Self-hate

Mistake or Triumph, You Still Learn the Truth

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The following post is helpful in that we have permission to be more forgiving of ourselves when we make mistakes (which we all do), and whether we do it right, or wrong, we still learn. Hope you enjoy the excerpt From the book Divine Messages from Jesus for a magnificent life p.  2015. 321-326. Cathey, Carolyne. 

Truth.


Carolyne Cathey writes…

MY ‘AHA!’ MOMENT one morning when studying, thinking and meditating is that we experience the same ‘Aha!’ whether from our mistakes or from our successes.

When you make a mistake, you learn what you should have done.

When you triumph, you realize what you did was right.

Either way, you learned the same lesson. That knowledge is freeing. Instead of mentally beating yourself up because you messed up, you still learn the lesson—you still learn the truth. It’s just that the ‘Aha!’ is more fun and rewarding when you learn from the positive results instead of the negative consequences.

This particular Divine message came to me shortly after moving to the rural Pacific coast where I attended a new spiritual center.

During the Sunday Celebration service, I experienced a vision of God’s white, sparkling light flowing from within and through me while in the darkness of space, then we were soaring over the expanse of the ocean near the coastline . . . .

The words of the opening song stunned me as they repeated my entire vision in the same order I’d received it. The first phrase of the song caught my attention, but by the second and third lines, when I realized that not just one part of my vision was being sung back to me, but all of it, tears welled in my eyes and a lump formed in my throat. I struggled not to cry while my vision was sung in beautiful harmony from all around me.

A voice within me whispered,

“You’re home.

I knew from the message that, despite my doubts and lack of total understanding of the differences between what I had learned in the more traditional churches and what I was learning in the new location, that Jesus purposely guided me to this particular church during that period of my spiritual growth to help ‘undo’ some of the false teachings. I knew I was right where God wanted me to be. A comforting ‘knowing’.

In further explanation, I struggled with the transitions from some of the more traditional religious teachings of the duality of God and Satan, to the truth that there is only one Source, and that Source is All Love. After being taught otherwise, I was now learning there is no opposing force such as Satan, or the Devil.

To support that claim were my findings when I reviewed www.near-death.com, an online compilation of people who shared their near-death experiences when out of body. In reading people’s comments, not one person reported seeing a separate entity considered the devil. Not one. As a result, I started opening my mind and heart to the proposal of Oneness versus Duality. After even more studies, I learned that the concept of duality and evil as separate beings was introduced to the Jews during their captivity in Persia (a Persian doctrine), which was a shift from the original Jewish beliefs.

During my transition-confusion, I stayed away from the newly-found Sunday Celebrations because of my struggle with what to believe. For some reason (Divine guidance?) I decided to attend that particular morning where I received the inner message I was right where I was supposed to be for my continuing spiritual growth.

As with all my unexpected messages, I am in awe of the validation of my visions being expressed back to me in someone else’s words, but the power of this particular validation pushed me to the next step—encouraging me to step out in faith even though I didn’t completely understand, as with the vision years ago that I mentioned in The Calling when my deceased grandmother asked me to follow Jesus.

During the service, the Inner Voice strongly urged me to share with the group my recently received revelation that in their Center, I was ‘home’.

In conflict, the ‘other voice’ (interesting that ‘Our Two Voices’ was the guest speaker’s topic that day), was telling me that ‘no one wants to hear my personal experiences’, that ‘who cares?’, and besides, it’s my experience alone, and I pride myself on keeping so much of my inner self to myself. Or, now that I’m thinking back, perhaps I’ve established a habit to protect myself from judgment, risk and ridicule from people revising my experiences for me to tell me what I really experienced, which was the opposite of what I foolishly believed. So to risk all that with strangers and people I barely knew was too much to ask. Or so I feared. Notice that fear is always negative.

By the way, the ‘other voice’ is called ego and rules from fear.

At the end of the service when we were asked to share something personal from our hearts, I regretted not having the courage to make the announcement of ‘being home’. I messed up. I missed out on what God encouraged me to do. I failed. That failure was validated when, later, the subject was discussed of how important it is to share with others. And now it was too late. The moment had passed, never to come again.

One morning the realization came to me that even though I rejected my Divine inner voice, I still received the ‘Aha’. If I had stepped out in faith and publicly revealed my vision/song experience that morning with a welcoming by the Center, I would have received an—

“Aha! So that’s why I was urged to step out in faith.”

And yet, by not stepping out in faith, which resulted in a missed opportunity, I still learned with an—

“Aha! So that’s why I was supposed to step out in faith.”

Either way, I learned.

That said, you will experience fewer regrets and more joy and confidence when you follow, not your fear-ego, but your Divine Guide that knows what is best for you and your life.

Meaning: This message teaches that no matter whether mistake or triumph, you still experience the ‘aha’. You still learn the Truth.

The message also reaffirms your challenge with listening to your ‘two inner voices’—the Divine, and ego/fear. Divine guidance is always positive, encouraging you to reach beyond your self-imposed comfort level; ego/fear is always negative, intimidating you into withdrawing into your false ‘safety’ zone.

There is no denying that some mistakes have more devastating results than others. Wisdom is to choose to do it right the first time by listening to and following the Divine Voice. Think how that choice simplifies your life. Think how much grief and disappointment you avoid by trusting in your Divine Intuition and acting on it.

Learn to open to, listen to, and trust the messages you receive. They will empower you and your life.


“You will experience fewer regrets and more joy when you follow, not ego and fear, but your Divine Guide that knows what is best for you and your life.” ~ Carolyne Cathey

Divine Messages from Jesus for a magnificent life p.  2015. 321-326. Cathey, Carolyne. 


 



Politics! How do I Love Those Who…?

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Although the following post is suggestions on threading your way safely and lovingly through political situations, the information is also relevant to dealing with any challenging personality. Hope you enjoy the excerpt From the book Divine Messages from Jesus for a magnificent life p. 181-186. 2015. Cathey, Carolyne. 

Truth.


Carolyne Cathey writes…

POLITICS MAKES ENEMIES out of friends. Why is that? Do you ever wonder how two wonderful people can look at and listen to the same incident and yet have opposite reactions? Anyone who follows the news media, and your friends, or your former friends, knows this is true. I’ll wonder, did we even watch the same event? How is it possible that we look at these issues from such conflicting viewpoints?

Another puzzle is that the people, candidates, TV news panels, newspapers and political supporters often practice the same behavior they claim they hate. They become what they dislike. They talk love while calling their opponents hateful names. They talk togetherness while spouting divisive accusations. They yell that if they don’t get their way, they promise to be a wounding thorn in the democratic process no matter who gets hurt, instead of being part of a healing collaboration. I’m not talking about a particular party or candidate. I’m talking about what happens when someone wants to win so badly that they’ll do anything to win—even behaving in ways they claim they strongly disapprove of in other people.

Calm discussion is rarely possible in these instances. Far too often, friendships are ended merely because their friends have differing thoughts and ideas.

Divine Conversation about Politics

Like you are encouraged to do, I took my concerns to Jesus who very patiently listened while I ranted and raved about what I thought were the overwhelming injustices in the world, finally working my way to—

“Politics!” I yelled within my mind. “How do I respond when beliefs are so very different? How do I react when I feel that all I hear are lies, that what they say is only what they want me to believe is the truth, but isn’t, and they know it isn’t the truth, but it helps them to get what they want, which is power and control. They spread those horrible lies in order to further their agenda, then people who believe them act out as if the lies are true, hurting themselves, others, our country and world with long-lasting affects. I feel manipulated, like a sucker being played. How do I—”

“With love” Jesus said. “Love is all that matters. That means you don’t respond with attacks or hatred and negativity. Respond with love, with the real eternal truth and the God qualities of love, light, joy, harmony, beauty, and peace.

“People’s actions reveal what is in their hearts. When it is negative, it is a result of some kind of fear. Look at your thoughts and actions. That is what is inside of you, taking up valuable space, pushing out love. What you send out is what you choose to receive in return. If you send out hatred (a form of fear), you receive hatred. Choose to send out love, not fear.

“That doesn’t mean politicians {or abusers} or the press or their followers are allowed to do whatever they want. To let them get by with lies and greed and harming others means you are enabling their behavior. You become part of the problem, not the solution.

“Be smart. Be wise. Look beyond the platitudes and the smooth lies. The challenge is in knowing the truth beyond the perceptions. Don’t depend on a prejudiced press or supporters for the truth. Don’t believe everything you hear or read. Research truthful sources. Ask me for help in knowing the truth. Trust in me.”

I asked how you love the people you’re propagandized to fear?

“With love. I know I say that with every answer, but that is because love is what matters. What does that mean?

“It means react and choose from love, not fear. It means pray for those for whom you feel anger and fear. Image them with God’s light around them, filling them with truth and all of the God’s qualities. It means sending your love to them. It means to send healing thoughts and prayers to fill them, surround them, and everyone around them, and to the country, and to the planet. It means to contribute in a positive way.

“It means that, from love, you say no to anyone who, out of fear—which includes ego—rages and destroys and seeks to hurt and harm. That is not love. Seek healing, not revenge. Be part of the improvement, not the destruction. Do unto others as you wish them to do unto you.

“When people act out their rage, it means that, in their fright, they are frantically looking outside themselves for their happiness and fulfillment. The Inner Divine is your Unlimited Supplier for your happiness, not from anything outside yourself.

“Love originates from your Source of Love filling you continuously. Remove any hatred or fear that is blocking Divine love so that love fills you to overflowing. First, love yourself, without judgment and with compassion. Then you can love others as you love yourself.

“Remember, you are not your experiences. You are not a label. You are not the drama playing out around you. You are not supplied by those making the promises.

“You are an eternal spirit beyond all of the illusions in the world, including politics. You are one with the Greatest Power in the Universe.

“Ask for Divine guidance at all times. I am with you always. We are a team. Together we make a loving difference. Be part of the solution. Allow me to send love, through you.”

Meaning: This is a volatile subject and stirs passionate reactions.

But, as you notice in the quotes and throughout this book, love is always the answer. As Jesus said earlier, the challenge is in knowing the truth beyond the perceptions. Only Divine guidance knows the real truth.

Here are my personal concerns that I’ve turned over to Jesus:

Tolerance, or the lack of. My concern is that we’ve become an intolerant society, replaced by hatred and judgment. According to the Miriam-Webster Dictionary, tolerance is “a willingness to accept feelings, habits, or beliefs that are different from your own.”

Truth is often buried beneath the ‘agenda-spin’. What is sad is when anger and rage mistakenly stem from lies that people believe with all their hearts are the truth, but are really distortions that a press or candidates have claimed is true but are spun into lies so they could win. When that happens, everyone is hurt. Don’t get caught in the lie-trap.

Integrity is another loss. Honesty is fading in importance. Sadly, ‘getting by’ with something is often considered a joke and something to admire.

How are tolerance, truth and integrity undermined?

Fear. Fear is used to control. Fear and control are prevalent in politics, advertising, churches, companies, and families. You’re warned that if you don’t vote for their candidate, buy their product, practice their religion, that horrible results will happen to you—and the planet.

Think about the list: Hate, anger, fear, control, intolerance, lies—everything that is the opposite of the God qualities, which are love, truth, beauty, peace, harmony, and joy.

The truth is, God loves unconditionally. God is love. You are love. Be loving in all situations. Be love. There are no exceptions.

Choose the God-qualities that result in a blessed life for you. No matter what is going on around you,

Choose God. Choose Love.


“You are to repeat and repeat until all know without doubt, you are one with your Source, and the Source is your Unlimited Supplier, not a human.

“Which means that you are to turn to the Source for all things. And…”

“Once you ‘get Oneness’, everything else falls in place.” ~ Jesus

Divine Messages from Jesus for a magnificent life. Jesus.p.186. 2015. Cathey, Carolyne.



Love Doesn’t Mean Condoning Behavior

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The following is an interesting post on how to love challenging people without being an enabler. Hope you enjoy the excerpt From the book Divine Messages from Jesus for a magnificent life p. 177-179. 2015. Cathey, Carolyne. 

Truth.


ALL ARE CHILDREN of God, created by God, but that doesn’t mean you ignore behavior that is not loving. You are to know the truth about everyone in that they are eternal spirits who are created by the Source from the same love that is God.

Jesus said:

“The challenge is that many people don’t know the truth of who they are and, out of ignorance and fear, make ego-based decisions rather than love-based. Ego-based and fear-based are the same.

“How do you react and respond? No matter what, you see the truth of who they are even though they don’t know it for themselves—eternal spirits created by love. You reject anything that is not an embodiment of their truth. If they lie and manipulate and connive and try to destroy, you say no to that behavior. To accept without question the negativity emanating from them means you are enabling their behavior, encouraging their misperceptions.

“Love of yourself means you do not allow others to treat you with less than the love and respect you deserve as a child of God. Self-love means only allowing loving behavior from yourself as well as from others.

“Self-sacrifice might appear noble but when enacted without self-love you weaken yourself and those around you.

“What unhealthy self-sacrifice means is if you continually give self-sacrificially to the point that others become dependent on you. The result is that they aren’t developing their own strength and realizing their own truth. What you might believe is helpful, might, in reality, harm. In actuality, unhealthy self-sacrifice, when searched below the surface, can be ego-based—acting so as to feel needed, superior, which is harmful to everyone involved.

“That doesn’t mean you don’t help people.

“If your heart and Divine Guide tell you it is the right thing to do to help a particular person or situation, then you do it according to God’s direction. If you are Divinely urged to help someone into an improved situation that will empower them and help them gain their independence, freedom, self-worth and the truth of who they are, then of course you are to help. And of course you always show love and compassion. But if you want successful results, don’t attempt the impossible by thinking you are stepping away from God to do it. You do all things through God and with God’s inner-led direction.

“You are urged to see the truth of everyone, saying no to everything that isn’t the truth.”


“Love of yourself means you do not allow others to treat you with less than the love and respect you deserve as a child of God. Self-love means only allowing loving behavior from yourself as well as from others.” ~ Jesus

Divine Messages from Jesus for a magnificent life p. 177-179. 2015. Cathey, Carolyne.


 


How to React With Unloving People

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The following is an interesting post on how to react with people who are difficult to love, perhaps even abusive. Hope you enjoy the excerpt From the book Divine Messages from Jesus for a magnificent life p. 171-175. 2015. Cathey, Carolyne. 

Truth.


I’VE BEEN ASKING Jesus questions on dealing with negative personalities and how to be loving and peaceful when all I feel is anger and fear.

“With love,” Jesus said.

“That’s hard,” I said. “This person I’m talking about is hard to love. He’s strange, creepy, unsettling, controlling, manipulative. How do I be like you in respect to someone like that, or, a person who can be charming one moment, then in the next moment their personality flips to the opposite? For some reason, I feel as if it is somehow my fault, that I did something wrong to set them off.”

“Focus on me,” Jesus said. “God loves everyone equally. But don’t accept anything less than the truth from people, situations or yourself. The truth is all that matters. That is why you are to focus on me. I know the truth. Then you are to live your truth, always.”

I said, “But, the other person is not expressing truth. Please tell me, reveal to me, show me, how I’m supposed to feel and react to one of God’s own who is still trying to manipulate me into meeting them in remote places, is frightening me, even using my loved ones as bait. And yes, I do feel tense in relation to this person, but mainly because I don’t know how to be like you in this situation.”

“Do you trust me?”

“Absolutely,” I said.

“That is all you need to know. Trust in me. Focus on me. Allow me to work through you, to guide you. I will tell you what to do and when. The guidance will vary from person to person and situation to situation, which is why it is vital for your own happiness to keep our continual communication channel open at all times. That’s all you need to know. Trust, and allow.

“However, for this particular person whose intention is to control and manipulate you through lies and guilt, and for anyone who might be dangerous, this is what you are to do.

“First, no contact. Cut off all contact with that person —no more phone calls, no meeting them anywhere, no feeling guilty and going by to see them because they claim they have changed. No contact.”

I said, “Cutting off all contact is hard. I feel as if I’m abandoning them when I should be helping them. Isn’t that what we are supposed to do? Help others?

Jesus said:

“It depends on the person and the situation. Look at it this way. If, by your words and actions, you continue to encourage anyone who is trying to control or manipulate you into doing what they want instead of what is right for you, or anyone who is causing you emotional or physical stress or harm, then you are, in reality, part of the problem because you are aiding their behavior. Don’t do that. You are not helping that person to heal. You are entrenching their behavior. You’re making it worse.

“Second, it is not your responsibility to ‘fix’ this person, or any person. You are relieved of that burden. They are responsible for their own actions. Only they can make the choice to change themselves.”

Confused, I asked, “Then I am to abandon them to their own damaging personality?”

Jesus said:

“How can you abandon what isn’t yours to ‘fix’. Trust in me. I am lovingly working with this person whom I equally love, but because of free will, until they allow me to guide them, I remain available, waiting for them to ask me for help. At this point, they say they don’t believe in God. Even so, I continue to work with them through other methods, knowing they can instantly choose a better way.

“Third, love yourself. The only person you can control is yourself. By loving yourself that means you have the right to say ‘no’ to anyone who isn’t acting in your own best interest.

“Loving yourself isn’t narcissistic, which isn’t really love but a form of fear. It is about nurturing yourself, being aware of the positive and negative energy vibrations around you, accepting what is good, rejecting what is not, being selective to what is best and most loving for you. That includes the food you eat and your lifestyle. This is your responsibility. To, first, love yourself. And to trust in me.”

I felt as if a huge burden lifted from my heart. “This,” I thought, “I can do. To love myself and let Jesus guide me as to what is the right action for me. I matter.”

Meaning: We’re taught all through life that we can, or should, ‘fix’ people. Many people choose partners and go into relationships and marriages with the idea of changing the person into their idea of what they should be. That is a false basis for any relationship.

The only person for whom you are responsible (not including children), is yourself. Even the child makes their own choices, but the parent, family and adult friends are meant to act on God’s behalf to lead the child into healthy, loving choices so that they develop their own inner Divine connection with their Source.

Turn to your Divine Guide. Your spiritual mentor has the perfect answers and solutions for every situation you face. Those answers will vary according to each event. Trust. Have faith. Listen. Follow. In other words—

Trust and Obey.

By the way, obeying your Divine Guide means you are following the advice you receive. Smart.


“Loving yourself isn’t narcissistic, which isn’t really love but a form of fear. It is about nurturing yourself, being aware of the positive and negative energy vibrations around you, accepting what is good, rejecting what is not, and being selective to what is best and most loving for you. That includes the food you eat and your lifestyle. This is your responsibility. To, first, love yourself. And to trust in me.” ~ Jesus

Divine Messages from Jesus for a magnificent life p. 171-175. 2015. Cathey, Carolyne.


Healing Guilt, Shame and Regret, Part 8: The surprising secret to forgiveness.

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THE SECRET TO LETTING GO?

LOVING YOUR PAST!

I know. Loving Your Past as the secret to forgiveness sounds bizarre. Impossible. Weird. But stay with me here. I’ve tried this. It works. Read through the information from the book, “Divine Messages from Jesus” by Carolyne Cathey, p. 351-354.

Give the following suggestions a try for yourself. Then, feel free to comment below on if or how this information helps you. Did it free you somewhat from the enslavement of your unforgiveness? I’m curious to know if your result was as positive as mine.

I don’t know yet if you’ve read her insightful book, but this chapter on forgiveness starts with… 

Jesus (Cathey’s Spiritual mentor), explains how to forgive by loving your past.

“Listen carefully,” he said. “There is a secret to letting go of the regrets and it will sound the opposite of what you expect. Your supposed failure is because what you’ve been attempting is from the mind, not the heart. Remember how I’ve said that love is all that matters? What people often don’t realize, is that statement is true even of the past. What most do when trying to heal the past is try to forget it, to block it out, which is mental, when what is most healing is to work from the heart and embrace the past —to love it, love everything about you— including your past.

“Start this moment with healing and letting go of the past as you remember it and is no longer serving you. Without unforgiveness, your past is an anchor chaining you from taking flight into all that is your full potential.

“As you remember it’ means that many, when they look at their past, mainly see and feel their regrets, guilt, anger, and even self-loathing for what they feel they should have done better—all of the should haves and why didn’t I’s. Sometimes you see yourselves as victims mired in pain and anger that you have difficulty releasing. Believing you are a victim is disempowering and conflicting—guilt that you didn’t somehow prevent it from happening, and yet continually giving someone else power over your life because you refuse to release it.

“What you don’t see is the glory in your past. You forget that you did what you believed was the right choice at the time, and there is glory in that. Those experiences are part of learning and growth.

If you never made mistakes that would be the greatest mistake of all because, for one, that isn’t possible when in the physical, and for two, you wouldn’t have been taking the risks necessary for growth and development—you would have learned judgment and arrogance instead of understanding and compassion.”

Then he reveals about the gift inside the pain.

“Mostly what no one recognizes is the gift inside even the sad and angry and painful moments. There is always a gift. Always, even though you might not recognize it for the blessing it is. Recognizing those gifts, those treasures, despite the awfulness of the memories, is the key to releasing the pain so that you can truly love yourself for the wonderful being you are.”

Then he adds the challenge:

“This moment is the perfect time for you to dig out those past moments and send love to all of the negative memories and regrets and guilt. Discover the pearls within that are formed from the friction. Those pearls are yours to claim. Love those moments and accept them for what they are—life’s lessons—and love them as part of the treasure of who you are right now.

“Love and congratulate yourself for daring to live. Love is compassionate, so be compassionate. Love heals. And remember, you are not in this alone. Go inward and ask for help in the healing. Ask to see your past through God’s eyes, through the lens of love.”

Meaning: Unforgiveness is hurting you, not the perpetrators. As difficult a challenge as it might seem, love yourself by forgiving yourself first, then work on forgiving others, remembering that you are doing this for you. Vital to your success is asking for Divine help in forgiving yourself, and others.

Remember the quote:

What most do when trying to heal the past is try to forget it, to block it out, which is mental, when what is most healing is to work from the heart and embrace the past —to love it.” ~ Jesus

Excerpt from Divine Messages from Jesus for a magnificent life, p, 351-354. Cathey, Carolyne. 2015

(To be continued)

Part 9: Going from Forgiveness to Gratitude


Previous Posts: Healing Guilt, Shame and Regret

Healing Guilt, Shame and Regret, Part 1

Part 2: Important Differences

Part 3: Me Worthy? But my mistakes!

Part 4: Permission to Feel

Part 5: How do I forgive when I’m still hurt and angry?

Part 6: When you don’t forgive, who is hurt?

Part 7 : Consider: When you don’t forgive, who or what controls you?


Healing Guilt, Shame and Regret, Part 7: Consider: When you don’t forgive, who or what controls you?

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We ended Part 6 with, if you don’t forgive, even when the one abusing you is a charming sociopath, who, or what, controls you?

On the home page there are descriptions of the emotionless but superficially charming   sociopathic personality that causes great harm. Perhaps you’ve been caught in and confused by their games of control and manipulation. If so…

Consider: The charming sociopath is like a parasite. Because they don’t feel emotions, they have to continually feed off of other people’s emotions. They always  have to have a victim. They are dependent on others outside of themselves. That is their weak link. Are you allowing yourself to be their victim? You have a choice. It might be a risky, dangerous choice, but you still have a choice. Get help.

Consider:  Is there any reason not to choose a better life for you? The NS will never feel real emotions, only fake ones to control you and make you feel guilty.

Choose freedom. Choose healing. Go after what is best for your life. All things are possible with God, so don’t try to do this alone, in fact it’s impossible. Ask for Divine guidance, knowing that the way will be shown to you. Even if your unforgiveness is unrelated to a NS…

Consider: What do you want for YOU? Continual bondage with the reminders and memories fueling the unforgiveness? Or freedom? Do you choose to hold the chains of unforgiveness for the rest of your life? Chains that shackle you to the act, to the perpetrator? If not, then maybe now is the time to let go and reclaim your power and control. Forgiveness doesn’t mean you’ll forget, but it means it no longer negatively impacts you and your decisions.

FORGIVENESS MEANS FREEDOM. RECLAIM YOUR POWER!

This is all about you. LET GO!

Remember:

“When you don’t forgive, you are willfully giving someone else control over you, chaining you to the very nightmare you long to forget, dominating you through negative emotions that are continually impacting your thoughts, fears, health, relationships and life.

“This is because you mistakenly believe that outside forces control you, when in reality it’s the forces inside of you that affect you. I am inside of you. God is inside of you. There is no greater power. This power gives you freedom from bondage to whatever you believe is injustice. But first you must forgive, others and yourself, because forgiveness breaks the chains of domination, releasing the inner power, releasing you belongs—with you.” ~Jesus

FORGIVENESS IS POWER

If you are finally ready to let go,  but aren’t having any success in doing so, be sure to read Post 8: The surprising secret to forgiveness.

Excerpts from Divine Messages from Jesus for a magnificent life, p, 339-343. Cathey, Carolyne. 2015

Quote and Image from Divine Messages from Jesus for a magnificent life, p. 347-349. 2015. Cathey, Carolyne

(To be continued)


Previous Posts: Healing Guilt, Shame and Regret

Healing Guilt, Shame and Regret, Part 1

Part 2: Important Differences

Part 3: Me Worthy? But my mistakes!

Part 4: Permission to Feel

Part 5: How do I forgive when I’m still hurt and angry?

Part 6: When you don’t forgive, who is hurt?


Healing Guilt, Shame and Regret, Part 6: When you don’t forgive, who is hurt?

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In Part 5, How do I forgive when I’m still hurt and angry, we ended with:

FORGIVENESS IS FOR YOU, THE FORGIVER, NOT FOR THE PERPETRATOR.

If that is true, then why is forgiveness so difficult?

Consider: When you don’t forgive, who is the one hurt?

It is sadly shocking to realize that when you are harboring bitterness and negative thoughts, you are hurting yourself and probably not affecting the perpetrator at all. All of that hatred, indignation, negativity, unfriendly thoughts and even revenge and vindictiveness are roiling inside of you—forms of unforgiveness taking up valuable space and energy for the positives in your life, like love. When you imprison all of that negative energy inside of you, you are the one negatively affected.

Forgiveness reminds you that nothing outside of you or happens to you is your truth. They are experiences only, not who you are.” ~ Jesus. Divine Messages from Jesus for a magnificent life. p. 339. Cathey, Carolyne 2015

Consider: When you don’t forgive the situation or other person or persons, who else shares the byproduct-results of your hurt and anger?

Might there be innocent ones who suffer the results of your refusal to let go and forgive, such as children, siblings, family, co-workers and friends? All are connected, which means that your hurt and anger cause less than desirable choices which, in turn, affects others who share no blame and yet suffer the consequences.

Think carefully about your unforgiveness. Who else is negatively impacted who is an innocent in the situation?

* Don’t approach this  consideration with guilt, but with reality and assessment. Make a list of who else is suffering because you are suffering, and include their connection with you and their ages.

Consider: If what you feel you cannot forgive is due to the actions of another, how does your unforgiveness affect them? Are they contrite? Shamed? Or unaffected and couldn’t care less?

In my personal experience of when I was attacked at fifteen years old by someone I trusted (no blood relation), the attacker felt no compassion or any need for forgiveness from me or for himself. He went on with his millionaire’s life of luxury and world jet-setting as if I didn’t matter.

I’m sad to say I allowed his act of violence to affect me to the point of a shaking fear, even to questioning myself if somehow I had unwittingly invited it. I didn’t tell anyone because I felt ashamed and didn’t want to upset the ones I loved, or have to live with the stigma of violation. I assumed that since he was a powerful person then most likely everyone would believe his version rather than the truth. As a result, I withdrew from dealing with the aftermath of reporting it and kept silent, which meant that because of my lack of courage, I allowed him to continue his violent behavior with other unsuspecting innocents. I felt weak, powerless, unprotected, and ashamed.

Much later I realized that by not letting the incident go, I shackled myself to the very  violation I hated.

I don’t mean that I finally condoned his actions, because what he did was wrong. Condoning and forgiving are two separate issues. However, my refusal to forgive bound me to the incident, allowing the attack and the attacker to control me through the repeated memories affecting my life. My reliving it and worrying it like a loose tooth was only impacting me, not him. He could have cared less. My unforgiveness didn’t affect him at all. I was only hurting myself.

I decided “That’s stupid!” I knew in my heart I didn’t unwittingly invite the violation, but I realized I did unwittingly chain myself like a prisoner to what happened. My unforgiveness made it worse for me.

Jesus says to us::

“That person never hurt the real you, the eternal you, but only the temporary physical shell. I assure you that there is nothing outside of you that can harm the actual you. The eternal you is forever within the love of God. You are forever strong from within the Source.

“There is nothing anyone can do to you, any circumstance that happens to you, that changes who you are—a God-creation. Any thought otherwise is a lie, an illusion you’ve allowed to cloud your truth.”

Jesus. Divine Messages from Jesus for a magnificent life. p. 341. Cathey, Carolyne 2015

Consider: If you are the one you feel you can’t forgive because you believe you were the one at fault, how are you affected?

You hurt, for certain. Letting go of guilt over something you feel you did in error is sometimes more challenging than forgiving someone else.

Either way, you often feel guilt. Even if you were the one attacked or betrayed, the ‘what ifs’ still haunt. What if I had yelled louder, hadn’t gone down that street, told my parents/ his wife/the police, what if, what if, what if ?

How has the event affected you and your life? Your joy? Your choices and decisions? Has that incident affected the choices you made that resulted in where you are right now? These self-analysis questions might take some time to think through but are worth the time and effort. Journal them. In writing them down you’ll open more and more to the truth that is buried inside you, that no longer serves you and longs for release.

If your unforgiveness negatively affected your past choices, and maybe even your current choices, ask yourself if you are tired of the shackles and are ready to move toward freedom and power.

Jesus says to us:

Forgiveness expands you, deepens you, allows the inner light to shine more brightly from within you because you’ve removed limitations hindering you from expressing and living the fullness of your being. Forgiveness opens you more fully into who you  are—Oneness within Spirit. One within God.”

Jesus. Divine Messages from Jesus for a magnificent life. p. 342. Cathey, Carolyne 2015

Consider: Whether the unforgiveness is against someone else, or you, how long have you been holding on to it? Hours? Days? Months? Years? 

Probably years. How many more years do you want to allow the incident to affect you and your life? At what point do you decide you’ve had enough and want to break the enslaving connection? That you want out. That you choose freedom. Maybe, now?

 Jesus says to us:

Forgiveness reveals you are stronger than anything that happens to you from an outside source. You are of God within God. That is what is of import and nothing else. You are of God, in God, one with God. You are magnificent!”

Jesus. Divine Messages from Jesus for a magnificent life. p. 343. Cathey, Carolyne 2015

The statements sounds easier than it is to actually believe them and act on them. Especially, when the one abusing you is a charming sociopath. If so, and even if not, be sure to read…

Next: Healing Guilt, Shame and Regret, Part 7: Consider: When you don’t forgive, who or what controls you?

Excerpts from Divine Messages from Jesus for a magnificent life, p, 339-343. Cathey, Carolyne. 2015

(To be continued)


Previous Posts: Healing Guilt, Shame and Regret

Healing Guilt, Shame and Regret, Part 1

Part 2: Important Differences

Part 3: Me Worthy? But my mistakes!

Part 4: Permission to Feel

Part 5: How do I forgive when I’m still hurt and angry?