Being sequestered with spouses and children can be both wonderful and frightening,, depending on those around you. Are they loving? Controlling? Do you feel safe? Endangered?
You can sometimes feel frustration and stress even in loving situations. You also have the opportunity to discover each other in new and wondrous ways. You might reprioritize your life, realizing how out of skew your life has become. Pausing the ever-busyness helps us to really see us as we’ve been and decide if there are important, life-quality changes we choose to make. Sometimes we get trapped into spending our precious life moments on areas that aren’t as important as parts of lives we’re ignoring, or putting aside until later. Be honest with how you feel. Has this sequester time been eye-opening for you?
NOT ALL HOMES ARE LOVING. If your spouse or child is sociopathic, being trapped in your home can be hell. You might merely be in survival mode, trying to appease, trying to avoid the next outburst. I hope you also take this time to really look at your situation and how to change your life so that your precious moments are what are best for you. This is YOUR life. Live it! The sociopath is skilled at control, making you feel worthless, impotent.
The sociopath’s accusations for pulling you down are lies. You are God-worthy! God created you! God creates all that is good, and that includes you. Anything else is a lie.
SEEK HELP! Don’t be an enabler. Doing nothing in a dangerous situation means you are part of the problem. Making a change in your life, breaking the imprisoning chains, takes courage. I realize there might be great danger in your decision. Don’t do it alone. There is help for you.
Most important to realize is that you are not and are never alone. Your Inner Divine Power is within you always. This Inner Power is greater than your situation or danger. Your Inner Power will guide you, but you must ask. Listen. Follow. Learning to trust that Inner Guidance takes a strong faith. You have that faith, but fear might be overpowering your faith. Trust in your Divine Spiritual Team that is willing and eager to help you through your situation. They are your God-appointed Spiritual Partners in life. Work with them!
Take your life back! Pray. Seek help.
You can do this. With help and guidance, you can take your life back and live the life you are meant to live, not in fear, but in faith.
I am here for you, and remember…
God blesses you now and always.
If you did the suggested work in Part One of What Do You Want – Really? then you made at least a partial list of items or situations you really want to come true – the deep-down wants beyond the superficial wants. If you haven’t yet made even a partial list, then please reread What Do You Want – Really?
Why? Because unless you know what you want – really, then you won’t accomplish what you truly desire – even if it is merely to survive. But go for more than survival. This is your life! There are miracles waiting for you once you know what you want most desperately, and how to bring that desperate desire into reality, which will be in Part 3, Turning Your Goals Into Realities.
But for now we’re talking about turning those wants into goals.
As I mentioned in Part 1, the question of what you really want seems like it would be easy to answer, but it is often one of the most difficult questions we ask ourselves. Especially if our lives are tied up with a sociopath who bans self-thought of what we want for ourselves or our children. You might feel you aren’t allowed to choose for yourself, that in doing so you will suffer punishment for daring to do so. Which means, often, to be safe and to try to maintain peace, or lack of abuse, you merely go along with what the sociopath dictates. For survival, maybe what you want is not to be hit again. But is that what you want – really? These are tough questions when life is tough. But, and this is important, unless you know what you really want, you’ll never get to where you truly want to be.
At this moment in time, the challenge is to now take that list of wants and turn them into goals.
What is the difference?
- Wants means to merely wish for something to happen.
- Goals are focused targets where you’ve made a commitment. Commitment is necessary in following through with what you feel you’re Divinely guided to do. Folliwng through means the steps you take in order to bring those goals into reality, which will be in Part 3, Turning Your Goals Into Realities.
FROM TRUTH: IMPORTANT! If what you want is to stop the abuse, click on the link: Stop the Abuse
Let’s assume you’ve made a list – even if it is only in your head so that someone else doesn’t see it and lash out at you. Your list will depend on where you are in life, your situation, your unhappiness with where you are, and what you feel is important to do to improve your situation.
For example: If you are, unfortunately, linked in some capacity with a sociopathic personality, then merely wanting to survive the abuse seems like all you might be able to accomplish. But let’s go beyond that situation.
If you could do anything without recourse, what would you like your life to look like? Peaceful? Happy? Free? Living without fear? Think deeply about this question. Your life might depend on it.
If you don’t like your situation, then how might you want to change it? If you naively believe that your love will change that sociopath, then think again. They don’t think like you do. They have a different agenda. They might plead and beg and say how sorry they are and that it will never happen again, but it will. In fact, the longer you tolerate abuse, the worse it will grow because you are encouraging their bad behavior. At that point, you are becoming part of the problem.
Think about yourself, and your children if you have any. Don’t let them grow up knowing and experiencing abuse. They will either become the abuser, or the recipient of abuse. You are their example. Be a good one!
Going back to our potential example:
- First, you want – really – to get out of your toxic situation – safely! You should never allow anyone to abuse you or bully you either physically or emotionally. As I said before, if you allow it, you are part of the problem. How do you do that?
- See Link: How to Stop the Abuse. There are links there you can contact for help. There is legal advice, financial assistance, places you can go, and more.
NOTE: Ties to family and friends might have been cut by the abuser/controller. Usually that is a mirage and your friends and family care very much about what happens to you but have lost a means of contact. With that said:
- Family and/or Friends: it depends on your family and friends whether they are supportive of your getting away, or don’t believe you have a problem and tell you to stay, or, you made the original choice, now live with it. Wrong! No one is so perfect as to know everything about everyone, and sometimes we, in good faith, get sucked into a bad situation. You might realize that if your family can help you, and you are in a dangerous relationship, that you will most likely need to find an unexpected location for you, and children if you have them. But think of the freedom! Of living without fear!
- Church: Again, it depends on the church pastor. They might be understanding and helpful, or they might tell you that you would be sinful to try to leave and to start life over. If they are the understanding type, they will probably have suggestions on how to help you.
- Police/Sheriff: Yet again, it depends on the person and their laws as to what they can do. As long as your abuser/controller isn’t connected with the police/sheriff, you might be all right going to them for help and/or advice. They might not be able to do anything unless the person is caught in the act of abuse, but you can at least ask.
- Local nonprofits who are there to help you in your situation.
- Second, starting over. Begin thinking about the urgings of your heart. Unearth those long-buried dreams. Those are God-seeds planted within your heart that will bring you the greatest joy. True, you might have to do something short-term to bridge the gap between where you are and where you want to be, but remember, it doesn’t matter what you do, as long as you do what you do with love – from being a janitor, or waiting tables, or being President. Do it with love. All are noble occupations and equally important. No person is more important than any other because we are all God-creations, created by the same God from the same God-stuff. Pray, ask God for help.
In the above potential example, you’ve gone from Wishing, to Commitment. You’ve moved from Wants, to Goals. Something on which you can focus and work.
Perhaps your wants aren’t as extreme as the potential example, but you get the idea.
For another example: Your want might be to be wealthy. But what do you really want? What the wealth might provide? Security? Travel? A home? Joy? Happiness? Merely having wealth doesn’t guarantee any of those outcomes. Perhaps you want fame? Why? To feel you are noticed and important? Or, to the other side, that you have a skill or talent you would love to share with the world so as to help people. Just being famous doesn’t mean you are happy and fulfilled. You don’t need to be famous to matter. You matter now. You are important now. Go beyond the superficial wants to the life-enriching goals that really matter, that really make a difference. This is your life. With God’s help and guidance, you can make it the most rewarding and fulfilling life possible.
Keep working on your list. Move your wants to goals, tangibles where you will focus your energy and effort. Do feel something positive stirring within your heart? Do you feel hope? If so, you are amazing to get to this point. It takes courage, AND FAITH.
ALWAYS PRAY AND ASK FOR HELP. Then listen for the answers or be aware of subtle changes in your life.
EXPECT A MIRACLE.
REMEMBER: You do not have to know the HOW, only the WHAT. The Divine takes care of the how. In fact, the Divine is with you through everything – the entire process – as a co-creator of which goals are best for you, your belief in and trust that the goals are already yours, along with the Divine Implementer carrying out the how to a successful result – thought into form, cause into effect.
FROM TRUTH: IMPORTANT! If what you want is to stop the abuse, click on the link: Stop the Abuse
Next: Part 3, Turning Your Goals Into Realities.
Previous:, Part 1 What Do You Want – Really?
There are more options than I’m listing on resources for you and any children in an abusive situation, but in an emergency situation, these are some places to start:
(I will add to this list as I come across them, and please add your own resources in the comment box. – See below the list for additional comments.)
SUGGESTIONS FOR PLACES TO GO FOR HELP: (REMEMBER TO TAKE CAN’T’ OUT OF YOUR VOCABULARY! FOCUS ON WHAT YOU CAN DO!)
I repeat, FIRST, and always, PRAY. Ask for help. You have a spiritual team (God, Jesus or Spiritual Mentor of your choosing, Angels, etc.,) just waiting for you to ask them for help. Listen to your Inner Guidance. You have the Power of the Universe inside of you, a power stronger than your husband, or your situation, or anything that is outside of you. You are not to do this alone. ALWAYS work with your Spiritual Team for everything. That is the source for your perfect guidance and answers. Then learn to listen to the answers. They usually come so quickly that you doubt you heard them, or that you are making it up, or it is in your own mind… In time, you will learn to trust those answers and act on them. Ask for help in that, too. Ask for clarity. Sometimes your answers will come to you in many different ways, so be aware.
ABUSE RESOURCE LINKS with potentially helpful information:
*** RAINN (Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network): https://www.rainn.org/. 24/7. 800.656.HOPE (4673). RAINN is the nation’s largest anti-sexual violence organization. RAINN created and operates the National Sexual Assault Hotline (800.656.HOPE, online.rainn.org y rainn.org/es) in partnership with more than 1,000 local sexual assault service providers across the country and operates the DoD Safe Helpline for the Department of Defense. RAINN also carries out programs to prevent sexual violence, help survivors, and ensure that perpetrators are brought to justice.
*** DOMESTIC ABUSE SHELTERS: https://www.domesticshelters.org/
NOTE: The shelters should also be able to refer you to other services for abused and battered women in your community, including:
* Legal help,
* Support groups
* Employment programs
* Health-related services
* Educational opportunities
* Financial assistance
*** THE NATIONAL DOMESTIC ABUSE HOTLINE: https://www.thehotline.org/
I don’t know where you live, but there is surely a church you can go to for help, who can guide you to local resources for you. Make sure you get someone who is understanding of abuse situations. It depends on the church and the individual. Do not allow anyone to convince you to stay in an abusive relationship.
TAKE CARE OF YOU! YOU COUNT. YOU MATTER. At some point you might be able to help someone in a similar situation.
DO NOT ALLOW ANYONE TO TELL YOU THAT YOU ARE UNWORTHY! You are not stupid or inferior or to blame for other’s abusive behavior – including physical as well as verbal and emotional abuse. The abuser’s behavior is THEIR CHOICE and they do so because they have a problem that they are taking out on you. YOU ARE A GOD CREATION, created from magnificence. Yes you are! YOUR CHOICE IS to take care of you in a loving way and to love yourself!
STOP THE ABUSE CYCLE: IF YOU HAVE CHILDREN, it is up to you (with help) to break the abuse-cycle that also affects your children’s future, and then their children’s, and then their children’s… Be the one to stop the cycle of abuse for you and following generations.
ABUSIVE BEHAVIOR REACHES ACROSS AGE AND GENDER. Don’t assume that only women are the ones abused, or that only men are the abusers. Women, men and children exhibit this damaging personality, usually as a result of their own abusive upbringing.
ABUSERS CAN BE DECEPTIVELY CHARMING. Sometimes they are so wonderful that you can’t help but love them. The flareups are only on occasion, and you are convinced their are your fault. Then the charming abuser apologizes and convincingly promises to never repeat the behavior. WRONG. When they get by with bad behavior, it only gets worse until at some point it can turn deadly.
YOUR PRIORITY IS TO TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF AND GET INTO A SAFE SITUATION. First, pray for help! The Divine is your inner power source that has all of the answers. Listen to the answers you receive, or remain open to guidance which comes to you in many forms. You were guided to this site. Trust that guidance. Be smart about this. Stay strong. You are already on your way to freedom and a better life. Don’t get discouraged. Keep trying. You are not alone, either spiritually or in your community. There are people there trained to help you for exactly the situation you are facing.
Read the list above again on the many ways the resources can help you and keep the contact information where it is handy in an emergency.
I am also here for you. I care, and I feel very strongly that if you keep your focus and determination, you will triumph.
God bless you. Let me know how you are doing. I care!