abuse

What Do You Want – Really? Part 2: Turning Your Wants Into Goals

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If you did the suggested work in Part One of What Do You Want – Really? then you made at least a partial list of items or situations you really want to come true – the deep-down wants beyond the superficial wants. If you haven’t yet made even a partial list, then please reread What Do You Want – Really? 

Why? Because unless you know what you want – really, then you won’t accomplish what you truly desire – even if it is merely to survive. But go for more than survival. This is your life! There are miracles waiting for you once you know what you want most desperately, and how to bring that desperate desire into reality, which will be in Part 3, Turning Your Goals Into Realities. 

But for now we’re talking about turning those wants into goals.

As I mentioned in Part 1, the question of what you really want seems like it would be easy to answer, but it is often one of the most difficult questions we ask ourselves. Especially if our lives are tied up with a sociopath who bans self-thought of what we want for ourselves or our children. You might feel you aren’t allowed to choose for yourself, that in doing so you will suffer punishment for daring to do so. Which means, often, to be safe and to try to maintain peace, or lack of abuse, you merely go along with what the sociopath dictates. For survival, maybe what you want is not to be hit again. But is that what you want – really? These are tough questions when life is tough. But, and this is important, unless you know what you really want, you’ll never get to where you truly want to be.

At this moment in time, the challenge is to now take that list of wants and turn them into goals.

What is the difference?

  • Wants means to merely wish for something to happen.
  • Goals are focused targets where you’ve made a commitment. Commitment is necessary in following through with what you feel you’re Divinely guided to do. Folliwng through means the steps you take in order to bring those goals into reality, which will be in Part 3, Turning Your Goals Into Realities. 

FROM TRUTH: IMPORTANT! If what you want is to stop the abuse, click on the link: Stop the Abuse


Let’s assume you’ve made a list – even if it is only in your head so that someone else doesn’t see it and lash out at you. Your list will depend on where you are in life, your situation, your unhappiness with where you are, and what you feel is important to do to improve your situation. 

For example: If you are, unfortunately, linked in some capacity with a sociopathic personality, then merely wanting to survive the abuse seems like all you might be able to accomplish. But let’s go beyond that situation. 

If you could do anything without recourse, what would you like your life to look like? Peaceful? Happy? Free? Living without fear?  Think deeply about this question. Your life might depend on it.

If you don’t like your situation, then how might you want to change it? If you naively believe that your love will change that sociopath, then think again. They don’t think like you do. They have a different agenda. They might plead and beg and say how sorry they are and that it will never happen again, but it will. In fact, the longer you tolerate abuse, the worse it will grow because you are encouraging their bad behavior. At that point, you are becoming part of the problem. 

Think about yourself, and your children if you have any. Don’t let them grow up knowing and experiencing abuse. They will either become the abuser, or the recipient of abuse. You are their example. Be a good one!

Going back to our potential example:

  • First, you want – really – to get out of your toxic situation – safely! You should never allow anyone to abuse you or bully you either physically or emotionally. As I said before, if you allow it, you are part of the problem. How do you do that?
    •  See Link: How to Stop the Abuse. There are links there you can contact for help. There is legal advice, financial assistance, places you can go, and more.

NOTE: Ties to family and friends might have been cut by the abuser/controller. Usually that is a mirage and your friends and family care very much about what happens to you but have lost a means of contact. With that said:

      1.  Family and/or Friends: it depends on your family and friends whether they are supportive of your getting away, or don’t believe you have a problem and tell you to stay, or, you made the original choice, now live with it. Wrong! No one is so perfect as to know everything about everyone, and sometimes we, in good faith, get sucked into a bad situation.  You might realize that if your family can help you, and you are in a dangerous relationship, that you will most likely need to find an unexpected location for you, and children if you have them. But think of the freedom! Of living without fear!
      2.  Church: Again, it depends on the church pastor. They might be understanding and helpful, or they might tell you that you would be sinful to try to leave and to start life over. If they are the understanding type, they will probably have suggestions on how to help you. 
      3. Police/Sheriff: Yet again, it depends on the person and their laws as to what they can do. As long as your abuser/controller isn’t connected with the police/sheriff, you might be all right going to them for help and/or advice. They might not be able to do anything unless the person is caught in the act of abuse, but you can at least ask.  
      4. Local nonprofits who are there to help you in your situation.
  • Second, starting over. Begin thinking about the urgings of your heart. Unearth those long-buried dreams. Those are God-seeds planted within your heart that will bring you the greatest joy. True, you might have to do something short-term to bridge the gap between where you are and where you want to be, but remember, it doesn’t matter what you do, as long as you do what you do with love – from being a janitor, or waiting tables, or being President. Do it with love. All are noble occupations and equally important. No person is more important than any other because we are all God-creations, created by the same God from the same God-stuff. Pray, ask God for help. 

In the above potential example, you’ve gone from Wishing, to Commitment. You’ve moved from Wants, to Goals. Something on which you can focus and work.

Perhaps your wants aren’t as extreme as the potential example, but you get the idea. 

For another example: Your want might be to be wealthy. But what do you really want? What the wealth might provide? Security? Travel? A home? Joy? Happiness? Merely having wealth doesn’t guarantee any of those outcomes. Perhaps you want fame? Why? To feel you are noticed and important? Or, to the other side, that you have a skill or talent you would love to share with the world so as to help people. Just being famous doesn’t mean you are happy and fulfilled. You don’t need to be famous to matter. You matter now. You are important now. Go beyond the superficial wants to the life-enriching goals that really matter, that really make a difference. This is your life. With God’s help and guidance, you can make it the most rewarding and fulfilling life possible. 

Keep working on your list. Move your wants to goals, tangibles where you will focus your energy and effort. Do feel something positive stirring within your heart? Do you feel hope? If so, you are amazing to get to this point. It takes courage, AND FAITH. 

ALWAYS PRAY AND ASK FOR HELP. Then listen for the answers or be aware of subtle changes in your life. 

EXPECT A MIRACLE.

 

REMEMBER: You do not have to know the HOW, only the WHAT. The Divine takes care of the how. In fact, the Divine is with you through everything – the entire process – as a co-creator of which goals are best for you, your belief in and trust that the goals are already yours, along with the Divine Implementer carrying out the how to a successful result – thought into form, cause into effect.



FROM TRUTH: IMPORTANT! If what you want is to stop the abuse, click on the link: Stop the Abuse


Next: Part 3, Turning Your Goals Into Realities. 

Previous:, Part 1 What Do You Want – Really? 

What Do You Want – Really? Part 1

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“If you could place an order, like from a menu, knowing it would be brought for you, what would you ask for? What do you want?”

“What do you want, really”, seems an easy question, but it is often one of the most difficult questions we ask ourselves. Especially if our lives are tied up with a sociopath who bans self-thought of what we want for ourselves or our children. Do you feel you aren’t allowed to choose for yourself? That in doing so you will suffer punishment of some kind? So, to be safe and try to maintain peace, or lack of abuse, you merely go along with what the sociopath dictates? For survival, maybe what you want is not to be hit again. But is that what you want – really? These are tough questions when life is tough. But, and this is important, unless you know what you really want, you’ll never get to where you truly want to be.


FROM TRUTH: IMPORTANT! If what you want is to stop the abuse, click on the link: Stop the Abuse


The following post is to help you take control of your life by knowing what you want – not an easy answer.    Hope you enjoy the excerpt From the book Divine Messages from Jesus for a magnificent life p.  2015. p. 207-211. Cathey, Carolyne. 

Truth.


Carolyne Cathey writes…

WHAT DO YOU WANT?’

The following are three quotes on this topic from Jesus, my Spiritual Mentor:

Jesus wants me to share these quotes to benefit you:

“What do you want? Partner with the Divine to know what is best for you. Open up to possibilities and true-heart’s-desires you never had the courage to express, or even more, to go for. How can you experience the life you truly want if you don’t know what that is?” ~ Jesus

“Free will is your gift from the Creator. Your power lies in your freedom to choose. No one can take that power from you unless you allow it. Choose well. Choose from your unlimited supply of options and answers provided by the Divine, for you.” ~ Jesus

“In reality, you are choosing continuously. Everything you do is a choice – every thought, every word, every action. The key is to choose well.”

And yet, to choose well, first, know what you want.

Do you see how it all cycles back to knowing what you want? Knowing what you want is crucial. How do you decide what you want? Some of us have a tendency to merely drift – and often to drift along with the current of what others want. Sometimes, through fear or false sense of security, we go for what is expected, or safe, or traditional, or the easy route.

Have you felt challenged in knowing what you really want?

The following is a true story of a Divine Message I (Carolyne) received that I call…

“What Do You Want?”

One day I was driving a winding rural road to attend Sunday Celebration at our local Spiritual Center. While steering around the curves, I conversed with my inner Jesus/Christ/Mentor/guide/friend about my upcoming financial needs for our grandson’s graduation, airline tickets for the children, birthdays, and on and on for all the things I wanted to provide for the people I love.

“What do you want?” the Divine voice interrupted.

After recovering from the surprise of audibly hearing his voice, I thought a minute. “Abundance for the children and grandchildren…”

“That’s for someone else. What do you want?”

“Well, a higher spiritual path….”

“You already have that. What do you want?”

Everything I thought of was to benefit someone else. And every time, he said…

“No, what do you want? Everyone else is being taken care of. What do you want for you?”

I was at a loss to come up with anything specific for me, personally. “That’s really hard!” I responded. I thought for a day and still hadn’t really come up with anything in particular. I asked him, “Would you help me? Would you tell me what I should ask for?”

To my shock, he said…

“No, you must do this on your own. You have gone all through your life letting other people make your decisions for you. People ask you to do something to help them, and you do, and you make it your own. But they were the ones who made the decision for you.

“If you could place an order, like from a menu, knowing it would be brought for you, what would you ask for? What do you want?”

I’ll admit, I was stumped. Later I said, “Maybe the answer is that I don’t need anything.”

“I’m not going to let you get by with that. What do you want? What would you like to do on this earth in this human experience while you are still here to do it? What will you regret if you don’t do it while you’re alive in the physical? While you have the chance? It’s your time!”

Once I dared think of what I wanted, I started writing everything down. I was amazed. For most of the list there was no reason for me not to have them. Some items were small things like flowers, tabletop water fountains, pretty rocks, candles and books, and, and… There were some bigger things too, which is why I suggest you start writing down everything that gives you pleasure, realizing you never choose anything that restricts anyone else’s freedom. This is about you.

The important part is to know what you want!! How can you go for it, or accomplish it, if you don’t even know what that is?

For example, when we were vacationing with the children, those who knew what they wanted to do we made sure we did it – like playing golf, tennis, ocean fishing, horseback riding on the beach, boogie boarding, white water rafting, their favorite restaurants, seeing friends they hadn’t seen for a year… If they hadn’t first made definite choices and verbalized them, their greatest desires wouldn’t have occurred, and we would have spent time on other ‘stuff’ that wasn’t as meaningful to them. Their definite desires determined the schedule, like a road map.

This message is true for you.

My suggestion to you is to start writing down things or experiences that give you joy, make you feel good and express your inner passion. List everything. Then go beneath the surface-wants to what you really want.

For instance, after working on this exercise, I suddenly discovered that what I originally thought I wanted is really only a superficial want, not the core. For example, I originally said I wanted to be able provide abundance for my children and grandchildren. After several months, the realization ‘aha’d that providing for the children/grandchildren wasn’t what I really wanted. What I really wanted was for my children and grandchildren to be independent and responsible for their own abundance. That’s where their true joy would lie. They would be freer and not dependent on me or anyone else.

By the way, when I went back to my list several weeks later, I realized that much of them had already happened, and the others were in progress.

I challenge you to make your own list, and then go deeper with your thinking. Drill down to the real want. Dig so deeply that you unearth long-buried dreams. This moment is the time to unearth them, clean them off, and bring them to the light and fresh air. Give them to God. Prepare for miracles.

So, I ask you what Jesus asked me…

What do you want?

NOTE: Knowing what you truly want might take time. Also, you might benefit from doing this exercise at least once a year because your goals will change, especially after some are completed, and after you gain courage to go more boldly for those dreams.


FROM TRUTH: IMPORTANT! If what you want is to stop the abuse, click on the link: Stop the Abuse


EXERCISES for ‘What do you Really Want?’

Don’t worry about any kind of conenction or pattern. Don’t take into consideration whether or not you feel it is possible or realistic. Put fear away. It doesn’t belong here in this exercise. Merely write what comes to you.

But First: What is the most important action for you to take before doing these exercises? Ask for Divine Guidance. Then listen. Ignore fear and open your mind and heart to the intuition, the messages.

We are going to approach what might be your wants from several different angles, so if some of it seems repetitive, it’s for a reason.

 REMEMBER, this is your chance. It’s your time!

NOTE: YOU DO NOT NEED TO KNOW THE HOW!

YOU ARE ONLY TO DETERMINE THE WHAT. The DIVINE SUPPLIES THE HOW.

  • WRITE DOWN WHAT YOU ENJOY, what gives you pleasure, big or small.
  • WHAT ARE YOUR PASSIONS? What really matters to you? This is a huge clue for you, put within you by the Divine. Listen to those clues. What are your passions?
  • WHAT IS YOUR HEART IS URGING YOU TO DO, or is tugging you in a certain direction that you would LOVE as a result for your life if you had more faith and knew it would turn out well?

Dig beneath the surface or superficial wants to the real wants.

  • WHAT DREAMS ARE LONG-BURIED you might want to unearth?
  • What would you like to do on this earth in this human experience while you are still here to do it?
  • If you were at the end of your life looking backwards, what would you regret not having the courage to do?
  • If you could pick anything for you and your life that you consider a dream existence, what would that look like?

Read through your answers, share some of them if you want.

  • What are the similarities?
  • Is anything missing?
  • Is there a pattern in what you wrote?
  • Did your working on this open up any ‘aha!’s’ for you?
  • Did something come to mind that is an inspiration for you to follow?
  • Circle the ones that are most important to you – a starting place.

HOW MIGHT YOU BE GETTING IN YOUR OWN WAY IN FOLLOWING THROUGH ON the WANTS you just listed?

  • FEAR – how many ways does that fear come through?

NOTE: YOU DO NOT NEED TO KNOW THE HOW!

YOU ARE ONLY TO DETERMINE THE WHAT. The DIVINE SUPPLIES THE HOW.

 Final question: Has this exercise been helpful?

“What do you want? Partner with the Divine to know what is best for you. Open up to possibilities and true-heart’s-desires you never had the courage to express, or even more, to go for. How can you experience the life you truly want if you don’t know what that is?” ~ Jesus

I suggest you take these comments and go inward, ask for Divine help and guidance. Give loving thought to your wants. They will determine your life. Don’t worry about the how. Trust. Have faith. Trust.

REMEMBER, this is your chance. NOW is your time!



FROM TRUTH: IMPORTANT! If what you want is to stop the abuse, click on the link: Stop the Abuse


 

Charming Sociopaths. You either are one, or know one. Get help!

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One in 20 people suffer with a charming sociopath personality. You might be one of them. You might live with one. They might be your sibling or parent, or child or friend, or neighbor, or boss. You might be confused as to their behavior, or don’t understand what is going on. If so…

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RESOURCES FOR THE ABUSED

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There are more options than I’m listing on resources for you and any children in an abusive situation, but in an emergency situation, these are some places to start:

(I will add to this list as I come across them, and please add your own resources in the comment box. – See below the list for additional comments.)


SUGGESTIONS FOR PLACES TO GO FOR HELP: (REMEMBER TO TAKE CAN’T’ OUT OF YOUR VOCABULARY! FOCUS ON WHAT YOU CAN DO!)

PRAY:

I repeat, FIRST, and always, PRAY. Ask for help. You have a spiritual team (God, Jesus or Spiritual Mentor of your choosing, Angels, etc.,) just waiting for you to ask them for help. Listen to your Inner Guidance. You have the Power of the Universe inside of you, a power stronger than your husband, or your situation, or anything that is outside of you. You are not to do this alone. ALWAYS work with your Spiritual Team for everything. That is the source for your perfect guidance and answers. Then learn to listen to the answers. They usually come so quickly that you doubt you heard them, or that you are making it up, or it is in your own mind… In time, you will learn to trust those answers and act on them. Ask for help in that, too. Ask for clarity. Sometimes your answers will come to you in many different ways, so be aware.

ABUSE RESOURCE LINKS with potentially helpful information:

 

*** RAINN (Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network): https://www.rainn.org/. 24/7. 800.656.HOPE (4673). RAINN is the nation’s largest anti-sexual violence organization. RAINN created and operates the National Sexual Assault Hotline (800.656.HOPE, online.rainn.org y rainn.org/es) in partnership with more than 1,000 local sexual assault service providers across the country and operates the DoD Safe Helpline for the Department of Defense. RAINN also carries out programs to prevent sexual violence, help survivors, and ensure that perpetrators are brought to justice.

*** DOMESTIC ABUSE SHELTERS: https://www.domesticshelters.org/
NOTE: The shelters should also be able to refer you to other services for abused and battered women in your community, including:
* Legal help,
* Counseling
* Support groups
* Employment programs
* Health-related services
* Educational opportunities
* Financial assistance

*** THE NATIONAL DOMESTIC ABUSE HOTLINE: https://www.thehotline.org/

*** CHURCHES:

I don’t know where you live, but there is surely a church you can go to for help, who can guide you to local resources for you. Make sure you get someone who is understanding of abuse situations. It depends on the church and the individual. Do not allow anyone to convince you to stay in an abusive relationship.

TAKE CARE OF YOU! YOU COUNT. YOU MATTER. At some point you might be able to help someone in a similar situation.


ADDITIONAL COMMENTS:

DO NOT ALLOW ANYONE TO TELL YOU THAT YOU ARE UNWORTHY! You are not stupid or inferior or to blame for other’s abusive behavior – including physical as well as verbal and emotional abuse. The abuser’s behavior is THEIR CHOICE and they do so because they have a problem that they are taking out on you. YOU ARE A GOD CREATION, created from magnificence. Yes you are! YOUR CHOICE IS to take care of you in a loving way and to love yourself!

STOP THE ABUSE CYCLE: IF YOU HAVE CHILDREN, it is up to you (with help) to break the abuse-cycle that also affects your children’s future, and then their children’s, and then their children’s… Be the one to stop the cycle of abuse for you and following generations.

ABUSIVE BEHAVIOR REACHES ACROSS AGE AND GENDER. Don’t assume that only women are the ones abused, or that only men are the abusers. Women, men and children exhibit this damaging personality, usually as a result of their own abusive upbringing.

ABUSERS CAN BE DECEPTIVELY CHARMING. Sometimes they are so wonderful that you can’t help but love them. The flareups are only on occasion, and you are convinced their are your fault. Then the charming abuser apologizes and convincingly promises to never repeat the behavior. WRONG. When they get by with bad behavior, it only gets worse until at some point it can turn deadly.

YOUR PRIORITY IS TO TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF AND GET INTO A SAFE SITUATION. First, pray for help! The Divine is your inner power source that has all of the answers. Listen to the answers you receive, or remain open to guidance which comes to you in many forms. You were guided to this site. Trust that guidance. Be smart about this. Stay strong. You are already on your way to freedom and a better life. Don’t get discouraged. Keep trying. You are not alone, either spiritually or in your community. There are people there trained to help you for exactly the situation you are facing.

Read the list above again on the many ways the resources can help you and keep the contact information where it is handy in an emergency.

I am also here for you. I care, and I feel very strongly that if you keep your focus and determination, you will triumph.

MORE INFORMATION ON ABUSIVE PERSONALITIES AND BEHAVIOR

God bless you. Let me know how you are doing. I care!

TRUTH