Abuse Hotlines

Living the Golden Rule, Part 4 ~ Being the Love You Long to Receive

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If all is either love or hate, then most people choose to receive love. Often, though, people become the hatred they claim they hate – call names, ridicule, bully, put down, criticize… If, like in Part 3, Why The Golden Rule Works, we send out hate, that is what we receive in return. If hatred is not what we want to receive, then how do we BE LOVE? 

What does it mean to live the Golden Rule? How might it make a difference in your lif

Part 1, the question you were to ask yourself is how you want to be treated by others.

Part 2, Which quality do you choose to live? 

Part 3, Divine Message, Why the Golden Rule Works

The Golden Rule states first you must treat others as you want to be treated. You’ve probably also heard of the Law of Attraction. What both are saying is that you first send out what you want to receive in return.
 
REMEMBER: If you are in an abusive situation, then you must first love yourself. You must make sure you and your children are in a safe, loving atmosphere, wherever that might be. That, too, is living the Golden Rule. Be smart. Be safe. Links to Stop the Abuse.
 
HOW DO WE ‘BE LOVE’?
 
FIRST, WE NEED TO KNOW WHAT LOVE IS. WHAT ARE THE QUALITIES OF LOVE? Everything good is love: Compassion, kindness, caring, respect are all forms of love.  But what else is love?

In the Bible, 1 Corinthian 13:4-7, Paul said…

Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, and endures all things. Love never ends.

Let’s study the ancient meaning of these words on love:

(William Barclay, Daily Study Guide of First Corinthians is source for the ancient meanings.)

  • Love is patient. The Greek word makrothumein, used in the New Testament always describes patience with people and not patience with circumstances. The word is used of the person who is wronged but doesn’t seek vengeance; a person who is slow to anger, and who, no matter how unkind and hurting someone is to them, shows the same patience as God shows all of us, and is a sign of strength, not weakness. That doesn’t mean patience with circumstances, or to remain in an abusive situation. That is not love, neither to the abused or the abuser; that is enabling and only encourages abusive behavior. Get out. Stay safe.
  • Love is kind. Love that is “sweet to all.” Some people are good and yet unkind. That also means being sweet and kind to yourself.
  • Love does not envy.  There are two kinds of envy. One covets the possessions of other people. The other begrudges that others have what they don’t have. Socialism falls into this category – taking from others so that you can have more. That is believing that God is limitation, not abundance. We don’t pull others down to try to lift ourselves up. Depend on God as your Unlimited Supplier.
  • Love does not boast. Some people confer their love with the idea that they are bestowing a favor. Boasting isn’t a pure excitement about an accomplishment but a pompous or arrogant talk or manner. A cockiness.
  • Love is not arrogant. This is the person who says they are not like other people, that the laws of morality, or even laws in general, do not apply to them, and who talks and acts as if they are superior.
  • Love is not rude. There are those who, under the guise of love, take delight in being blunt and almost brutal – using truth as a weapon to hurt or bring down.
  • Love does not insist upon its own way. This is about those who are always thinking of what life owes them, a sense of entitlement, instead of those who never forget what they owe to life, a sense of gratitude.
  • Love is not irritable. Meaning it never flies into a temper, never becomes impatient and exasperated with people, which is a sign of defeat. When we lose our tempers, we lose.
  • Love is not resentful; it does not store up the memory of any wrong-doing. The Greek word translated store up (logizesthai) is an accountant’s word, and used for entering up an item in a ledger so that it will not be forgotten. We too often reach into the past to remind other’s of their mistakes. A “remember when you….?”
  • Love finds no pleasure in wrong-doing, which means love finds no pleasure in anything that is wrong, or the malicious pleasure when we hear something derogatory about someone else.
  • Love rejoices with the truth. The TRUE Truth equals freedom. It means total connection with Source. It is rejoicing with others for their good fortune, being happy for and with them.
  • Love endures all things. Love can bear any insult, any injury, any disappointment because one’s strength lies within each person, and not from anything seemingly outside oneself. Enduring can also mean deciding what is right for you and your life and making necessary changes.
  • Love believes all things. It means trusting our Source, always, and believing the best about other people who are also created by/from God. It means believing you are magnificent because you are created from God-Magnificence. It means all is possible with God.
  • Love hopes all things. In reality, your hope resides within the God within you. It means to trust in that power that is greater than your own. Your Higher Power. It means don’t get discouraged, don’t let circumstances and situations have power over you, but to keep asking for help, knowing in advance that you will receive it.
  • Love bears all things. The verb used here (hupomenein) is one of the great Greek words. It is generally translated to bear or to endure; but what it really describes is not the spirit which can passively bear things, but the spirit which, in bearing them, can conquer and transmute them. To transform them. It’s not a passive suffering, but a proactive transfiguration.

WHY IS LOVE IMPORTANT?

Love is part of all of there is. What is Wisdom without love? How can there be compassion without love? Power without love would be ill-used and thus no True Power at all. There can be no true relationship without love. And guidance in life to what and where? If there is no love, then you are mis-guided. Without love there is no peace, beauty, harmony or joy. Without love there is no purpose. To be of any value and to experience happiness in your life, allow God’s love to emanate in all you think, say and do. You are only happy when you are God in action which is being love.

HOW DO YOU ‘BE LOVE’?

Certainly not by yourself. What is crucial is to connect with your Source of Love, God. Ask for help in removing any blockages preventing you from being the love you long to receive. Every thought, word and action are to be loving. Ask God how to do that. Allow God’s love to flood into you, filling you with Divine love. THEN you can share that love with others. In return. you will receive love, along with peace and the joy of being alive.

In the Golden Rule, concentrate on being love, on your Oneness with God that is the Source of Love, and all else will fall in place.


Love is part of all of there is. What is Wisdom without love? How can there be compassion without love? Power without love would be ill-used and thus no True Power at all. There can be no true relationship without love. And guidance in life to what and where? If there is no love, then you are mis-guided. Without love there is no peace, beauty, harmony or joy. Without love there is no purpose. To be of any value and to experience happiness in your life, allow God’s love to emanate in all you think, say and do. You are only happy when you are God in action which is being love.


Next week: The Golden Rule, Part 5: Changing Yourself, & the World

The Golden Rule, Part 1

The Golden Rule, Part 2: Which Quality do You Choose to Live?

The Golden Rule, Part 3: Why the Golden Rule Works

Photo Credit: alphabetsalad.com

What Do You Want – Really? Part 2: Turning Your Wants Into Goals

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If you did the suggested work in Part One of What Do You Want – Really? then you made at least a partial list of items or situations you really want to come true – the deep-down wants beyond the superficial wants. If you haven’t yet made even a partial list, then please reread What Do You Want – Really? 

Why? Because unless you know what you want – really, then you won’t accomplish what you truly desire – even if it is merely to survive. But go for more than survival. This is your life! There are miracles waiting for you once you know what you want most desperately, and how to bring that desperate desire into reality, which will be in Part 3, Turning Your Goals Into Realities. 

But for now we’re talking about turning those wants into goals.

As I mentioned in Part 1, the question of what you really want seems like it would be easy to answer, but it is often one of the most difficult questions we ask ourselves. Especially if our lives are tied up with a sociopath who bans self-thought of what we want for ourselves or our children. You might feel you aren’t allowed to choose for yourself, that in doing so you will suffer punishment for daring to do so. Which means, often, to be safe and to try to maintain peace, or lack of abuse, you merely go along with what the sociopath dictates. For survival, maybe what you want is not to be hit again. But is that what you want – really? These are tough questions when life is tough. But, and this is important, unless you know what you really want, you’ll never get to where you truly want to be.

At this moment in time, the challenge is to now take that list of wants and turn them into goals.

What is the difference?

  • Wants means to merely wish for something to happen.
  • Goals are focused targets where you’ve made a commitment. Commitment is necessary in following through with what you feel you’re Divinely guided to do. Folliwng through means the steps you take in order to bring those goals into reality, which will be in Part 3, Turning Your Goals Into Realities. 

FROM TRUTH: IMPORTANT! If what you want is to stop the abuse, click on the link: Stop the Abuse


Let’s assume you’ve made a list – even if it is only in your head so that someone else doesn’t see it and lash out at you. Your list will depend on where you are in life, your situation, your unhappiness with where you are, and what you feel is important to do to improve your situation. 

For example: If you are, unfortunately, linked in some capacity with a sociopathic personality, then merely wanting to survive the abuse seems like all you might be able to accomplish. But let’s go beyond that situation. 

If you could do anything without recourse, what would you like your life to look like? Peaceful? Happy? Free? Living without fear?  Think deeply about this question. Your life might depend on it.

If you don’t like your situation, then how might you want to change it? If you naively believe that your love will change that sociopath, then think again. They don’t think like you do. They have a different agenda. They might plead and beg and say how sorry they are and that it will never happen again, but it will. In fact, the longer you tolerate abuse, the worse it will grow because you are encouraging their bad behavior. At that point, you are becoming part of the problem. 

Think about yourself, and your children if you have any. Don’t let them grow up knowing and experiencing abuse. They will either become the abuser, or the recipient of abuse. You are their example. Be a good one!

Going back to our potential example:

  • First, you want – really – to get out of your toxic situation – safely! You should never allow anyone to abuse you or bully you either physically or emotionally. As I said before, if you allow it, you are part of the problem. How do you do that?
    •  See Link: How to Stop the Abuse. There are links there you can contact for help. There is legal advice, financial assistance, places you can go, and more.

NOTE: Ties to family and friends might have been cut by the abuser/controller. Usually that is a mirage and your friends and family care very much about what happens to you but have lost a means of contact. With that said:

      1.  Family and/or Friends: it depends on your family and friends whether they are supportive of your getting away, or don’t believe you have a problem and tell you to stay, or, you made the original choice, now live with it. Wrong! No one is so perfect as to know everything about everyone, and sometimes we, in good faith, get sucked into a bad situation.  You might realize that if your family can help you, and you are in a dangerous relationship, that you will most likely need to find an unexpected location for you, and children if you have them. But think of the freedom! Of living without fear!
      2.  Church: Again, it depends on the church pastor. They might be understanding and helpful, or they might tell you that you would be sinful to try to leave and to start life over. If they are the understanding type, they will probably have suggestions on how to help you. 
      3. Police/Sheriff: Yet again, it depends on the person and their laws as to what they can do. As long as your abuser/controller isn’t connected with the police/sheriff, you might be all right going to them for help and/or advice. They might not be able to do anything unless the person is caught in the act of abuse, but you can at least ask.  
      4. Local nonprofits who are there to help you in your situation.
  • Second, starting over. Begin thinking about the urgings of your heart. Unearth those long-buried dreams. Those are God-seeds planted within your heart that will bring you the greatest joy. True, you might have to do something short-term to bridge the gap between where you are and where you want to be, but remember, it doesn’t matter what you do, as long as you do what you do with love – from being a janitor, or waiting tables, or being President. Do it with love. All are noble occupations and equally important. No person is more important than any other because we are all God-creations, created by the same God from the same God-stuff. Pray, ask God for help. 

In the above potential example, you’ve gone from Wishing, to Commitment. You’ve moved from Wants, to Goals. Something on which you can focus and work.

Perhaps your wants aren’t as extreme as the potential example, but you get the idea. 

For another example: Your want might be to be wealthy. But what do you really want? What the wealth might provide? Security? Travel? A home? Joy? Happiness? Merely having wealth doesn’t guarantee any of those outcomes. Perhaps you want fame? Why? To feel you are noticed and important? Or, to the other side, that you have a skill or talent you would love to share with the world so as to help people. Just being famous doesn’t mean you are happy and fulfilled. You don’t need to be famous to matter. You matter now. You are important now. Go beyond the superficial wants to the life-enriching goals that really matter, that really make a difference. This is your life. With God’s help and guidance, you can make it the most rewarding and fulfilling life possible. 

Keep working on your list. Move your wants to goals, tangibles where you will focus your energy and effort. Do feel something positive stirring within your heart? Do you feel hope? If so, you are amazing to get to this point. It takes courage, AND FAITH. 

ALWAYS PRAY AND ASK FOR HELP. Then listen for the answers or be aware of subtle changes in your life. 

EXPECT A MIRACLE.

 

REMEMBER: You do not have to know the HOW, only the WHAT. The Divine takes care of the how. In fact, the Divine is with you through everything – the entire process – as a co-creator of which goals are best for you, your belief in and trust that the goals are already yours, along with the Divine Implementer carrying out the how to a successful result – thought into form, cause into effect.



FROM TRUTH: IMPORTANT! If what you want is to stop the abuse, click on the link: Stop the Abuse


Next: Part 3, Turning Your Goals Into Realities. 

Previous:, Part 1 What Do You Want – Really? 

Charming Sociopaths. You either are one, or know one. Get help!

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One in 20 people suffer with a charming sociopath personality. You might be one of them. You might live with one. They might be your sibling or parent, or child or friend, or neighbor, or boss. You might be confused as to their behavior, or don’t understand what is going on. If so…

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RESOURCES FOR THE ABUSED

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Stop-the-Abuse

There are more options than I’m listing on resources for you and any children in an abusive situation, but in an emergency situation, these are some places to start:

(I will add to this list as I come across them, and please add your own resources in the comment box. – See below the list for additional comments.)


SUGGESTIONS FOR PLACES TO GO FOR HELP: (REMEMBER TO TAKE CAN’T’ OUT OF YOUR VOCABULARY! FOCUS ON WHAT YOU CAN DO!)

PRAY:

I repeat, FIRST, and always, PRAY. Ask for help. You have a spiritual team (God, Jesus or Spiritual Mentor of your choosing, Angels, etc.,) just waiting for you to ask them for help. Listen to your Inner Guidance. You have the Power of the Universe inside of you, a power stronger than your husband, or your situation, or anything that is outside of you. You are not to do this alone. ALWAYS work with your Spiritual Team for everything. That is the source for your perfect guidance and answers. Then learn to listen to the answers. They usually come so quickly that you doubt you heard them, or that you are making it up, or it is in your own mind… In time, you will learn to trust those answers and act on them. Ask for help in that, too. Ask for clarity. Sometimes your answers will come to you in many different ways, so be aware.

ABUSE RESOURCE LINKS with potentially helpful information:

 

*** RAINN (Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network): https://www.rainn.org/. 24/7. 800.656.HOPE (4673). RAINN is the nation’s largest anti-sexual violence organization. RAINN created and operates the National Sexual Assault Hotline (800.656.HOPE, online.rainn.org y rainn.org/es) in partnership with more than 1,000 local sexual assault service providers across the country and operates the DoD Safe Helpline for the Department of Defense. RAINN also carries out programs to prevent sexual violence, help survivors, and ensure that perpetrators are brought to justice.

*** DOMESTIC ABUSE SHELTERS: https://www.domesticshelters.org/
NOTE: The shelters should also be able to refer you to other services for abused and battered women in your community, including:
* Legal help,
* Counseling
* Support groups
* Employment programs
* Health-related services
* Educational opportunities
* Financial assistance

*** THE NATIONAL DOMESTIC ABUSE HOTLINE: https://www.thehotline.org/

*** CHURCHES:

I don’t know where you live, but there is surely a church you can go to for help, who can guide you to local resources for you. Make sure you get someone who is understanding of abuse situations. It depends on the church and the individual. Do not allow anyone to convince you to stay in an abusive relationship.

TAKE CARE OF YOU! YOU COUNT. YOU MATTER. At some point you might be able to help someone in a similar situation.


ADDITIONAL COMMENTS:

DO NOT ALLOW ANYONE TO TELL YOU THAT YOU ARE UNWORTHY! You are not stupid or inferior or to blame for other’s abusive behavior – including physical as well as verbal and emotional abuse. The abuser’s behavior is THEIR CHOICE and they do so because they have a problem that they are taking out on you. YOU ARE A GOD CREATION, created from magnificence. Yes you are! YOUR CHOICE IS to take care of you in a loving way and to love yourself!

STOP THE ABUSE CYCLE: IF YOU HAVE CHILDREN, it is up to you (with help) to break the abuse-cycle that also affects your children’s future, and then their children’s, and then their children’s… Be the one to stop the cycle of abuse for you and following generations.

ABUSIVE BEHAVIOR REACHES ACROSS AGE AND GENDER. Don’t assume that only women are the ones abused, or that only men are the abusers. Women, men and children exhibit this damaging personality, usually as a result of their own abusive upbringing.

ABUSERS CAN BE DECEPTIVELY CHARMING. Sometimes they are so wonderful that you can’t help but love them. The flareups are only on occasion, and you are convinced their are your fault. Then the charming abuser apologizes and convincingly promises to never repeat the behavior. WRONG. When they get by with bad behavior, it only gets worse until at some point it can turn deadly.

YOUR PRIORITY IS TO TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF AND GET INTO A SAFE SITUATION. First, pray for help! The Divine is your inner power source that has all of the answers. Listen to the answers you receive, or remain open to guidance which comes to you in many forms. You were guided to this site. Trust that guidance. Be smart about this. Stay strong. You are already on your way to freedom and a better life. Don’t get discouraged. Keep trying. You are not alone, either spiritually or in your community. There are people there trained to help you for exactly the situation you are facing.

Read the list above again on the many ways the resources can help you and keep the contact information where it is handy in an emergency.

I am also here for you. I care, and I feel very strongly that if you keep your focus and determination, you will triumph.

MORE INFORMATION ON ABUSIVE PERSONALITIES AND BEHAVIOR

God bless you. Let me know how you are doing. I care!

TRUTH