Narcissist/Sociopath, want to change?

chrysalys
Photo by Daven Hiskey

Purpose of Page:

From JESS:

If You are a Sociopathic Narcissist and are looking to change, i am proof its possible!

But it took everything i had in me to even begin to make that change, It was not easy by any means, and there were times i thought it would be easier to just keep doing what i knew how to do, but i don’t want to ruin lives any longer, I want to assist anyone i can so they too can better them selves.

Being an NS is something that can be changed.  It was a choice you made.  Skills and mindsets were developed that put you in a place to becoming a NS. You won’t remember making this choice because it simply just happened because of events in your life which caused you to protect yourself, which in turn began this process. If you have made it here you may be ready to change that, but its a challenge that few can achieve.

I am one who made the change, and I feel like a better person for it, my life is changing for the better. That underlying feeling of being alone is gone, We can all change, but you need to be willing to take on the challenge, and it starts with admitting to yourself that you can do better.

See Jess’s Transformation – 5 months of dialogue revealing Jess’s subtle shift to his ‘lightning bolt’ experience.

From TRUTH:

Are you someone who feels trapped in a Narcissistic/Sociopath personality – like a butterfly enclosed within a chrysalis that never opens?  Do you want a better life for yourself where you can truly be the wonderful being you are – where you can spread your wings and fly?  You can change, but you have to want it with extreme determination and patience – the most worthwhile effort you can spend in this lifetime to bring you a better life.

Read through the pages and comments.  Read the Jess’s Transformation page. Jess is an inspiring example of breaking free of the personality and truly enjoying life for the first time.  This can happen for you, too.  If that is your choice.

If you are exploring the potential of change, and would like support and encouragement, then post your comments on this page.


16 thoughts on “Narcissist/Sociopath, want to change?

    Unknown said:
    March 31, 2016 at 4:30 am

    Google “narcissistic personality disorder”. All you find is pages and pages dealing with treating the victims of narcissists, of people saying, “they will never, ever change, if they DO change it’s just another act, it’s impossible, run away!” I don’t blame anyone for wanting to get away from me. At the same time I am conflicted, and I’m tired of hearing doctor after doctor, spiritual leader after spiritual leader, even those who used to love me and have suffered for it…telling me that I’ll never change, that it’s impossible, and that my lot in life is to suffer forever, and to make those around me suffer forever until I die lonely.

    I read Jess’s Transformation page. The things I struggle with, though, are:

    1) How can I tell when I’m truly on the road to change, and when is it just my ego, another “false self”, stepping in to protect the damage? I believe I have embraced God at this point, but I still “trigger” when someone criticizes me. I still feel the anger welling up to defend me, and it takes everything I have to hold it back. I fail more often than I succeed, and I get grandiose ideas about miraculous changes, when I honestly don’t know if I can change. I’ve been so wrong, and everyone has told me I will always be this way, and given my history of mistakes, sometimes I believe them. Jess, how do you know that this “transformation” is different, and not just another personage/false self that you’ve created to receive praise/”supply” from Truth and the others? I could say the same thing, that I’ve had “lightning bolts” in my life, especially recently, that I’m reaching out to God…but sometimes even the words or the prayers coming out of my own mouth sound hollow to me, without conviction. Like I’ve been living the lie for so long that there ISN’T a real person inside any more…I’ve just constructed another False Self to try and serve God, and sooner or later that False Self will be forced to hurt someone again. I’ve read that Narc/Socs often endear themselves to therapists, start running “groups”, and giving advice to others as a source of “supply”…how do YOU know that this time it’s different, and how did you get there??

    2) I struggle so hard with what Truth said in the NS blog…that I have to ” know what I want out of life”. That’s where I’ve always fallen flat. I DON’T KNOW what it is I want. I know now what it is I DON’T want…I don’t want to live without emotion or empathy any more. I don’t want to hurt other people. I know I want to give people the love they deserve. I know I want to re-connect to my emotions…I think half the reason I don’t empathize with others is because I don’t empathize with myself…I’ve learned to box out my own emotions so all I feel is pride and shame, and so how can I understand someone else’s happiness, sadness, anger, etc…when all I feel is those two?

    I’ve read books by all kinds of famous spiritual teachers, psychologists, and I get neck-deep into them, all enthusiastic about FINALLY being able to CHANGE, and then they always ask the same question…”what do you want out of life?” And I draw an utter blank. “Normal” people have such an easy time with this…it makes me feel so stupid. That’s usually when I give up…when the devil on my shoulder manages to convince me again that it’s “hopeless” and all I can do is TRY (and fail) to not hurt anyone else. I need to answer this question. Jess, did you ever find any answers to THAT question?? Did you ever make the “list” that Truth recommended of things you want in life?

    If I look back, that is at the core of all of my failures…that I lack a “true self”, on some level I know this, and that any impetus toward change gets dismissed as just another “false self” stepping in to try to repair my ego. Those two questions I can’t answer…1) How do I know this is the REAL me that wants to heal and not just another façade making a noble pretense, and 2) how can I overcome this, if I DON’T want anything? I assume my own wants have just been pushed down so long that I don’t recognize them any more or I’ve given up on them. I can’t be empathetic if I can’t even be human.

    I just know I don’t want to live like this any more. I’ve tried to do it myself and I can’t. I want to do it God’s way, the Higher Power’s way…and join the winning team. I don’t want to live like this any more…I would rather be dead than be what all of these psychologists and spiritual leaders and recovering Narc/Soc victims say I am…a broken person unable to change, and doomed to ruin the lives of everyone around me.

      truthlover5 responded:
      March 31, 2016 at 11:27 pm

      You do know what you want – YOU WANT TO CHANGE! That is all you need to know at this point. And, it’s huge. Focus on that ONE THING.

      Jess has proven transformation is possible. With God, ALL things are possible – if you want it badly enough. And you do. You can do this. I feel it inside that you are already in the process of shift but fears are holding you back and convincing you that you can’t make it. That information is false. I believe in you.

      Some suggestions to help you:

      If what you are experiencing is lack of confidence, or that you aren’t progressing as quickly as you want, or that people keep telling you it’s impossible for you to change – then you know ego is at work. Ego pulls you down, is negative, makes you doubt yourself, instills you with fear. Divine Guidance encourages, inspires, urges you to reach outside of your comfort zone and reach for something bigger and better for you and your life.

      Talk to God for everything. Ask questions, ask for guidance, and most important ask for help. If you aren’t sure of the answers, then ask again. If the answer doesn’t make sense to you, say so – (yes, I argue or debate with Jesus/Holy Spirit/Higher Power when I don’t understand the message or it doesn’t make sense to me. Debating with Pure Intelligence is good because you will keep drilling down until you do understand, and that is powerful).

      Here is the secret part – Jesus said to ask in prayer, THEN believe you have already received it, without doubt, and to live as if you have already received what you asked for, THEN you will receive it. Do you see? You must believe you’ve received before you actually do. That is Faith. That is Trust. That is the secret. There is also mention of forgiveness; at this point that means forgiveness of yourself.

      You are not to do this alone. Doing it alone is ego – the illusion of separation. You are never alone. You are always connected with and one with that Powerful Wisdom, but you must ask. Then listen. Trust. You will receive guidance. Your Creator is love and will respond with love. Listen for the answers. Become aware of your thoughts to see if they are fear-based (ego, lower energy vibration, negative), or love-based (Your True Eternal Self, the higher energy vibration, positive).

      You also have help here on this site. I am here for you. I do not judge you because we all make mistakes and make bad choices. I KNOW without doubt that you are already on the Higher Path. Can you feel it? I do. The positive reactions will increase. Every time you make a good choice, congratulate yourself and tell God “Thank You”. Be grateful of your good choices.

      Get back to me about you and how you are doing. I care.

      Truth

      Jess said:
      April 1, 2016 at 10:46 am

      Unfortunately i cant tell you how you will know if you are changing, but for me, i no longer dwell on the past, and id give anything and everything for my girlfriend now and i want to give the world to my child that is on the way. I no longer want to be someones biggest mistake, i want to be someone they can trust, my girlfriend knows everything about me, not a single lie has gone between us. All those things right there i was incapable of in the past, i didnt care about them, i wouldnt have had any feelings what so ever. When i look at my girlfriend now, i can just smile and know i like where i am headed right now, im not sitting there plotting against her, I just smile because she makes me happy.

      A few days over a year ago i finally came to terms with who i was, that was step 1. As for what you want out of life, no one has a good answer for that. I still dont, but i do know that if i give every single day my best, then tomorrow will be another good day.
      Dont try and change for anyone other than your self, you cant care about what anyone else thinks about you, thats where a NS falls apart, they cant stand it when people dont think of them in the way they want.
      I no longer care about that, it doesnt matter to me anymore. I’m going to act like my self because thats who i am, if they hate me, or like me, so be it.
      It took such a long time for me to change my self, my behaviors, my thoughts, its a long road full of twists and turns, and it can be easy to fall back, but this time, i decided i was better than that, i wanted to be a better person for my self, If you are trying to change for a girlfriend, or because a doctor told you that you need to, you will never change. You need to make that decision, you have been plotting and scheming probably your whole life, well plan 1 last scheme, the one that makes you a better person to your self.

      Once you have made that decision, no one can stop you, stop caring what they think, let them think you have gone totally insane. You are probably reading this thinking, that is dumb advice, he doesnt know what hes talking about. If that last sentence is true, you arnt ready to change yet, but at least you know who you are now, start with that, if you dont want to be better, if you want to be alone, you can just climb back in that rabbit hole that we as a NS do. If you get to the point where you want to come out of it, you will understand how i know that ive managed to change.

    Unknown said:
    September 27, 2016 at 7:25 am

    I keep thinking I’ve “changed”, but it seems to only last until the next “crisis”. The underlying problem is still there.

    I think I have found empathy…maybe too much. I can’t maintain that boundary between me and other people, and I end up not only trying to evade my own discomforts and fears, but extend that onto other people, trying to avoid confrontation and pull them out of it as well at ALL costs (including my relationship with them), in situations where THEY have decided that an argument might be worth having, or something might be worth standing up for.

    My emotions are screwed up. A big part of the problem is that I just don’t FEEL. Example…I have wanted a specific item for weeks or months…someone close to me bought it for me for my birthday. I should have been elated…and I know that’s the response they were expecting, but when it happened…the feeling just didn’t come. I don’t know if I couldn’t ALLOW it, or whether I just didn’t HAVE it. The gifter, of course, was devastated, thinking that I didn’t appreciate it. I WANTED to feel that surge of joy and gratitude…I don’t know why I didn’t.

    I want to feel closer to my wife, but I am constantly scared of letting her down, of making the wrong move…I constantly back down when I should stand up for her because I just want to avoid the confrontations…stay numb, stay “cool”. I want to be happy spending time with my dogs…all I can think about is that they will probably die before me…and if they don’t, then I think about those tearjerker skits where the dog is just sitting and waiting for an owner that never comes home. I seem to be able to cry and worry just fine, strangely enough.

    Is there any merit to just “faking it”? Just deciding to be someone else for a while? Can you FORCE feelings and attitudes? I don’t want to be this person any more. I want to be someone else. Can I just choose to be someone else? Or is that going to blow up in my face like all of the other times I’ve tried to change, as soon as the next crisis hits? I’m doing great until the next crisis…then I’m right back in the “rabbit hole”. All of the things that should motivate me OUT of it…just dial the pressure up and send me running back TO it.

    It’s easy to “fix” NPD…when things are going well. When they go south, I don’t know who to be…and I default to the scared little kid persona who has no emotions and just wants to hide. Other people think it’s malicious, like I “hate” them. I don’t at ALL. But the end result is the same. I keep finding I don’t have a tool in the box to fix this one.

    Jess, was there a process where you completely re-framed who you were, how you thought of yourself, or even how you FELT? What is it that helped you recover your feelings and feel free to have them like a normal, non-narc person?

      truthlover5 responded:
      September 28, 2016 at 12:01 am

      I’ve forwarded your message to Jess.

      Here are my feelings on what you are experiencing.

      CONGRATULATIONS! You’ve made huge strides in changing your image of yourself from a negative into a positive direction. Below are my responses to your comments:

      I keep thinking I’ve “changed”, but it seems to only last until the next “crisis”. The underlying problem is still there.

      The inner Divine message I get for you is that ‘You are loved!’ but that you don’t realize it. Part of your struggle is that you are depending on yourself as if you are the only strength and the one who must find the answers from the chaos that sometimes occurs in your life. Remember, you are not in this alone. You are not separate from your Source. What is crucial is that you ask for Divine help for everything. Ask when the crisis hits. Ask when there isn’t a crisis, but especially when you are feeling impotent and feel you are losing the truth of who you are.

      I think I have found empathy…maybe too much. I can’t maintain that boundary between me and other people, and I end up not only trying to evade my own discomforts and fears, but extend that onto other people, trying to avoid confrontation and pull them out of it as well at ALL costs (including my relationship with them), in situations where THEY have decided that an argument might be worth having, or something might be worth standing up for.

      The ONLY one you can control is yourself. You are not responsible for others or their reactions. Be true to who you are. Live your truth. You’ll discover when you do that, and don’t allow yourself to get triggered, then you’ll sense the true power within you – your connection to the Great Power of the Universe that is more powerful than anything or anyone, the Great Mind that knows all the answers, the power that is always within you.

      My emotions are screwed up. A big part of the problem is that I just don’t FEEL. Example…I have wanted a specific item for weeks or months…someone close to me bought it for me for my birthday. I should have been elated…and I know that’s the response they were expecting, but when it happened…the feeling just didn’t come. I don’t know if I couldn’t ALLOW it, or whether I just didn’t HAVE it. The gifter, of course, was devastated, thinking that I didn’t appreciate it. I WANTED to feel that surge of joy and gratitude…I don’t know why I didn’t.

      What surprises people is that their happiness, joy and fulfillment doesn’t come from anything outside of them. Those feelings come from inside of you, and only that inside connection with your Inner Guide fulfills you. Depending on anything outside of you to bring you joy is always a disappointment. That doesn’t mean you don’t experience joy when you are enjoying life and all that life offers, but go inside to find true meaning and joy. What that does mean, though, is to react with love. That means with appreciation and respect. It means treating others as you wish to be treated. People want to be appreciated. When they go to the effort this person did for you, that care and effort alone is worth appreciating.

      I want to feel closer to my wife, but I am constantly scared of letting her down, of making the wrong move…I constantly back down when I should stand up for her because I just want to avoid the confrontations…stay numb, stay “cool”. I want to be happy spending time with my dogs…all I can think about is that they will probably die before me…and if they don’t, then I think about those tearjerker skits where the dog is just sitting and waiting for an owner that never comes home. I seem to be able to cry and worry just fine, strangely enough.

      You are allowing fear to control you. Fear is controlling your thoughts, words and actions. Fear-based decisions always result in disappointments and unwanted results. Be you. Be true to who you are.

      What does that mean? You are created from Love by Love. You are, in reality, love. To feel closer to your wife and your dogs and your friends and yourself, then be loving at all times. This is the truth you live – being love. Make all of your decisions from love, not fear. The miracle of that truth is that you receive love in return. What you send out is what you get back.

      Is there any merit to just “faking it”? Just deciding to be someone else for a while? Can you FORCE feelings and attitudes? I don’t want to be this person any more. I want to be someone else. Can I just choose to be someone else? Or is that going to blow up in my face like all of the other times I’ve tried to change, as soon as the next crisis hits? I’m doing great until the next crisis…then I’m right back in the “rabbit hole”. All of the things that should motivate me OUT of it…just dial the pressure up and send me running back TO it.

      You don’t have to fake it, not when you live your truth. Listen to the urging that is in your heart. In fact, drop from your head into your heart. Your head is where all the ‘what if’s’ and concerns and worries and doubts and fears convince you that you are unworthy. When you drop into your heart, you just know that everything will be all right. You won’t know the how, or the timing, or what it looks like, but you just ‘know’. Have faith. Trust.

      It’s easy to “fix” NPD…when things are going well. When they go south, I don’t know who to be…and I default to the scared little kid persona who has no emotions and just wants to hide. Other people think it’s malicious, like I “hate” them. I don’t at ALL. But the end result is the same. I keep finding I don’t have a tool in the box to fix this one.

      Again, you are feeling and living the ‘lie of separation’. You are not alone. In reality, you are continually connected to Divine Wisdom and Guidance. You are a partner with the Power of the Universe, the Pure Intelligence that knows what is best for you and a fulfilled life. The tool you need to fix this one is the Divine Power Tool. That is the only true solution. Ego tries to convince you that it is weak to ask for Divine help. That, too, is a lie. Smart business people know that they don’t know all of the answers and so they go to the experts who do have the answers. That is called wisdom. Go to the Expert that has all of the answers.

      That Divine Connection is available for you without fail, 24/7. The problem is that most people don’t know it exists. But, that is the way the System is set up. Continual Divine Connection is the way it is designed. You are to work with your Divine Partner to co-create the magnificence that is your life. Use it!

      Jess, was there a process where you completely re-framed who you were, how you thought of yourself, or even how you FELT? What is it that helped you recover your feelings and feel free to have them like a normal, non-narc person?

      I’ve forwarded your message to Jess. But, let me share some of his secrets he shared with me and this blog. That is – setting goals.

      Following are some Divine Messages I’m guided to offer you. They might be of some help:

      “Turning wants into realities is more than wishful thinking. It is an unwavering mental picture of your desire with expectation for the results in form. BELIEVE IT. KNOW IT WILL HAPPEN. WITHOUT DOUBT.”

      “Visualizations and Faith are where miracles happen. Believing, trusting, knowing without doubt it will happen. ‘Knowing’ it will happen. Move from your head to your heart where you ‘know’ the Truth. Knowing is from within the heart, not the head. The secret to success is when all of your energy is focused into what you want, (not scattered like foam atop an ocean wave that blows where the wind takes it and not necessarily where you want it to go), but focused like the energy in a storm wave – strong, powerful, moving in one direction – to your goal.”

      “The ultimate is to surrender all to your Higher Inner Power when you realize you completely trust Divine Wisdom that knows what is best for you. When you release everything that is false about you (limitation, separation and smallness) and trust in the Truth of your oneness with Source, you become more aware of your power, more free in opening and allowing Divine Wisdom to lead you. Listen to your heart, your intuition. That strong urge or life-passion placed within your heart is a strong message of your best direction.”

      REMEMBER: You do not have to know the HOW, only the WHAT. The Divine takes care of the how. In fact, the Divine is with you through everything – the entire process – as a co-creator of which goals are best for you, your belief in and trust that the goals are already yours, along with the Divine Implementer carrying out the how to a successful result – thought into form, cause into effect.

      Know that I am here for you, too. You’ve made amazing progress. You’re getting there. Don’t give up. Have faith. Trust.

      Truth

    Unknown said:
    September 30, 2016 at 1:45 pm

    You say I’ve made progress…but I don’t see it. I think I’ve made progress, but whenever a critical situation comes up, my feelings are the only ones that matter.

    I don’t maliciously try to hurt people…but I’ll distort the truth to get my feelings heard, I’ll freeze up and melt down to try to get sympathy, I’ll turn tail and run, I’ll absolutely flip out in anger when people are trying to help me move past it. The feelings come up like I DON’T WANT to be saved. And I do…that’s the thing…I say I do. Could do, should do, don’t do as Jim Rohn says.

    The only person who still cares about me has reached her breaking point…I think I may have turned her slightly narcissistic just from dealing with me. She has constantly tried to drag me out of that position of fear and impotence…I say “I can’t deal”, and she tries to get me to deal, and I kick and scream and lash out at her, trying to maintain my state of fear and weakness…that’s when I start to do evil things. I distort facts, my memory blanks out, all that matters is her FEELING how UPSET I am, and she knows it’s an overreaction, but I just need so badly to be acknowledged I will destroy everyone around me to get that acknowledgement.

    ANd I’ve felt all along like I’m alone in that relationship, and she’s given me EVERYTHING she had to give and *I* decided I wasn’t worthy of it and threw it aside, hoping that she would pick it back up and give it to me again. HOW DOES SOMEONE LIVE LIKE THIS??

    I am starting to become convinced that I’m an evil person, or that I have somehow gotten so disconnected with my soul that it may be LOST. I don’t know how that happens…maybe it was so far back in childhood where my mother didn’t hug me enough or was narc’d herself and couldn’t make it about me instead of her…how does anyone recover from that after 37 years? Wounds that I don’t even have the LANGUAGE to understand, let alone address??

    Everything you say talks about the “higher power” within…I just don’t feel it there. I know you say it’s there, I’ve seen flashes of it…it certainly knows how to make me FEEL better, but I still do some wicked things. And now I have nothing…I’ve pushed away everyone who has EVER cared…relentlessly lashing out at them for their insistence that I have worth and that I’m capable. What do you do with someone who is desperate to FAIL? Why am I like that??

    I feel like this world would be better without me. Everyone gave it their best to get me going, but I’m just one of those seeds that didn’t grow. I feel like I could make the world a better place if I took myself out of it. Not “end myself”…but commit myself to an asylum somewhere, or commit some petty crime and cuss out the judge and get thrown in jail, or maybe just travel overseas and never come back…leave everything behind and join the Peace Corps, or the Army. Who knows??

    All talk…I’ll probably just sit and cry and wallow in self-pity. I don’t know why I can’t do the right thing, ever…why everyone else has to carry me kicking and screaming until they’re tired of carrying me. I used to “play” with people like some of the other Soc/Narcs you’ve dealt with. I don’t want to do that any more…I just want to shut myself in a room somewhere and rot…but everyone STILL wants me out here, if only to make it easier for them to get away from me.

    And then a second later…SQUIRREL!! I’m distracted again, completely oblivious to my problems. I have to “check out” of my mind to even be able to operate…sitting with these feelings of failure and wickedness just makes me incapable of doing anything else. And people say, “look…you don’t even care!” I SHOULD be inconsolable for what I’ve done/who I’ve been, I SHOULD want to hurt myself. But I don’t.

    I really feel like in this world where God has been chased out of society by the State, this world is just raising soulless people…and whether or not I want it, I’m one of them.

    I know when I say that, it’s BS. But I don’t FEEL that it’s BS. It feels pretty spot-on.

      truthlover5 responded:
      September 30, 2016 at 8:24 pm

      I will get back to you on this. I will be away from the Internet for several days. Do not give up. In the meantime, get to a quiet place and, in prayer, ask for help. Just say “Help me!” and mean it. From the heart. Let go of trying to control the outcome and open to Divine Guidance to take over. Surrender. That means releasing all that you are not for the truth of who you are – One with and within the One. Allow the Divine to lead you in in whatever comes next. Be open to thoughts, intuitions, answers that come to you. They usually come quickly and you’ll have a tendency to ignore them thinking they are your own mind or you will doubt you received anything.

      If the thoughts are uplifting, helpful, expanding, encouraging, inspiring to to go beyond your comfort zone, then pay attention. Your ego thoughts will make you question yourself, putting you down. Divine guidance is always from love and never from fear. It is always positive and never negative. It will never ask you to harm anyone else or yourself.

      Do this over the weekend, more than once. Let me know how it goes. I’ll get back to you early next week when I’m back with Internet. God bless you.

      truthlover5 responded:
      November 10, 2016 at 5:08 pm

      FEAR. What I’m reading all through your comments is FEAR. Fear is controlling your life. Fear is your Satan.
      This condensed quote about fear is copied from a life-transforming book, Divine Messages from Jesus, by Carolyne Cathey. This is the link to the website: http://www.carolynecathey.com.

      “Fear, is your Satan.

      “Note how Satan and fear are the same. Satan (Fear) is negative control, a hindrance for reaching your goals, tempting you to go against your heart and all that you are, making you feel alone, separate, powerless. In fact, fear has controlled much of your life.

      Think back through your life:

      * How many important life-changing decisions have you made out of fear?

      * How many times have you allowed fear to control or overwhelm you?

      * How many times did thinking you weren’t good enough or smart enough or brave enough hold you back and affect your life-path choices?

      * How many times have you opted for the safe decision, not the one where your heart longed to go?

      Jesus said, “Fear controls every one of those decisions—-your Satan—-not a being, but an attitude.”

      Unknown, you talk about committing yourself. I challenge you to the ultimate commitment, one that will change your life for the better.

      Commit yourself to the Divine. If you’ve had glimpses of it, then you know it exits. Fear snatches those glimpses away.

      This is how you commit: You go inward and ask for help. Just say, “help me!” and mean it with passion. Pour out all of your fears, and emotions, and doubts and more fears. You’ll be amazed and how things in your life and your thinking start shifting.

      Think about it–you have nothing to lose, and everything to gain. I can feel how sick and tired you are of what you are experiencing. There is one way to change it, and that is to turn it all over to God. Visually see yourself placing it all in Divine hands.

      Let me know how you are doing. Jess and I kept up a running dialogue when he was working out from under a personality disorder experts told him he could never change. He proved them wrong. All things are possible with God.

      Aren’t you tired of your life? Then do something positive about it. Ask God to become your co-partner, your team-mate, in the ressurrection of the life you are meant to have but are too afraid to claim. Claim it now.

      Keep in touch with me. I’m back in circulation with steady internet again and am here for you.

      God bless you.

    Kristi Putnam said:
    January 10, 2017 at 11:15 am

    I’ve been in a relationship for 3 years that the man is a narcissistic sociopath & so many times know that I should’ve left & currently am seperated from my family & have grown estranged from my daughter & friends of years due to not leaving. He has cheated many times,once I am convinced was with my own sister. He’s had the women call & text me to defend him,put their pictures on Facebook,hes shown personal pics of me to my friends & even ppl idk,hes beaten me,choked me,spat in my face,recently choked me for 5.5 hours til I couldn’t swallow or speak & blacked both of my eyes,busted my lip & eardrum. He has told me if I leave he will kill me & slit my throat ear to ear. He finally asked his psycho Dr for meds to control his anger & is on lithium. He cannot control himself in any way. The last Dr diagnosed him with intermittent violence disorder an impulse control disorder. He has raped me,sexually assaulted me,belittled me,threatens me with other women Inc my own mother,friends & family,threatens to leave but never does,threatens me with $,destroying my property,threatens to kill me. He wants sex every day yet has a very hard time getting erect or completing unless he touches himself & it disgusts me! He looks in the mirror 75% of the time he’s @ the gym yet complains of his weight gain & does nothing about it. He wants to go to gym by himself I think bc he wants to flirt get attn from others. When @ gym with me he watches me all the time from all over the room & says ppl are staring @ me & that ppl ask if he’s on steroids(bc he has always depended on their use until now) but I don’t believe it bc he’s about 40 lbs overweight & it’s very obvious. His mother told me & he admitted molestingvhis sister with threats & force when he was 12 & she was 9. They didn’t speak for many years until we met. Then he made comments about how pretty she was,sickening after what he did I say. I’m afraid to stay whether he’s medicated or not bc its gotten worse each time & I’m afraid he will kill me or injure me worse the next time. I have hip pain from being thrown by him against walls,onto pavement. I have hearing loss that could be permanent,i have scars everywhere & I think my vocal chords & throat are permanently damaged from the choking. I found out about his sister,my sister,several orders of protection,restraining orders,that he had been married 5xs @ 36,has one deceased child which I believe is bc he assaulted that wife during pregnancy & 1 adopted child also from that first marriage. He displays random moments of mourning over the deceased child that appear to me more as guilt. I think that & the molesting his sister are what toents him inside & has made h the way that he is but when I bring it up to try to help him he gets angry & violent. He won’t let me think for myself or speak about anything I’m interested in or that I like or that I believe in. I honestly think instead of love he actually hates me bc he is jealous of me in every way. Especially in body type,friendships,past relationships,intelligence,confidence & artistically. It’s some kind of obsession. I’m afraid of him & want out but I am scared. Whsn I’ve tried to push him off I got taken to jail over a few scratches though I called them bc he was lunching me & he was in my house. I feel like he will destroy everything in my home,steal it or will try to kill me if I leave. I don’t think a narcissistic sociopath can change wothout serious honesty based counseling & meds. There is something that makes them shut their emotions completely off & it’s not normal. He’s even said I can shut my feelings off likes faucet.

      truthlover5 responded:
      January 10, 2017 at 6:28 pm

      Kristi, did any realizations come to you as you wrote this post? Any bigger picture of what you are allowing to happen to you? There is a strong inner urge within me to tell you that the Divine that loves you without doubt wants you to open your connecting channel of dialogue with the Power of the Universe to partner with you in what is best for you. If you believe that Jesus is there to help you, then ask Jesus to help you. Then listen, feel what is in your heart. Your power lies within you. That Inner Power will guide you to others through whom God works.
      You don’t mention a child of your own which makes this somewhat easier, although I’m sure you are terrified.

      I cannot and will not tell you what to do. Only you can decide that. I will suggest possibilities, but it is up to you to commit to making the change.

      Do you know of any church where you can talk to the spiritual leader? There are abuse centers where you live. I don’t know your town, but there will be an organization that specializes in helping women who are experiencing exactly what you are going through. The police, a church, will know where that is.

      Yes, you are filled with fear. But try to look past that fear. Unless you change, What do you see in your future? More of the same, or worse? What would you like to see in your future? Freedom? A life of love, not pain? The ONLY one who can change that is YOU. Your choices affect and direct your life. Take back your life and your power and choose well. Choose what is right for you. That is all that matters here. He will not change, not unless he chooses to do so, and it sounds like he is in too deep to consider changing at this point. If you stay with him, you are encouraging his behavior because you allow him to get by with it.

      I understand your family. They cannot fathom why you are allowing this man to abuse you. You are allowing it. You realize that, don’t you? That means you are part of the problem. You are responsible for your life, along with Divine guidance. That doesn’t mean fight back physically. It means seeking help from God, and following guidance to others to develop a plan of escape. Once you do, DO NOT EVER HAVE CONTACT AGAIN.

      God loves you, without condition. Your only fault in this is not seeking a way out to a better life. You have to be smart about it and have a plan of action in place, one Divinely guided. But there is a way. With God all things are possible. All.

      Also, realize that if you do nothing, that you are also allowing him to molest and abuse others. I know this seems an unfair statement. But you are to LOVE YOURSELF! You are not doing that. I repeat, you must work out a plan where you can walk away and never, never, never have contact with this man.

      You are of God. You are created from God’s magnificence. Which means you are magnificent. Choose magnificence for you. This is up to you. It is your time, Kristi. Your time to take back your life. Do it now. I know you feel it inside you. The cry for help. Wanting out. Desiring a better life.

      Turn this all over to Jesus, God, your angels, and spiritual mentors (all from One Source). That is where your answers and power lies. Ask for help NOW. But be smart.

      You can do this, Kristi. Believe in your Inner Power. You can do this. But be smart about it.

      Let me know how you are doing.

      Love you and God bless.

      Truth

    MidnightStill said:
    May 17, 2017 at 12:11 pm

    Honestly, I am a narcissistic sociopath. I’ve come to this realization after the first year of a long term relationship (we are still together). There are some high points, when I think I’m making progress, but then I lose control. I have a habit of acting out of anger, and the smallest of disagreements trigger me. The other day, I shouted at my fiance for disagreeing with me about something, accused him of making me feel stupid because I didn’t know how to articulate myself and provide a good response, and threw something at the floor beside him. I had no intention of hurting him physically, although in the past I used to hurt him. He went outside, and after a few minutes I followed and went to the car. He tried to comfort me, but I left. It took me twenty minutes to think it over, and understand that I was wrong.

    See, anger is what controls me. It blinds me. It surfaces whenever someone challenges my sense of authority or control. It’s partly why I had a lot of issues at work with my supervisors. I don’t like to feel a loss of control or vulnerability. When I experience this, I feel anger, and that causes me to act in ways I’m not proud of. What’s interesting is that the worst I am is toward my fiance. I can behave more passive aggressively with others, but I am mostly verbally aggressive with my fiance.

    I have depression or bipolar, not sure which at the moment. Either way, I hate myself. For the longest time, I hated other people and suicide seemed to be the way to escape that. Now I realize that I am to blame for my feelings, and I feel hatred toward myself. I still manipulate my fiance. I am more aware of it now than I was initially. I still lie to him at times, I still find ways to get what I want. I don’t feel bad about getting what I want or doing what it takes to get what I want. I just feel guilty about hurting someone that I love. He’s the closest I’ve ever been to loving someone other than myself. I allow myself to be vulnerable with him. I’ve even discussed this topic with him, and I have made small and gradual improvements. What is interesting is that I am going to college to become a clinical psychologist.

    When I was younger, I lost a lot of friends because of my narcissistic behavior. Now, I can maintain relationships and respect boundaries. I only struggle with my closest relationship, overcoming my selfish tendencies.

    I guess I’m just posting to ask for any advice you might have for me. I want to overcome this constant struggle for control over my life, overcome the fear of being alone and weak. I want to be capable of loving someone selflessly. It’s a shame that this desire is so easily overridden by my true nature.

      truthlover5 responded:
      May 29, 2017 at 4:35 pm

      Anger is from fear. When you lash out it is because you are afraid of something, perhaps of even losing control over the situation.

      *****The fact that you are questioning and want a better way is huge, and is the most important step. You’ve already taken that first step. Good for you.

      What do you really want for yourself? Because if you want it, then it is possible to have it. What is vital is that you choose what is healing and joyous for you. There is a quote…

      “If you are depressed you are living in the past.
      If you are anxious you are living in the future.
      If you are at peace you are living in the present.” ― Lao Tzu

      What this means is to start living in the present, right now. Be the best you can be, right now. Of course, to be the best you can be, you are wise to align with your Inner Power of the Universe to be that best you choose for you and your life. Without that Inner Guidance we stumble around in the dark just wishing and guessing and hoping. Quit stumbling and guessing and go to where the answers are.

      One of the most challenging exercises is to decide what you want. This is not easy. But get started by dropping from your head into your heart. Your heart holds the seed of passion for your destiny. What does your heart long for you to do? Trust in that desire planted there by God. Once you gain the courage to follow your heart, then believe you will receive it with God’s help and partnership. Dig deep and explore the mystery of you and your magnificence.

      I am here for you. Stay with me on this and don’t give up. I’m proud of you for your honesty and inner seeking. Goodness is there for you.

      Suggested Reading

    Lemmb said:
    May 25, 2017 at 9:13 am

    Can a relationship with a sociopath make you question whether you are one yourself? I have taken in line quiz for both me and them. Their quiz came back positive. When I answered my quiz , I was honest about my feelings now and mine said I was one as well. I have deep regret and remorse for reacting with anger and hurtful words when my partner did things that hurt my feelings deeply. I know that I suffer from depression and lack of concentration and I have been working on myself with natural remedies (vitamins, minerals , essential oils , yoga , etc). Those things seem to be helping me to a degree, but now I’m really afraid that I am this messed up. I can’t tell if it’s from the gas lighting from my , well, soon to be ex partner. I’m so confused and I don’t know what to do. I know that our relationship was pretty toxic from the start. But I feel that I was always a caring loving honest person from the start. I had always been a pretty non jealous person but they started showing excessive jealousy from the on set. I deleted all of my friends of the opposite sex from my phone etc., got completely off of social media, etc. All at their demand. I did this early on to try and assure them that I was loyal and trustworthy. I even gave them the password to monitor my phone calls. Again to prove my love, at their request. They never really stopped communicating with ex partners and even new people. When I started voicing my feelings about this double standard, I was told I was insecure and jealous. I started feeling resentment but stopped voicing my feelings for fear of being told those things . I honered their request because I figured they had been (and was told ) that they had been cheated on many times before , and I just wanted to reassure them. This goes on and on. I tried several times to leave because I could see that I was turning into a person I didn’t want to become and I could see that I had much resentment and was lashing out with hurtful words to them. We always worked things out but their behavior never really stopped. We then had a child together. I moved 1,200 miles away to their home state because they “needed a support network” for the baby. Things just continued to go downhill . We have been separated for a year now. And we agreed to try and work things out . They continued to have interaction with others of the opposite sex. I never have. I just started working really hard to get more financially secure for us to all 3 move away together and start our lives over. I have really been working on myself but they continue to have relationships with others. I cant say for certain that sex was involved. Anyway I finally realized they had no intention of getting back together and I cut off finances to them. NOT our child though. I love this kid with all my heart. Anyway I have been reacting to this with anger and harsh words. We are through now but I’m told that is the reason. They I haven’t fixed myself and my words show so much disrespect that I’m not even ok to be around my son . Anyway I’ve been searching A Lot about social disorders, to try and find some answers. I feel I have found that she is a sociopath. But I’m not a DR. She calls me a narrcisstic and they I have been the problem all along , so now I’m thinking maybe it has been me. I just needed to vent my frustrations somewhere . Thanks for this place to do it. I’m currently looking for a professional to speak to. I have never wanted to take any medication for anything but my depression is worse now and I just want to feel better. Please pray for me if that’s your thing . If not , please have positive thoughts for me. I wish you all a wonderful day and the rest of your life.

      truthlover5 responded:
      May 29, 2017 at 4:01 pm

      Don’t worry about labels. Focus on what is right for you. Be careful that you aren’t turning over your freedom of choice to another. Allowing them to choose for you is still a choice you make, just not the right one for your happiness. Know, too, that you are responsible for your own being – your own life.

      You have a power within you that is eager to guide you on what is right for you. That Divine Power is only a thought away, a whisper of “Help me!”.

      The challenge you and all of us face is that feeling of separation and aloneness. That feeling is a lie. You are never alone. The Divine Love loves you without fail, without judgment, and with compassion. Lean into that love and depend on your Divine Co-Partner for the answers to all of your questions and situations. There is no stronger and wiser power than what you already have within you. Turn everything over to your Divine teammate. Together, work out a strategy for what is right for you and your life. What is most healing is that every thought, word and action be from a basis of love – most importantly, love for yourself. Love doesn’t mean condoning what everyone else does. Love, including self love, means saying ‘no’ to unhealthy behavior. It means, if necessary, walking away.

      The child makes that even more challenging. Find out from your Divine Source what is right for that child who has a right to grow up surrounded by love. Growing up with hatred teaches hatred. What is the most loving situation for that child?

      You have work to do – going within to the Power of the Universe, the Unlimited Supplier that supplies all of your needs, not a human, that Pure Intelligence that has only the correct answers. You are welcome to stay in touch with me. I am here for you. I care. If you are determined, with God’s help you will succeed.

        Lemmb said:
        May 30, 2017 at 6:13 am

        Thank you for your response. This site is truly an inspiration to me now and I have true hope that I can change with the help of my higher power. Jess’s story has helped so much . I am just starting this journey and I admit, I’m a bit afraid. I will try with all of my night to make everything I do, say and think, Love based I instead of fear based. God bless

    truthlover5 responded:
    June 20, 2017 at 5:26 pm

    Please let me know how you are doing.

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