source…) for what you should do, because you have 2 children who are being affected by your spouse and the situation. This molds who they are and will become. You are responsible for making sure their environment is conducive to healthy personalities.
Third, is learn to love yourself FIRST, without self-judgment, and with compassion. Focus on that until you KNOW you love yourself as you are – because God already does. Once you do that, then you will better accept the answer from your Creator as to what you should do for you and for your children. Have a plan of action. Do you have people you can go to for support? A minister? Friends? (although this personality usually divides you from all outside contact).
Remember, this situation is NOT who you are. You are a child of God, created by God. You won’t be truly happy until your situation is one of love.
I repeat – you must believe and KNOW without doubt that your spouse is not who you are. Your marriage is NOT who you are. You are not alone. You are strong. You have the wisdom of the Universe at your disposal. You have the Freedom of the Power of Choice to create the life you want. Make wise decisions using this Divine Intelligence. What do you want for you and your children? Then choose accordingly. Everything you do is a choice, so choose well, and no one can make your decisions for you unless you give them your power. That power is yours to use. USE IT!
What you might not yet know but hopefully you will, is that you are a wonderful being with much to offer your children and yourself, and your world.
God bless you.
February 19, 2015 at 4:36 am
Just want to say congratulations for taking the step to get out. Get some support around you. Mayb look up some old friends. It’s hard to not miss hearing somebody loves you even if it’s not real love I know but replace it with something new like joining a yoga and Pilates class regularly,getting massage or something u like doing something that will help you, give something back to yourself, love yourself.
February 19, 2015 at 7:12 am
Excellent suggestions, Jasmine.
March 27, 2015 at 7:50 am
Please do NOT waver… do NOT go back. Seven years is long enough unlike myself who actually married such a man, had a family and lived a hell on earth for 30 years before HE found HIS soul mate and dumped me and the two children left at home telling them he had raised his family and now had a new one. Being in a business of our (excuse me HIS own) he was able to manipulate funds and such so we ended up with nearly nothing to live on, refused child support and threatened my safety should I seek it… of course there was no alimony He tricked me into signing a legal paper giving me almost nothing.
Even divorced he continued to be a threat both to me and our two youngest sons and until I met my present husband was, IMO, a danger to all of us.
Don’t regret the 7 years you lost. Be thankful you didn’t marry him and rejoice you have life left to start over.
March 30, 2015 at 1:12 pm
Thank you Ann for your valued help on this. I truly feel my heart go out to you, the pain I have in me from the last 7 years is hard to describe and it’s become just as difficult to get over. I am still haunted by him, he continually keeps emailing me, even without a response from me in the last months we have been apart, still trying to put me down, or taunt me that he will pay back the money he owes me, or saying things like “i bet you can’t stop thinking about me, i bet im on your mind every day, good or bad, you think of me hahaha” – God help us. I hope we never experience or have the misfortune of encountering others who are this way. It’s taken such a toll on my life and emotionally that 10 months later, i still am having a hard time to trust anyone or move on or even go out to enjoy life.. i’m still in a state of shock. I wish you well and after 30years i salute you for the way you have been able to move on with your life. God bless.
July 27, 2015 at 9:12 pm
Ann and anyone who has been there or is there…I am right there with you. 20 years of marriage, 2 kids, and definately a narcissistic sociopath without a doubt. Nearly killed me psychologically and I almost literally did it. I had to plot and plan to get out too. Took months, problem was those months were the most destructive to my psyche and I had to leave a child behind. I fled and spent 6 months in hiding including 1 month in dv shelter. They didn’t even know how to help such a case as mine. It was beyond complexand destructive to me. We were forced to leave as he had a PI tracking us and located us thanks to a police detective being sucked in by his lies and told him we were in a dv shelter. They had told me if he had known I was going to leave, there was no doubt he would have killed me. In the last year prior to leaving, all he created was falling apart including me…He couldn’t handle it. He became physically abusive here and there. He broke most my teeth, hit me in front of my youngest child more than once, and threatened me in many ways throughout the marriage. 3 days after being kicked out he located roughly where we were, thankfully we were on the move and when he got there, we were gone. Filled false missing persons, then was “pinging” my cell phone which is illegal and those were his exact words to police, located us again on the way to a “safe” location. Police came after notifying me that I was in danger. They did the reports, did not tell him they located us, and found that 1 phone sim card was externally tampered with. I had changed all but one phone. The one I “legally” had to keep due to police, cps, and DA’s being involved. The only thing keeping him together is that he has totally confused my other older child and is using him. He has spread lies in every direction about me, trying to get full custody with no visit ion for me of my little one who has erased him from her mind. He also wants to pay no child support or alimony though I never worked 1 day outside the home cuz he wouldn’t let me. Yes he cut me off from everyone, killed my self esteem, robbed me of all my talents and hobbies, wouldn’t allow me to attend one school field trip, or spend any time alone with my kids. They were his “toys” and I his slave. They were not allowed to play sports or do any extracurricular activities as they took from “his” time. When my oldest hit high school and began to have a social life, All hell broke loose. Now my oldest became a huge target of abuse. Enduring stuff I will not get into, but yes I did protect him anyway I could. All through it all being so abused, reprogrammed in a sense it was impossible to know this was abuse. Even my wake up call was an abuse towards my oldest that came out of left field that finally did me in. Stupidly I told him I have enough…never ever do that!!! Get out first! The abuse from every angle nearly killed me, He tried to get my parents to believe I was crazy and needed medication even. He turned my oldest child against me and if my father hadn’t said the right words while I was planning our escape, I may not have escaped the first chance that came. I even left behind a not for my oldest, and a fake note for my parents lest he think they helped me. 1 year I am out with severe PTSD. Being forced to return to the city all this took place has been a nightmare for me and he is keeping tabs on me. Still stuck in all the legalities, but thankfully this court, unlike the courts where I was in hiding have been listening. Little one was given court appointed minor’s counsel and court ordered therapy. Both I am so grateful for. Plus once therapy really begins, the abuse will be reported to DCFS who already has a file on us. That’s bad and good. The bad part is that family court will try to force reunification on my little one & abuser, the father. The good…DCFS on the other hand will protect little one and make sure little one is free forever from him. The ultimate goal. Out of our lives forever. Thing is it will be a long road for recovery for me. Beyond what anyone could ever imagine. I am so blown away by the damage that was done to me. I hope one day my oldest will be able to see. I know it is aware. I spent years upon years explaining without realizing what I was doing not to be like him and why all he was doing was wrong, hurtful, and extremely selfcentered. Once my oldest breaks free or our abuser loses any chance of custody(he want full legal& physical) of little one….Our abuser will do 1 of 2 things…kill me or kill himself. Of that I have no doubt. I know the personality well enough. .There’s so much more to my 20 years of abuse than what I am saying here and yes like other’s I have gone thru the on and off, “am I crazy, did I make this all up?” I still do. I can’t really even think of talking about it because it is still to vivid, painful, emotional on so many different levels, but the main emotion that control me beyond belief is FEAR. They instill it on every aspect of you and I am not just talking about tangible fear. If you’ve been there, you know. Thankfully, the last year and still now….I know without a doubt G_d heard my crying and though it was a devastating last year of abuse…it all played out in a way that I know G_d is who made it possible to escape. People, events, opportunities, misfortunes came to be in a way that led to our final escape. Yet we are far from free and not sure I personally ever will be. The damage is that deep and yes all I wanted was unconditional love, to be a good wife, and mother. Oh btw…I realize now that I was not weak, but very strong and he wanted my strength to boost him up. I did everything in the marriage and in our lives. He never lifted a finger and everything was my fault. Always. I came out of it with higher self esteem and the knowledge I can accomplish anything if only I can get past the damage, PTSD, and fear. I also realize recently that my mother was my first real abuser and still is though through speaking often about it, my mother realizes it. She is working to change, but only when she starts and I have to alert her. Still hard and painful, but knowing she loves me unconditionally, and she was abused as a child and wanted only to be better than her abuser, she went to the other extreme. I am strong enough to deal with her and know it is unintentional unlike my husband, yes the divorce is dragging out. Anyway…Thank you for all that posted. Ann…I feel you more than you know.
July 27, 2015 at 10:28 pm
Free, I am heartsick you’ve suffered through what you have for twenty years – well, really, through any time at all! I do know God loves you unconditionally, and loves your children. Open your heart to God and listen for any Divine Guidance as to what to do. God will help you. God will lead you to people and places where you should be and will be safe. Blessings on you and your children.
I am so very sorry you went through this, but YOU ARE STRONG! To have gone through what you did and are still this defiant and fighting for your life and those of your children means you are incredibly strong. Keep connecting with the inner strength within you, with God, with the Power of the Universe. And remember, you are not alone, are never alone. Your Creator is with you continuously ready to help you any time you ask. You are loved. I want you to know this – that the real you is not your experiences, as horrible as they have been. Your husband cannot take away the magnificence of who you are. If you can find a Center for Spiritual Living or a Spiritual Support group, please do so. There are also support groups for people who have suffered as you have.
Read through the comments on this blog and know there are millions of people who have been affected by this disturbing personality. And be grateful you can feel anything – something these people seem unable to do. You are already walking away from your nightmare – you will heal, you will turn your life around to be what you want it to be. You are already healing. Don’t give up. Don’t get discouraged. You and your children are loved. Ask God for protection and guidance, and you will receive it.
God bless you.
July 28, 2015 at 7:04 pm
Truth thank you for your response. Unfortunately when the damage goes as deep as it often does, that spark, that which is your soul, your light can be damaged beyond what you think. I trust and have strong faith in G_d. It has never waivered, but until I can deal with, fix what is left of me, that spark is just a memory. No words that others says can change that. It has to come from within. The narcissistic sociopath knows that. It too is a neon sign for them that they search for in their victim. This trait is that we are not swayed by others, only by G_d and ourselves. Victims do not have false pride, accomplish all with their hard work and determination, and their demeanor shows this. Hence the perfect victim. One who doesn’t need to be praised, helps when seeing a need, will continue through difficulties to solve problems, and doesn’t give up. All things a narcissistic sociopath lacks. They actually hate you. They want all that you are and then change what you become making sure only what they need to survive remains in you. You become an empty she’ll once you realize this after getting out.
I am not saying I am completely dead, but darn near close to inside. They are a cancer that spreads within you strangling and suffocating that which defines you as an individual leaving only what works for their needs while filling you with that which binds you forever to them. No joke, forever…One way or another that will never change.
My abuser used every technique pretty much known except sexual abuse. Though he used sex against me, he never sexual abused me for 1 reason only. Because I was raped when I was young and I had made it clear I would kill whomever tried to touch me regardless if it was him or another person. That he believed and was the truth. So he found ways instead to make me hate sex, cut me down, turn me off to the point I thought I had a sexual dysfunction, and often threatened to take other women because I wasn’t being what he wanted….He wanted me 5o place around in sexy lingerie, act out for him, be his whore. I refused. He degraded me constantly. He made problems so that he could criticize, cut down, all to lift his ego and self esteem. He once had a job that while in that job treated me below dirt. I can’t begin to even explain. After losing the job, he admitted to what he had done was because he felt so superior over me and thus treated me accordingly. This proves they know damn well what they are doing. Only reason I think he kept me around and didn’t bail out of the marriage is he couldn’t break me and my usefulness was a never ending treasure chest for him! Realizing this after I fled is what made me see atleast that I wasn’t all that he had said and tried to convince me of. I think if he achieved that goal…He would have moved on. I believe then I would be dead in one form or another.
The end as his carefully constructed family, lie of a life and all that came with it began to crash, I did too as I said. Because of this he was trying to find a way to “off” me. Yet since we landed in parent’s home, it worked against his plan so tried other desperate techniques including threatening to leave more than once me and all the debt, kids, major gaslighting, pitting me against my family, and tried to blame my family then my son…He knew he could no longer blame me. I wasn’t falling for it any longer. This is when the opportunity opened to flee.
Believe me I know I am out only by G_d’s grace and love, but unfortunately I am in darkness as a shell of a person. Going thru the motions and until I can see the light, yes I am trying, not even G_d can be seen by me right now. All I have is pain, guilt & fear. You can’t search and find if you cannot see the way. Part of healing is the darkness and the journey through it. Each of us needs to find the way out. For me I have to do it alone or it will never become “real”. Just as me getting out was such turmoil between my heart and head that had to reach an agreement, no one could have done or helped me or I would always doubt, wonder if I made a mistake, feel more guilt than I do, and sadly he would blame others taking AGAIN away my individuality, freedom of choice, my free will. Yes, this is the first step to independence and successful permanent escape. Yes, he is blaming others still, but I know the truth. Healing must be my own, real, not what others tell me or fill my head with. Remember I’ve been filled with lies, deceit, foreign feelings and thoughts and have no trust or belief in others anymore. I know G_d is with me, I know that this journey of healing he is helping me, but it is my journey, he just watches over me.
I have spent way too long searching for the missing pieces and trying to gather the shattered pieces of myself. It has only brought misery. I have stopped, realizing that that is not who I am today and why be what I was before? I am looking for the “good” pieces I have, working to discard what I don’t want or was implanted, and moving forward towards a rebirth of a sort…or a second chance to be me.
Also in terms of healing, I am learning the more clinical aspects of a egomaniacal narcissistic sociopath. The more I learn, the more I think I can disassociate from my trauma and see my abuser for what he truly is. Only then I think I can hopefully let go the guilt, that last but of love I can’t shake, the pain, the tears, fears and hopefully shine bright in my own light. Now this is my goal….not reality and I still have to remind myself, try to convince myself, and stay on track. Always easier said than done, but this article along with others is part of my healing….Thank you.
June 6, 2013 at 4:49 pm
God bless you! You might enjoy the page posted today on Unconditional Love and Non-Judgment, June 6, 2013. https://truthlover5.com/2013/06/06/unconditional-love-and-non-judgment/
June 14, 2013 at 6:53 am
[…] are some of the common traits of a sociopath? They are extremely adept at lying; they are callous, but very charming when it serves their […]
June 24, 2013 at 7:12 pm
This describes my mother to a T and she is now 88 years old. At night, I lock my house doors and bedroom door because I fear she will break into my home and murder me in my sleep. She is a relentless heartless monster like a lying leach that seeks to humiliate it’s victim first and suck the life out it until it cries mercy and then she continues heartlessly to watch you die. It is her only goal in life and she will not stop until she ceases to breathe. I am at least glad to know that there is a clinical name to this type of person. I wish I could have her committed to the psychiatric ward but the hospital says she is sane and somewhat depressed. If this is sanity then I would rather be with a bunch of crazy people.
June 24, 2013 at 8:24 pm
I’m so sorry you’ve grown up and lived with a person burdened with such a personality. I do not know the cause of the damaging defect, but one person can affect many lives for either good or ill. They can easily fool others with their apparent sanity and be incredibly charming. How are you doing??
April 28, 2014 at 7:50 pm
My mother is exactly as described here, and most of my life I kept the details of my life with her hidden. I couldn’t imagine that other people were going through the same thing, often thinking that there was something wrong with me. After over 50 years of this, I finally spoke out and started to put my foot down with her. Of course her smear campaign of me only escalated. But I no longer care what her “friends” think of me, and people who really know me do not believe her. Sites like this have helped me to understand what is wrong with her, and when I read the stories, I can’t believe it sounds like what I have been going through my whole life. Thank you all for sharing.
May 1, 2014 at 8:59 pm
My heart aches to read your comment. I’m so glad you had to strength to become your own person despite her damaged personality. God bless.
June 25, 2013 at 4:54 am
I’m not sure if the guy I dated was a narcissist (NPD), borderline, or sociopath, or just a combination of all. He was perfect for about 4 months then his true colors came out. He basically wanted my world to revolve around his but at the same time he only wants to date girls who are successful and independent because girls who are not intelligent and ambitious are just not good enough for him. I caught him in a lie about that time and he turned it around on me to make me feel like I was the one who did wrong. He gave me a very nice gift for my birthday and told me that if I was going to break up with him b/c I couldn’t trust him then that gift was HIS all while yelling and sounding angry. I then, knew my perfect man was not perfect. I just thought he was having a bad day, worked it out and gave him another chance. Not long after,he started getting mad over nothing, anything would set him off. Trying to pick fights over nothing, creating drama, complains about anything and he is never wrong, always has to be right. Just a DIVA and mean! We broke up on his birthday after I went to all the trouble to celebrate with him and gave him a very nice gift. It’s like that is all he wanted, to get the gift and just run. No class. Who does that? It’s like he did what he accused me of. Taking a birthday gift and then breaking up with him. But I didn’t, I loved him and cared enough to work things out. He just dumped me and acts as though it never really meant a thing. Cold, callous!
June 25, 2013 at 9:10 am
For the rest of us, like you, we are confused when someone behaves as they do and at first we wonder if we are the one at fault, if we are paranoid. You are not alone with what you’ve gone through. Out of all the TRUTH posts on politics and world challenges, the page on Narcissism is by far the most read page on the blog – at least 67%. These people are never at fault, have no guilt or remorse, and in reality, have no capacity for true love. They can also be dangerous. This experience is a lesson we learn that helps us to help others. AND we are quicker to recognize the personality next time. This is when we realize that who we are is important and we matter first and foremost. We learn that it is vital to love ourselves first, without judgment. You are very wise to have figured the pattern out as quickly as you did, and before you married him and had children. Good for you!
July 8, 2013 at 2:15 pm
Unfortunately for me I married one and had a child with him before I realized who he really is. Apparently our child ‘stealing his (meant FOR him) attention and love’ was more than he could handle. 4 days after separating from him my sister killed herself. He says he cares for the sake of his image but he really doesn’t despite his own mom committing suicide in 2006. I don’t get him but look forward to being as free from him as I can while sharing a child. Sigh.
July 27, 2013 at 11:23 am
You’re fortunate you’ve recognized the man for what he is, and that you are not at fault. You are also not the experience; you are strong and whole and are healing/healed. Also fortunate you did so when your child is young. God bless you.
August 10, 2013 at 6:10 pm
Kristin, I was very disappointed to read your condescending comment. You sound just like a narcissist, sociopath, whatever you want to call them. This is a place to share experiences and comfort each other, not attack someone to, what, prove you know more? Good for you I say sarcastically. I think I speak for everyone when I say you are not welcome here with that attitude. Be kind or don’t come back.
November 29, 2013 at 2:58 pm
My ex-husband blamed me for his cheating by stating that my attention for him waned as we had children. He became jealous that my attention wasn’t on him anymore. He also blamed the other women for seducing him. I was in counseling for quite awhile to understand that, no, it wasn’t my fault that he constantly strayed from the marriage and I came to the realization that he won’t ever take responsibility for anything he does. I was his permanent scapegoat but I just turn my back to his drama now and he resents it. Having children with him is a challenge but I would never say in a million years that I never wanted children with him; they are my everything.
December 26, 2013 at 11:37 am
Your children are blessings out of the tragedy. So glad you now KNOW you are not the problem, a step that is crucial to eliminating the sociopath’s sick control over you and your loved ones. How freeing! God bless you.
July 28, 2015 at 8:43 pm
@ Wounded…. I too married now 15yrs my high school sweetheart & I always knew something was “off” ya know? But assumed I was a “magnet” for a-holes etc… We found each other over the years and married! He had a kid already which has turned out to be “Hell” no other way to put it I can not believe the things I have been through & still am going through….. We too had a child together & it’s so hard cause he the child
Is not like dad or half brother 😦 & everyday is a battle! What’s worse is his family seems to feed off the energy of the drama created & they only butt in to steal some glory saveeeee the step son who has been diagnosed as a Sociopath w/ possible other issues BUT dad does not want to go public w/ it he avoids the truth TRUTH which is how over the years I would end up at many therapy sessions w/ the stepson (now almost 17 & it’s creepy/scary what he is doing these days) & dad would be boarding a plane to go scuba dive somewhere beautiful! Leaving me w/ the “bag” of issues. His family the entire family & the people that “cling/latch” on to them as if they were royality those ALLLLLL contribute to the issue!!!! The kid knows it too! He manipulates everyone he can & when something gets in his way he can’t figure out he immediately starts to poke away at me looking for a sore spot to argue to draw attention etc but I see thru all his lying his fake sorrys etc…. 😦 Just once I would like to see & feel know he truly means it & his dad I fear is the way he is cause he can’t truly “feel” anything himself ?!?! There is a LONG story here lol ugh… Why I am not in a strait jacket I have no clue!?! Recently…. I caught him… Always “knew” but I caught him cheating….. This past year has tortured me between the kid using my pain to get attention to having my husband the (dad) lie lie lie about the hotels etc then tell me several more lies it was a one night it was 3 times it waa etc etc….. All along I was truly trying to heal & he was smug & said get over it etc & when he said yelled actually ” Fine ya know what I never meant to get caught so there etc etc”…. That was prob the MOST TRUTH I have ever heard from him! 😦 he works nights & used his work to do so & was pretty obvious WHO but ya know he made that all my fault & protected “her” he tried to convince me had I been this or that…. & I realized that no he was doing what he wanted he had before just no proof!!! He promised me allllll sorts of things kept none of them!!! The worst so far is that our anniversary was in about a year this past March… He got on his knees during the “blow up” & promised to make me happy no sad tears anymore what could he do?! Then HE says still on his knees in front of me I know… Lets renew our vows!?! Knowing I wanted that long ago!!! I told him then and there he would never do it so don’t promise me….. HE SWORE! It was so convincing and when your life is upside down cause of this “personality” & you desperately need some real affection & love! After being faithful & honest to a fault w/ them ( I just realized writing this right now that I have yes always been an honest loyal person was raised to be BUT … He knewwww I would not cheat or lie that HE with his hidden delicate sense of
Self etc could trust me & use my emotions etc & every time anything happened flirting or more or big changes I would tell him in detail with out fail BECAUSE he knew that is what I expect in return!!) oh wow:… That stinks! So he played me there too!!! He even tried to ask me ” Do you want a HALL PASS?? Would that make things better for you?!?”…… Who thinks like that?!? 😦 He commented that WE were in different “areas” of our relationship …. & I shook my head like wth? We are married you don’t have secondary romances or f buddies as he calls them or “she was willing”…… Geez makes me furious! Now I am so not me anymore I was a photographer that was doing great really growing!!! Always wanted it but during all of this he decided he did not like that I had that and even less that what I saw as him being my “rock” etc he saw he was second not top whatever so if ripping my soul out over his sex issues was not enough ruining my ONE chance at a career I always dreamed of sure did something for him!?!?! Now his family looks down at me I am this depressed EVIL woman that is out to get this 17yr old that well if you have been through some of the really deeper darker ends of this you know and they say I am lazy I gave up etc they have no clue!!!! Or they do they too may very well love hurting someone I see it…. If I ever do write a book lol that will go over like a turd in a punch bowl!!! This is one twisted family for sure! You can’t imagine that u will ever truly be where I am I grew up on the East coast my entire life! Now been in Tx for 15yrs & slowly but surely he stopped going to see “my family” have lost about 13 family members close ones!! ONE FUNERAL I was allowed to go to…. Long story there! Totally wrong but its long. He has not been home w/ me in about 8 yrs? He is FINE with me going alone driving it or taking ALL the kids to Florida aloneeee then back home so essentially driving about 2 weeks alone w/ 3 kids while “he is working or school or whatever bs excuse he has at the time aka: he has someone to see etc & yet when HE alone wants to go travel welllll then it’s but my father paid for it & soryyyyyy but my mom wont babysit so you have to you don’t wanna dive like I do!?!? “…… Selfish is not strong enough of a word!!!! This happened many times or like telling me working in California for 3 days w/ a lay over in Vegas noooo he was in Vegas 3 days! & when I put it all together months later pregnant etc on the way out one night I asked ao where did you & your dad stay in Vegas a few months ago he told me … & I said oh ok so ya needed a hotel suite for a lay over babe? He flipped outttttt!!! I was actually scared! He pulled over & some how made it about me?!? Not trusting him so he “had” to lie …. & had me in tears about it!?! I see where they try to put what they do on you!!! CLEARLY!!! & I have it coming from both him & the almost grown son but he is not matured to his age …. Its a mess I feel like I am gonna fall apart?!? Split into two?! He has made me literally on this “island” all about them & my family is not real etc …ya love them I know I do I really do!!! But……. It feels like hell to me.
July 23, 2013 at 6:10 pm
I just have one comment and sorry but the words people use helps a true Sociopath further cover up and enables them.. Using the term Narcissistic Sociopath keeps a lot of people in confusion . by definition a Sociopath is a Narcissistic. But a narcissist doesn’t mean they are a Sociopath. The more we can a a whole keep them separated by not using the terms together will help our society a a whole safer by hopefully being able to expose these Sub humans. Using the terms sociopathic tendencies should only be used when defining a person that IS A Sociopath, not those THAT MIGHT OR ARE or have narcissistic tendencies. The Sociopath has narcissistic traits because one cannot be a sociopath with out being a narcissist. So please think about this because all it does is allow a Sociopath to hide more and infect more people. If such a small percentage of the population hold a majority of the financial capital in this world. Than taking that analogy how many people are infected by Sociopath (using it as a noun for effect) how many people enable these Sub Humans and do you know the amount of harm you are causing by being a pawn of them. Causing harm to the one or few that they (because of all they have infected ) you or you ….. or even you , but mostly all three: The true suffers live in hell without knowing it and the aftermath continues forever for them, because they who (in there minds ) expose them are their biggest threat…… So please A Sociopath is a completely different diagnosis and should never be used in comparison to anything else. If we diagnosed them for what they are how could we not open Alcatraz up and leave them there. There is no cure, they only do harm and they can not be helped with medication therapy or anything.
July 27, 2013 at 11:08 am
I’m sorry for your ten years of what must have been a horrible existence. I pray you are now free from the situation. Surely a lot of healing is needed to recover from the misery and I pray, too, that you are healing/healed.
You wrote interesting comments about narcissistic and sociopath. This is the first time I’ve read that one must be a sociopath to be narcissistic. In fact, in my research, I found they are not necessarily the same:
One noted difference between a narcissistic sociopath and people with narcissism alone is thatt:
The narcissist with the sociopathy reacts strongly and sometimes even violently to negative feedback. True sociopaths generally do not respond to criticism or care what others may think of them.
A narcissistic sociopath is unable to tolerate criticism and needs constant praise, as well as deference from other people. Many with this condition present themselves in the best light possible and are able to easily charm others to gain their trust.
I am certainly not an expert on this topic, but I share what I do find out because we can truly be blindsided and hurt before we realize with what we are dealing. If people know what signs to look for, perhaps they will be spared what you and others have suffered before finding out the truth.
Thanks for sharing.
July 30, 2013 at 2:10 am
If you had taken the time to read the words i wrote and the response you wrote you left me in a utter state of confusion.. Quoting you ” This is the first time I’ve read that one must be a sociopath to be narcissistic” I said nothing of the sort ME ” The Sociopath has narcissistic traits because one cannot be a sociopath with out being a narcissist” Again a Sociopath is a Narcissist.
YOU THEN WENT ON TO STATE:
“One noted difference between a narcissistic sociopath and people with narcissism alone is thatt”
you cant state noted differences when referring to a person” a narcissistic sociopath” and using the comparison of ” people with narcissism” THEN LATER USE “THE NARCISSIST with the sociopathy” — hang i n there with me point will unfold hopefully
Then even worse you state
“A narcissistic sociopath is unable to tolerate criticism and needs constant praise, as well as deference from other people. Many with this condition present themselves in the best light possible and are able to easily charm others to gain their trust.” – ok if that is a fact or a truth i cannot =say the following — A SOCIOPATH can use criticism to change; to further mask their being A SOCIOPATH…
“The narcissist with the sociopathy reacts strongly and sometimes even violently to negative feedback. True sociopaths generally do not respond to criticism or care what others may think of them.” i cant respond to that because that means person A “the narcissist” is with person B ” Sociopath” ……………..
narcissistic and sociopath — no it is Narcissists and sociopaths —
narcissistic is a adjective — the definition of a adjective is a word naming an attribute of a noun
ergo a narcissistic Sociopath is just a Sociopath – the narcissistic part is an adjective of the noun in this case a trait (or a descriptive word of the noun) of the Sociopath . Where they’re was my hope to just use the term sociopath .. If someone then asks what is a sociopath, one can answer with descriptive adjective traits etc…. I have PTSD and i know where you’ll get me here C-PTSD …. but no the C hyphen is just to shorten the condition Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder which is a classification of ptsd …..YOUR TERM “NARCISSISTIC SOCIOPATH” would mean there are different classifications of sociopaths. And no there isn’t .
you go on to state The narcissist (noun) with the sociopathy (also a noun) DID THEY TAKE WALK TOGETHER ???? ****sociopathy***** is a noun another word for a sociopath. it is not an adjective,
so·ci·o·path·ic, is and adjective……
Example sentences for sociopathic
His more calculating brother is still alive, as is his sociopathic father.
And becoming a top corporate lawyer takes not only smarts, but also a degree of sociopathic drive.
Sociopathic parents are unlikely to respect agreements made in such a forum unless doing so suits their purposes.
Also they should be required for the sociopathic pinheads that can’t be bothered to pay attention when driving.
It starkly portrays a desperation born of disgust, and then an exultation at lurching into a brief, sociopathic freedom.
No known treatments for sociopathic personality disorder.
The definition of what is unreasonable for sociopathic racketeers is simply different than it is for other people.
Their life styles in adult age is characterized by various forms of sociopathic behavior, including former criminal history.
In fact, there is a sermon type cadence and ring to this sociopathic homily.
The point isn’t to prevent people from being sociopaths, it’s to prevent them from indulging their sociopathic impulses.
We have seen the sociopathic behavior of the corporation at work, destroying people to create private profits.
Yet it can’t be denied that his thinking lends itself to being used to justify sociopathic violent behavior.
Business isolated from society and its needs is sociopathic.
These symptoms can result in bizarre behavior, but dangerous sociopathic actions are generally unlikely.
Poor impulse control combined with inadequate self esteem or lower social standing is enough to create sociopathic behavior.
I did take these directly from http://www.reference.com/example-sentences/sociopathic to show you a new word SOCIOPATHIC which is an __________ Adjective are you starting to see where words can be misused causing great harm to other… PPS using references not as whole articles does not make your point you make true. As if I contacted these writers doctors etc… putting them in the reference section or using some parts from them without there permission is not ethical just to try to prove your point.. .. At least use quotes around there words…
Why it bothers me the next comment down from Deb on july 29th at 5:00pm
” Interesting website about sociopaths and narcissistic personalities. I have had my fill of this type of personality and honestly wish they would all just disappear. I swear the world would be a better place.website about sociopaths and narcissistic personalities. I have had my fill of this type of personality and honestly wish they would all just disappear. I swear the world would be a better place.
The people who mindlessly follow this type of personalities are simply idiots who are devoid of a mind… It’s disgusting to me that so many, many people literally in all walks of life and in all professions are this way. They spread their hate and destruction far and wide without a care at all for their target. And just be aware that with the existence of Facebook and other social media, an evil person like a sociopath and narcissist can spread their lies to anyone and literally destroy someone’s life and livelihood.”
Now Im tired and FROM what deb said I am doing what she said by perpetuating you…. to be part of society who feeds the Sociopath… Some would say Narcissist are jealous of Sociopath, I say sometimes i am too, what could i do if i woke up tomorrow as me but with no empathy , feelings; basically all the brainwashing and continued psychological warfare disappeared, all the aftermath after coming out of a ten year comma , gone, Guess how many people and how quickly they would be running, there would be no stopping me to exposing The truth : and Defining The SOCIOPATH -. Finally going after all the judges and pawns, sheep, that allowed his abuse on me, including the 300 plus people that have raped me with him….. and the judges lawyers , the so called help for victims, ….
This whole comment is coming from a now woman that was with a sociopath for ten years….. I cannot get back my 20’s to 30’s so yes i think I’ve used the right term a being in a comma…. I’m to tired to go into my story because 10 years 24/7 Id crash the WWW … And i hope someone gets something from this I did just by writing it and finishing it
PPS I also have a background in sociology psychology and drug and alcohol counseling … And even though you state you are not a professional you should still hold to the ethics of those that are in the helping field is always should be in therapy as to not project your issue with what you are trying to accomplish …. .<3 Thank you all for reading
April 6, 2014 at 8:46 am
I too was a victim of a Narcissist Sociopath. Every statement and every action you stated that was done to you, was done to me. I was lied to about everything, his whole life was a lie, and even when I knew he was lying, he continued the act with more lies. Cold, callous, oblivious to my feelings, only cared about himself and what he wanted. I was verbally manipulated and abused to the extreme. There were his episodes of rage and everything was my fault. He was completely blameless even when he had committed the actions himself. I moved heaven and earth for him- I supported this man for the whole 5 years I was with him. God knows he probably had money I did not know about….. I bailed him out of jail and got him lawyers, and he was cheating behind my back with someone that had turned him into jail and said he had pulled a gun on her and then accused him of robbery a month later and threw him in jail again, yet she never showed up to court and he was let go. Now this supposed woman has “his back and looks out for him”! How is this possible? And why would any man want to be with a woman who had done this to him, so I do believe that they are both just like each other and find some kind of solice in each other. He saw me as above him and tried relentlessly to tear me down and belittle me. He spent countless hours trying to prove he was smarter than me and could decieve me with his lies. He is shacked up with this psycho bitch again and dragged her into a restaurant where we were supposed to meet and talk and she sits down at the table and he asks me why I don’t like her!!!!! I about flipped the table upside down. This man cared so little about how bad he was tearing my heart out and hurting me, and I am sure she is not the only one. I am just devastated and I will not speak to him. I am at the breaking point and have had enough. The love has been destroyed. I felt he was also my soulmate and the love of my life and hung on for 5 years. This man never worked, he conned me out of hundreds of dollars with his lies. What he is doing now is just a manipulation, trying to get me on the defensive so he has the upper hand again. I don’t think so. I just waiting to see what will happen next because this man is sorely hurting without my money and I don’t care. I actually have money in the bank and money saved. I am sick of being lied to by a man who is not capable of loving me because he is sick. He will never admit he has a problem, because I was the problem. I was blamed for everything and yelled at in a very abusive way. I was called names, I was stood up, I stopped answering my phone. I don’t know either if I will ever recover from this, I just take one day at a time. It has been a week since I heard from him, hopefully he is gone but I don’t think so. He is just laying in wait- waiting for me to forget like I have forgotten and forgiven him many times. I don’t remember too many happen times between us, he did not want to do things with me or spend quality time with me. I have seriously thought about leaving the area to end this horrible game. I am trying not to blame myself, I know it is not my fault, and glad I found this page and realize how many other people have been fooled by a sociopath.
April 6, 2014 at 2:07 pm
You are so smart to have finally figured him out! He will not change. You cannot make him change. The only thing you can do is change yourself. To love yourself and know what kind of life you choose to live for you. When you do that, and are yourself as you want to be, then you will attract those to you who like you for the real you. Choose wisely. Chose what is right for you. Every choice is a new start. Let me know how you are doing.
July 29, 2013 at 5:00 pm
Interesting website about sociopaths and narcissistic personalities. I have had my fill of this type of personality and honestly wish they would all just disappear. I swear the world would be a better place.
The people who mindlessly follow this type of personalities are simply idiots who are devoid of a mind… It’s disgusting to me that so many, many people literally in all walks of life and in all professions are this way. They spread their hate and destruction far and wide without a care at all for their target. And just be aware that with the existence of facebook and other social media, an evil person like a sociopath and narcissist can spread their lies to anyone and literally destroy someone’s life and livelihood.
July 29, 2013 at 11:16 pm
I was surprised in my research of the high percentage of people with his disturbing personality. That they can be charming takes us off guard because most of us are so trusting. There are some of this description in positions of power who are quite dangerous, but most people don’t recognize the danger. At least once we know of the profile, we are better prepared.
August 14, 2013 at 9:34 pm
Reblogged this on Dancing Alone.
October 14, 2013 at 7:39 pm
Their is No Cure
Each and everyone
October 14, 2013 at 7:48 pm
Ah, I understand your passion, but to do that makes us as much of a problem. killing is not the answer. We must be wise enough to spot them and make our own decisions on how we react – including walking away and leading the life that is right for us.
October 15, 2013 at 7:35 pm
I just love the honesty in the comment kill them all. Send them all to Alcatraz together . Would be a great reality show. I’m sorry but sociopaths are subhumans . No one should have any conscious contact with one or they are adding to their manipulation of OUR society
October 19, 2013 at 8:39 pm
I understand your passion,but personally, I don’t believe killing anyone is the answer because one could not do that to another without being affected themselves. Such acts hurt the perpetrator. Another comment is that we are asked not to judge another but to leave judgment to a higher power. We are asked to love, unconditionally. Not condone, mind you, but love, including ourselves. We are asked to forgive as we want to be forgiven. Agreed, as simple as this sounds, it isn’t always easy.
December 20, 2013 at 4:01 pm
Why is it that these type of people can walk all over others. Lie , steal , hurt anyone they wish AND a lot of the things they get away with is illegal -but they seem to smell like roses stead of fish huh ? Our troubled sociopath is a gf to a family member who ruined 16 yrs of our lives so far ,
That woman has connections with:
(They seem to beleive her lies.)
A)the police dept.
D) her co workers
Is there legal help for us . What can the law do ?as far as have a person undergo a test ?
December 26, 2013 at 11:34 am
You are beyond my ability to answer on a legal question. For that you should ask an attorney. I’m always amazed how much the sociopaths get by with because people don’t see through their facade. Once burned by one sociopath, though, the other sociopaths are easier to spot. Keep in touch with how this works out for you and your family. Pray about this. God bless.
April 11, 2015 at 4:58 pm
The people that she has connections are in the same boat that she is.
January 30, 2014 at 9:09 am
Reblogged this on TRUTH and commented:
MOST READ page at TRUTH is “Profile of a Narcissistic Sociopath – Charming, Manipulative, Grandiose, Lying, Authoritarian, Secretive, Divisive…” Do you know one?
February 5, 2014 at 5:12 am
Unfortunately I know one all too well. Going to court is not fun and having accounts accessed and my personal privacy totally violated is just not Ok…. What a messed up mind I had been living with. He’s really not well, the lies,the manipulations, the secrecy and the pathetic displays of charm he tried on me but didn’t work too well, wasn’t having the intended effect he was after. I had worked him out pretty early on after moving in with him and there were too many holes in his behaviour to see anything else but a man with the motives of trying to set me up and to have a personal gain for his own benefit. He made out he was the good guy but he wasn’t. Displaying an image of a social upstanding citizen was something he was just not good at and he simply isn’t. He didn’t play his cards too well as I saw right through his fake facade. He enjoyed creating havoc and didn’t like me getting along with friends and family. He was trying one by one, including my sons friends and my son to get them on side to make up stories and play the god image he felt he deserved to act against me because I wouldn’t marry him. His whole plan had crumbled and he was no longer in control and wasn’t going to get what he wanted.
He began to stalk and harrass me to the point of sending endless emails and txt messages to which I never entered into. Accessed my facebook and changed my password twice. I went to court and will be going again soon. My advice is to not stop and don’t let these insecure individuals win as they’re really not what they make themselves out to be. Anyone that has to act this way by intimidating, threatening, putting the fear into, lying, manipulating, conning and playing mind games are not people you wan’t to be around as they will try just about anything to corner and get what they want. I was totally under-estimated and although I’m a quiet person I see and notice everything around me and have a great sense if something isn’t right. Always follow your intuition and if you feel something isn’t right follow it.
February 18, 2014 at 8:12 pm
So proud of you for figuring him out quickly and walking away – or trying to. Love your comment about following your intuition. Thanks for the post.
February 21, 2014 at 5:17 pm
This is my bf
February 28, 2014 at 5:20 pm
Ouch. Love them, but love yourself first. Don’t be a martyr and don’t be a doormat because that doesn’t help anyone.
March 6, 2014 at 8:26 am
Hello, first time on this blog; reading the various stories confirms to me and my wife that our son fits right in with the descriptions and the traits of a narcissistic sociopath; unfortuantely it is too late to do anything about it, the harm was done, the crime was commited (by him) 5 years ago. He was 28 years old, in a”difficult” relationship with a single mother, living with her and not treating her well, as described in the stories in this blog, very similar…could never hold a job, lied, manipulated etc…you all know the script. He and this woman (descent person!) had a child, a beautiful healthy boy. He had just turned 3 months when one morning, the mother had left for work, the father was supposed to bring his son to our house on his way to work. The phone rang, my wife answered, our son claimed his baby boy “was acting weird”….my wife calls me at work, we agree to meet there; she is closer so she gets there first, when I get there she’s already in her car rushing our grand child to the hospital (quicker than calling 911 in that case)…..our baby had been shaken, but not just shaken actually, he had been hit because he was crying…..! The little boy just turned 5, he was rendered a “vegetable”…does not see, barely hears, has zero muscle command, cannot sit or stand, barely a sound comes out of him. The list of the victims is long (in addition to the obvious one) : the mother, her 6 year old (at the time) daughter, the mother’s parents, our entire family with my wife and I topping the list. Our son is serving 12+ years. Sufficient or not, opinions will vary of course, but the problem does not rest in the sheer number of years, the real problem is that the criminal to that day has no genuine remorse (only remoreful to have been caught), blames all but him, especially the mother, writes threatening letters, is out for “revenge” toward the people who ” did him in” (his words)…etc. So this is a case where the sociopath is definitely a narcissist and displays obvious traits of violence. Having the opportunity to write this helps me “unload” some but I also think that the more cases people read about, the better their chances are to take “action” (whatever that may be) and prevent such tragedies. The next dreaded steps for us is when our little angel leaves us and then when our the perpetrator is released…will the mother of his child be next? his parents perhaps? it’s been seen before. We do plan, when time comes and if he still exhibits signs of wanting to hurt, on pleading with the authorities to keep him in a mental facility. How sad, how tragic, how irreversible….from our own flesh.
Thank you for reading.
March 20, 2014 at 4:56 pm
Oh my! What a tragedy for all of you! I can feel and hear your hurt, not only for all of your loved ones, but also for your son who is burdened with this type of personality. A strong personal faith helps tremendously. One of my most successful responses to tragedy is to say my “Thank You, God,”prayer. If you don’t like the word God you can substitute whatever name best speaks to you, The Creator, Divine Wisdom, the Great Healer… The prayer goes, “Thank you, God, for taking this tragedy and turning it into a blessing, into something more wonderful than if it had never happened.” And then believe, without doubt, that it will be so. Keep me informed. And thanks for sharing.
July 24, 2014 at 9:47 pm
DL, I’m asking how you and your family are doing? How your grandson is doing?
March 7, 2014 at 1:48 pm
reading these comments has really comforted me and made me feel im not alone and so many women have been through horrible expediences. i have been with my boyfriend for almost five years i love him more than anything and cant really control my feelings i have for him. he makes me laugh we watch films together, go out for meals with friends and he is my best friend. unfortunately a lot of things ive read on here he is.
no matter how many times i ask him to tell me facts or details the story changes or mixes up and i constantly get blamed for having paranoia. I want to feel angry but something inside of me accepts his lies and cheating ways. i dont no why i stay but something inside of me lets me stay and forgive.
my boyfriend is currently unemployed and has been for a year i suggested he get a job in the same shop i work in to get him out of the house and try and help .. one of the reasons he claimed that made him leave me after i found out he was cheating on me the first time.
i am constantly in tears most days over his cheating, the way he puts me down and his angry outbrusts , yet i still feel uncontrollable love for him. i found this article sitting in our flat we share on my own feeling like nobody understands… he currently claims hes out with a friend when really he is with his friends sister and has spent sevral hours there as apprently she gives great foot massages
in my head im screaming its all a joke and hes lying through his teeth but then the other part of me wants to believe . im the only girl in his life.
i would just like to thank everyone for their comments they help me understand im not alone in this. i hope something will change but i have waited and waited for a change that never seems to come … i have become very close to my partners family over time i dont no if they are aware of how our relationship is like .. im stuck in a pickle and i cant get out and feel terribly alone in reality …
March 20, 2014 at 5:12 pm
How frustrating for you. What would you like to change? What do you want for yourself? Happiness? Joy? True love? Your words say that you are not experiencing any of these.
Realize, you cannot change anyone else, only yourself. Forgiving is good, but that is not the same as condoning and accepting. Love is good, but first you must love yourself, without judgment, unconditionally. – THEN you can love others as you love yourself. Loving another does not mean enabling them in their false illusions. And there are some personalities that will never change because they don’t believe there is anything wrong with them – it’s always the other person’s fault.
I want you to know that you are loved by God and created from God’s love. If you don’t like the word, God, you may substitute any other name that is meaningful to you – Unconditional Love, the All Knowing, Divine Wisdom… Try this “Thank You, God…” prayer. “Thank you, God, for taking this situation and turning it into something wonderful, more magnificent than if this had never happened. Knowing that there is something better waiting for me, thank you for guiding me in the direction You want for my life.” What I suggest you do is to connect to the very center of your being where lies all of your answers. Listen to the Truth. Ask for courage to step out and change the pattern of your current life. Make good decisions for you, and for your life. This is the time to be strong and turn your life onto the path you truly want – the path you choose.
March 21, 2014 at 1:31 pm
…no they are NOT all men, but men are the majority according to statistics and I believe that; my own spouse of 45 years has slowly reached a point where she fits in that category…very difficult and very sad, after so many years; and no reasoning will do, nothing. I am a very patient man who listens with ease and truth, who always tries to make everyone “happy” within our family, but at times it seems “evil? prevails…..good luck to all of you “victims” of co-habitation with such person.
March 22, 2014 at 3:02 pm
I understand what you are saying, and I’m sure you also know cannot ‘make’ anyone else happy – that is an inside out job for each person. What we can do is center within Spirit ourselves and be loving to ourselves and others – sometimes that inner calmness and joy within us affects others around us.
March 10, 2014 at 12:10 pm
Pamela……..leave him …now …save yourself years of mental /emotional abuse./ later physical .. and live the rest of your life for you…x
March 20, 2014 at 5:13 pm
March 13, 2014 at 5:51 am
Good God!! Is it more common for men than women to be narcissistic sociopaths? After reading peoples comments just sitting in complete shock. These are all the characteristics of my GF and her whole family. She is a complete mess. From the constant lying never taking account for her own actions to always needing everyone’s approval I met her and she had said she was divorced only to realize she was still married. I fell head over heels for this woman would do anything for her only to be yelled at for non existent issues. With me always going back to her begging for her to take me back. I spent countless dollars on her. we would always meet in parks, restaurant’s never coming to my place to just hang out. we would make countless plans and always ending with her just completely ignoring me then call me a day later like nothing happened I have finally come to realization she never loved or cared for me. when I started having an intuition or feeling something was up with her, I did my investigating to only find out that she had been seeing another person and possibly another man. I am totally crushed but I will move on from this just not really sure if I could ever trust again going to make me very jaded and guarded to say the least. it is taking every bit of my soul to not exact revenge on her for feeling absolutely used and humiliated. My only saving grace is that she’s 46, has no valuables, or career to speak of, in debt up to her eyeballs, and aging very rapidly.
March 20, 2014 at 5:23 pm
The first person I realized was a Charming Sociopath was a woman. I was confused and blindsided by her being so pleasant to my face, then to my back, plotting and turning people against me, telling lies about me, and even tried to get me fired so that she could have my job. I knew she was stealing from our company, but I had no proof. I finally looked up the attributes on the Internet, and they exactly fit this kind of personality. So, they aren’t all men.
Although you don’t realize it, you are fortunate you have her figured out. This type of personality cannot love. Their emotions are shallow. They think of people as suckers and to be used to benefit them, and without remorse.
Decide what you want for YOUR life. All change comes from inside you. All choices are yours to make to create the life you want. Only you can do this. Envision what you want and make your choices accordingly to help you reach that vision. Until you walk away from this, you will not be available for the perfect person as a companion. This type of personality sucks people in and does damage before the unwary, trusting person realizes what is happening. It’s not you. It’s the way they work, and manipulate.
Let me know how it is working out for you. God bless.
April 23, 2014 at 5:01 am
How unfortunate that I do know people like this!
May 9, 2014 at 10:23 pm
I have just ended my relationship with my sick sister. For years I have put up with her behaviour. This time was the last straw. She lies, she thinks that she is never wrong and life is about her, her and her. She doesn’t care who she hurts, family, friends anyone that comes into her life. She has never had a long lasting relationship and I found out my ex and her were seeing each other. It didn’t bother her, all she could say was he had a good body in the nude!!!! This time has been so hurtful for me. I have a fantastic friend who is just wonderful and this is where my sister went off..She told people I was gay, and many other nasty things about me. So I cut ties and this is where she became nasty. As a young teen I was abducted from a bus stop and held against my will with a gun to my head. She has told many people that I asked to be abducted because I wouldn’t get out the car. Abit hard when the car doesn’t have door knobs. She knew this yet still lied to many people and also about my son. My son is in his 20’s and has had a rough patch which I am working through with him. With all this gossip about my abduction , it has caused some very bad memories. flash backs, panic attacks. My psychologist was working through this with me and now I feel over welmed.
May 13, 2014 at 7:54 pm
Oh my! I’m so sorry you are going through this, but glad you recognized the personality defect when you did. I’m sure it’s very difficult when the person is a sibling.
Believe in yourself. In your son. Ask for and accept Divine Guidance. You are special and unique. Love yourself and know this isn’t any of your doing. God bless.
May 14, 2014 at 4:39 am
She sounds a lot like my sister, and I had gotten to the point where I will not allow her to hurt me with her lies, manipulation and guilt trips she put on me in the past. She was also very mean to me growing up, and as an adult. I finally told her how I felt about her selfishness through a message on facebook, but I had to block her so she wouldn’t reply and blame me for everything while continuing to hurt me. I’m sure she doesn’t understand why I blocked her because she never sees HER WRONGS, but I really don’t care at this point since there comes a time when you have to start protecting yourself.
June 24, 2014 at 10:15 pm
I’m sorry to be so slow approving this posting. For some reason it wasn’t showing up. Sounds like you are choosing the right actions for you, and yes, loving yourself is important. Sadly, your sister has to live with her behavior which means she is truly an unhappy person inside. You are the one who is truly free.
May 13, 2014 at 1:28 pm
I have been dealing with this my whole life and finally stopped it 2 years ago. My sister has mental issues and this article describes her to a t. She has attacked me and my family for the past two years and dragged my parents into her delusional world. My mother will not have anything to do with me anymore for that I feel bad but once again the division was created by this sociopathic person. Reading this only makes me wonder why it took me so long to wake up to it. I am so glad that I found this.
May 13, 2014 at 7:56 pm
I audibly sighed in relief to know you are strong and realistic and are beyond anything your sister can or will do to you. I’m proud of you! God bless.
May 13, 2014 at 3:01 pm
Well, I have to say that I’m very glad to have found this site. Although I’m also very sad to see how many others have been through such horrible experiences. I’ve recently left my husband of 3 years and have maintained NO Contact with him for about a month now. It’s been difficult but this last time was the absolute worst ever and he really left me only three choices: 1. I could stay and succumb to the abuse 2. stay and continue to fight with him against his abuse 3. Leave. I chose door #3. I’ve lost everything because of this man; my home, life savings, three jobs, almost all of my belongings have either been broken, damaged, lost or sold. I literally have nothing left. Two days before my birthday and less than one month away from our third year anniversary I found out about a recent affair. Of course he started with the lies, manipulations and gaslighting. I told him I didn’t want to hear it and he told me to go F*&^ myself. I left him during one of his famous silent treatments and cold shoulder act. that’s what he does when he’s caught. There is so much here that I can relate to and share more but I don’t want to take up too much space and time with this one post.
I’m glad to have the opportunity to write about this and share with others. thank you all!
May 13, 2014 at 8:01 pm
You say you are left with nothing, but in reality you are left with the most precious of treasures – YOU. The REAL you is what is left when everything else is taken away, but no one can take away what you truly are – an eternal soul created by the Ultimate Creator. Wow, so glad you saw the truth when you did. That knowledge empowers you to live the life you are meant to live. God bless.
May 14, 2014 at 4:41 pm
you’re right! When thinking about everything he’s taken from me, he hasn’t taken ME! only pieces that can be mended. thank you!
May 14, 2014 at 8:23 pm
Yea for you!
July 12, 2014 at 7:33 am
July 13, 2014 at 7:33 pm
Thanks! And so true.
June 1, 2014 at 9:40 am
I had an experience with not one but two sociopaths. One would constantly create fights and tensions and then stand back see them explode and then say how she only wanted everyone to get on!! It took some time to see thru her as she could seem so warm, but anytime she was challenged she would start a fight (usually in front of someone) and make me feel like I had been so wrong. The other was her friend who she would tell how I said this and done that to her. The friend being only too ready to have a victim would bully me at all opportunities and still has not tired of doing so 12 years on. She has attacked me damaged my car and told ppl outrageous lies about me to curry favour. Both are pathological liars and seem to believe their fantasy fakery. They have done everything they can do try to remove me from social circles. They really got to me and I got so depressed. Both have instigated so much hatred and nastiness then turn it around as if it has been done to them. These are everyday ppl and I have to hope that they will be seen for what they are one day but so far they are still manipulating and ppl are falling for their fantasy lies… I suppose we have been bought up with too many fairy stories and like the idea of goodies and badies, for now I am the badie.
They really crushed me and my spirit and I am still finding it tough to come back from, but I will as I cannot allow them to destroy me.
June 2, 2014 at 11:27 pm
You are not their lies and manipulations! You are not impotent. You are not crushed. You are not a victim. ONLY IF YOU ALLOW IT! You are a child of God with access to all of The Creator’s wisdom, joy and power. Why have you not broken from these two people and created a life without them?
Love yourself! Loving yourself means doing what is right for you. Be the strong Divine-Guided person you are. If God is for you, then who can be against you? Take courage and make a life change. You can do it. The power of the Universe is within you. Use it for you. Let me know how you are doing.
June 4, 2014 at 7:14 am
[…] How to spot a sociopath, from the website “Profile of the Sociopath.” […]
June 24, 2014 at 11:28 pm
Anyone inferring that our president is a sociopath would be engaging in propaganda and, thus, would most probably be the true sociopath. I can only wonder how distorted your mind must be to think Barack Obama has a malignant personality. Are you just a raciest or are you also one of those low I.Q. conservatives.
June 27, 2014 at 1:46 pm
Its been 4 days since I cut off contact with a man I really believe is a sociopath. I met him on a Christian dating website. When we started talking, it began as a bible study, except he said he was the only one who could accurately interpret the bible. He bullied me to stop going to my church and convinced me that if I wanted eternal life, I must be completely submissive to him. He said he was a prophet. I went along with this for a few weeks because aside from this craziness, I was very attracted to him. He was also very convincing with his conspiracies. But once I told him I missed going to my church and that I was going back, he lost it. He became very disrespectful and condescending. He told me bad things were going to start happening to me because I went against him after he had told me the ‘truth’. Around this same time, my 94 year old grandmother had a stroke and passed away. On the day of the wake, this man calls me to tell me that she died because I had gone against the Holy Spirit in Him. It was at that point that I decided I couldn’t keep this up anymore. I disconnected my phone and cut off all communication with him. Luckily he lives in a different state so I don’t have to see him. Writing this now I realize how insane all this sounds, and for the life of me, I have no idea why I gave him so much of my time or attention.
July 23, 2014 at 11:51 pm
Dear akitagirl78: First and foremost, the man in your comment is not and never has been a speaker for the Holy Spirit – in fact he is the opposite. Do you know how I know? Because the Holy Spirit is of God, our Source, and God is LOVE. UNCONDITIONAL AND NON-JUDGMENTAL LOVE. Not control and hatred and threats. These people use guilt to control others, claiming they speak for God. But all we have to do is listen to their words and see their actions. If they are loving, patient, kind, compassionate, and full of joy, then they are representing the Truth of God. If not, then they are lying, so move on. Sadly, he is the one who lives with all of that hatred and bitterness inside of him, with no break, unlike the rest of us who can walk away and live joyous lives. Be your fabulous Self.
God bless you.
July 22, 2014 at 5:06 pm
First, I commend you for this blog. Reading others’ comments, I am astounded at the absolute evilness of NSPs…to willfully and viciously target, manipulate, use, abuse and discard others without a conscience…it truly boggles my mind. I have experienced this twice back-to-back, one female and one male. In a nutshell, both of these soulless monsters tried their damnedest to destroy my life. In the case of the male, here purposefully targeted me because of the female’s inside info. about me. I am a person who gives my all to those I love and care about and these monsters abused my kindness. I did not realize the depth of depravity of these monsters until it was almost too late. Although the female and I attend the same church, I have no communication nor contact with either. In the case with the male, I have maintained a vigilant watch since I know he is hell bent in destroying my life. I am beginning the long journey of recovery from these two monsters but I am determined to see my healing.
July 23, 2014 at 11:40 pm
You are a brave soul and I admire you that you see the Truth of who you are and of those around you. You are valuable, and this experience will allow you to help others facing the same situation. I am stunned by how many there are. I can’t help but wonder why??
What would be worse would to be one of the ones doling out such misery, because all of that misery has to first reside within them before they can unleash it on others. They live with this personality defect 24/7, while you can walk away and be the magnificent person you already are. What a hell for them.
God bless you.
July 24, 2014 at 6:27 am
I happen to be in a dilemma. Even though I have blocked my n sister on facebook after sending her a message about how I feel of her selfishness (which I think she never got to read, so she is clueless), she has gone through her husband’s facebook and contacted me. I have not replied, but I am afraid she will find a way to get through to me. I don’t want confrontation b/c she always gets angry and becomes extremely mean and hateful, but if I tell her why I don’t want a relationship with her that is how she will behave. I have never told her how she has made me feel other than maybe mentioning she was mean to me growing up. It has been a lot more than that and has continued through adulthood. She has also used everyone than has been close to her in the family, and whom have allowed it until they finally saw her for who she really is. She stole from my aunt’s checking account while my aunt was hospitilized, and eventually moved to hospice and assisted living. By the time my aunt found out, it was a total of $5,000 AND she also used my aunt’s identity to purchase a cell phone and c.p. plan after she had told her she wasn’t going to help her get one. My sister is very self-centered and abusive but lives in this fantasy world of hers that she is a good person and does no wrong. She lies so much, I think she actually believes her lies. She has trashed me behind my back to other people when I don’t give her what she wants, but I have been very generous to her at times. There comes a time when you can only give someone help, but should have the ability to say no because you can’t keep giving especially when you are giving to someone who has mistreated you most of your life. I have never met anyone else who is the older sibling and thinks their younger sister is supposed to help them out. I am the younger sibling and I feel it is not my place to take care of her, but being kind or generous at one time or another is fine. This all boils down to her contacting me over a year ago to send her money or help b/c her apt. burned and she lost everything. She moved out of state and found a good job from what I hear, so she is doing ok. I refused to send her any money, but I am not going to become a victim anymore. Like I said, there comes a time when you have to protect yourself. How long can this continue to go on? And how do I let her know it needs to stop?
August 5, 2014 at 7:20 am
Sadly, this is my mother! To a T! I cut her out of my life years ago and slowly, over time, let her back in at arms length because we have such a big family and I didn’t want her drama to ruin things that didn’t have anything to do with her. Well, that blew up last weekend. She went out of her way to send me a text message attacking me, out of nowhere!! I ignored the drama and let it go, but she just kept going. So I snapped…kind of. I told her she was insane and needed mental help and that this is why I don’t let her in my life and then promptly deleted her from my life and told her to never contact me again. I am a grown woman with nearly grown children who also don’t have a relationship with her much above cordial and very occasional interactions. Part of me would like nothing more than to print out what she sent me and mail it to every member of the family. But the other part of me says…it will do no good because she will just find a way to keep playing the victim. Ugh! Even at almost 40 years old, that lunatic finds a way to get in. No more!! Im done!!
I wonder if I can just call Adult Protection services and have her deemed a threat to herself and have her locked away! Oh how I wish! I would be doing the world a HUGE favor!!!
September 4, 2014 at 12:58 am
Hi there! This post couldn’t be written any better! Looking through this post reminds me
of my previous roommate! He constantly kept talking about this.
I will forward this information to him. Fairly certain he will have a great read.
Thank you for sharing!
September 13, 2014 at 2:11 pm
Sounds like you are thriving from the experience. We all learn lessons from such personalities, such as becoming stronger people, staying positive and loving ourselves, valuing how wonderful we are as creations from a Higher Power, knowing when to decide you’ve learned all you want from that experience and walking away. Thank YOU for sharing! God bless.
October 19, 2014 at 1:01 am
What’s Happening i’m new to this, I stumbled
upon this I have found It absolutely helpful and it has helped me out
loads. I am hoping to contribute & help different customers like its helped me.
October 19, 2014 at 2:00 am
I left my Narc of 3 years about 5 weeks ago and have managed no contact throughout, unless about our son. I feel so much stronger this time I’ve not thought about him at all I really think I’ve cracked it this time.
He left me in January of this year forced me into having a termination got with another poor girl got her pregnant and forced her into having a termination then left her, He came back to me in (April) he gave me all the talk about how being with her made him realise how much he loved me he had changed etc..
I took him back but regretted it the next day I knew deep down he could never change but of course I carried on hoping he had. I had done so much work into putting myself back together but slowly I turned into the doormat I was before, it took him 1 month to have me back to a frightened little shell.
I put up with 5 months and finally I decided I was Going to play him at his own game and hopefully he would ‘Discard me’ I ignored him I took the kids out everyday and came home just as he was going to work and if we were both at home I would stay in my bedroom of course he hated this and didn’t know where I was going and more to the point who I was with. Of course he started jumping to conclusions and then blew up into a rage and discarded me, Job done. I was over the moon as he left with his bags I smiled at him and laughed I acted the total opposite to what I usually did when he left which I am sure really annoyed him.
I think taking him back that last time gave me some kind of closure.
I am now 5 weeks no contact I am happier and stronger than I have ever been, of course I no he’s going be on the hoover soon but he wont get back in this time.
My advise is if you feel strong enough turn the tables on him give him what he has given you and he will disappear very quickly then you can start to slowly rebuild your life.
October 22, 2014 at 7:38 pm
Good for you! Proud of you for valuing your worth, for being successful in getting so cleverly out of your relationship, and for going on with your life you are creating for yourself. Our choices determine out lives, and you made a perfect choice.
November 30, 2014 at 1:14 am
I understand the hurt, anger and frustration from being victimized. What I don’t understand is how they learned to be this way – so angry and evil. Where does this come from? I don’t think these Men were from some crazy little village where they breed this insanity. I have watched my Brother evolve into this nightmare. With such a grim outcome spoken of regarding counseling, meds and rehabilitation- What do we do wtih them? What island do I send him back to until he is better?
December 26, 2014 at 1:05 pm
I’m hoping someone here can confirm that the man I was seeing is in fact a sociopath or just a complete asshole! It started four months ago, we worked for the same company and he was highly adored among his immediate Co workers and boss as they loved his kindness, sense of humor and hard work. Overtime I would catch him starring at me out of the corner of my eye, he was always smiling and just had a look of love and awe in his eyes for me. I was married but legally separated and living alone yet no one in our company knew of this. He had been apparently inquiring about me for a while only to be told I was married by our Co workers. After a few weeks of flirting he got my number from a mutual friend and coworker, we started texting and went out on our first few dates. He always maintained eye contact, to the point that I felt guilty for not always reciprocating the stares. He told me on our third date that he had been in a 7 year relationship where the girl ended up “messing up” in the end. I assumed he meant she cheated on him. I remember sitting at dinner when he got very serious, looked me dead in my eyes and told me that the last few girls he dated were all caught in lies. I asked him to elaborate, but he would never go into detail. He also told me that his sister was a pathological liar. All of this made me believe that he was a very trustworthy person that detested lying. I felt the need to make sure I was always honest with him because of this. At the time I figured he just liked me so much and was worried about me still being legally married, even though I reassured him that I was no longer in love with my husband and that it had been over for quite a while. He presented himself to be quite the conservative catholic, complete with crucifixes around his house. He rarely cussed and classiness was something that he sought out in women and thought he exuded. He was so utterly gorgeous with the most perfect body, he spoke beautifully and was to me the most charming, perfect man. I remember the first time I was sitting on his bed I asked if he had a lot of girls in this bed in the past. He looked at me and stated not as many as you would think, I have a pretty strong moral code. And so our sexual relationship began. The most fulfilling, amazing part was that he was over the top affectionate. He had to always be touching me in a loving way, either holding hands or holding my body so close to his that it was sometimes suffocating. I loved it though, drank it right up. My marriage had been so empty and this seemed to be the perfect relationship, I never knew how much I loved affection until him. He embodied the strong type with a child like innocence. We moved very fast after a few weeks he suggested that he and his best friend rent my house from me, it never happened but I thought wow! He’s planning on staying around for quite a while! It made me so happy. He was so sweet, we never argued, just laughed and had fun, most of the time into the wee hours of the night. But then one night we were talking about places we’d like to travel and I said Australia, that I had a friend there and would love to go. He looked at me and said I don’t believe you. My reaction was you have some serious trust issues! He hadn’t laughed at his comment so I assumed he was serious. I always felt like he was almost trying to catch me in a lie.. The next day something came over me and I texted him to say, most of the time when someone thinks you’re lying, they’re usually the liars. Projection. He pretty quickly tried to end us via text message stating that he was kidding the night before and that bc we worked together, if things ended badly in the future it would be hard. I was shocked that we could be what I thought was insanely close, I felt and thought that he was in love with me and that he could end it so easily. I also didnt understand why things would ever have to end badly…After I begged him to call me we talked it over on the phone and in that conversation he sounded like a different person. Cold. He started projecting, saying that it seemed like I wanted something very serious but that it takes time to build a relationship. I had never pressured him into anything serious, I was going with the flow. I ended up feeling guilty that I started the argument over his trust issues, something he had confided in me. My apologies weren’t good enough though, he decided he didn’t want a girlfriend. I was in total shock as it seemed like we were soul mates. Never had I felt so loved and like I could give all my love to someone. I was so desperate to keep him and I thought with time that he would realize he was wrong. So I offered for us to be friends with benefits. He declined saying he only liked to have sex in relationships and that he would feel guilty because of his high moral code but we could still hang out and be friends. I begged and pleaded with him to change his mind telling him that I didn’t want anything serious, and we wouldn’t become attached like he worried would happen, he refused to budge. I left that conversation devastated, gutted. Something beautiful ended so easily. The next day he came over to my house to talk. Except I had nothing left to say, I had called out of worked and cried my eyes out all day. That night he ended up weaseling his way into my arms while we watched a movie, cuddling, kissing and eventually amazing sex. From then on he said we would do it my way. What followed was a month or more of amazing nights together, moments where he told me he loved me so much, laughter, friendship, extreme intimacy. Waking up to him looking at me and smiling, and him stating how happy he was. Peter was an avid runner, weight lifter, and his degree was in nutrition. One night I came over after he just got back from a run. He was in the oddest mood I had ever encountered. He was hyper, being passive agressive and almost mean to me. It’s hard to explain but I remember searching my mind to figure out what I had done to bother him. At the same time he was smiling and being sweet as he wanted me to stay with him that night. I started to tell him what was going on with me that day, my family dog had to be put down. He never said sorry or anything. He actually said I was boring. When I told him my good, elderly friend and coworker had to go to the hospital he simply looked at me and said with no emotion, maybe he’ll die. I was shocked. I’ve never seen someone be so cold. Another evening around this same time, he had his hand between my knees while we talked on his bed. Out of nowhere he pinched some fat on my leg and just held it. As if to point out a flaw. I told him immediately to not pinch me like that. He did this a second time, different night, while we were in the midst of being intimate, he took a pinch of fat on my stomach. I thought this was the weirdest, mind fuck ever. This is the same man that openly stated he loved my sexy curves and body early on in our relationship! He was always turned on by me. I overlooked this. Just as I overlooked his excessive drinking and almost daily driving. He would at times drink beers while stuck in traffic. Once he told me he had a six pack on his way home from work. I neglected this, even though I knew it was beyond wrong. That’s how in denial I was. He was a very hard worker, and super responsible. He was a bartender on the weekends and as I got to know him he let me know that he would stay out until 8am drinking after work with coworkers, then drive home 30 mins away. So immature for a 28 year old. Still his charm and extreme affection had a spell over me. Other than our 1 disagreement over his trust issues, we never fought. After a work party one night he drove his car into a curb and popped his tire. It didn’t seem to phase him too much. We had an amazing night together that night, cuddling and loving each other all night while we slept, same as always. But that was the last normal night. From there he became distant. The more days went by, we didn’t spend time together and he barely talked to me. The couple of times that i saw him he just treated me like a friend, and gave me very light, distant hugs goodbye. Never spoke of seeing eachother in the future. At times he wouldn’t look me in the eyes, he wouldn’t let me go into his room or if we did the door stayed open. He lives with two roommates. I had no idea what happened. I questioned if he wanted to see someone else and he said no, he just wanted to slow it down, same thing he said the first time he tried to end it. I knew it had to be more. When I pressed him for more details he said I just wanted drama in my life. I asked him several times over a week period if I should move on from him, he would never reply, just ignored those questions. I made it so easy for him to say yes, I’m over you! He stopped speaking to me for 2 weeks. The last text he sent said, “I don’t want to be mean but I don’t need anymore drama in my life.” I had never yelled or cried in front of him, I really didn’t think I had been dramatic at all. We hadn’t gone more than 2 days without talking up until then. I was beside myself with pain and regret. Almost suicidal as I thought I had ruined the best thing that ever happened to me. I plead with him via multiple texts to talk to me, he knew I was devastated to lose him from my life. Finally as I was starting to accept that it was over for now, yet still holding out hope in the future, he called me. It was this past Sunday morning at 8am. He was on his way home from work and wanted to hang out, said it had been so long but not to over think it. We spent 24 hours together. We didn t have sex but man did he try. He was a sexual animal. We hooked up in other ways and he was his same affectionate self. I did notice two girls had texted him that morning. One of them I recognized as a bartender, but I never considered her his type at all, so I didn’t worry. He asked me to dinner and to stay the night. He cuddled me on and off all night. I left monday morning. Monday night I just had a bad feeling. I went to his house and saw a car i didn’t recognize there. I made a plan to say I couldn’t find my phone and that it must be there. It was midnight. His roommate let me in and said Peter hadn’t been out of his room but I could knock. Peter all of a sudden walked out to us and stated with no emotion and with a slight egotistical bend that he was with someone right now. I was in shock but at the same time I wasn’t. I told him I had to go into his room to look for my phone. He said it wasn’t there, he had cleaned. He preceeded to go to his kitchen and I walked straight into his room. It was odd that he didn’t really try to stop me from going to his room where the other girl was, like he didnt protect her from thaf uncomfortable, upsetting situation. I waited in his bedroom and then she came out of his bathroom to find me, a random girl standing in what she thought was her sweet boyfriends bedroom at midnight. I said hi to her. I was in complete shock to find that she was what I would consider a very plain Jane. There is nothing wrong with that, but she just didn’t fit the person that I would think he would replace me with. It was a down grade looks wise and he was so much more attractive than her. It was crazy to me! Her shoes and purse were kind of ratty and her clothes were very blah. We always dressed well and looked sharp. He came into his bedroom and I demanded he help me look for my phone, I said they must be in the sheets! That I must have left it there this morning. I told him he was disgusting! He looked me in the eyes and said, she is why I stopped seeing you. I said, then why didn’t you call her!!! Why did you go to dinner with me? Why didn’t you tell me about her? He just kept saying how akward I was making it for him and that I was the most akward person in the world. He said he would never speak to me again! I left and he sent a slew of texts calling me a god damn bitch, blaming the entire thing on me. Saying that karma would come around to me and that I was just a booty call that day. He also said he would never see or talk to me again. As if i would want to know him after catching him in the act! I stood my ground the ended it letting him know how horrible of a liar and person he was. He assured me that he would patch things up with her. I said if she took him back she was just as big of an idiot as he was.The same Christian guy that didn’t like to lie or have sex outside of relationships made me the other woman. Immediately I thought, he definitely had to have been cheating on me when we were together. I realized it was all an act. If he had left me for plain Jane then they were in the early, honeymoon stage, yet here he was spending 24 hrs with me, being Uber sexual, snuggling, dinner and movie watching. Then just hours later being with her. It was all fake. All a lie. It never meant a thing. I looked back and remembered 3 occasions where cars slowly drove past his house in the middle of the night. It always seemed suspicious, like they were girls doing drive bys, seeing if he was home and what cars were there. Something I had done. I thought about a time when he was out of condoms when I was almost positive that we hadn’t used them all. But he always did things to reassure me like putting his phone right beside me for extended periods as if to say, I have nothing to hide. But this man was a walking contradiction. Never in my life have I known such a Dr. Jekyll ,Mr. Hyde. My few coworkers that know what happened were beyond shocked to find out that Peter was capable of doing what he did to me. And now I will go get tested for stds. This has been the worst Christmas but I am so grateful to know the truth. However, it’s still so fresh. He emotionally abused and brainwashed me so much that I still wonder if he was just a sweet, innocent guy that made a mistake. I miss his good side, even though I don’t think that was the real him.
December 26, 2014 at 4:59 pm
This is a GREAT CHRISTMAS for you! You found out the truth, and that truth will set you free. You are one fortunate woman to have discovered what he is before you invested any more of yourself in him – no marriage or shared property, no children.
Surely when you were writing this you realize he is unreliable and lies far too easily. He obviously uses people for his own pleasure and control without any concern for anyone else but himself. His emotions sound shallow and fake, only showing what he must to get what he wants, and in the process, he considers his targets as suckers. He sounds extremely controlling, like a master puppeteer jerking everyone’s strings.
Be grateful for finally knowing the truth of who he is. You are a loving, caring person and now you can start a new life without looking back. Breathe in your new freedom and realize your worth and value.
Know this about yourself – you are a strong woman who is loved by a Higher Power. This relationship, your job, your family and friends, your possessions and experiences are not who you are. No one can take from you what you truly are. You are magnificent beyond your imaginings. Consider this an opportunity to start fresh. Most important, love yourself for the wonderful person you are.
Something better will happen out of this than if it had never happened.
Keep me informed as to how you are doing.
God bless you.
December 26, 2014 at 5:10 pm
Michelle, I wish we did know the cause of this disease. Although this personality tries and sometimes does make life a nightmare for those around them, the one most affected is themselves because all of that manipulative mind-control hatred is inside them and something they live with every moment of their lives, while the others can choose to walk away.
I’m so sorry you are experiencing this. It almost seems as if he has been inhabited by a harmful spirit.
Pray for guidance and healing for yourself. You are precious and you are responsible for your own choices that will determine your life. We make choices for everything. Work on making choices that are right for you. This is your life. Live according to your dreams and goals.
God bless you.
January 5, 2015 at 9:14 pm
DO NOT PUBLISH MY EMAIL ADDRESS FOR MY SAFETY
Finally waking up from the nightmare of being married to a narcissistic sociopath for 35 years. Yes, 35 years!!! He had me convinced I was the fault of every problem we had and that I was stupid and worthless. I wasn’t allowed to leave the house or spend money without permission or have friends without his permission (so I didn’t and was socially isolated). If I left the house, there was hell to pay if I was even one minute late (accusations of multiple affairs, etc. I ask you, How can I have had sex with 10 men if I was only 5 minutes late coming home from the grocery??). I was allowed to go to church and the grocery by myself, nowhere else. I also suffered domestic violence if I upset him in any way or he was drunk. . . . .Verbal, emotional, and physical abuse for so long, and every part of my life was controlled by him. I look back now and wonder how in the world my life got to that point! After he nearly murdered me, I finally ran away. I was able to get into a shelter, where my eyes were opened to the reality of what I had been living. Sad to say it had become so “normal” for me that it has become a long process for me to be “unconditioned” and learn a new normal. The worst part was never knowing what would set him off; I lived my married life walking on eggshells and giving in to whatever he wanted in fear of his reaction/rage. We have now lived apart for 6 months; I was able to get a Protective Order and an eviction order for him to leave the house, which enraged him so much I was in fear for my life (not a new emotion). Because he has always considered all of our money and possessions to belong to him alone, he is furious that I “stole his house”. I am living in the house, but am struggling so much financially. But I much prefer to be poor and safe over living like I had been. The house will be sold and I don’t know where I will go, but at least I will do all I can to be safe. I can’t work as the stress of the abuse has caused serious health issues (multiple autoimmune dieases) and I had to quit working. I have been seeing a psychologist for 6 months due to PTSD; he had 4 sessions with both of us as, naturally, my husband claimed he was innocent and all of our problems were my fault and I was “crazy”. When the psychologist began pointing out my husband’s flaws, he became extremely angry and quit. He became so enraged at “what I did to him” (finally standing up to him for the first time in my life and not letting him control me anymore) that he actually filed for divorce 4 months into our separation. That shocked me! He always told me I belonged to him and he would never let me divorce him, and he would never divorce me; he always told me he would kill me first (and he nearly did!). Life isn’t easy; he is telling everyone I left because “I’m crazy” and he is innocent of any wrong doing. He is so social, knows so many people (and nearly every police officer in town, which is one reason he has always gotten away with the things he has done), is such a convincing liar, and can charm the pants off anyone, so people believe him. I am not going around telling people what he did, but it will all come out in court if he tries to ruin me financially. Yes, I have a lawyer; I also have evidence, I have the support of a new church (he made things so difficult for me I had to leave my old church), my physician, my psychologist, and have made new friends who are very supportive. Also, the shelter advocate has been there for me and has provided timely advice. I know it will be a fight, but I am finding out who I really am on my own and as hard and scary (very scary!) as it is, I will not let him bully me or control me ever again. Making decisions on my own has been a learning experience; lots of things are a new experience as I now have my freedom. Life is not easy, but it is wonderful to be free from the fear, control, and abuse. I had heard of narcissism, but had never heard of a narcissistic sociopath. I was informed of his diagnosis; I did not come up with it myself. So I am educating myself, and it shocks me to read how he fits the diagnosis to a “T”. I will not let him get near me or hurt me again, no matter what I have to do to guarantee it. I am becoming strong, am getting help, and am determined to stand up for myself. With help and support from my friends (yes, it’s wonderful to finally have friends!), I can do it. I WILL do it! My life depends on it; it truly does.
January 9, 2015 at 3:41 pm
Oh my, what a nightmare you’ve experienced! Yes, he does fit the description. You are doing all of the right things – a new church, an attorney, emotional support… At some point you will realize that you have the freedom to walk away and start a new life and make free choices that benefit you. He lives with himself 24/7. It is impossible to help someone who doesn’t think he has flaws.
I admire your strength. You are never alone – either spiritually or physically. You life is beginning anew and moving toward a new, exciting adventure.
God bless you.
January 9, 2015 at 4:10 pm
I have been doing a lot of research and now realize he will never change as he will never recognize he has any problems. So I am making a new life for myself and finding that I can be very happy by myself; quite content, actually😀. I finally realize that I WILL be ok!
January 10, 2015 at 2:21 pm
You are more than ok! You are magnificent! Yea you!!
January 10, 2015 at 6:36 pm
Thank you! I am finding out who I truly am, and I NOT who he told me I was; I am actually pretty great! Lots of healing done; lots more to do. But I am FREE!!!!! My life is not easy, but I love it! I truly am happy! I
am excited to see what the future holds😄
January 10, 2015 at 10:08 pm
Keep me informed, OK? I care. And I’m proud of you. And remember, you are never alone. Divine Guidance is yours whenever you ask.
January 12, 2015 at 8:41 am
I’m so happy i found this site. It’s been 6 years with her and it’s always been my fault. Anything thats wrong is all my fault. I’ve been critically attacked daily for years. She’s lied to me and justifies it by saying she knew she wouldn’t like my reaction (control), She came between me and my family, contacting them in secrecy and my friends. She isolated me and never took any blame or responsibity. Recently I found out she’s been plotting against me, preparing to sell the home out from under me because it’s in her name. She’s manipulated me to take care of her kids until they were old enough to care for themselves at night because this is when she works and refused to change (has probably been sleeping around). I haven’t had a peaceful holiday in years. When my kids come over 4 nights a month, she starts a fight like clock work and refuses to come out and socialize. She controls and manipulates everyone around her and when I mention it she says it’s me whose controlling because I’m asking her where she is or get upset when she doesn’t talk to me all night when she’s doing hardly anything at work but sleeping (around?). I just feel so stupid for wasting so much time. I know I have issues and that I’m not perfect but she wouldn’t ever say that. I’m just so tired of something always being wrong and of being isolated. My selfesteem is in the toilet. My life is in there too. I need to get away but she always draws me back. I need strength I just dont have right now.
January 12, 2015 at 8:47 am
Forgot to mention the abuse too. She’s broken our tv, scratched me, slapped me, talked about me behind my back to gain support, threatened me, financially abused me, emotionally abused me, thrown glasses and other breakables all over, slammed walls and doors, bursts out in tears for no apparent reason one day and the next is all hyper and wont sleep for days after. It’s nuts.I’m nuts for staying!
January 16, 2015 at 9:39 am
You’ve made the first important step – you’ve researched the personality and realize it is NOT YOU! Letting go of the familiar for the unknown is difficult, but you are given the freedom of the Power of Choice – that means you and only you can choose what you want for your life; no one else can choose for you, I don’t know about your spiritual beliefs, but making those choices with Divine Guidance are the ones most beneficial for you because you have Direct Guidance for the right choice instead of wishing and hoping you’re choosing well. If you don’t like the results of your choices you’ve made then you have the freedom to choose again for better results.
The most important part is loving yourself. You are unique and special and magnificent. Yes you are! I know the truth for you even if you don’t that you are created by God from God’s love and wonderfulness. You might not realize that yet, but hopefully someday you will remember your Oneness with the Divine, which also gives you an inner power, love and access to the Divine Intelligence to remember you are an individualized point of the Divine within the Divine.
First, love yourself, without judgment, and with compassion, then you can love others as you love yourself. Love comes from inside. You first must have that love within you in order to share it.
The other part of this is knowing what you want. What do you want for your life? See a mental picture of the results of what you want for you then decide (again with Divine Guidance for the best result, BUT THAT IS YOUR CHOICE), what choices you need to make to result in the end you desire. Give it some deep inner thought and out-picturing. We’re not talking about physically harming anyone else on your part. We’re talking about what is best for you.
The other part is forgiving of yourself and others. YOU have the choice to walk away and choose differently. The one with a damaged personality disorder lives with that unhappiness inside them 24/7. That is how they see the world, which makes it difficult for them to change because they don’t see they have anything to change.
This last part is up to you, but I’ve learned from years of experience that the most fulfilling life comes from when you surrender your will to God’s will and that they are one. God knows you better than you know yourself and, with your permission and allowance, will guide you into the life you desire.
God bless you.
January 19, 2015 at 5:46 pm
I get mad when women call me out
January 19, 2015 at 5:55 pm
I don’t know what you mean by getting mad when women call you out. Please explain.
January 25, 2015 at 10:25 am
Obviously, as all of these comments show, a good chunk of narcissistic sociopaths are despicable people. But I also want to say that not all of us are the monsters we’re made out to be. I’m appalled by the comments saying all sociopaths should be killed. Plenty of us, such as myself, are able to hold down important jobs (for example, I’m basically just the average young woman going to medical school to be a surgeon), and don’t purposely hurt people every chance we get. It’s difficult sometimes to make sure we don’t, thanks to the lack of empathy, but nearly all of the sociopaths I’ve met at least TRY to maintain some personal relationships. One of the things about narcissistic sociopathy that people seem to forget is that we’re in constant need of reassurance. If we act out and burn our bridges, that link to reassurance is gone.
That makes me think most of the stories above don’t sound like just sociopathy. They mostly sound like sociopathy mixed with something like schizophrenia.
I’m definitely not saying we deserve pity, or even that we’re good people. I’ll be the first to say that most sociopaths aren’t good people. I’m just saying that we’re human beings. You have no idea what it’s like to look for information on your condition, and having everything you find be about how terrible you are and how everybody should keep away from you. It’s like if a cancer patient looked up treatment plans, and only found websites saying “chemotherapy costs taxpayers a lot of money, so we should just let them all die”.
I didn’t ask to be a sociopath. I didn’t ask to have no empathy, to get bored with everything so quickly, to find myself lying even when I don’t mean to. Almost everything says sociopaths don’t see anything wrong with themselves, but in my experience that isn’t the case. Life is miserable as a sociopath. Having no emotions, losing friends whenever they learn the truth about you, and losing interest in things in the blink of an eye makes everything just seems futile. Living a happy and fulfilling life is impossible as a sociopath, and I’d accept any opportunity to be “normal” in a heartbeat.
I’ve gone on long enough, I should wrap things up now. Empathy once again fails me, but I imagine that if I had it I would feel so sorry for what everybody here has gone through. I’m not asking you to think we’re perfect, model people, because obviously most of us aren’t. Just recognize that we are in fact people, and that there are those of us who try.
(I apologize if anybody sees my commenting here as an affront to a safe space. I didn’t mean it as such.)
January 26, 2015 at 9:59 pm
Are you sure you’re diagnosed as a narcissistic sociopath? You have an understanding that is unusual, from what I’ve read. My question to you is if you really want a healing? If you do, then there is a path for you. Do you have any Spiritual beliefs in a Higher Power? If so, there are healers who can help you realign with what you truly are – One with the Creator, made from the same Unconditional Love. The only thing holding you back from that healing is yourself and your beliefs. Healing is available for you, and it comes from within, not outside of you. If you want to discuss this more, reply.
March 12, 2015 at 11:42 am
March 12, 2015 at 10:00 pm
Of course you realize that it is your choice whether or not you continue to date that person. What do you choose for the kind of life you want for yourself?
March 27, 2015 at 7:07 am
[…] narcissistic sociopath on the other hand, has “a noticeable lack of regard for the rights of others and a tendency […]
April 9, 2015 at 11:03 am
OMG,,,, I just escaped from a sociopath. My husband, Tom Salinas who terrorized me and had total control of me. I was under his control for 12 years. The last time he may me,.he broke both my arms. He then the me to the floor,.Brooke my phone so I couldn’t call for help. After he broke my arms, he walked up to me . I looked up st him and started.being him to help me. I was so vulnerable and unable to protect myself from him. I put my arms under my body. I was so scared he would try to pull me up by arms, which was his usual favorite form of beating. Pull me up and throw me around. My arms were so badly broken, Mr hands were useless,they just kind of flopped outward at an unnatural way. I was crying begging him to please help me. But my sobbing and begging seemed to make him feel bigger, almost God like. He didn’t help. Instead, he began to kick me.in my face. He kept kicking me for about 5-10 minutes fracturing my face in three places. Ignoring my cries of pain. I began to yell for help. We lived in an apartment. I began yelling he was beating me and both my arms were broken. No body responded. Desperate,.I changed my cries from “Help!” To “oh my God, Herr just set the the house on fire. Somebody please call 9-1-1. Oh my God fire!”
He stopped kicking me.and grabbed my l hair backward so I was looking at him. I swear I was looking at the gave of Satan. He was almost put oh breath when he.asked me if I was going to stop screaming. I nodded yes and and as soon as let go of my hair, I jumped up and ran out of the apartment. Every one who lives in the building was outside and told me 911 was on the way. I was hospitalized for over two months and after weeks in casts, both my arms had to be rebroken and plates and screws were used in both arms. That’s what holds my hands to.my arms.
I stayed away from him for 14 months. He was indicted by the grand jury.who changed him with four felony counts. He found me a couple weeks before the trial and kept me from testifying. But that is a whole new story.
He never apologized. He says I made the whole thing up in my head. He tries to get me to believe I fell.
Six weeks ago, I escaped (again). This time it’s different.. I know who and what he is.. Sociopaths get their victims away friends and family and use brainwashing behavior so we can’t get away.
I’m healing well. I filed for divorce and have a strict no contact order of protection.for a year. I moved to a different part of town and my address is strictly protected.
Anyone who thinks they are being victimize. And under the control of a sociopath, get out NOW!!! I escaped with only two suitcases. I left my car and a house full if furniture. That was something I I didn’t want to ssh. He has everything. I don’t care about those things any more. He was found to kill me if I didn’t just run.
Also, if you’re ever attacked,v dint cry for help, yell “Fire!” People will respond quick and fast cause fire invokes their safety.
Tom Salinas is from Chicago. He lives in Tempe.Arizona. Getting caught up with him may cost your life. He is charming and romantic and cleans up well, I’m so happy to finally be free.
II used to think the good times were and how loved and desired he mate me feel, the abuse was worth it. Not now. I wish I had escaped years ago. I lost so much. My marriage and all he made me believe was never real. . I was never a wife, I was only his victim. All lies and deceit.
April 9, 2015 at 12:06 pm
Oh my gosh, Debra! I’m so sorry you suffered through your husband’s hateful sickness. I’m glad you left him and started a new life, a new adventure.
I want you to know that you are not your experiences. That horrible situation and your ex-husband do not determine your True Worth, an Eternal Spirit, loved by God now and forever. You are a fabulous being and you are now at the stage of freedom where you must decide to make your own choices in order to create the life you desire. Never give that freedom of choice away!
First, envision what you want as a desired result in your life, then work backwards to determine what choices you make (cause), to result in your chosen goal (effect).
You can do this. And never, ever, give away your freedom to choose for yourself. That right is yours alone.
Remember, you are loved and you are love.
God bless you.
May 10, 2015 at 9:07 pm
I’m married to someone diagnosed with anti social personality disorder. I have been married to him for 23 years and he has been abusive, lies, cheats repeatedly. I can’t try to make it work anymore. I blame myself if I think about why I haven’t left. I’ve been so nieve and believed him every time he said he loved me and wouldn’t cheat again. Now I’m just trapped In a marriage to someone who never loved me. We have three kids I have to protect. Since the recent diagnosis I have taken care of him. He doesn’t work. I take him to the psychiatrist and make sure he takes his medicine. But violent outbursts occur when he doesn’t get his way still. He won’t leave because he doesn’t have a way of supporting himself and I fear what will happen if I’m not there to feed him the pills. I have been threatened, physically and mentally abused so I am totally a victim. I back down every time I see the evil start to rise in him. I feel lost. I have faith in god but I used my free will to ignore gods guidance and married a horrible person. Now what do I do? Without having to quit my job and move my children to hide the rest of my life? Any ideas?
May 10, 2015 at 9:50 pm
I’m so very sorry you are suffering your husband’s illness. However, you mentioned the key. You have Free Will, a Divine gift given to you and everyone. You have the Power to Choose, and that power is yours and yours alone. Only you can give that power away. Reclaim your power. if you don’t like the effects of your choices, then with the guidance of God’s Pure Intelligence, decide what is right for you and the children and work backwards as to what choices you can make that will result in the desires of what you know from deep down in your heart is the right choice to make. Don’t let fear make this decision for you. It is too important. Choose from the Power of God.
You mentioned three children who might be suffering through this with scars of their own. They have a right to a good life. You are allowing one abusive, lying, cheating person to control you and the children, affecting your life and the life of your children. You mention that you fear what will happen if you aren’t there to feed him his pills. I suggest that what is happening within you and the children should be of more alarm to you. Let him be responsible for his own pills and his outbursts and abuse. You be responsible for yourself and your children.
Ask yourself this – Are your lives any less important than your husband’s? I don’t know their ages but as their mother you have a responsibility for their safety and a loving home in which they can develop their true potential. Your life and those of your children should be uppermost in your mind and heart. Unlike their father, their lives have potential for happiness and success. So does yours. Do you throw away the happiness of all of your lives for a person who lies, cheats and is abusive, merely because he might not remember to take his pills? And if so, why? In a way you might wonder if you are actually enabling his behavior. I repeat, aren’t the lives of you and the children for which you are responsible deserving of the goodness that God so freely and abundantly offers to you? God is goodness and love, and that is what your Creator wants for you. Are you being loving to yourself? Are you being loving to the children to keep them ensnared in a nightmare? Consider this an opportunity to become stronger is what is right for you. Only you can do that – by that I mean that the choice is yours.
Another point, you are not a victim. You are of The Divine, as are your children, and yes, even your husband. You are loved by the Divine, and you are One with The Source, and The Source is your Unlimited Supplier – not a human. You are to turn to God for all things. All things. Did I mention ALL? The Great Mind/Pure Intelligence has all of the answers and solutions to all of your questions and dilemmas. Go inward and ask for Divine Guidance. Open to that Divine Communication that will tell you what to do and guide you in the direction that is best for you and your children. They have lives worth saving, as is yours. Their entire futures are ahead of them. Do not allow their futures to be marred by what they are already experiencing. Show them there is a better, more loving way. And in the process you will be a living example of love – for yourself, for your children, and yes, even for your husband. You will be an example to your children on how to first love yourself and them the way God loves you – unconditionally and without judgment – and a lesson to them to never allow any other human being to treat them with less than the respect, compassion and love of God.
I cannot tell you what to do, but the answers from the Divine are within you. Don’t predetermine the solution you expect, because the solutions are often the opposite of what you assume. Be open, accepting. Then ask God for the trust to step out in faith to what you are guided to do. Remember, you are not and have never been alone – that is the lie of separation. You are One with The Divine and all of the Power of the Universe to access for every need and situation. That is all inside you and there is no greater power. You can do this. You are of God, created from love. You are magnificent. Yes you are. To claim otherwise is to denigrate God, because you are God’s creation. I repeat, you are magnificent.
God is with you. Turn to that Power that loves you and considers you a precious treasure. Your life is a new adventure awaiting your permission.
Please keep in touch with how you are doing.
May 27, 2015 at 10:34 pm
I speak as a soc-narc, i know what i am, i know what ive done to people, and honeslty ive never cared, Im not posting this to make fun of anyone, though if i was i again wouldnt feel bad about it, We thrive on social “normals” they are so very predictable that we know what the outcome will be long before you have began to process what we are doing to you, Love is a concept to us, I personally dont understand it(dont need to so dont care), but i know what behaviors society expects from me and use that to my advantage, If you break up with us.. again we thrive on the “normals” we expect no contact, but we enjoy knowing that we hurt you to the point you need to stop contacting us, we know your really hurting inside and it drives us further to carry out our later plans to get you back for anything we feel you wronged us for.
If you break up with one of us, be 100% irrational, if it makes sense, dont do it, because we are waiting to see that “normal” behavior so that we know we own control over the situation, if you see revenge or think you can bring us down in some way, dont forget that we dont feel emotion the same way you do, its all a form of control for us, its a bend but dont break thing, we will make it seem like you won with a oscar award winning performance of tears and fake emotions, But feel nothing inside, in that moment we are reading you, seeing your reaction and figuring out a way to to turn your recent “win”, into a long term game of chess in which only we can win.
We have planned the relationship from day 1, we knew it would end, and if it doesnt end on your terms, we will eventually move on as we see our “needs” arnt being met, from the day we met you until the way we left you, or you left us, we never loved you, i know you cant understand how that is possible but that is because we dont think the way you do, we will quickly throw the word “love” out there after our charm has won you over. But as i said, its a word, i know alot of words, and each one has equal meaning in my mind. Confuse us after a break up and run for your life, dont give us time to plot our next “strike” and if you know the next girl we are with, move on, because we already convinced them you are not the person you say you are.
LikeLiked by 1 person
May 28, 2015 at 7:35 am
Jess, thanks for this post. I know you don’t expect thanks, or perhaps you do, but I express it anyway. In some ways I’m surprised you understand yourself with the clarity and honesty that you obviously do. In ways most of us do not, you know yourself – to a point. You don’t know the Real you, the Eternal You, the one behind the false facade that is more than you can possibly imagine.
You also receive a sympathy from me you do not want and won’t process as intended, but sympathy that you are the one who lives with your personality 24/7 – others can walk away, but apparently you cannot. Sympathy that something happened to you in some way that makes you think and react in a way that does not understand or experience love – love, the emotion that brings joy along with the hurt, and can be healed again – the part you cannot yet feel and leaves you in a shallow existence.
Sympathy in that without love it is extremely difficult for you to understand your Truth and connection with your Higher Power, for God is Love – a Higher Power you most likely reject as only for the weak of mind. A sympathy for you for the imbalance that you are continually in your head and never your heart.
I do not judge you. Actually, I’m impressed by your own understanding of your personality. I’m saddened that you are emotionally injured, for love is where the feelings are, and something has cut you off from experiencing that fullness of life. You are experiencing the mental side in this round of physical existence, but you aren’t experiencing the emotional heart-felt side that adds the depth and richness to all you are and can be.
And through all of that manipulation, what do you gain that is of any deep lasting value? I give you sympathy for that as well. I know you don’t want my sympathy, but there it is anyway. My feelings aren’t hurt at your cold and humorous reaction to it.
What I know for you and that you will deny is that you are not your personality, although that is how you’ve identified yourself. You are much, much more. You are One with your Source even though you will reject that Truth as laughable and for the weak.
I realize you don’t seek analysis, and I’m not really asking for it, but as a research question can you think of anything that happened to you in your past, or even another lifetime, that makes you crave insatiable, unhealthy control over others? A moment when you felt impotent and helpless and so you wrapped yourself in this false shell of protection so that you will never again be hurt?
You don’t have to answer, and I know you are chuckling at the predictability of my questions and comments. That said, I wish for you an enlightenment, an epiphany that reveals to you that you are so much more than you believe you are. You are of God. And God is love. I wish for you that someday you can actually feel what love is from within your own heart.
By the way, your comments are perfect timing for my upcoming workshop on forgiveness and gratitude. I love when that happens! If you have any additional comments please do so. They are welcomed.
May 28, 2015 at 10:58 am
I guess you could say I’m intrigued by how people try and understand me, I learned at a very very young age that I could look someone in the eye, say something and if I said it a specific way they would do things that suited my need.
Don’t mistake my post for that of need of praise, I’m intrigued by the idea that someone can understand what goes on in my head.
To answer the question better, to be honest I didn’t have that bad a childhood, divorce in there bout age 6 but who doesn’t have that now days?
What do I gain from manipulation, ok I’ll try and put as best I can, you have a conscience, well so do I, but it works more like a mirror, it tells me I did something wrong, but instead of trying to stop me it wants to see the reactions what ever I did generates.
To be honest I don’t “feel” a need to gain something from manipulating or controlling someone, again you are attaching an emotion I don’t adorn, I do it because it provides a challenge.
LikeLiked by 1 person
May 28, 2015 at 11:17 am
Thanks for your honesty.
May 28, 2015 at 2:36 pm
Im not here to scare readers, i just happened to stumble on something that peaked my intrest, Its not like people like me go around picking on people, we dont go into a relationship with the intent to destroy things, we actually think the next one can be the one where we finally change.. Imagine a puzzle, been in the attic for years, pull it out, get it all set up to find 4 pieces are missing of a 2000 piece puzzle, well those 4 pieces were the corners of the puzzle, thats what we think each relationship will bring, the corners to the puzzle.
Band-aids dont fix bullet holes.
May 28, 2015 at 3:03 pm
I don’t find your comments frightening, but they are intriguing. By the way, you express yourself very well. From what you are saying, are you wanting perfection from someone else? Do you want someone who is easily controlled? What are you really looking for that you have such difficulty finding?
May 28, 2015 at 4:09 pm
Actually what im saying is the pieces were never there to begin with, which is why I basically undermind the relationship from the start. Id say im more or less looking for a bigger challenge in someone else, i dont go after those who are easily controlled (no challenge), maybe girls who were recently hurt in a former relationship, as its easier to pick out insecurities and set them aside for when i need to use them later. Ive never physically harmed a girl in anyway just to make that clear, that would serve me no purpose, and accomplish nothing. Mentally however, well its probably best to leave those stories for a more private conversation as they are somewhat disturbing for a place where people are trying to heal from people like me.
I want 1 thing, To get my way.
And as you are also well versed, you know that thats not always possible, but thats the challenge isnt it?
May 28, 2015 at 4:57 pm
Thank you for sharing your experiences.