How to React With Unloving People
The following is an interesting post on how to react with people who are difficult to love, perhaps even abusive. Hope you enjoy the excerpt From the book Divine Messages from Jesus for a magnificent life p. 171-175. 2015. Cathey, Carolyne.
I’VE BEEN ASKING Jesus questions on dealing with negative personalities and how to be loving and peaceful when all I feel is anger and fear.
“With love,” Jesus said.
“That’s hard,” I said. “This person I’m talking about is hard to love. He’s strange, creepy, unsettling, controlling, manipulative. How do I be like you in respect to someone like that, or, a person who can be charming one moment, then in the next moment their personality flips to the opposite? For some reason, I feel as if it is somehow my fault, that I did something wrong to set them off.”
“Focus on me,” Jesus said. “God loves everyone equally. But don’t accept anything less than the truth from people, situations or yourself. The truth is all that matters. That is why you are to focus on me. I know the truth. Then you are to live your truth, always.”
I said, “But, the other person is not expressing truth. Please tell me, reveal to me, show me, how I’m supposed to feel and react to one of God’s own who is still trying to manipulate me into meeting them in remote places, is frightening me, even using my loved ones as bait. And yes, I do feel tense in relation to this person, but mainly because I don’t know how to be like you in this situation.”
“Do you trust me?”
“Absolutely,” I said.
“That is all you need to know. Trust in me. Focus on me. Allow me to work through you, to guide you. I will tell you what to do and when. The guidance will vary from person to person and situation to situation, which is why it is vital for your own happiness to keep our continual communication channel open at all times. That’s all you need to know. Trust, and allow.
“However, for this particular person whose intention is to control and manipulate you through lies and guilt, and for anyone who might be dangerous, this is what you are to do.
“First, no contact. Cut off all contact with that person —no more phone calls, no meeting them anywhere, no feeling guilty and going by to see them because they claim they have changed. No contact.”
I said, “Cutting off all contact is hard. I feel as if I’m abandoning them when I should be helping them. Isn’t that what we are supposed to do? Help others?”
“It depends on the person and the situation. Look at it this way. If, by your words and actions, you continue to encourage anyone who is trying to control or manipulate you into doing what they want instead of what is right for you, or anyone who is causing you emotional or physical stress or harm, then you are, in reality, part of the problem because you are aiding their behavior. Don’t do that. You are not helping that person to heal. You are entrenching their behavior. You’re making it worse.
“Second, it is not your responsibility to ‘fix’ this person, or any person. You are relieved of that burden. They are responsible for their own actions. Only they can make the choice to change themselves.”
Confused, I asked, “Then I am to abandon them to their own damaging personality?”
“How can you abandon what isn’t yours to ‘fix’. Trust in me. I am lovingly working with this person whom I equally love, but because of free will, until they allow me to guide them, I remain available, waiting for them to ask me for help. At this point, they say they don’t believe in God. Even so, I continue to work with them through other methods, knowing they can instantly choose a better way.
“Third, love yourself. The only person you can control is yourself. By loving yourself that means you have the right to say ‘no’ to anyone who isn’t acting in your own best interest.
“Loving yourself isn’t narcissistic, which isn’t really love but a form of fear. It is about nurturing yourself, being aware of the positive and negative energy vibrations around you, accepting what is good, rejecting what is not, being selective to what is best and most loving for you. That includes the food you eat and your lifestyle. This is your responsibility. To, first, love yourself. And to trust in me.”
I felt as if a huge burden lifted from my heart. “This,” I thought, “I can do. To love myself and let Jesus guide me as to what is the right action for me. I matter.”
Meaning: We’re taught all through life that we can, or should, ‘fix’ people. Many people choose partners and go into relationships and marriages with the idea of changing the person into their idea of what they should be. That is a false basis for any relationship.
The only person for whom you are responsible (not including children), is yourself. Even the child makes their own choices, but the parent, family and adult friends are meant to act on God’s behalf to lead the child into healthy, loving choices so that they develop their own inner Divine connection with their Source.
Turn to your Divine Guide. Your spiritual mentor has the perfect answers and solutions for every situation you face. Those answers will vary according to each event. Trust. Have faith. Listen. Follow. In other words—
Trust and Obey.
By the way, obeying your Divine Guide means you are following the advice you receive. Smart.
“Loving yourself isn’t narcissistic, which isn’t really love but a form of fear. It is about nurturing yourself, being aware of the positive and negative energy vibrations around you, accepting what is good, rejecting what is not, and being selective to what is best and most loving for you. That includes the food you eat and your lifestyle. This is your responsibility. To, first, love yourself. And to trust in me.” ~ Jesus
Divine Messages from Jesus for a magnificent life p. 171-175. 2015. Cathey, Carolyne.