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What Do You Want – Really? Part 2: Turning Your Wants Into Goals

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If you did the suggested work in Part One of What Do You Want – Really? then you made at least a partial list of items or situations you really want to come true – the deep-down wants beyond the superficial wants. If you haven’t yet made even a partial list, then please reread What Do You Want – Really? 

Why? Because unless you know what you want – really, then you won’t accomplish what you truly desire – even if it is merely to survive. But go for more than survival. This is your life! There are miracles waiting for you once you know what you want most desperately, and how to bring that desperate desire into reality, which will be in Part 3, Turning Your Goals Into Realities. 

But for now we’re talking about turning those wants into goals.

As I mentioned in Part 1, the question of what you really want seems like it would be easy to answer, but it is often one of the most difficult questions we ask ourselves. Especially if our lives are tied up with a sociopath who bans self-thought of what we want for ourselves or our children. You might feel you aren’t allowed to choose for yourself, that in doing so you will suffer punishment for daring to do so. Which means, often, to be safe and to try to maintain peace, or lack of abuse, you merely go along with what the sociopath dictates. For survival, maybe what you want is not to be hit again. But is that what you want – really? These are tough questions when life is tough. But, and this is important, unless you know what you really want, you’ll never get to where you truly want to be.

At this moment in time, the challenge is to now take that list of wants and turn them into goals.

What is the difference?

  • Wants means to merely wish for something to happen.
  • Goals are focused targets where you’ve made a commitment. Commitment is necessary in following through with what you feel you’re Divinely guided to do. Folliwng through means the steps you take in order to bring those goals into reality, which will be in Part 3, Turning Your Goals Into Realities. 

FROM TRUTH: IMPORTANT! If what you want is to stop the abuse, click on the link: Stop the Abuse


Let’s assume you’ve made a list – even if it is only in your head so that someone else doesn’t see it and lash out at you. Your list will depend on where you are in life, your situation, your unhappiness with where you are, and what you feel is important to do to improve your situation. 

For example: If you are, unfortunately, linked in some capacity with a sociopathic personality, then merely wanting to survive the abuse seems like all you might be able to accomplish. But let’s go beyond that situation. 

If you could do anything without recourse, what would you like your life to look like? Peaceful? Happy? Free? Living without fear?  Think deeply about this question. Your life might depend on it.

If you don’t like your situation, then how might you want to change it? If you naively believe that your love will change that sociopath, then think again. They don’t think like you do. They have a different agenda. They might plead and beg and say how sorry they are and that it will never happen again, but it will. In fact, the longer you tolerate abuse, the worse it will grow because you are encouraging their bad behavior. At that point, you are becoming part of the problem. 

Think about yourself, and your children if you have any. Don’t let them grow up knowing and experiencing abuse. They will either become the abuser, or the recipient of abuse. You are their example. Be a good one!

Going back to our potential example:

  • First, you want – really – to get out of your toxic situation – safely! You should never allow anyone to abuse you or bully you either physically or emotionally. As I said before, if you allow it, you are part of the problem. How do you do that?
    •  See Link: How to Stop the Abuse. There are links there you can contact for help. There is legal advice, financial assistance, places you can go, and more.

NOTE: Ties to family and friends might have been cut by the abuser/controller. Usually that is a mirage and your friends and family care very much about what happens to you but have lost a means of contact. With that said:

      1.  Family and/or Friends: it depends on your family and friends whether they are supportive of your getting away, or don’t believe you have a problem and tell you to stay, or, you made the original choice, now live with it. Wrong! No one is so perfect as to know everything about everyone, and sometimes we, in good faith, get sucked into a bad situation.  You might realize that if your family can help you, and you are in a dangerous relationship, that you will most likely need to find an unexpected location for you, and children if you have them. But think of the freedom! Of living without fear!
      2.  Church: Again, it depends on the church pastor. They might be understanding and helpful, or they might tell you that you would be sinful to try to leave and to start life over. If they are the understanding type, they will probably have suggestions on how to help you. 
      3. Police/Sheriff: Yet again, it depends on the person and their laws as to what they can do. As long as your abuser/controller isn’t connected with the police/sheriff, you might be all right going to them for help and/or advice. They might not be able to do anything unless the person is caught in the act of abuse, but you can at least ask.  
      4. Local nonprofits who are there to help you in your situation.
  • Second, starting over. Begin thinking about the urgings of your heart. Unearth those long-buried dreams. Those are God-seeds planted within your heart that will bring you the greatest joy. True, you might have to do something short-term to bridge the gap between where you are and where you want to be, but remember, it doesn’t matter what you do, as long as you do what you do with love – from being a janitor, or waiting tables, or being President. Do it with love. All are noble occupations and equally important. No person is more important than any other because we are all God-creations, created by the same God from the same God-stuff. Pray, ask God for help. 

In the above potential example, you’ve gone from Wishing, to Commitment. You’ve moved from Wants, to Goals. Something on which you can focus and work.

Perhaps your wants aren’t as extreme as the potential example, but you get the idea. 

For another example: Your want might be to be wealthy. But what do you really want? What the wealth might provide? Security? Travel? A home? Joy? Happiness? Merely having wealth doesn’t guarantee any of those outcomes. Perhaps you want fame? Why? To feel you are noticed and important? Or, to the other side, that you have a skill or talent you would love to share with the world so as to help people. Just being famous doesn’t mean you are happy and fulfilled. You don’t need to be famous to matter. You matter now. You are important now. Go beyond the superficial wants to the life-enriching goals that really matter, that really make a difference. This is your life. With God’s help and guidance, you can make it the most rewarding and fulfilling life possible. 

Keep working on your list. Move your wants to goals, tangibles where you will focus your energy and effort. Do feel something positive stirring within your heart? Do you feel hope? If so, you are amazing to get to this point. It takes courage, AND FAITH. 

ALWAYS PRAY AND ASK FOR HELP. Then listen for the answers or be aware of subtle changes in your life. 

EXPECT A MIRACLE.

 

REMEMBER: You do not have to know the HOW, only the WHAT. The Divine takes care of the how. In fact, the Divine is with you through everything – the entire process – as a co-creator of which goals are best for you, your belief in and trust that the goals are already yours, along with the Divine Implementer carrying out the how to a successful result – thought into form, cause into effect.



FROM TRUTH: IMPORTANT! If what you want is to stop the abuse, click on the link: Stop the Abuse


Next: Part 3, Turning Your Goals Into Realities. 

Previous:, Part 1 What Do You Want – Really? 

Charming Sociopaths. You either are one, or know one. Get help!

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One in 20 people suffer with a charming sociopath personality. You might be one of them. You might live with one. They might be your sibling or parent, or child or friend, or neighbor, or boss. You might be confused as to their behavior, or don’t understand what is going on. If so…

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Profile of a Narcissistic Sociopath – Charming, Manipulative, Grandiose, Lying, Authoritarian, Secretive, Divisive…

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Profile of the Narcissistic Sociopath

Think you can spot a sociopath/psychopath? Think again.

According to experts, this behavior affects 3% to 5% of the population, which could mean more than 15 million people in the USA with these characteristics, or up to 1 in 20 people – higher percentages than one might realize. The people affected are millions more. Are you one of them?

Sociopath-imageIn general, psychopaths come from all walks of life. They’re our friends, lovers, co-workers and leaders. They’re outgoing and persuasive, dazzling you with charm and flattery.  Knowing the profile characteristics might help you to avoid being scammed or hurt by someone you trust. Or, you might already be in a situation and are confused by the others behavior.  Be aware of the characteristics.  Be smart.

What is a narcissistic sociopath?
  • A narcissistic sociopath is someone with a combination of narcissistic personality disorder and definitive behavioral signs of sociopathy.
  • People with narcissism are characterized by their excessive and persistent need for others’ admiration and positive reinforcement. They generally have grandiose opinions of themselves and believe they are superior to other people. Narcissists are also frequently convinced that they are above the normal responsibilities and obligations of everyday life, so they usually have significant difficulties maintaining employment or relationships as a result.
  • The narcissistic sociopath has this type of personality along with a noticeable lack of regard for the rights of others and a tendency to regularly violate those rights.

One noted difference between a narcissistic sociopath and people with narcissism alone is that:

  • The narcissist with the sociopathy reacts strongly and sometimes even violently to negative feedback. True sociopaths generally do not respond to criticism or care what others may think of them.
  • A narcissistic sociopath is unable to tolerate criticism and needs constant praise, as well as deference from other people. Many with this condition present themselves in the best light possible and are able to easily charm others to gain their trust.

http://www.wisegeek.com/what-is-a-narcissistic-sociopath.htm

THE MALIGNANT PERSONALITY:  These people are mentally ill and extremely dangerous! The following precautions will help to protect you from the destructive acts of which they are capable.  To recognize them, keep the following guidelines in mind:

(1) They are habitual liars. They seem incapable of either knowing or telling the truth about anything.

(2) They are egotistical to the point of narcissism. They really believe they are set apart from the rest of humanity by some special grace.

(3) They scapegoat; they are incapable of either having the insight or willingness to accept responsibility for anything they do. Whatever the problem, it is always someone else’s fault.

(4) They are remorselessly vindictive when thwarted or exposed.

(5) Genuine religious, moral, or other values play no part in their lives. They have no empathy for others and are capable of violence. Under older psychological terminology, they fall into the category of psychopath or sociopath, but unlike the typical psychopath, their behavior is masked by a superficial social facade.

For more and for update from http://www.mcafee.cc/Bin/sb.html

Profile of the Sociopath

This information is copied from the website http://www.mcafee.cc/Bin/sb.html

  • Glibness and Superficial Charm
  • Manipulative and Cunning
    They never recognize the rights of others and see their self-serving behaviors as permissible. They appear to be charming, yet are covertly hostile and domineering, seeing their victim as merely an instrument to be used. They may dominate and humiliate their victims.
  • Grandiose Sense of Self
    Feels entitled to certain things as “their right.”
  • May state readily that their goal is to rule the world
  • Pathological Lying
    Has no problem lying coolly and easily and it is almost impossible for them to be truthful on a consistent basis. Can create, and get caught up in, a complex belief about their own powers and abilities. Extremely convincing and even able to pass lie detector tests.
  • Not concerned about wrecking others’ lives and dreams. Oblivious or indifferent to the devastation they cause. Does not accept blame themselves, but blames others, even for acts they obviously committed.
  • A Sociopath is always “pitting” people against each other. My Sociopath
  • Smear Campaign:  A Sociopath will always be smearing someone and inciting people against each other.  Sociopaths do not want people to like or get along with each other and will try to “divide and conquer.”  They will say odd things to people in the social group: “She doesn’t like you” or “She doesn’t want me doing anything with you.” My Sociopath
  • Sociopath has a strange network of Support People ranging from “consultants,” to skilled-workers, to enabling co-dependents that back him up when he wants to go after his Target. Most of the Support People have their own Psychological problems. My Sociopath. 
  • No conscience. Lack of Remorse, Shame or Guilt.
  • Believe they are all-powerful all-knowing, entitled to every wish, no sense of personal boundaries, no concern for their impact on others.
  • The end always justifies the means and they let nothing stand in their way.
  • Shallow Emotions When they show what seems to be warmth, joy, love and compassion it is more feigned than experienced and serves an ulterior motive. Outraged by insignificant matters, yet remaining unmoved and cold by what would upset a normal person. Since they are not genuine, neither are their promises.
  • Incapable of real human attachment to another
  • Does not perceive that anything is wrong with them
  • Authoritarian
  • Secretive
  • Paranoid
  • Drama King:  There is always conflict going on in a Sociopath’s life and it involves a “bad person,” “bad business” or “bad transaction.” My Sociopath. 
  • Callousness/Lack of Empathy

For complete list: http://www.mcafee.cc/Bin/sb.html

Inside the Mind of a Sociopath: 

Excerpt from: “The Sociopath Next Door: The Ruthless vs. the Rest of Us” by Martha Stout Ph.D.

“Imagine – if you can – not having a conscience, none at all, no feelings of guilt or remorse no matter what you do, no limiting sense of concern of the well-being of strangers, friends, or even family members.  Imagine no struggles with shame, not a single one in your whole life, no matter what kind of selfish, lazy, harmful, or immoral action you had taken.  And pretend that the concept of responsibility is unknown to you, except as a burden others seem to accept without question, like gullible fools.  Now add to this strange fantasy the ability to conceal from other people that your psychological makeup is radically different from theirs.  Since everyone simply assumes that conscience is universal among human beings, hiding the fact that you are conscience-free is nearly effortless.  You are not held back from any of your desires by guilt or shame, and you are never confronted by others for your cold-bloodlessness.  The ice water in your veins is so bizarre, so completely outside of their personal experience that they seldom even guess at your condition.”

…or – maybe, best of all – (you) create situations that cause them to feel bad about themselves.  And this is power, especially when the people you manipulate are superior to you in some way.  Most invigorating of all is to bring down people who are smarter or more accomplished than you, or perhaps classier, more attractive or popular or morally admirable.  This is not only good fun; it is existential vengeance.  And without a conscience, it is amazingly easy to do.”

“Provided you are not forcibly stopped, you can do anything at all If you are born at the right time, with some access to family fortune, and you have a special talent for whipping up other people’s hatred and sense of deprivation, you can arrange to kill large numbers of unsuspecting people.  With enough money, you can accomplish this from far away, and you can sit back safely and watch in satisfaction.  In fact, terrorism (done from a distance) is the ideal occupation for a person who is possessed of blood lust and no conscience, because if you do it just right, you may be able to make a whole nation jump.  And if that is not power, what is?”

Complete Article…

Antisocial Personality Disorder Overview (Written by Derek Wood, RN, BSN, PhD Candidate)

There currently is no form of psychotherapy that works with those with antisocial personality disorder, as those with this disorder have no desire to change themselves, which is a prerequisite.

Over time, she says, “their appearance of perfection will begin to crack,” but by that time you will have been emotionally and perhaps financially scathed.

Taken in part from MW — By Caroline Konrad — September 1999